TED | 爱情 你们全搞错了
爱情 你们全搞错了
TED简介：在这令人愉快的谈话中，哲学家Yann Dall'Aglio）探讨我们对温柔的普遍寻索，并谈论温柔与那日渐专注于个体世界中的暖昧关系。事实上，爱情这东西比你想象的简单得多。这是一个关于当代爱情的聪慧，有趣思考。
演讲者：Yann Dall'Aglio 杨·达拉利奥
片长：10：42
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What is love? It's a hard term to define in so far as it has a very wide application. I can love jogging. I can love a book, a movie. I can love escalope. I can love my wife. But there's a great difference between an escalope and my wife, for instance. That is, if I value the escalope, the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back. Whereas my wife, she calls me the star of her life.
爱是什么？爱很难去定义。因为它有着广泛的应用范围，我可以喜爱慢跑，我可以喜爱一本书，一部电影，我可以喜爱肉排，我可以爱我的妻子。但是这爱存在着巨大的不同点，比如，对肉排的爱和对我妻子的爱有显著不同。那就是说，如果我重视肉排，反过来讲，肉排并不会重视我；然而我的妻子呢，她觉得我是她生命中的一颗星星。
Therefore, only another desiring conscience can conceive me as a desirable being. I know this, that's why love can be defined in a more accurate way as the desire of being desired. Hence the eternal problem of love: how to become and remain desirable?
因此，只有一种他人的欲望意识，才能够把我视为一个得以被欲望的个体。我知道这些，这也是为什么我们可以更准确地把爱情定义为“被欲望的欲望”。于是，这关于爱的永恒难题就是：如何使自己被欲望？如何使自己持续的被欲望？
The individual used to find an answer to this problem by submitting his life to community rules. You had a specific part to play according to your sex, your age, your social status, and you only had to play your part to be valued and loved by the whole community. Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage. Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son, who in turn must obey the patriarch. But a phenomenon started in the 13th century, mainly in the Renaissance, in the West, that caused the biggest identity crisis in the history of humankind. This phenomenon is modernity. We can basically summarize it through a triple process.
过去，个体往往透过将自己的生命交由群体规范来寻求这问题的答案。你可以根据你的性别，年龄，和社会地位来扮演某种特定角色，而且你只需要做你的分内之事就可获得整个社群的爱与重视。想想在婚前必须保持贞洁的年轻女人，想想必须听大儿子的话的那最小儿子，而大儿子还是要听家祖长辈的话。但是一种现象开始发生在13世纪，主要在西方的文艺复兴时期这种现象引发了人类历史上最大的身份危机，这种现象便是现代性。我们可以通过三步来总结它。
First, a process of rationalization of scientific research, which has accelerated technical progress . Next, a process of political democratization, which has fostered individual rights . And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production and of trade liberalization . These three intertwined processes have completely annihilated all the traditional bearings of Western societies, with radical consequences for the individual. Now individuals are free to value or disvalue any attitude, any choice, any object. But as a result, they are themselves confronted with this same freedom that others have to value or disvalue them. In other words, my value was once ensured by submitting myself to the traditional authorities. Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
首先，一个理性化的科学研究过程它加快了科技的进步，接着，一个政治的民主化进程促进了个人的权利，最后出现的是经济生产与贸易自由化的理性进程。这三个相互混纺的过程完全推倒了西方社会的所有传统根基，并对个人生活造成巨变现在，个人可以自由地珍爱或蔑视任何态度，任何选择，任何事物。但结果是，他们自己同样也面对了他人的自由，他人用来珍视或贬低他们的自由。换句话说，这曾经通过将自己提交给传统权威而确保了的自我价值现在却被投诸于股票交易所，任人估量。
On the free market of individual desires, I negotiate my value every day. Hence the anxiety of contemporary man. He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable? How many people are going to love me?" And how does he respond to this anxiety? Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability. I call this act of collecting, along with others, seduction capital. Indeed, our consumer society is largely based on seduction capital. It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic. But it's not true! We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds. We do it to make them love us, to seduce them. Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, than a teenager buying brand new jeans and tearing them at the knees, because he wants to please Jennifer
在个人欲望的自由市场中，我每天都在商议我的个人价值。因此，这造成了当代人的焦虑。他 / 她总是痴迷于：「我是否可欲？如何可欲？有多少人会爱我？」他 / 她得如何响应这种焦虑呢？嗯，通过歇斯底里地收集可欲的象征。我把这种与他人一块儿的收集性的行为称作「诱惑资本」。事实上，我们的消费社会很大程度上是建基于诱惑资本之上的。关于这种消费性质，有人说我们的时代是恋物主义的。但这不是真的 ！我们收藏事物，仅仅只是为了与其他心灵交流！我们这么做，是为了使他们喜欢我们，是为了引诱他人！没有什么还要比让一个青少年买新牛仔裤然后撕到膝盖边更是非唯物主义的，或更令人感伤的了，因为他想博得珍妮弗的青睐。
Consumerism is not materialism. It is rather what is swallowed up and sacrificed in the name of the god of love, or rather in the name of seduction capital. In light of this observation on contemporary love, how can we think of love in the years to come?
