中国酒文化：如何化干戈为玉帛

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老桑说

酒文化

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「 朋友，你好！我是老桑。 」

今天我将分享一些我关于中国酒文化的思考。酒文化是十分繁杂的，不过我要着重介绍的是如何在酒桌上“化干戈为玉帛”，礼貌拒绝劝酒。

饮酒的同辈压力是世界性问题，所以这里建议是可以广泛适用的。同时，如果你或是你的朋友有酗酒方面的问题，请一定要遵循医嘱。

茶还是酒

Tea vs wine

在中国，晚宴是人们饮酒主要的场合。与中国的茶文化不同的是，饮酒更关乎餐桌上的人与人际关系，而不是享受整个过程。在茶道中，每个人都是平等的；而在酒局中，位高权重者却拥有着disproportionate（不成比例的）影响。

茶文化的关键是“和”，但在酒桌上却不是这样。 茶道能够提升人的心境，可酒有时候却能蒙蔽人的理性判断，从而产生负面行为的影响。

诺贝尔奖获得者莫言先生的小说《红高粱》在1987年被改编为一部同名电影。故事发生在山东省高密市的一座酿酒厂，巩俐饰演的角色是酿酒厂的老板，和当地的土匪头子互相爱慕，但当他酩酊大醉地来到巩俐的家里并对她和工友们“吹牛”，这使她非常尴尬和难堪，于是将土匪头子撵出了屋子。

应酬

Dinner parties

餐桌上，如果所有人都想喝酒或是没有人愿意喝酒，那事情就容易解决了。若所有人都要喝酒，大家需要做的就是在白酒、黄酒、红酒和啤酒中进行选择工作了。白酒通常是商务宴请的选择，其他的选项如今也被广泛的接受。如果所有人都不喝酒，那么大家就会选择无酒精的饮料来作为饮品，更是万事大吉。

在电影《红高粱》中，土匪头子唱《妹妹你大胆地往前走》告诉巩俐说他想要娶她，并说在婚礼上他们可以一起开怀畅饮，巩俐则只是在他唱歌时默默笑着。

当所有人都处于cordial（兴奋的）状态时，喝酒是对宴席的一种良好补充。在西方文化中，主人往往会确保让客人的酒杯中有酒以示礼貌，但同时也会尊重客人们拒绝饮酒的意愿。客人们只需将手放在玻璃杯上说：“我喝的差不多了，谢谢。”同样的，如果大家彼此尊重个人的饮酒程度时，在中国也是如此。

在《别独自用餐》一书中，作家基斯·法拉奇提供了一些关于如何社交并运用关系的力量来达到个人和职业成功的细节化建议。他说他自己“那些最紧密的联系都是在餐桌上forge（建立）的。在那弄碎面包的过程中人与人就产生了亲密的联系，更不要说喝下几杯酒了，因为这能够将人们凝聚在一起。”

然而，有时饮酒也会超出合适的限度。

晚宴上，当有的人想喝酒而有的不愿再喝时，争议就会出现了。当筹备宴会的主人或者酒桌上位高权重的人坚持希望大家喝酒，但其他人却不想喝酒或者保持节制时，问题就会更加突出。往往拥有权势的人总是试图prevail（劝服）其他人继续喝酒。

酒场就是战场

Drinking is a battlefield

在这些情况下，喝酒变成了一场竞赛。酒量大的人总是能被尊重，他们被认为是更有能力，这仅仅因为他们对酒精的耐受程度更高。而喝酒后脸红或是很快疲倦的人们总是被嘲笑为羸弱或是不够男人。

在电影《红高粱》中，巩俐饰演的角色要求她九岁的儿子在与酿酒厂的工人们一起抗击日本侵略者之前喝下高粱酒。她坚持着这种传统，告诉她的儿子：“喝酒，是男人把这酒喝了。”

在这些喝酒的场合中，原本和平的事情就会变得不友好。男人们喝的越多就越赢得更多的面子，以作为胜利的象征。尽管那些无所顾虑饮酒的人最后大多数会对身体造成不好的影响，但酒量大的人仍然被认为是“赢了”。

