【TED】会哭的人，过得更好！
演讲者：Kathy Mendias
演讲题目: The mood-boosting power of crying
According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, we create 15 to 30 gallons of tears a year. I am what you would call a high-volume producer. Now even though we do create less tears as we age, I figure by the time I'm 80, I will have filled up 40 average-sized bath tubs.
根据美国眼科学会的研究，我们每年会产生15到30加仑的眼泪。我就是你所说的大批量生产商。现在，尽管随着年龄的增长，我们的眼泪确实会减少，但我估计到80岁的时候，我已经把40个普通大小的浴缸装满了。
Now crying in my early years? Not something I would brag about. When I was five, I thought it was a good idea to practice writing my name on the side of the house. Outside the house.
我早年哭过？不是我吹嘘的。当我五岁的时候，我觉得在房子外练习写我的名字是个好主意。在家外面。
Momma didn't agree with me much. She handed me a toothbrush and said, "Here, scrub." So I did. I'd sit at the dining room table for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't want to eat my vegetables. You probably know the feeling. I'd miss all my favorite shows and cry like crazy.
妈妈不太同意我的意见。她递给我一把牙刷，说：“来，刷掉。”我照做了。我坐在餐厅的餐桌旁，似乎是一辈子。我不想吃我的蔬菜。你可能知道那种感觉。我会错过所有我最喜欢的节目，哭得像疯了一样。
Crying was always associated with something bad.
哭总是和坏事联系在一起的。
Fortunately, I grew up. I stopped writing on the walls, started eating my vegetables, and I entered the wonderful world of motherhood. And let me tell you, crying takes on a whole new meaning.
幸运的是，我长大了。我不再在墙上写字，我也开始吃蔬菜了，我进入了母亲的奇妙世界。让我告诉你，哭泣有了全新的含义。
I was nine months pregnant and I was sitting on the couch, looking at the front door where my bags were packed, waiting for me, because I was hopeful that today would be the day. I settle in a little bit more, and I think to myself, "You know, we can put humans into space, but we can't seem to figure out when a baby will be born." And then I feel this pressure build up in my chest, my throat get really tight, and I just burst into tears.
我怀孕九个月了，我坐在沙发上，看着门前收拾行李的地方，等着我，因为我对今天充满希望。我又安顿了一会儿，心里想，“你知道，我们可以把人类送入太空，但我们似乎不知道婴儿什么时候出生。”然后，我感到胸口的压力越来越大，喉咙越来越紧，我突然大哭起来。
And you know what? I had no idea why. And not knowing why at the time, well, that just got me more upset, so I eventually was just upset for being upset. I took a deep breath -- (Inhales) and I let it out -- (Exhales) Thought that would help, but no, it didn't. Then my brother walks in with his smirky grin and he says to me, "What's wrong with you?" I said, "Nothing, just leave me alone." And he did, he ran as fast as he could. And you know what I did when he left. I cried even harder. I was ashamed and embarrassed, just like when I was a kid.
你知道吗？我不知道为什么。当时不知道为什么，好吧，那只是让我更难过，所以我最终只是因为难过而难过。我深吸了一口气（吸气）然后把它放了出来（呼气）以为这样会有帮助，但不，没有。然后我哥哥带着微笑的笑容走了进来，他对我说：“你怎么了？”我说，“没什么，别管我。”他做到了，他跑得很快。你知道他走的时候我做了什么。我哭得更厉害了。我感到羞愧和尴尬，就像我小时候一样。
Now lucky for me, I only had to look at that bag sitting by the front door for another nine days, right before my expected date of delivery. And finally, my body said it was time. And after 18 hours of feeling my body try to expel this little human that weighed about the size of a bowling ball, and hours of pushing so hard that I thought for sure this baby was stuck, within a heartbeat, my beautiful baby girl Jennifer entered the world.
现在对我来说幸运的是，我只需再看一眼放在前门的那个包，就在我预期的交货日期前的九天。最后，我的身体说是时候了。经过18个小时的感觉，我的身体试图驱逐这个体重约保龄球大小的小人，经过几个小时的用力推，我确信这个婴儿被卡住了，在心跳的瞬间，我美丽的女儿詹妮弗终于来到这个世界了。
And I looked at her, and she cried and then I just cried. All of that emotion and pressure that I had inside just seconds before was immediately replaced with the most joyous sense of relief that I had ever felt.
我看着她，她哭了，然后我就哭了。就在几秒钟前，我内心的所有情绪和压力立刻被我所感受到的最快乐的解脱感所取代。
And after nine months of crying over these fears and anxieties and crazy out-of-control hormones, that was instantaneously transformed into the deepest, most heartfelt, happiest cry of my life. And I had no control.
在为这些恐惧、焦虑和失控的荷尔蒙哭泣了九个月之后，这瞬间变成了我一生中最深、最真挚、最快乐的哭泣。我无法控制。
Those really hard tears, those happy tears, those overwhelming joyful tears, they had nowhere to go but out. And it was those tears, that moment, that incredible high, that inspired me to birth three more little miracles and start to help others have their own. I became a childbirth educator, and I started a whole new relationship with tears.
