TED演讲 | 吉尔伯特·泰勒的奇迹

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| 简介

吉尔伯特·泰勒所拥有的研究机会不是每一位脑科学家都所希望拥有的：她有严重中风，并且观察到她大脑的功能--运动，语言，自我意识-一个接一个关闭。这真是令人惊讶的故事。

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| 中英对照演讲稿

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I grew up to study the brain because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder, schizophrenia.

我之所以选择学习脑科，是因为我的一个弟弟被诊断大脑功能紊乱，用专业点的说法就是精神分裂症。

And as a sister and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why is it that I can take my dreams,

作为姐姐，到后来是作为科学家，我十分想了解为什么我们会做梦，

I can connect them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?

而且能够将做的梦和现实联系起来，更有可能会梦想成真。

What is it about my brother's brain and his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his dreams to a common and shared reality, so they instead become delusion?

我弟弟的大脑到底是怎么了？他得的精神分裂症就是他不能将他做的梦和普通的现实结合起来，所以相反的，就形成了幻觉。

So I dedicated my career to research into the severe mental illnesses.

因此我致力于研究这些严重的精神疾病。

And I moved from my home state of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard Department of Psychiatry.

而且我也从印第安纳州搬到波士顿，在那里，我可以在哈佛精神病学，

And in the lab, we were asking the question, "What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals who would be diagnosed as normal control,

在实验过程中，我们会一直询问：“从生物学的角度来说，

as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"

那些诊断为精神分裂症、分裂情感障碍或双相情感障碍的人和那些大脑控制功能正常的人有什么区别？”

So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry of the brain: which cells are communicating with which cells, with which chemicals,

所以我们首先画出了大脑的微线性图：哪些细胞是和哪些细胞是有联系的？通过何种化学物质联系？

and then in what quantities of those chemicals?

这些化学物质有多少？

So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing this type of research during the day,

因此我的生活充满意义，因为在白天，我一直在从事这种研究。

but then in the evenings and on the weekends, I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

但是晚上和周末，我则作为精神疾病联盟一员从事一些宣传工作。

But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.

但是1996年12月10号的早上，当我起来时却发现自己大脑有点紊乱。

A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.

我的大脑左半球的血管充血爆裂。

And in the course of four hours, I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to process all information.

在4个小时的时间里，我的大脑完全失去了它传达信息的功能。

On the morning of the hemorrhage, I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.

早上的脑充血使我不能走路、交谈、读、写和唤醒其他身体机能。

I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

尽管我是个成年的女性，但身体行动却完全如同婴儿一般。

If you've ever seen a human brain, it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.

不知道各位是否见过人类的大脑，很明显，它是由两个独立的半球组成。

And I have brought for you a real human brain. So this is a real human brain.

今天我给大家带来了一个真实的人脑。看，这就是一个真实的人脑，

This is the front of the brain, the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down, and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.

这是大脑的前面，这是后面，大家还可以看到延伸的脊髓，它就是这样存在于我们的脑袋里的。

And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.

当我们再看这个大脑的时候，我们可以轻易的发现这两个半球的大脑皮质是完全分开的。

For those of you who understand computers, our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor, while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.

各位都知道电脑的工作原理，我们的右半脑的功能就像一个并行处理机，我们的左脑半球就像一个串行处理机。

The two hemispheres do communicate with one another through the corpus callosum, which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.

这两个半球，由胼胝体连接在一起，使两个半球的神经传导得以互通。胼胝体是由三亿轴体光纤组成的。

But other than that, the two hemispheres are completely separate.

但是除了那些联系，这两个半球则是完全独立的。

Because they process information differently, each of our hemispheres think about different things, they care about different things,

因为它们传达的信息不同，我们每个脑半球的思考的东西也不一样，它们掌管的区域不一样，

and, dare I say, they have very different personalities.

我敢说，它们有不同的特性。

Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.

打扰以下，谢谢你。很有意思吧。有意思。

Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment. It's all about "right here, right now."