消费主义不是物质主义。它却是那些以爱神之名牺牲了的或生吞活剥了的一切，或者，不如说是，以诱惑资本的名义。根据这种对当代爱情的观察，我们该如何思考未来的爱情呢？
We can envision two hypotheses: The first one consists of betting that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify. It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take, because it largely depend son social and technical innovations, which are by definition difficult to predict. But we can, for instance, imagine a dating website which, a bit like those loyalty points programs, uses seduction capital points that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio, my degree, my salary, or the number of clicks on my profile. We can also imagine a chemical treatment for breakups that weakens the feelings of attachment. By the way, there's a program on MTV already in which seduction teachers treat heartache as a disease. These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists." "Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste." "Pick-up" is to pick someone up, but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks. So they are artists of picking up chicks. And they call heartache "one-it is." In English, "it is" is a suffix that signifies infection. One-it is can be translated as "an infection from one. "It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists, falling in love with someone is a waste of time, it's squandering your seduction capital, so it must be eliminated like a disease, like an infection. We can also envision a romantic use of the genome. Everyone would carry it around and present it like a business card to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.
我们可以想到两种假设：第一个是由赌注组成的，这赌注将加深自恋的资本化过程。很难说这深化过程会采取怎样的形式，因为它很大程度上取决于社会与科技的创新，这是难以预测的。但我们仍然可以试着想象一种约会网站，一种有点类似于绩点奖励促销的方案，使用诱惑资本点数，这点数会根据我的某些特质而变，比如年龄、身高/体重比例、学历、薪水、或我网上档案的点击量。我们也可以想象一种对于分手的化学治疗疗程，这种疗程可以缓解恋爱感情。此外顺带一提，在 MTV 上已经有一种类似的节目，在那节目中，诱惑教师将心痛视为一种疾病来治疗。这些教师自称为「把妹达人（pick-up artists）」。「（Artist）艺术家」在法语中意味着「表演艺术家（artiste）」。「Pick-up」意指是勾搭但不是随便勾搭 — — 必须勾搭最靓的。所以他们都是勾搭靓妹的表演艺术家。他们称心痛为「真命天女症（one-itis）」，在英语中，「itis」是「（infection）感染」的字尾，我们可以把 one-itis 译为「被那一人感染」。它是有点恶心啦。事实上，对那些「把妹达人」来说，爱上一个人是在浪费时间，它浪费你的诱惑资本。因此，它必须被根治，就像一种疾病，彷佛发炎一般。我们还可以设想一种拥有浪漫用途的基因组。每个人都会到处拿着它，就像一张名片一样到处发，来查明是否诱惑可以进阶到繁殖。
Of course, this race for seduction, like every fierce competition, will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction, and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too. So we can expect that modernity itself, which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question. I'm thinking particularly of the reaction of neo-fascist or religious communes. But such a future doesn't have to be.
当然，这场诱惑的竞赛，如同每项激烈赛事，将创造出关于自恋满意度的巨大不平等，于是它也会产生许多孤单与失落。因此，我们可以预想的是，现代性本身这个诱惑资本的来源，会被许多人质疑。我想到的某种特别的反应，即为新法西斯主义社群或宗教社群。但我们并不一定要拥有这种未来。
Another path to thinking about love may be possible. But how ? How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued? Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness. Yes, I'm useless. But rest assured: so are you. We are all useless. This uselessness is easily demonstrated, because in order to be valued I need another to desire me, which shows that I do not have any value of my own. I don't have any inherent value. We all pretend to have an idol; we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street who appears totally cool and indifferent, while he has actually anticipated and calculated so that all eyes are on him. I think that becoming aware of this general imposture that concerns all of us would ease our love relationships. It is because I want to be loved from head to toe, justified in my every choice , that the seduction hysteria exists. And therefore I want to seem perfect so that another can love me. I want them to be perfect so that I can be reassured of my value. It leads to couples obsessed with performance who will break up, just like that, at the slightest under achievement. In contrast to this attitude, I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.
我们可以思索另一种关于爱情的可能性路径。但如何思索呢？如何放弃进行歇斯底里地估价的需要？嗯，这个嘛，意识到我自己的一无是处，即可。是的，一无是处，我很没用。但请放心：你们也是。我们都是没用的。这种无用性是很容易证明的，因为，为了要寻求珍视，我需要另一半来欲望我，这显示了，我自身其实并不具有任何价值。我没有任何固有的价值。我们都假装有偶像；我们都假装自己是别人的偶像，但实际上我们个个都是滥竽充数之人，有点像街上的路人，他们全都表现出冷漠的样子，虽然他实际上已预期，并且算计出所有的目光都会朝向他。我觉得，越来越意识到这种一般的冒用性，这样的忧虑就得以缓解我们的恋爱关系。因为，我想要从头到脚地被爱，捍卫我每一个选择，那诱惑的歇斯底里存在着。因此，我想要看起来完美，以让他人可以爱我。我希望他们能够完美，这样我就可以确定我的价值。它会导致情人们沉迷于绩效，谁会像以前那样以绩效不好的结果分手呢。相对于这种态度，我呼吁温柔 — — 温柔的爱。
What is tenderness? To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses. It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies. That's pretty bad. On the contrary, there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness. I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused. It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness. I refer to self-mockery. For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported by the constraints of tradition, I believe that self-mockery is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.
什么是温柔？温柔意谓着去接受你爱人的弱点。它非关成为某种悲凉的伴侣照护者哟。它没那么糟。相反地，在温柔中，存在着许多魅力和幸福。我特别想到一种幽默，这种幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。它是一种蓄意的尴尬诗歌。我指的是自嘲。对于那些由传统约束的、无以为继的伴侣们，我相信自嘲是得以忍受彼此关系的最佳途径之一。
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