怎样才能“赢”

How to win the battle

下面是5个帮助你在劝酒中生存的建议：

1

一般来说，如果你一旦开始喝酒，恐怕就要喝到最后一刻。近年来，在吃饭前就明确拒绝酒精成为了越来越多人们的选择，这些意愿受到了广泛的尊重。下面是一些让你在避免冒犯主人的情况下对喝酒说“不”的方式。

个人原因:

我不喝酒

我不喜欢喝酒

我得开车

 晚饭后我还要工作，所以我需要保持清醒的头脑

我在参加马拉松的训练

以茶代酒，以茶会友

宗教原因

健康理由:

喝酒使我生病

我正在服用一种在治疗期间不能喝酒的药物

我的医生告诫我需要远离酒精一段时间

我正在备孕的状态，封山育林

我对酒精过敏

我近来一直感觉不舒服

我的消化功能不太好

“少以为多”。说的更少，或许会更加有效。通过明确、准备充分的理由来拒绝，你会表现得更加自信和从容。必要的话，可以在宴请前预演几遍这些建议，说的时候要看着对方的眼睛，毫无犹豫地把你的要求告诉他。

我也曾经历过他人向我劝酒的情况之中，当我拒绝时，主人也会表示理解，因为他也并不是很想喝，同时也就不会假定他人都想要共饮。

然而，有些人却想要pressure（迫使）你喝酒。有时是纯粹的好客，有时却是出于“不好的”动机。通常他们会说这样的话：“没事就喝一点点，你必须加入我们第一次的干杯。”

在这种情况下，你必须做出选择，如果你了解中国的酒文化你就会知道，根本没有“喝一次”是为了“第一次干杯”的说法。一旦你打开了喝酒的门，你将很有可能因此一直喝下去，直到最后一轮举杯——或是被桌上的其他人轮流敬酒。

曾经我也遇到过自己无论怎样解释为何拒绝喝酒的原因，却仍然对酒桌上他人的心情产生不好影响的情况。虽然主人可能失望，但我仍然会坚持礼貌的拒绝，因为我不愿用喝酒的方式来向他人证明我自己，我宁愿坐在尴尬的晚宴上，也不愿意做自己不愿意做的事情。宴请只是一时，但宿醉的感觉却可能需要几天才能慢慢消退。

2

如果你开始喝酒但已经达到了极限时，那么了解自己并知道何时停止是非常重要的。你仍然可以去参加其他的活动，从酒精转换到其他的饮品上。下面是一些帮助你礼貌拒绝劝酒的方式。

不用了谢谢，我刚喝完一杯

我今晚已喝到极限了

我明天还要早起，今天已经喝的足够多了

然后，你可以向主人敬其他的饮品。当然，如果富有新意则更好了，例如加一点点的葡萄酒到雪碧中，表示这是你饮酒“精神”的一部分。

3

通常，自嘲式幽默可以在你婉拒饮酒时也为他人保留面子。

我希望能保住我剩余的脑细胞

我肝脏的保修期已经过了

上次喝多了就偷了主人的钱包

你也可以用诗词典故来表达你的意思，比如来自欧阳修《醉翁亭记》的“醉翁之意不在酒，在乎山水之间也”。

如果你已经喝了一些酒，我相信你一定会想出其他更棒的理由！

4

如果你感到有压力，最好找一个酒桌上的同伴来帮助你。当我发现主人并没有尊重自己的选择时，我就会转而向餐桌上的其他人求助，告诉自己的同伴：“在今天的情况下我有些不适，能不能帮忙提醒他适可而止呢？”

