TED | 用舞蹈战胜癌症

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用舞蹈战胜癌症

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Ananda Shankar Jayant

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社会心理经历 TED 演讲

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著名的印度古典舞蹈家Ananda Shankar Jayant在2008年被诊断出患有癌症。她不仅讲述了自己面对疾病的故事，还讲述了与疾病共舞的故事。她的表演揭示了帮助她战胜疾病的力量。

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00:13

(音乐）♫

00:55

（梵文），有一首关于印度神母的颂歌，是我们大部分的印度人从小就学习的。在我四岁的时候也学习了这首歌，坐在我母亲的膝头上。也正是那一年，她引导我进入舞蹈的殿堂。而这一开端，正是我与印度古典舞幽会的伊始。从那时开始，到现在已经40年了，我师从这一行最优秀的舞者，在世界各地演出，教导年轻的和年老的舞蹈爱好者，创造，合作，编舞，我编织了一个绚丽的挂毯，用我的艺术，成就，和奖章。2007年我获得了至高无上的荣誉，那一年，我得到了印度，授予公民的第四高荣誉，莲花奖（Padma，Shri），作为我对艺术贡献的回报。

01:55

（观众鼓掌）

01:59

但是，任何事都不足以让我有心理准备，去面对我将要得知的，在2008年的7月1号，我得知了一个词“恶性肿瘤”，是的，乳腺癌，我坐在医生的办公室里，呆若木鸡，我听到了另外一些词，“癌症”，“期”，“恶性程度”，那时之前，癌（Cancer）是十二宫中的巨蟹座。是我朋友的星座，“期”（Stage）是我表演的舞台，“恶性程度”（Grade）是我在学校得到的成绩，那一天，我意识到，我有一个不受欢迎的，不请自来的，新终生伴侣，作为一个舞者，我知道九情操（印度古典舞蹈中通过肢体或表情表达不同情绪的方式），愤怒，勇敢，厌恶，诙谐，与恐怖，我以为我知道什么是恐惧，那一天，我学会了什么是恐惧。

03:01

经历所有的巨痛，并彻底感到失去控制，我流了很多泪水，问我亲爱的丈夫，Jayant，我说，“结束了么？这就是我生命之路的尽头么？”，这就是我舞蹈的终结么？，然而他，这个乐观的灵魂，说，“不，这只是一个间隙，治疗的间隙，而且你将回来做你擅长的事。

03:29

当时我醒悟到，我认为自己完全控制了自己的人生，但我仅仅控制了3件事，我的思想，我的情绪，这些思想所创造的想象，和由这些想象所引起的行动，所以现在我沉迷于，一种情绪的漩涡中，沮丧，和那些令你，感到情况的严酷的思绪，我想得到痊愈，健康和幸福，我想从现在的我，到达我想到的彼方，为了达到这一目标，我需要有一股可以把我从痛苦中拉出来的力量，所以，我擦干泪水，然后，我向世界宣告，我说，癌症只是我生命中的一页，我不会让这一页去影响我其余的人生。

04:20

我还向世界宣告，我将度过难关，我不会允许癌症将我打倒，但是，要从我的现状，到达我的期望，我需要一些东西，我需要一个依靠，一种意象，一个标杆，钉在这一过程的起始，然后我可以从那里开始，然后，我从舞蹈中发现了它，我的舞蹈，我的力量，我的能量，我的热情，我生命的气息，但这并不容易，相信我，这绝不容易，你怎能保持振奋，在你的外型从美丽，在三天之内变成秃字，你怎能不绝望，在你的身体对化疗产生不良反应时，爬几节楼梯都像攀登险峰，对于我这样一个能连续跳3个小时的舞者？，你怎能不彷徨失措，因为痛苦和绝望，我想做的只有蜷缩起来哭泣，但是我一直告诉我自己，畏缩和哭泣，都不是我将要做的选择。

05:29

所以我强拉自己到我的舞蹈室，我的身体，思想，和灵魂，每天都在我的舞蹈室，学习我曾经学习过的所有东西，就好像我又回到四岁，从新工作，从头学习，从新组织，这一过程非常痛苦，但是我完成了，困难，我专注于我的身印手印，专注于我舞蹈的意境，专注于韵律和意象，和舞蹈的哲学本身，然后，缓慢的，我脱离了，我心中的悲惨境遇。

06:03

但是，我需要另外一些东西，我需要增加我的旅程，我在意象中找到了它，那是从我四岁就学起的，湿婆神的意象，杜尔迦女神，杜尔迦女神，无畏的神母，由印度诸神所创造，杜尔迦女神，辉煌，雍容，美丽，她的十八支手臂，随时准备战斗，她乘坐神狮，进入战场去毁灭水牛阿修罗，杜尔迦女神，女性创造力量的象征，或者叫女性力量，杜尔迦，无畏的女神，我做成了杜尔迦女神的意象，和她所有的属性和特质，我专属的意象。

06:53

在她那种神秘符号的推动下，并伴随着我对训练的热情，我像激光刀般精准的专注于我的舞蹈，像激光刀般专注这样一个领域，在手术之后我跳了几周的舞，在化疗和放射疗法的治疗周期我依然跳舞，我的治疗医生很惊异，我在化疗和放射的期间跳舞，我纠缠着让他使治疗周期，配合我的舞蹈计划，我所成就的是，我摆脱了癌症，专注于我的舞蹈，是的，癌症只成为我生命中的一页。