我们的右脑半球负责我们现在的事情。它的内容就是：“此时，此刻。”

Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.

而且我们的右脑半球，它是形象思维，它通过我们身体的运动来感知。

Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously through all of our sensory systems

信息，以能量的形式，通过我们的感官系统同时注入大脑，

and then it explodes into this enormous collage of what this present moment looks like,

然后再分解成无数的抽象的拼图，继而呈现我们现在看起来是什么样，

what this present moment smells like and tastes like, what it feels like and what it sounds like.

此刻有什么气味和味道，此刻的感觉是什么？听到了什么声音？

I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.

通过大脑右半球的感觉，使得自身的能量和周围的能量相结合。

We are energy-beings connected to one another through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.

通过我们右半脑的感觉，我们都是一个个互相联系的能量体，如同一个家庭。

And right here, right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet, here to make the world a better place.

此时，此刻，我们都是同一个星球上的兄弟姐妹，我们的目标是让这个世界更加的美好。

And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.

而且此时此刻，我们和谐的生活在一起，我们是一个和谐的整体。

My left hemisphere, our left hemisphere, is a very different place.

我的左脑半球，我们的左脑半球，则是一个完全不同的地方。

Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.

我们左脑半球的思考是线性的，系统的。

Our left hemisphere is all about the past and it's all about the future.

我们的左脑半球的内容是关于过去和将来。

Our left hemisphere is designed to take that enormous collage of the present moment and start picking out details, and more details about those details.

我们左脑半球的形成，是为了将此刻的大量抽象拼图，提取，然后分解成细节，很多的不同的细节。

It then categorizes and organizes all that information, associates it with everything in the past we've ever learned,

然后再综合，组织这些信息，和我们过去所学的一切联系起来，

and projects into the future all of our possibilities.

映射到我们的将来。

And our left hemisphere thinks in language. It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my internal world to my external world.

我们的左脑半球是逻辑思维模式。大脑不断运动联系了我，我内在的世界，以及我的外在的世界。

It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you've got to remember to pick up bananas on your way home.

就是那些轻微的声音提醒我说，“嘿，记得在回家的路上带点香蕉回来。

I need them in the morning." It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me when I have to do my laundry.

我早上想吃香蕉。” 是那些智能程序提醒我，

But perhaps most important, it's that little voice that says to me, "I am. I am."

我得洗衣服了。但最重要的可能是，那些细小的声音在提醒我，“我就是我，我就是我。”

And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am," I become separate.

然后我得左脑半球会提醒说“我就是我，” 因此我成为了一个独立的个体。

I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow around me and separate from you.

我是一个独立的立体的个人，和周围其它的能量分离，也和你分离。

And this was the portion of my brain that I lost on the morning of my stroke.

这就是早上中风的时候，我的大脑所丢失的部分。

On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a pounding pain behind my left eye.

早上中风后，醒来时，感觉我得左眼很疼。

And it was the kind of caustic pain that you get when you bite into ice cream.

是一种钻心的疼。如同你咬了一口冰淇淋。

And it just gripped me -- and then it released me. And then it just gripped me -- and then it released me.

先是紧紧地揪住我，然后再释放。然后再揪住我，再释放。

And it was very unusual for me to ever experience any kind of pain, so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."

它不同于我以往所经历的任何形式的疼痛。因此，我想着，我应该开始我的常规生活了。

So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider, which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.

我起床，然后跳到我的健身器材上，它是一个活动全身部位的机器。

And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing that my hands look like primitive claws grasping onto the bar.

正当我在运动的时候，突然意识到我的手就像原始的爪子一样抓着扶手。

And I thought, "That's very peculiar." And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing."

我想，“这真的很奇特。”我观察了身体的状况，联想到，“哇，“我看起来真是个奇怪的东西。”

And it was as though my consciousness had shifted away from my normal perception of reality, where I'm the person on the machine having the experience,

好像我的意识已经被搬离了我正常的对于真实世界的感觉，就是我，是那个在器械上保持运动的人，

to some esoteric space where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.

