TED | 如何成为一个更好的交谈者?

TED - 往期回顾 

点击标题，回看往期。点击底部推广信息，支持平台发展。

如何成为一个好的交谈者?我们一定听过很多这方面的建议，例如：要看着对方的眼睛，提前想好可以讨论的有趣话题，注视和点头并且微笑来表明你的专注，重复你刚才听到的，或者做总结等。本次TED演讲者Celeste Headlee女士认为这些技巧完全没用，我们可以将它们丢在一边，因为如果你交谈时确实很专心的话， 就根本没必要去学习如何表现你很专心的技巧。 让我们洗耳聆听她这次给大家带来的最新也是最实用关于如何成为更好交谈者的十条建议吧。 

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?width=500&height=375&auto=0&vid=m01860al5ce
（QQ、微博用户请用微信客户端打开观看）

00:11

All right, I want to see a show of hands: how many of you have unfriended someone on Facebookbecause they said something offensive about politics or religion, childcare, food?

好的，我想让大家举手示意一下， 有多少人曾经 在 Facebook 上拉黑过好友， 因为他们发表过关于政治，宗教， 儿童权益，或者食物等 不恰当的言论？

00:24

And how many of you know at least one person that you avoid because you just don't want to talk to them?

有多少人至少 有一个不想见的人， 因为你就是不想 和对方说话？

00:31

You know, it used to be that in order to have a polite conversation, we just had to follow the advice of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady": Stick to the weather and your health. But these days, with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --

要知道，在过去 想要一段礼貌的交谈， 我们只要遵循亨利·希金斯 在《窈窕淑女》中的忠告： 只谈论天气和你的健康状况就行了。 但这些年随着气候变化 以及反对疫苗运动的开展 ——

00:45

are not safe either. So this world that we live in, this world in which every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument, where our politicians can't speak to one another and where even the most trivial of issues have someone fighting both passionately for it and against it, it's not normal. Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history. We're less likely to compromise,which means we're not listening to each other. And we make decisions about where to live, who to marry and even who our friends are going to be, based on what we already believe. Again, that means we're not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.

这招也不怎么管用了。 因此，在我们生活的这个世界， 这个每一次交谈 都有可能发展为争论的世界， 政客无法彼此交谈， 甚至为那些鸡毛蒜皮的事情 都有人群情激昂地赞成或反对， 这太不正常了。 皮尤研究中心对一万名 美国成年人做了一次调查， 发现此刻我们的偏激程度， 我们立场鲜明的程度， 比历史上任何时期都要高。 我们更不倾向于妥协， 这意味着我们没有倾听彼此。 我们做的各种决定， 选择生活在何处， 与谁结婚甚至和谁交朋友， 都只基于我们已有的信念。 再重复一遍， 这说明我们没有倾听彼此。 交谈需要平衡讲述和倾听， 而不知怎么的， 我们却渐渐失掉了这种平衡。

01:34

Now, part of that is due to technology. The smartphones that you all either have in your hands or close enough that you could grab them really quickly. According to Pew Research, about a third of American teenagers send more than a hundred texts a day. And many of them, almost most of them, are more likely to text their friends than they are to talk to them face to face. There's this great piece in The Atlantic. It was written by a high school teacher named Paul Barnwell. And he gave his kids a communication project. He wanted to teach them how to speak on a specific subject without using notes. And he said this: "I came to realize..."

技术进步是部分原因。 比如智能手机， 现在就在你们手里， 或者就在旁边，随手就能拿到。 据皮尤的研究称， 大约三分之一的美国青少年 每天发送超过一百条短信。 而这中间很多人，几乎是所有人， 更倾向于给朋友发短信， 而不是面对面的交谈。 《大西洋》杂志 登过一篇很棒的文章， 作者是高中教师 保罗·巴恩韦尔。 他给自己的学生一项交流任务， 希望教会他们如何不借助笔记 针对某一话题发表演讲。 然后他说：“我开始意识到……”

02:11

"I came to realize that conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach. Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communications skills. It might sound like a funny question, but we have to ask ourselves: Is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?"

“我开始意识到交流能力 可能是最被我们忽视的， 没有好好教授的技能。 孩子每天花费数小时 通过屏幕接触创意和其他伙伴， 但很少有机会 去发掘自己的人际交往技能。” 这听起来很好笑， 但我们必须问问自己： 21世纪，有什么技能 会比维持一段连贯、 自信的谈话更为重要？”

02:38

Now, I make my living talking to people: Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires, kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers. I talk to people that I like. I talk to people that I don't like. I talk to some people that I disagree with deeply on a personal level. But I still have a great conversation with them. So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes or so teaching you how to talk and how to listen.

现在，我的职业就是跟别人谈话。 诺贝尔奖获得者、卡车司机、 亿万富翁、幼儿园老师， 州长、水管工。我和我喜欢的人交谈， 也和我不喜欢的人交谈。 我和在个人层面 非常不认同的人交谈。 但我仍旧和他们有很好的交流。 所以我希望用接下来的10分钟 教你们如何谈话， 以及如何倾听。

03:03

Many of you have already heard a lot of advice on this, things like look the person in the eye, think of interesting topics to discuss in advance, look, nod and smile to show that you're paying attention,repeat back what you just heard or summarize it. So I want you to forget all of that. It is crap.

03:03

你们中间很多人已经听过无数建议， 比如看着对方的眼睛， 提前想好可以讨论的有趣话题， 注视，点头并且微笑 来表明你的专注， 重复你刚才听到的，或者做总结。 我想让你们忘掉所有这些， 全都没用。