TED | 我无家可归的一年

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我无家可归的一年

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Becky Blanton

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社会 故事 经历 TED 演讲

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贝姬·布兰顿(Becky Blanton)原本打算在她的货车里住一年，看看这个国家，但当抑郁症发作，她的自由职业工作结束时，她的露营之旅变成了无家可归。在这次亲密的谈话中，她描述了自己成为美国无家可归的上班族的经历。

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中文讲稿

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00:12

我是一个作家，一个新闻记者，我也是一位具有强烈求知欲的人。所以在做新闻记者的22年里，我知道了很多新奇的事物。而三年前，我学会做的一件事就是变成隐形人。我成了一个无家可归的工作者。我辞掉了报纸编辑的工作在我父亲那年二月去世之后我决定去旅行他的去世对我打击非常大。当时这么做，是因为有很多我想去感知和处理的事。

00:46

旅游时我天天都在露营。并且决定在休旅车里住一年就当作是一段长期野营旅行。所以，我就带上我的猫，我的罗特威尔犬和露营的装备装载到1975产的雪佛莱旅游车上，开车去看日落但当时完全没想过三件严重的事一：社会将住房即使是很小的房间，和人的价值等同起来。二：我没有意识到其他人的负面言语对我们本身的影响是多么严重，假如我们放任不管。三：我没有意识到无家可归是一种生活态度而不是一种生活方式。

01:28

一开始，住在车里是很不错的。我在露天洗澡，正常的去外面吃东西。而且有时间去抒发情感。但是后来，因我父亲去世而带来的悲愤和痛沮开始加剧。我自由作家的工作结束了。我就需要去找一件全职工作来支付我的账单。从一个非常温和的春天变到一个极其炎热的夏天会怎样呢。不管车停在哪都是难以忍受的（笑声）不用说也很明显我带着一只猫和一只狗，而且非常的热。猫从车窗来回的跑。狗跑到了狗狗护理中心。我则大汗淋漓。不管什么时候，只要可以，我就会去用在办公大楼和卡车车站里员工用的淋浴。或者在公共卫生间里洗洗。

02:15

在夜里车里的温度很少会降到华氏80度以下，这使我几乎无法入睡。食物在高温下腐坏。冷藏柜里的冰几个小时就化完了，非常苦闷的时期。我没钱找公寓，或者找不到让我可以养狗和猫的地方。我不想把它们抛弃。所以我继续待在旅行车里。但炎热的天气使我饱受折磨以至于在夜里走50英尺到车外面的公共卫生间都懒的动。我用桶和垃圾袋当厕所。

02:59

当冬天来临的时候，温度骤降到零度以下。然后就一直这么冷。我又遇到了一堆新问题，每晚我的车都停在不同的地方。这样才可以不让警察发现以至于和警察争吵。当然，并不是每次都成功。

03:17

但是，我觉得我已无力掌控自己的生活了。我也不知道什么时候或者是如何发生的，我这么快就从一个有才的写手，新闻从业者变成一个无家可归，住在车里的女人这简直是快的难以置信。我并没有变。我的智商没有降低。我的才能，我的正直，我的价值，所有关于我的这些东西都还是一样。但是从某种程度上，我还是改变了，我越来越沮丧，像一个漩涡一样不断地往下沉。

03:55

后来有人介绍我去一个专为无家可归之人开的健康诊所。我去了。我有三天都没有洗澡了，我和其他那些排队的人一样沮丧，身上的味道也很难闻。我只是没有喝醉或者兴奋。当一些无家可归的人意识到，包括一个以前在大学任教的教授，他们说：“你不是无家可归，你真正在这里的原因是什么？”其他的无家可归的人不把我当作是无家可归的人看待。但是我自己是这么认为的。后来，教授听了我的故事后他说，“你有工作，有希望。真正无家可归的人并没有希望可言。”诊所针对我沮丧开的药物的副作用让我有点自杀的倾向。我还记得当时想，“如果我自杀了，可能没人会发现的”

04:49

在那不久后，我的一个朋友就告诉我，她听说提姆路塞特，一个全国知名的记者在全国播放的电视节目上谈论到了我。一篇我写的关于我父亲的短文，在他去世前一年写的，被收录到了提姆的新书里。他那时在做巡回演讲，提到我的写作。当我发现提姆路塞特，前MeetthePress节目的调解员，在谈论我的写作。而我却生活在停在沃尔玛停车场里的旅行车里面，我开始笑了，呵，你们也该笑笑。

05:22

我开始笑，因为这正是问题根结，我是一位作家呢，还是一位无家可归的女人？于是我走进一家书店。找到提姆的书。我站在那，又重新读了一遍我写的短文。我哭了。因为我是一位作家，是一位作家。在那之后，我很快就搬回了田纳西。有时住在车里，有时会去朋友家睡沙发。我又重新开始写作了。在接踵而来的夏天里，我又成为了一名新闻记者。我得了奖，住在我自己的公寓里。我不再无家可归。我也不再被无视。