有一些情况下我会提前做好功课。我会让主人或是他的助手知道我不想喝酒，所以最好事先就不要带酒，或是餐桌上不要给我提供酒。

5

人们有时希望他的“伙伴”能与他们共同饮酒。或许，他们会认为你不一起喝酒就是看不起他们，或者对他们有偏见——这会归结于面子问题。

这就好像是赴一场与朋友的丰盛晚宴，但是一个人却只默默地吃清煮蔬菜；或是在一家咖啡店与朋友们享用提拉米苏蛋糕，但有人却从包里掏出准备好的水果。

似乎是扫兴者总是从中取乐，而我们也会受到他们的影响，认为我们也应该吃清淡一点或者少吃点。同样喝酒也是如此，主人可能希望能够让你达到他喝酒的程度，从而让自己感觉良好。

但是，强迫他人喝酒并不是好客的表现。毕竟，如果是纯粹、真诚的好客，应该以客人的愿望为准。

有些人曾告诉我，“主人如果没有让客人喝醉代表着他没有尽到待客之道”。尽管酒是宴会中社交的润滑剂，我也并不赞同这种“客人需要喝醉来让主人觉得满足”的说法，无论在哪种文化背景中都是如此。

我曾经遇到过在酒桌上有些人强迫他人喝酒的情况。他们强迫你和他一起喝光杯子中的酒，大声吼出“喝！”或“干杯！”，推杯换盏不止。你会感觉到在众人面前拒绝这种进程是非常尴尬的，特别是当那个人恰好是个老板或是其他有地位的人时。

大多像这样跨越底线爱出风头的人，往往没有资深的资历，他们更多的是想要在人群中证明自己，让他人注意到自己。

考虑到“面子”的问题，在这些情况中坚持自己的立场是很重要的，当时也要尊重他人的态度。避免说出如“我不想喝酒因为对你身体不好”或是“我认为喝酒是道德上的错误”之类的话。尽管你相信这一点，但最好使用无偏见的、客观的上述理由来礼貌的地拒绝劝酒邀约。

朋友，坚持自己的立场并且保持克制是有途径可循的，但也要在喝酒时保持对他人的尊重。试着在下一次的酒局中用用这些方法，也欢迎你在下方评论区补充其他的建议！

英文版

English

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Chinese drinking culture: 

from war to peace

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Hello, my friend! I’m John Smagula.

Today I share some thoughts on navigating Chinese drinking culture. It’s a complicated subject, and I’m going to focus on how to say “no” when hospitality becomes bullying, when peace becomes war.

Peer pressure to drink exists all over the world. These strategies in this article can be used anywhere. Also, if you or someone you know has a drinking problem, consult your doctor for advice.Tea vs wine

In China, most drinking occurs at dinner banquets. Unlike tea culture, which is about the journey and enjoying the tea, drinking is more about the people and relationships at that particular meal. At the tea ceremony, everyone is equal. With drinking, those with more power can have disproportionate influence. 

The essence of tea culture is peace, but this is not necessarily true with drinking. Tea is said to elevate the mind, whereas wine can cloud judgment and negatively influence behavior.

Red Sorghum, the 1987 movie based on Nobel-prize winning Mo Yan's novel, is set at a distillery in Gaomi, Shandong. Gong Li is the owner of the distillery and is attracted to a local bandit. When he enters her home completely drunk and brags about his exploits with her to the other workers, she throws him out, embarrassed by his drunken behavior.Dinner parties

At a banquet, if everyone likes to drink—or if nobody wants to drink—then the matter is resolved. If everyone drinks, then it’s a question of baijiu (grain alcohol), yellow wine, red wine, or beer. Baijiu is the drink of choice at business meetings, but other options are now more available. If nobody wants to drink, then everyone agrees upon some non-alcoholic beverage.

In Red Sorghum, the bandit sings to Gong Li that he wants to marry her, saying that they'll drink wine together at the ceremony. Gong Li smiles as he sings this song.

When everyone is cordial, drinking can be a pleasant complement to the meal. In Western culture, the host will usually make sure the guests’ wine glasses stay full but will respect the guest when he has had enough. All the guest need do is put his hand over his glass and say, “I have had enough, thank you.” The same is true in China if everyone respects the others’ limits.

