【盖茨书评】爸妈的秘密

我们对父母到底有多了解？

这是裴氏（Thi Bui）在她精彩绝伦的图文小说《尽力而为》（The Best We Could Do，中文名暂译）紧扣的主题。裴氏是越南难民的女儿，他们在西贡沦陷后来到美国。她知道，父母过去的遭遇给他们造成了深深的伤害，但她一直缺乏勇气去询问他们到底经历了什么。

裴氏的儿子出生之后，一切都发生了改变。这部自传体著作以作者生孩子为开场，当时她的母亲悄悄溜出房间，没能看到她分娩的过程。到现在她仍不理解母亲这样做的原因。抱着刚刚出生的儿子，裴氏开始领悟到为人父母的巨大责任，同时决定要更多了解她的父母为自己和兄弟姐妹们所做的牺牲。

她的发现令人感到心碎。我不想多说什么，但她的父母都被卷入由越南境内的外国势力（起初是法国人，后来是美国人）挑起的混乱之中。这本书的情节经常在不同家庭成员和不同时间段之间跳来跳去，这会有一点令人困惑，但我并不认为这会削弱故事本身的力量。

我深刻地感到，裴氏描写的这些经历既具有普世性，又是对他们具体环境的真实写照。裴氏的父母在养育四个孩子的过程中遇到了各种问题和挑战，而这些挑战对于每位家长而言都不会觉得陌生。我觉得她准确捕捉到了那种家庭责任感所带来的令人不堪重负的感觉。与此同时，她的家庭遭遇又和绝大多数人不同（当然，与我的家庭环境也不相似）。很显然，她在童年时代遭遇到的许多机能障碍，都是当年发生在越南的那些事的直接结果。

读完《同情者》（The Sympathizer，中文名暂译），我很想阅读更多从越南视角出发的作品。《同情者》其实并没有关于法国占领时期的内容，相比之下，《尽力而为》讲述了更多过去的事情。裴氏的小说更个人化，读起来也更容易一些。

这两本书都帮助我更好理解了越南的历史如何塑造了它的人民。当你在美国长大成人，你很难逃脱电影《早安越南》所塑造的战争观影响——从征兵、抗议、甚至士兵战死沙场以外的原因理解战争有多么可怕。然而对于生活在战地的人们来说，他们中的许多人不属于交战中的任何一方，战争却是一幅完完全全的恐怖画面。《尽力而为》和《同情者》是两个警世故事，以不同的方式描述了战争的间接伤害。

尽管涉及到战争这个沉重的主题，《尽力而为》归根结底仍然是充满希望的一本书。得知父母的经历后，裴氏得出这样的结论：即使“身为他们的孩子……意味着我将始终感受到过去的沉重”，她的儿子却不必背负同样的重担。最终，她理解了可以套用在所有父母身上的一点：在养育儿女的问题上，我们都在尽力做到最好。

The mystery of mom and dad

How well do we really know our parents? 

That’s the question Thi Bui grapples with in her stunning graphic novel The Best We Could Do. Bui is the daughter of Vietnamese refugees who came to America after the fall of Saigon. She knew that her parents were deeply traumatized by their past but never felt comfortable asking them about their experiences. 

Everything changed when Bui’s son was born. The book – which is autobiographical – opens with the author giving birth as her mother slips out the door, unable to watch the delivery for reasons she doesn’t yet understand. As Bui holds her new baby, she begins to appreciate the immense responsibility that comes with parenthood – and decides to learn more about the sacrifices her parents made for her and her siblings. 

What she discovers is heartbreaking. I don’t want to spoil anything, but both of her parents get sucked into the turmoil created by the foreign forces present in their country (first the French, and later the Americans). The book jumps around from family member to family member, exploring different time periods. It’s a bit confusing, but I don’t think it takes away from the powerful story. 

I was struck by how the experiences Bui illustrates manage to be both universal and specific to their circumstances. Any parent will recognize many of the challenges her mom and dad faced raising their four kids. I thought she did a great job capturing how daunting it feels to be responsible for your family. At the same time, her family’s experience is different from most (and certainly mine). It’s clear that a lot of the dysfunction surrounding her childhood is a direct result of what happened in Vietnam. 

After finishing The Sympathizer, I was eager to read more books written from the Vietnamese perspective. The Best We Could Do covers more of the past than The Sympathizer, which doesn’t really get into the French occupation. Bui’s novel is more personal and a lot quicker to read. 

But both books helped me better understand how Vietnam’s history shaped its people. When you grow up in the United States, it’s hard to escape the Good Morning, Vietnam view of the war – to understand how the war was awful for reasons that go beyond the draft, the protests, and even the soldiers who died on the battlefield. It was a completely horrific situation for the people who lived there, many of whom weren’t combatants on either side. In different ways, The Best We Could Do and The Sympathizer are cautionary tales about the collateral damage of war. 

Despite covering such heavy subject matter, The Best We Could Do is ultimately a hopeful book. After learning what happened to her parents, Bui concludes that – even though “being their child… means that I will always feel the weight of the past” – her son doesn’t have to share the same burden. And she finally understands what’s true for all parents: when it comes to raising our kids, we simply do the best we can do.

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