06:02

无数的人在从事着全职和兼职的工作，而且住在他们的车里。但是社会还继续污蔑他们并视住在交通工具里或者睡在街上为犯罪。所以那些无家可归，有工作但是无家可归的人，大部分还是隐藏着的。但是如果你见到了，雇用他们，鼓励他们，并给予他们希望。只要有希望，人类的精神可以克服一切困难。我并不是来这里为无家可归的人做宣传的。我不是来这里鼓励你们去施舍下一个你见到的乞丐。而我在这里是来告诉你们，根据我过去的经历，人不是由他们所住的地方，睡得地方，或者他们在任何一个时间的生活状态所决定的。三年前，我住在一个停在沃尔玛的停车场的汽车里。而今天我却在TED演讲。希望永远，永远，会指引前路。谢谢。

The End

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00:12

I'm a writer and a journalist, and I'm also an insanely curious person, so in 22 years as a journalist, I've learned how to do a lot of new things. And three years ago, one of the things I learned how to do was to become invisible. I became one of the working homeless. I quit my job as a newspaper editor after my father died in February of that same year, and decided to travel. His death hit me pretty hard. And there were a lot of things that I wanted to feel and deal with while I was doing that. 

00:46

I've camped my whole life. And I decided that living in a van for a year to do this would be like one long camping trip. So I packed my cat, my Rottweiler and my camping gear into a 1975 Chevy van, and drove off into the sunset, having fully failed to realize three critical things. One: that society equates living in a permanent structure, even a shack, with having value as a person. Two: I failed to realize how quickly the negative perceptions of other people can impact our reality, if we let it. Three: I failed to realize that homelessness is an attitude, not a lifestyle. 

01:28

At first, living in the van was great. I showered in campgrounds. I ate out regularly. And I had time to relax and to grieve. But then the anger and the depression about my father's death set in. My freelance job ended. And I had to get a full-time job to pay the bills. What had been a really mild spring turned into a miserably hot summer. And it became impossible to park anywhere -- (Laughs) -- without being very obvious that I had a cat and a dog with me, and it was really hot. The cat came and went through an open window in the van. The doggy went into doggy day care. And I sweated. Whenever I could, I used employee showers in office buildings and truck stops. Or I washed up in public rest rooms. 

02:15

Nighttime temperatures in the van rarely dropped below 80 degrees Fahrenheit, making it difficult or impossible to sleep. Food rotted in the heat. Ice in my ice chest melted within hours, and it was pretty miserable. I couldn't afford to find an apartment, or couldn't afford an apartment that would allow me to have the Rottweiler and the cat. And I refused to give them up, so I stayed in the van. And when the heat made me too sick to walk the 50 feet to the public restroom outside my van at night, I used a bucket and a trash bag as a toilet. 

02:59

When winter weather set in, the temperatures dropped below freezing. And they stayed there. And I faced a whole new set of challenges. I parked a different place every night so I would avoid being noticed and hassled by the police. I didn't always succeed. 

03:17

But I felt out of control of my life. And I don't know when or how it happened, but the speed at which I went from being a talented writer and journalist to being a homeless woman, living in a van, took my breath away. I hadn't changed. My I.Q. hadn't dropped. My talent, my integrity, my values, everything about me remained the same. But I had changed somehow. I spiraled deeper and deeper into a depression. 

03:55

And eventually someone referred me to a homeless health clinic. And I went. I hadn't bathed in three days. I was as smelly and as depressed as anyone in line. I just wasn't drunk or high. And when several of the homeless men realized that, including a former university professor, they said, "You aren't homeless. Why are you really here?" Other homeless people didn't see me as homeless, but I did. Then the professor listened to my story and he said, "You have a job. You have hope. The real homeless don't have hope." A reaction to the medication the clinic gave me for my depression left me suicidal. And I remember thinking, "If I killed myself, no one would notice." 

04:49

A friend told me, shortly after that, that she had heard that Tim Russert, a nationally renowned journalist, had been talking about me on national T.V. An essay I'd written about my father, the year before he died, was in Tim's new book. And he was doing the talk show circuit. And he was talking about my writing. And when I realized that Tim Russert, former moderator of "Meet the Press," was talking about my writing, while I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot, I started laughing. You should too. 

05:22

I started laughing because it got to the point where, was I a writer, or was I a homeless woman? So I went in the bookstore. And I found Tim's book. And I stood there. And I reread my essay. And I cried. Because I was a writer. I was a writer. Shortly after that I moved back to Tennessee. I alternated between living in a van and couch surfing with friends. And I started writing again. By the summer of the following year I was a working journalist. I was winning awards. I was living in my own apartment. I was no longer homeless. And I was no longer invisible. 

06:02

Thousands of people work full and part-time jobs, and live in their cars. But society continues to stigmatize and criminalize living in your vehicle or on the streets. So the homeless, the working homeless, primarily remain invisible. But if you ever meet one, engage them, encourage them, and offer them hope. The human spirit can overcome anything if it has hope. And I'm not here to be the poster girl for the homeless. I'm not here to encourage you to give money to the next panhandler you meet. But I am here to tell you that, based on my experience, people are not where they live, where they sleep, or what their life situation is at any given time. Three years ago I was living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot, and today I'm speaking at TED. Hope always, always finds a way. Thank you. 

The End

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