In Never Eat Alone, author Keith Ferrazzi provides detailed advice on how to network and use the power of relationships to achieve personal and professional success. He says that his "strongest links have been forged at the table. The companionable effects of breaking bread—not to mention drinking a few glasses of wine—bring people together." 

Yet there are times when drinking goes beyond appropriate limits.

At dinner parties, conflicts arise when some people want to drink, but others don’t. This is particularly true when the person hosting the dinner, or those with the greater power or status, insist that everyone drink when others don’t want to or would otherwise prefer to drink in moderation. Those with power try to prevail on who drinks what.

Drinking is a battlefield

In these situations, drinking becomes a competition. Those who can hold their alcohol are often respected. They are praised for being strong and competent, simply because they have a high tolerance for alcohol. Those whose faces turn red or tire quickly from drinking can be mocked as weak or sissies.

In Red Sorghum, Gong Li forces her 9-year-old son to drink the sorghum wine before joining the distillery workers to ambush the invading Japanese. She perpetuates this stereotype, saying to her son, "real men drink."

In these drinking situations, peace can become war. The man who “wins” by drinking the most has the greatest “face,” and this “face” is the prize for victory. Even if everyone who binge drinks ends up getting sick or worse, the one who drank the most still somehow “wins.”

How to win the battle

Here are 5 tips to help you survive unwanted drinking advances.

1Say "no" right from the start

The general rule is that once you start drinking, you have to drink to the end. In recent years, it has become more common to turn down alcohol before a meal, and these wishes are generally respected. Here are some ways to say “no” without offending your host.

Personal reasons

 I don't drink.

 I don't like to drink.

 I'm driving.

  I have to work after dinner, and I need to keep a clear head.

 I'm training for a marathon.

 I prefer tea to wine

 Religious reasons.

Health reasons

It makes me sick.

 I'm taking a medication that doesn't mix with alcohol. My doctor ordered me to lay off alcohol for a while.

I'm trying to conceive.

I'm allergic to alcohol.

I have been feeling under the weather lately.

I have a weak digestive system.

"Less is more." The less you say, the more effective you'll be. By stating these clear, rehearsed lines, you'll appear more confident. Repeat them over and over to your host, if you have to. Look the other person in the eye, and don't hesitate in saying what you want.

I have been in situations where someone offers me a drink, and when I say no, the host is relieved, as he doesn’t want to drink either. Don’t assume others want to drink.

However, some people will pressure you to drink. Sometimes it’s genuine hospitality, other times, the pressure will be for more nefarious reasons. Often, they’ll say something like, “Oh, just have a little. You must join us for the first toast.”

In these cases, you have to make a judgment, knowing that in Chinese drinking culture, there’s no such thing as “one drink” for the “first toast.” Once you open the door, you will likely be obligated to keep drinking until you have at least toasted—or have been toasted by—everyone at the table.

There have been times when my refusal to drink, no matter the explanation, has a negative impact on the mood around the table. The host may be disappointed. I just stay firm, as I will never prove myself to another by drinking. I’d rather sit through an awkward dinner than do something I don’t want. The dinner will last a short time; a hangover can take days to go away.

2When you have had enough

If you started drinking but have reached your fill, it’s important to know yourself and when to stop. You can still take part in the festivities, switching from alcohol to something else. Here are some ways to politely decline an offer to drink more:

 No thanks, I have just finished one.

 I've had my limit for tonight.

  I have to get up early tomorrow, and I've had enough.

Then, toast your host with something else. You can also be creative by, say, adding a few drops of red wine to a glass of Sprite, showing you’re a part of the “spirit” of drinking.

3Use humor

Often, self-deprecating humor can help the others save face when you turn down a drink:

I need to keep my remaining brain cells.The warranty on my liver has expired.The last time I drank too much, I stole the host's wallet.You can also use famous poetry to express your meaning, such as "One delights less in drinking than in the hills and streams" from Ouyang Xiu's The Roadside Hut of the Old Drunkard.

If you have had a few drinks already, I’m sure you’ll come up with some even better lines!

