《摘金奇缘》：何为真正的“满足”？
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老桑说
你的过往不代表你的命运，你的价值在于成为最好的自己。
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「 朋友，你好，我是老桑。 」
老桑在Tea & Sympathy
小说《摘金奇缘》（Crazy Rich Asians）提醒我们是多么渴求让自己感到“满足”的状态。这本由美籍新加坡裔的作家关凯文（Kevin Kwan）在2013年推出的小说，描绘了新加坡亿万富翁家庭的生活，并介绍了那些拥有巨额财富和根深蒂固家族势力的群体是如何感到自身更有价值的。
作者关凯文 Author Kevin Kwan
《摘金奇缘》在2018年的夏天登上了大荧幕，成为自1993年谭恩美的《喜福会》（The Joy Luck Club）上映以来，首部关注亚裔生活的美国主流电影。这部电影引起了广泛的讨论，大家对它也是褒贬不一。
幸福会 The Joy Luck Club (1993)
《摘金奇缘》电影海报
标题有两层含义。“疯狂”的意思是“非常”，所以“crazy rich”指的是非常富有的人。“crazy”也有“疯狂和愚蠢”的意思，因为富人似乎真的可以outrageous（为所欲为）。
故事围绕朱瑞秋（Rachel Chu）和杨尼克（Nick Young）两人展开。他们在纽约相遇，两人当时都在纽约大学任教。瑞秋出生在广东，但她的母亲与父亲分居，并在她出生后不久将她带到美国。然而，尼克来自新加坡最富有的家庭之一，hail（出生于）富贵人家。
在电影中，瑞秋是由美籍华人女演员吴恬敏（Constance Wu）饰演的。尼克是由英籍马来西亚裔的演员亨利·戈尔丁（Henry Golding）扮演的。
瑞秋和尼克在纽约格林威治村的一家著名餐厅Tea and Sympathy约会中相识。在约会近两年之后，尼克邀请瑞秋去新加坡见他的家人。在这次旅行之前，尼克从来没有告诉过她自己拥有惊人财富的背景。
Tea & Sympathy 早餐
瑞秋被她所经历的一切惊呆了。一方面，瑞秋在所有方面都得到了一流的待遇。她住在opulence（富丽堂皇的地方），品尝着新加坡最具传奇色彩的美食，尤其是沙嗲。但另一方面，由于她较低的社会地位，她受到了尼克的母亲、奶奶以及他众多追求者们的嘲笑。
Tea & Sympathy 正山小种
在这本书的一个奢华的聚会上,客人们正在“饮用人头马或者正山小种红茶。”我很高兴地看到这里有我最喜欢的茶之一，尽管对精英阶层而言，这只是一个价格合理的选择。事实上，这是一件负担得起的奢侈品!
故事中的紧张关系围绕着瑞秋和尼克的祖母商淑宜（Shang Su Yi）和母亲杨爱莉（Eleanor Sung-Young）展开。她们认为尼克必须娶一个在社会和经济地位上和他都很匹配的人。她们认为瑞秋来自一个没有名气的下层家庭，并且因为她是美国人，所以不可能理解中国人的生活方式。
杨爱莉对这段关系感到非常震惊，她concoct（想出）了许多方法试图拆散他们。当她的各种计划失败时，她选择直接与瑞秋对峙。在电影中一个非常戏剧化的场景中，杨爱莉把手放在瑞秋的脸颊上，直视着她的眼睛说：
我很清楚，你永远不会满足的。
”You will never be enough
啊哦。在这里，我们看到了瑞秋美式价值观所包含的抛却过往追求梦想的特质，与杨爱莉维护自己的过去，把家庭高于个人利益的价值观之间，形成了冲突。双方都不愿意妥协。
最终，爱取得了胜利。尼克冒险向瑞秋求婚。他似乎愿意放弃在新加坡的辉煌生活，和瑞秋在纽约开始新的生活。在本书的续集《中国壕女友》(2015)中，尼克和瑞秋最终走到了一起。
卢燕 Lisa Lu
尽管这部电影在美国受欢迎程度较高，在中国，这部电影上座率奇低。因为这部电影缺乏当红的中国明星，除了卢燕（Lisa Lu）饰演商淑宜和杨紫琼（Michelle Yeoh）饰演杨爱莉。就像电影《卧虎藏龙》一样，没有太多新颖的主题。此外，对财富的过度描绘可能会导致人们的反感。
尼克备受宠爱，不是因为他做了什么，而是因为他和谁有关系。他只是刚好出生在一个富裕的家庭。因为和家人们生活在一起，所以家庭成员的喜好也浸染着他。所以如果你没有出生在这样的家庭，你可能会觉得自己“永远都不会满足”。
但你可以构建自己的人际交往偏好。你可以和比你更年长、更成功的人交往。当与那些给你激励或是对你构成挑战的人交往时，你会努力做得更好。最终，一步一个脚印，你会慢慢看起来像自己圈子里的那些人。
当你和那些支持自己的人在一起时，消极的声音就不会对你产生影响。如果像杨爱莉这样的人说“你永远不会满足”，你可以表示同意：“你说的也对，不过我已经很满足了!”
