TED | 学会拥抱别人，就是给自己温暖
你会拥抱别人吗？拥抱别人就是拥抱自己，就是给自己温暖。Newton女士讲述了作为一个演员演绎很多永远不同自我的角色的经历，这些经历让她变得温暖而有智慧。
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=o0556v242sl&width=500&height=375&auto=0
Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.
拥抱他人，当我第一次听到这个主题时我觉得拥抱他人，就是拥抱我自己。对于我来说通往理解和接纳的路是十分有意思的，并且让我对“自我”这一概念有了深刻的理解 。我想这值得在今天和你们分享。
We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form.
我们都有一个自我但我并不认为这是与生俱来的。你看那些刚出生的小婴儿，他们认为自己属于任何事物，他们并不是脱离的。这种最基本的同一性，会很快从我们身上消失，如同最初始的状态已经结束。同一性：婴儿期 未成形的、原始的将不复存在 ，取而代之的是分离。在婴儿期的某一点，关于自我的意识开始萌芽。
Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?
我们同一性的一小部分被赋予了一个名字 被告知关于它自己的任何事情 这些细节，观点和想法变成事实，这些都帮我们形成自我以及自己的身份。然后这个自我就成为一个工具，用来探索周围的这个世界，但是这个自我实际上是一个投影。以其他人的投影为基础 这就是真正的我们吗？是我们真正想成为，或者应该成为的人吗？
So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time.
在我成长过程中我一直都很难处理自我与身份之间的相互影响，那个我尝试着向周围的世界展示的自我，被一次又一次拒绝，因为没有一个合适的自我而带来的恐慌，以及因为被拒绝而产生的惶恐，引起了我的焦虑、羞愧还有无望。这些在很长一段时间里都限制了我。
But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self have to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?
但当我回想过去对于自我的毁灭反复出现，我开始看出一些规律，一个自我被改变被影响、被打击破坏，但有一个新的会形成。有时更强、有时充满仇恨 、有时则根本不想出现，这个自我并不是恒定的。在我还没有意识到这个自我曾经从未存在时，我的“自我” 会死多少次呢？
I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns.
我于上世纪七十年代生长在英格兰的海岸边，我父亲是来自康沃尔的白人，我母亲是来自津巴布韦的黑人。对于许多人来说是无论如何也想不到我们是一家人，但大自然自有意想不到的一面，棕色的孩子出生了。但自从五岁开始我就察觉出我的格格不入。我是一个信奉无神论的黑人孩子，在一个由修女运转的白人天主学校我是一个另类。
I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success.
我的自我在不断寻找一个定义并试图将自己套入定义，因为自我都是愿意去融入 。看到自己被复制，有归属感那能确认自我的存在感和重要性，这很重要。这有一个极端重要的功能，没有一个对自我的定义，我们简直不能和其他人交流。我们无法制定计划、无法爬上潮流和成功的阶梯。
But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.
但我的肤色不对、我的发色不对、我的来历不对， 我的自我被他人定义。这意味着在社会上我并不存在，我首先被定义为一个另类，甚至先于被定义为一个女孩。我是一个引人注意的没有人。
Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.
在这个时候另一个世界出现了，那就是表演和舞蹈。对于自我纠缠不清的恐惧在我跳舞时并不存在，我像是失去了自己。我是一个好的舞蹈演员，我会把我所有的感情 投入到舞蹈中去。在舞蹈中我能完成我在现实中自己无法做到的动作。
And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.
当我16岁时我无意中遇到另一个机遇，得到了我的第一个电影角色。我难以找到言语 来形容在表演中我感受到的平静，我那残缺的自我终于融入了不是我自己的另一个自我，这种感觉真好。那是我第一次存在于一个正常运作的自我、一个我可以控制的、可以操纵的、可以赋予生命的自我。但是拍摄的日子终会结束，我也会回到我那扭曲尴尬的自我。
By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searching for definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would you define race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and I said, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because, Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more genetic difference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there is between a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian.
当我19岁时，我已经是一个羽翼丰满的电影演员，但却仍在寻找定义。我在大学里申请攻读人类学Phyllis Lee博士对我进行了面试，她问我：“你怎样定义种族？” 嗯，我觉得我有答案，然后我说：“肤色。” 她继续问道：“也就是生物学基因上的差异？” “因为，桑迪，肤色并不准确。在一个黑皮肤的肯尼亚人和一个黑皮肤的乌干达人之间存在的基因差异，实际上超过在一个黑皮肤的肯尼亚人和一个比如说，白皮肤的挪威人之间的差异。
Because we all stem from Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to create genetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biological or scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the other hand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of its credibility. But what was credible, what is biological and scientific fact, is that we all stem from Africa -- in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. And race is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created based on fear and ignorance.
因为我们都起源于非洲，所以在非洲更有可能产生基因多样性。” 换句话说种族这一说法，并没有生物学或科学基础一方面，这是结果对吗？ 另一方面，我对自我的定义则失去了相当大一部分的可信度，可以相信的以及生物学和科学事实，就是我们都起源于非洲。实际上，起源于一个叫做线粒体夏娃的女人，她生活在十六万年前，种族是一个不合法的概念，是我们自己创造出来的基于恐惧和无知。
Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. My desire to disappear was still very powerful. I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise?