4Find an ally

If you’re feeling pressure, find an ally at the table to support you. When I feel the host isn’t respecting my choice, I’ll turn to someone else at the table and ask that person to support me. I’ll say to my ally, “I’m feeling uncomfortable with this pressure, could you please tell this person to stop?”

There have been other times where I have worked things out in advance. I have let the host or his assistant know that I won’t want to drink, so it’s best not to bring any alcohol or otherwise agree in advance not to offer me any wine at the meal.

5When hospitality becomes bullying

At times, people want “partners in crime” to drink with them. They may think that you’re judging them or looking down on them by not drinking. It boils down to a question of face.

It’s like having a rich meal with friends, but one person is only nibbling on the steamed vegetables. Or splitting a tiramisu cheesecake with friends at a café, but one person just pulls out a piece of fruit from his bag.

It seems like these killjoys are taking the fun out of the experience. And we may see a reflection of ourselves in that person, thinking that we, too, should be eating lighter or eating less. So can it be with drinking. By forcing you to drink, the host may be trying to feel better about himself by bringing you to his level.

Forcing someone to drink is not hospitable. After all, if it’s sincere hospitality, the guest’s wishes should prevail.

Some have told me that the host hasn't properly entertained his guests if they have not gotten drunk. Although wine can be a social lubricant at a dinner, I disagree that guests need to be drunk in order for the host to be satisfied—in any culture. 

I have also been in situations where someone at the table becomes a bully. They force you to empty your glass with them, screaming “Drink!”, one after another. You feel awkward by turning down these advances in front of the others, especially if that person is a boss or someone with status.

Pushy people who cross the line like this, though, often don’t have senior status and are simply trying to prove themselves. Beware of them.

Given the role of “face” in these situations, it’s important to be firm in your rejection, but also respect the other person’s ego. Avoid statements like, “I don’t drink because it’s not good for you” or “I think drinking is morally wrong.” Even if you believe this, it’s best to use non-judgmental, objective reasons suggested above to politely turn down your host.

My friend, there are ways you can be firm, stay in control, and be respected when asked to drink. Try some of these strategies in your next dinner, and I invite you to make additional suggestions in the comments below!

今日英文速记卡

1.Disproportionate 

a)含义：adj. 不成比例的

b)例句：

i.With drinking, those with more power can have disproportionate influence. 

而在酒局中，位高权重者却拥有着不成比例的影响。

ii.A disproportionate amount of time was devoted to one topic. 

 不成比例的时间被用在一个话题上。

c)近义词：incommensurate

2.Cordial 

a)含义：adj.兴奋的；热忱的；友好的

b)例句：

i.When everyone is cordial, drinking can be a pleasant complement to the meal.

当所有人都处于兴奋的状态时，喝酒是对宴请一种愉快的补充。

ii. He had never known him to be so chatty and cordial. 

 他以前从来不知道他是这样一个健谈而友善的人。

c)近义词：genuine, friendly, amicable

3.Forge

a)含义：v. 锻造；形成；缔造

b)例句：

i.He says that his strongest links have been forged at the table. 

他说他自己那些最紧密的联系都是在餐桌上建立的。

ii.Back in the 1980s, they were attempting to forge a new kind of rock music.

20世纪80年代，他们尝试开创一种新的摇滚乐。

c)近义词：establish, create

4.Prevail 

a)含义：v. 说服；流行

b)例句：

i.Those with power try to prevail on who drinks what.

拥有权势的人总是试图劝服其他人继续喝酒。

ii.She prevailed upon her father to say nothing.

她说服父亲保持缄默。

c)近义词：obtain, persuade

5.Pressure 

a)含义：v. 迫使；增压

b)例句：

i.However, some people will pressure you to drink. 

然而，有些人却想要迫使你喝酒。

ii.Don’t feel we are pressuring you to give what you can’t afford. 

别勉强，我们不会强人所难的。

c)近义词：compel, coerce, force

Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you. 

See you next time.

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John Smagula

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