“满足”并不代表静止或止步不前。成就感来自于不断成长的状态。正是这种持续向上的进步创造了“满足”的感觉。这也许就是为什么尼克愿意放弃他的家族财富，搬到纽约，和瑞秋一起在纽约大学的生活中“成长”。
你和那些消极、吹毛求疵、让你妥协或疲惫不堪的人交往吗？如果你花太多时间和他们在一起，你可能会变得和他们一样。而明智的做法是远离那些阻碍你成长、限制你潜力的人，然后与具有你所渴望的品格的人建立联系。
你或许不会接触到像尼克或者他的家人那样的富豪家族，但是我可以肯定的是你至少曾经接触过与你不在一个层次的人，比如某位长辈或是领导。与其与那些消极抱怨、接受平庸的人相处，倒不如去和那些敢想敢做、能够带你领略高层世界的人去建立联系。
如果你是团队中最聪明的人，说明你身处的团体还很小。
当瑞秋得知尼克出身优越，而他的家人不想和她有任何瓜葛时，她本可以离开尼克，回到纽约舒适的环境中去。相反，她选择去挑战周围消极的声音，坚持自己个人的价值观，从而达到了新的层次。
你的命运和一些人息息相关。在生活中，有哪些你喜欢但时常忽略的联系?不要被他们的成功所暗示或嫉妒，而是要受到鼓舞。与他们建立联系，培养这些关系，同样的恩惠有朝一日也会降临到你身上。
如果你和那些总是焦虑不安的人建立联系，你会感到焦虑。如果你和那些拖累你，让你屈服于temptation（诱惑）的人建立关系，你就会失败。如果你陷入满是八卦和批评的关系，你得到的将会是消极和令人沮丧的生活。
然而，如果你能够与他们建立优质的关系，就会收获幸福。这些人可能是在事业上取得了成功，有很好的工作，也可能在个人意义上收获颇丰，过着快乐的生活。当你达到新的高度，你将有机会接触到更多更高层次的人。
能够有所成就需要时间。小说中，一只蓝松鸦被尼克房间里的一幅画吸引，一直想飞进尼克的房间。尼克的朋友认为，这只鸟“永远不会放弃尝试”。他会考虑各种情况，最后找到实现的方案。所以后来尼克把鸟放了进来，如果你一直敲门，也许就能把门打开。
让他人的激励使你成为最好的自己。只要功夫深,铁杵磨成针。当身边的人逐渐进步时，你也会得到助力。坚持才能成功。
”我的朋友，你的过往不代表你的命运，而你的价值在于成为最好的自己。切断那些无法让你取得进步的人际关系，与那些拥有你想要的东西的人一起工作，并向他们学习。渐渐的，你会变得和你周围的人一样。这种持续的发展将会真正让你感到“满足”。
谢谢收看《老桑说》。
给你启发，激励你上进，陪伴你坚持。
敬请期待下一集。
英文版
English
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Crazy Rich Asians:
how to feel like you're "enough"
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「 Hello, my friend！
I'm John Smagula. 」
Tea & Sympathy
Hello, my friend! I’m John Smagula. Crazy Rich Asians is a great reminder of just how desperate we are to feel like we’re “enough.” Written by Singaporean-American author Kevin Kwan, this 2013 novel explores the lives of Singapore’s elite billionaire families—and how those with old money and longstanding family power feel worthier than everyone else.