奇怪的是，这些启示并没有治愈我那缺少的自尊，那种被划为另类的感觉。我渴望消失的想法依旧十分强烈。我有一个剑桥的学位，我的事业蒸蒸日上。但我的自我却如同一场车祸，最终我患上贪食症并接受治疗，我当然会这样，我依旧相信我的自我就是我的全部，我依旧认为自我价值高于其余任何价值。不然还能怎样呢？
We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.
我们创造了整个价值系统以及一个客观的现实，用以支持自我的价值，看看由个人形象带动的产业，还有它提供的工 以及它创造的价值。我们可能会假设这个自我是真实存在的，但我们错了。这只是一个投影，是由我们聪明的大脑创造出来的，来欺骗我们自己无需面对死亡的现实。
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood.
但总有一些事能赋予自我极无尽的联系 ，就是同一性我们的本源自我对于真实性和定义的挣扎永远不会停止，除非自我能够与创造者相连。与你，与我这和意识的觉醒一同存在意识到同一性的现实以及自我的投影。
For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.
一开始，我们可以想想那些我们失去自我的时候，当我跳舞时、表演时，我根植于我的本源，我的自我被抑制了在那些时刻。我与万物相连，大地、空气、声音、观众的能量，我的所有感官都是警觉和鲜活的如同一个婴儿感受到的一般，那种同一性的感觉。
And when I'm acting a role, I inhabit another self, and I give it life for awhile, because when the self is suspended so is divisiveness and judgment. And I've played everything from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery to Secretary of State in 2004. And no matter how other these selves might be, they're all related in me. And I honestly believe the key to my success as an actor and my progress as a person has been the very lack of self that used to make me feel so anxious and insecure.
当我表演一个角色时我进入了另一个自我。我在一段时间内赋予其生命当自我被抑制时它的多样性和判断也会一同被抑制。我出演过许多角色，从奴隶时代想要复仇的鬼魂，到2004年的国务卿。无论这些角色是多么的不同，他们全都与我相连。我诚恳地认为我作为一个演员能够成功的关键以及作为一个不断进步的人，是因为自我的缺失，这让我觉得非常焦虑和不安。
I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightenment.
我总是在想为什么我能如此深切地感受到他人的痛苦，为什么我能辨认出一个被忽视的人，那是因为我没有一个自我挡在中间，我想我缺少一种介质我能够感受他人这个事实。说明我感受不到我自己这曾经导致了我的羞愧，其实是给我启蒙的源头。
And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more from my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen.
当我意识到并真正明白自我是一个投影，并有它自己的功能时，一件有意思的事发生了，我不再给我的自我过多的权利，我给它应得的回报，我带它去治疗，我已经非常熟悉自我的不正常运作了。但我并不为我的自我感到羞愧。事实上，我尊重我的自我 和它的功能，经过时间和练习，我不断尝试过一种顺从我的本源的生活。如果你能做到这一点，将会发生不可思议的事情。
I was in Congo in February, dancing and celebrating with women who've survived the destruction of their selves in literally unthinkable ways -- destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves all over that beautiful land are fueling our selves' addiction to iPods, Pads, and bling, which further disconnect ourselves from ever feeling their pain, their suffering, their death.
二月份的时候我在刚果与那些自我曾遭受难以想象的毁灭的女人们一起跳舞庆祝，因为在那片美丽的土地上那些被残酷对待的心理变态的自我，正不断满足我们对于 iPod以及iPad等光鲜事物的瘾。这些更进一步阻碍我们去感受她们的痛苦、她们的遭遇、她们的死亡。
Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life. And in that disconnected state, yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows, destroy marine life and use rape as a weapon of war. So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it.
因为当我们都活在自己的世界里，并以为这就是生活。那我们就是在贬低生活的价值，并且变得越来越迟钝。在那样一个被隔断的状态里我们可以建造没有窗户的工厂、破坏海洋生命、把强奸视为战争的一种武器。这有一个对自我的建议在我们这个被构造的世界里已经开始出现裂缝，海水将持续不断从裂缝中涌出石油和鲜血，汇流成河。
Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.
关键在于我们尚未找出、怎样与地球和万物一起生活在同一性中我们一直在疯狂地寻找，怎样和数十亿的其他人一起生活，只是我们并非和其他人一起生活。我们疯狂的自我们在一起生活、与他人的隔断，也如同传染病一般蔓延。
Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins.
让我们生活在一起，歇一口气，慢慢来。如果我们能进入那沉重的自我，点燃一支觉察的火炬寻找我们的本源。我们和永恒以及万物的联系，我们从出生那天就知道的联系。我们无须因为大量的空虚而慌张，相比于我们创造出的那些这空虚更加真实。想像我们能有怎样的存在方式，当我们正视自我不可避免的死亡、感恩生命的权利，惊异于即将到来的事物这些都来自于简单的觉察。
Thank you for listening.
感谢聆听!