07:35

我的故事，是一个克服挫折，障碍和挑战的故事，那些生命带给你的，我的故事是思想的力量，我的故事是选择的力量，是专注的力量，这是一种力量让我们注意那些，赋予我们生机活力，深刻的感动我们，和令癌症变得无足轻重的东西，我的故事是意境的力量，是意象的力量，我的意象是杜尔迦，杜尔迦无畏的女神，她也叫做Simhanandini，骑狮子的人。

08:17

在我度过难关的过程中，我驾驭了我自己的内在力量，我的内在恢复力，我武装自己并联合治疗效果，我继续治疗，我经历了与癌症的战争，我命令那些肆意妄为的细胞顺从起来，我希望被世人认可，不是作为癌症幸存者，而是作为癌症征服者。

08:40

我向你们呈现一段我的舞蹈，“狮子吼经”（Simhanandani）

08:45

（鼓掌），

08:48

（音乐）

The End

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英文讲稿

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00:13

(Music)

00:55

[Sanskrit] This is an ode to the mother goddess, that most of us in India learn when we are children. I learned it when I was four at my mother's knee. That year she introduced me to dance, and thus began my tryst with classical dance. Since then -- it's been four decades now -- I've trained with the best in the field, performed across the globe, taught young and old alike, created, collaborated, choreographed, and wove a rich tapestry of artistry, achievement and awards. The crowning glory was in 2007, when I received this country's fourth highest civilian award, the Padma Shri, for my contribution to art.

01:59

But nothing, nothing prepared me for what I was to hear on the first of July 2008. I heard the word "carcinoma." Yes, breast cancer. As I sat dumbstruck in my doctor's office, I heard other words: "cancer," "stage," "grade." Until then, Cancer was the zodiac sign of my friend, stage was what I performed on, and grades were what I got in school. That day, I realized I had an unwelcome, uninvited, new life partner. As a dancer, I know the nine rasas or the navarasas: anger, valor, disgust, humor and fear. I thought I knew what fear was. That day, I learned what fear was.

03:01

Overcome with the enormity of it all and the complete feeling of loss of control, I shed copious tears and asked my dear husband, Jayant. I said, "Is this it? Is this the end of the road? Is this the end of my dance?" And he, the positive soul that he is, said, "No, this is just a hiatus, a hiatus during the treatment, and you'll get back to doing what you do best."

03:29

I realized then that I, who thought I had complete control of my life, had control of only three things: My thought, my mind -- the images that these thoughts created -- and the action that derived from it. So here I was wallowing in a vortex of emotions and depression and what have you, with the enormity of the situation, wanting to go to a place of healing, health and happiness. I wanted to go from where I was to where I wanted to be, for which I needed something. I needed something that would pull me out of all this. So I dried my tears, and I declared to the world at large ... I said, "Cancer's only one page in my life, and I will not allow this page to impact the rest of my life."

04:20

I also declared to the world at large that I would ride it out, and I would not allow cancer to ride me. But to go from where I was to where I wanted to be, I needed something. I needed an anchor, an image, a peg to peg this process on, so that I could go from there. And I found that in my dance, my dance, my strength, my energy, my passion, my very life breath. But it wasn't easy. Believe me, it definitely wasn't easy. How do you keep cheer when you go from beautiful to bald in three days? How do you not despair when, with the body ravaged by chemotherapy, climbing a mere flight of stairs was sheer torture, that to someone like me who could dance for three hours? How do you not get overwhelmed by the despair and the misery of it all? All I wanted to do was curl up and weep. But I kept telling myself fear and tears are options I did not have.

05:29

So I would drag myself into my dance studio -- body, mind and spirit -- every day into my dance studio, and learn everything I learned when I was four, all over again, reworked, relearned, regrouped. It was excruciatingly painful, but I did it. Difficult. I focused on my mudras, on the imagery of my dance, on the poetry and the metaphor and the philosophy of the dance itself. And slowly, I moved out of that miserable state of mind.

06:03

But I needed something else. I needed something to go that extra mile, and I found it in that metaphor which I had learned from my mother when I was four. The metaphor of Mahishasura Mardhini, of Durga. Durga, the mother goddess, the fearless one, created by the pantheon of Hindu gods. Durga, resplendent, bedecked, beautiful, her 18 arms ready for warfare, as she rode astride her lion into the battlefield to destroy Mahishasur. Durga, the epitome of creative feminine energy, or shakti. Durga, the fearless one. I made that image of Durga and her every attribute, her every nuance, my very own.

06:53

Powered by the symbology of a myth and the passion of my training, I brought laser-sharp focus into my dance, laser-sharp focus to such an extent that I danced a few weeks after surgery. I danced through chemo and radiation cycles, much to the dismay of my oncologist. I danced between chemo and radiation cycles and badgered him to fit it to my performing dance schedule. What I had done is I had tuned out of cancer and tuned into my dance. Yes, cancer has just been one page in my life.

07:35

My story is a story of overcoming setbacks, obstacles and challenges that life throws at you. My story is the power of thought. My story is the power of choice. It's the power of focus. It's the power of bringing ourselves to the attention of something that so animates you, so moves you, that something even like cancer becomes insignificant. My story is the power of a metaphor. It's the power of an image. Mine was that of Durga, Durga the fearless one. She was also called Simhanandini, the one who rode the lion.

08:17

As I ride out, as I ride my own inner strength, my own inner resilience, armed as I am with what medication can provide and continue treatment, as I ride out into the battlefield of cancer, asking my rogue cells to behave, I want to be known not as a cancer survivor, but as a cancer conqueror.

08:40

I present to you an excerpt of that work "Simhanandini."

08:48

(Music)

The End