那些真的很难的眼泪，那些快乐的眼泪，那些压倒一切的快乐的眼泪，他们无处可去，只有出去。正是那些眼泪，那一刻，那难以置信的高，激励我再诞生三个小奇迹，开始帮助别人拥有自己的奇迹。我成为了一名分娩教育者，我开始了一段全新的关系。
It was early in my 30 years of teaching, I had a class touch my heart like no other. The topic for the night -- emotions of pregnancy, go figure. And it was important for the class to first learn about the emotional changes and responses during pregnancy, and how when we cry, it can feel like the body's trying to push out that extra emotion, almost like it's processing what it can't hold inside.
早在我30年的教书生涯中，我就有一节课像其他课一样触动了我的心。今晚的主题——怀孕的情绪，好好想想。对全班学生来说，首先了解怀孕期间的情绪变化和反应是很重要的，当我们哭泣时，我们会感觉到身体试图把多余的情绪推出去，就像是在处理内心无法容纳的东西。
Like an exhaust port for extreme feelings of sadness, joy or even relief after days, years of anticipation of that one magical moment. It can literally feel like your body is squeezing out all that emotion in the form of water coming from our eyes. Our tears.
就像一个排气口，为极度的悲伤，喜悦，甚至救济后的日子，多年的期待，那一个神奇的时刻。它可以感觉到你的身体正以水的形式从我们的眼睛里挤出所有的情感。我们的眼泪。
Now tears were always expected during my classes. Not mine this time, the new moms'. And this night in this class, it was way different. I had just finished talking about the emotional changes of pregnancy and I went in to talk about the couvade syndrome. Now the word "couvade" comes from a French term, "couver," which means "to brood," similar to birds protecting a nest.
在我上课的时候，人们总是期待着我流泪。不过这次不是我，而是那些新妈妈们。今天晚上在这个班上，完全不同。我刚讲完怀孕时的情绪变化，就进去谈库瓦德综合症。现在“couvade”这个词来自法语术语“couver”，意思是“孵卵”，类似于鸟类保护巢穴。
Well, who better to protect this nest than the expecting mother's partner? Also called a sympathetic pregnancy, the couvade syndrome is a real-life phenomenon, where the non-pregnant partner can take on pregnancy characteristics like mood swings, loss of sleep, weight gain and for some, a really intense drive to do something new and unexpected, like buy a new sports car or start a new hobby like gourmet cooking. The class usually laughs a little bit after that and that's it. We end the night. But it didn't end there.
好吧，有谁比怀孕母亲的伴侣更能保护这个巢穴呢？couvade综合征也被称为“交感怀孕”，是一种现实生活中的现象，在这种情况下，未怀孕的伴侣可能会表现出怀孕的特征，比如情绪波动、失眠、体重增加，对某些人来说，会有一种非常强烈的动力去做一些新的和意想不到的事情，比如买一辆新跑车或者开始一种新的爱好，比如美食烹饪。在那之后，全班通常都会笑一笑，就这样。我们以此完美结束了这堂课。但事情并没有到此为止。
When I finished my sentence, this big, burly father-to-be stands up, and I thought for sure he was leaving. But instead, in a really gruff, commanding way, he says, "Alright, you guys, how many of you have cried during this thing, you know, her pregnancy?"
I scan the class to make sure everybody was OK.
当我说完这句话，这位高大魁梧的准爸爸站了起来，我确信他要走了。但是，相反，他以一种非常粗暴、命令的方式说，“好吧，你们这些家伙，你们当中有多少人在这件事上哭过，你们知道，她怀孕了吗？”我扫视全班，确保每个人都没事。
They were fine, they were just very intent on what was going to happen next. And then, one gentleman raises his hand and says, "I have." And then another, and the stories just flowed. Even this really quiet gal -- she was the fiancee of one of the expecting moms -- she looks at her and she says, "See? I told you my crying was normal too." The class connected, they validated each other, and we all walked away with a new respect for the non-pregnant partners that night. For me, that solidified my passion to embrace those tears.
他们很好，只是非常专注于接下来会发生什么。然后，一位先生举手说：“我有。”接着又是另一位，故事就这样流传了下来。即使是这个非常安静的女孩——她是一个准妈妈的未婚妻——她看着她说，“看到了吗？我告诉过你，我的哭声也很正常。”全班同学互相联系，互相验证，那天晚上我们都带着对没有怀孕的伴侣新的尊重离开了。对我来说，那凝固了我拥抱泪水的激情。
Then, it got better. On the last night of that same six-week class, one of the expecting moms came up to me. She asked to talk to me privately, and I said of course, and we went into the corner. And she says, "I need to thank you for saving my relationship."
然后，情况好转了。在同一节为期六周的课的最后一天晚上，一位准妈妈走到我跟前。她要求和我私下谈谈，我说当然可以，我们就走到角落里去了。她说：“我要感谢你挽救了我的关系。”
I let her go on, and she tells me that her husband was considering leaving her over her mood swings, out-of-control crying, and his turmoil and anger over this pregnancy. But he didn't leave. She went on to tell me that they realized now it's OK to cry. And he had told her that when he cries, he doesn't feel as angry. Wow! Not only did crying bring my class together, it kept that couple together.