Author Kevin Kwan
Crazy Rich Asians was adapted into a movie in the summer of 2018, becoming the first US mainstream movie to feature an Asian cast since Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club debuted in 1993. The movie generated considerable discussion, ranging from high praise to harsh criticism.
The Joy Luck Club (1993)
Crazy Rich Asians
The title has two meanings. “Crazy” means “extremely,” so “crazy rich” is extremely rich. Crazy also means “wild and foolish,” as the rich people can really act outrageously.
The story centers on Rachel Chu and Nick Young. They met in New York City, where they both teach at NYU. Rachel was born in Guangdong, but her mother separated from her husband and brought Rachel to the United States shortly after she was born. Nick, however, was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, hailing from one of Singapore's wealthiest families.
In the movie, Rachel is played by Chinese-American actress Constance Wu. Nick is played by British-Malaysian actor Henry Golding.
Rachel and Nick met on a date at Tea & Sympathy, a famous restaurant in New York's Greenwich Village. After they dated for nearly two years, Nick invited Rachel to meet his family in Singapore. Before this trip, Nick had never told her about his fabulously wealthy background.
Tea & Sympathy breakfast
Rachel was stunned by the experience. On the one hand, Rachel was given first-class treatment in everything. She stayed in places of spectacular opulence. She was able to taste the best of Singapore's legendary cuisine, especially the satays. But on the other hand, she was scorned by Nick's mother, grandmother, and his many suitors because of her inferior status.
Tea & Sympathy
In one of the book’s lavish parties, guests were “sipping their Rémy Martins or lapsang souchongs.” I was happy to see that one of my favorite teas, despite its reasonable price, was the tea of choice for the elite. Indeed, an affordable luxury!
To be well matched
The story hinges on the tension between Rachel and Nick's paternal grandmother (Shang Su Yi) and mother (Eleanor Sung-Young). They believe that Nick must marry someone from a family that is well matched in social and economic status. Rachel, they think, is from an unworthy low-class family. They also say that since she is American, she will not understand Chinese ways.
Eleanor is so alarmed by this relationship that she concocts many ways to try to break them up. When her various schemes fail, she confronts Rachel directly. In a very dramatic scene in the movie, Eleanor places a hand on Rachel's cheek, looks directly into her eyes, and says,
“
I know this much. You will never beenough.
”You will never be enough
Ouch. Here we see the conflict between Rachel's American values of leaving the past behind and pursuing her dreams against Eleanor's values of preserving the past and placing the family above personal interests. Neither is willing to compromise.
In the end, love wins out. Nick risks it all and proposes to Rachel. He seems willing to leave behind his life of splendor in Singapore and take up a new life with Rachel in New York. In the book's sequel, China Rich Girlfriend (2015), Nick and Rachel move on and get married.
Lisa Lu
Despite the movie’s popularity in the United States, the movie was a flop in China. The film lacked notable Chinese stars, other than Lisa Lu (who played Shang Su Yi) and Michelle Yeoh (who played Eleanor Young). As in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon there was no real novelty to the themes. Moreover, the portrayal of excess wealth can be off-putting to many.
"You will never be enough"
Nick was favored, not for anything he did, but for who he was connected to. He just happened to be born into a wealthy family. Because he was in relationship to them, their favor spilled over onto him. If you weren't born into such a family, you may feel you will "never be enough."
But you can create your own favor. You can associate with people who are farther along and more successful than you are. When you connect with people who inspire and challenge you, you strive to do better. Eventually, one level at a time, you will look like those in your circle.
When you surround yourself with people who lift you up and support you, you can become immune to the negative voices. If someone like Eleanor Young says "You will never be enough," you can agree, saying, “You're right. Because I'm more than enough!”
"Being enough" does not come from standing still or resting on your laurels. Fulfillment comes from being in a state of constant growth. It is this continuous upward motion that creates the sense of being “enough.” This may be why Nick was willing to abandon his old wealth and move to New York to “grow” in his life at NYU with Rachel.
Find some favor connections
Are you connected with people who are negative, critical, cause you to compromise, or wear you down? If you spend too much time with them, you may become just like them. It is prudent to disconnect from people who hinder your growth and limit your potential—and then connect yourself to those who have what you want.