我让她继续说，她告诉我，她的丈夫正考虑离开她，因为她的情绪波动，失控的哭泣，以及他对这次怀孕的混乱和愤怒。但他没有离开。她接着告诉我，他们意识到现在可以哭了。他告诉她，当他哭的时候，他不会觉得那么生气。哇！哭不仅使我的班级团结在一起，也使那对夫妇团结在一起。
And you know, his comment about anger was really, really intriguing to me, so I looked around, did some research, and sure enough, Dr. Oren Hasson, an evolutionary psychologist, he had some theories about when tears blur our vision, it really has the ability to, sometimes, reduce our ability to react to that anger. But the tears weren't the anger. They were more like the release valve. And though many of us, we try to keep those tears inside, but letting them out really may be the better move. Keeping them inside can amplify our feelings of anger or sadness.
你知道，他关于愤怒的评论真的，真的很吸引我，所以我环顾四周，做了一些研究，果然，进化心理学家奥伦·哈森博士，他有一些理论，当眼泪模糊我们的视线时，它真的有能力，有时，降低我们对愤怒的反应能力。但眼泪不是愤怒。它们更像是释放阀。尽管我们中的许多人都试图把眼泪藏在心里，但让它们流出来也许是更好的办法。把它们放在里面会放大我们的愤怒或悲伤情绪。
And while we're releasing those tears, our hormones inside, they're on high alert, and we know this because of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist. He found that inside of our emotional tears -- not our everyday, like, yawning tears, but our emotional tears -- there's high concentrations of stress hormones and leucine enkephalins, which, easier on my tongue, is endorphins.
当我们释放眼泪的时候，我们的荷尔蒙在里面，他们处于高度戒备状态，我们知道这是因为威廉·弗雷博士，一个生物化学家。他发现，在我们情绪化的眼泪里——不是我们每天打呵欠的眼泪，而是我们情绪化的眼泪——有高浓度的应激激素和亮氨酸脑啡肽，在我的舌头上，更容易的是内啡肽。
And while our stress hormones are helping our bodies out, our endorphins, those feel-good chemicals, they're helping to act as a pain reliever to boost our mood. Now who wouldn't want that?
当我们的压力荷尔蒙帮助我们的身体，我们的内啡肽，这些感觉良好的化学物质，他们作为一种止痛剂而起到作用，以促进我们的情绪。现在谁不想这样呢？
There are two triggers for the release of endorphins for most of us. Stress and pain. And for a woman giving birth, experiencing both stress and pain, endorphins, they are a gift. As the labor progresses, those endorphins will rise to help her with a potentially long labor. As a result, the mom is better able to cope, and she can feel more alert and almost euphoric after the birth.
对我们大多数人来说，释放内啡肽有两个诱因。压力和痛苦。对于一个同时经历压力和痛苦的产妇来说，内啡肽是一种礼物。随着分娩的进行，这些内啡肽将上升，以帮助她与潜在的长期分娩。因此，母亲能够更好地应对，而且在出生后，她会感到更加警觉，几乎是欣喜若狂。
Crying is just awesome. I wish there was a bigger word. Crying offers us an opportunity for physical relief, for intimacy between two individuals and ultimately, it promotes physical and mental well-being. And as an expression of our most intense interior human experiences, there is no need to be embarrassed, no need to be ashamed and no need to run away.
哭真是太棒了。我希望有一个更贴切的词。哭泣为我们提供了一个身体放松的机会，促进两个人之间的亲密关系，最终，它甚至促进了身心健康。作为我们内心最强烈的人类体验的一种表达，没有必要感到尴尬，没有必要感到羞愧，也没有必要逃跑。
We need to have a healthy relationship with crying and change the way we view tears. We see them as overwhelming and scary and confusing, when they're really beautiful, soothing and reassuring. They're not to be seen as some screeching alarm bell that something is wrong but rather a natural functionality of our amazing bodies.
我们需要与哭泣保持健康的关系，改变我们看待眼泪的方式。当它们真的很美，让人心旷神怡，让人安心的时候，我们会把它们看成是压倒性的、可怕的、令人困惑的。他们不应该被视为是某种错误的警钟，而是我们惊人身体的一种自然功能。
Crying is as essential to me as breathing. And now, if I'm caught crying on that couch by my wonderful husband, who has had to learn way more about crying than he ever wanted to, he doesn't run away. He'll ask me why I'm crying, and I'll let him know I just need my release. He'll take my hand, and you know what I'll do? I will let it all out. And then I'm going to sink into that deep sense of intimacy and extraordinary sense of relief that only my tears can bring.
哭对我来说就像呼吸一样重要。而现在，如果我的好丈夫发现我在沙发上哭，他必须理解比他想的更多的哭，他不会逃跑。他会问我为什么哭，我会让他知道我需要释放。他会牵着我的手，你知道我会怎么做吗？我会把一切都说出来的。然后我会沉入那种只有我的眼泪才能带来的亲密感和非凡的解脱感。
Thank you.
非常感谢。来源：TED演讲
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