You may not have access to people like Nick and his billionaire relatives, but I'm sure you have access to at least someone who is going places or who is at another level, like a relative or boss. Rather than seek out people who complain or accept mediocrity, build relationships with those who think bigger than you do and expose you to levels you have never seen.
If you’re the smartest one in your group, your group is too small.
When Rachel learned that Nick was from a privileged background and that his family didn't want to have anything to do with her, she could have left Nick and returned to her comfortable environment back in New York. Instead, she challenged the negative voices around her, stayed true to her personal values, and rose to a new level.
Your destiny is tied to certain people. What favored connections are in your life that you might be overlooking? Don't be intimated by or jealous of their success, but be inspired. Connect with them, sow into those relationships, and that very same favor may come to you.
You reap what you sow
If you sow into relationships with people who are always worried and upset, you'll reap anxiety. If you sow into relationships with people who pull you down and cause you to give into temptation, you'll reap defeat. If you sow into gossip and critical relationships, you'll reap a negative and discouraging life.
However, if you sow into favored connections, you'll reap favor. These people may be professionally successful and have great jobs, or they might be personally successful, leading lives of joy. As you achieve new levels, you'll have access to more people at even higher levels.
It takes time to build favor. In the novel, a blue jay kept trying to fly into Nick’s room, as it was attracted to a painting inside. Nick’s friend commented that the bird “would never give up trying. He would take an impossible situation and make everything possible.” As Nick finally let the bird in, so might you unlock a door if you keep knocking.
Let where others inspire you to be the best you can be. Like iron sharpens iron, they can sharpen you and make you better. As they rise, so will you. Persistence leads to success.
”My friend, your history is not your destiny, and your worth resides in becoming the best version of yourself. Disconnect from relationships that are not producing increase, and work with and learn from those who have what you want. Step by step, and then level by level, you'll become like those around you. This constant growth will make you feel more than "enough."
{ 今日英文速记卡 }
1. Outrageous (ˌ)au̇t-ˈrā-jəs
a) 含义：adj.令人吃惊的
b) 例句：
i. Crazy also means“wild and foolish,” as the rich people can really act outrageously.
“crazy”也有“疯狂和愚蠢”的意思，因为富人似乎真的可以为所欲为。
ii. She says the mostoutrageous things sometimes.
她有时候尽说些耸人听闻的事。
c) 近义词：disgraceful,scandalous, shocking
2.Hail ˈhāl
a)含义： v. 来自；出生于
b)例句：
i.Nick, however, wasborn with a silver spoon in his mouth, hailing from one of Singapore’swealthiest families.
然而，尼克来自新加坡最富有的家庭之一，出生于富贵人家。
ii.His father hailedfrom Italy.
他父亲出生于意大利。
c)近义词：be a native of, befrom, come from
3.Opulence ˈä-pyə-lən(t)s
a)含义：n. 富裕；丰富
b)例句：
i.She stayed in placesof spectacular opulence.
她住在富丽堂皇的地方。
ii.That's what we triedto portray in the book, this feeling of opulence and grandeur.
那就是我们在书中竭力描绘的——一种富丽堂皇的气派。
c)近义词：affluence, lavishness,lushness
4.Concoct kən-ˈkäkt
a)含义：v. 策划；捏造
b)例句：
i.Eleanor is so alarmedby this relationship that she concocts many ways to try to break them up.
杨爱莉对这段关系感到非常震惊，她想出了许多方法试图拆散他们。
ii.They tend to repeatquestions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct ananswer.
他们往往会在回答问题前重复人家的提问，也许是为了给自己一点时间以便捏造个答案。
c)近义词： contrive, cook (up),drum (up)
5.Temptation ˈtem(p)-ˈtā-shən
a)含义：n. 引诱物；诱惑
b)例句：
i.If you sow intorelationships with people who pull you down and cause you to give intotemptation, you’ll reap defeat.
如果你和那些拖累你，让你屈服于诱惑的人建立关系，你就会失败。
ii.What happens in themind when you resist your impulses in the face of temptation?
当面临诱惑的时候，你的思想发生了什么变化才会拒绝诱惑呢？
c)近义词：allurement,enticement, seduction
Thank you for watching me to inspire, encourage, and accompany you.
See you next time.
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