更深奥的说，就是我亲眼目睹我自己经历这一切。

And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was just getting worse.

这非常特别，我头更疼了。

So I get off the machine, and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I realize that everything inside of my body has slowed way down.

我走下了器械，走过起居室的时候，我意识到我体内的所有东西都缓慢了下来。

And every step is very rigid and very deliberate.

每一步都非常的僵硬而且非常谨慎。

There's no fluidity to my pace, and there's this constriction in my area of perception, so I'm just focused on internal systems.

我的步伐没有灵活性，在我的感觉范围内，有了这种约束，于是我注意到了我体内的系统。

And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to step into the shower, and I could actually hear the dialogue inside of my body.

我站在淋浴间准备冲个澡，我能十分确定的听到我体内的对话。

I heard a little voice saying, "OK. You muscles, you've got to contract. You muscles, you relax."

我听见一个小声音说到“好了，肌肉，现在你们必须运动。肌肉，你休息！”

And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.

接着我失去了平衡，我倚靠着墙站立着。

And I look down at my arm and I realize that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.

我低头看看我的胳膊，发现我已经无法感觉我身体的界限了。

I can't define where I begin and where I end, because the atoms and the molecules of my arm blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.

我也不知道我从哪里开始的将从哪里结束，因为我胳膊上所有的原子和分子都与墙上的原子分子融合在一起了。

And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

我能分辨出来的只有这种能量——这种能量。

And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me? What is going on?"

我对自己说，“我究竟是怎么了？

And in that moment, my left hemisphere brain chatter went totally silent.

“发生了什么事？”而就在那个时候，我的脑子开始咔哒作响了——我的左脑嗡嗡的响——突然一片寂静。

Just like someone took a remote control and pushed the mute button. Total silence.

就像有人拿起了一个远程遥控器，按下了静音键。彻底的寂静。

And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind.

起初我发现身处寂静之中，非常吃惊，

But then I was immediately captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.

但马上我就被周围那种宏大的能量所迷惑了。

And because I could no longer identify the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.

因为我已经不能感觉到身体的界限。我觉得自己非常巨大而且非常膨胀。

I felt at one with all the energy that was, and it was beautiful there.

通过这些能量我马上感觉到--很美妙。

Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online and it says to me, "Hey! We've got a problem!

接着突然我左脑回来了，它对我说：“嘿，我们遇到麻烦了！

We've got to get some help." And I'm going, "Ahh! I've got a problem!"

我们需要帮助！”接着我反应过来，“阿，我遇到麻烦了！

So it's like, "OK, I've got a problem." But then I immediately drifted right back out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately refer to this space as La La Land.

”于是就像，“好吧，好吧，我遇到麻烦了！”但然后我突然漂了回来，恢复了意识——我亲切的称这种空间叫做“啦啦之地”。

But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would be like to be totally disconnected from your brain chatter that connects you to the external world.

那儿非常美。想象你和你的大脑完全失去了联系，而大脑本应该把你与外部世界联系起来的。

So here I am in this space, and my job, and any stress related to my job -- it was gone.

因而我就在这种空间，而我的工作——以及所有与我工作相关的压力——都没了。

And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine all of the relationships in the external world and any stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.

我觉得身体很轻，想象：外部世界的所有关系和所有与那些关系相关的刺激——一切都没了。

And I felt this sense of peacefulness. And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage! (Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria -- euphoria. It was beautiful.

我感觉很平静。想象一下，一下子丢掉了37年情感重担，是什么样的感觉！噢，我觉得非常快乐。非常快乐。非常美丽。

And again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says, "Hey! You've got to pay attention.

接着，我的左脑又恢复了，它说 “嘿，你得注意。

We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I've got to get help. I've got to focus."

我们需要帮助！”接着我就想，“我需要帮助！”我需要集中精神。

So I get out of the shower and I mechanically dress and I'm walking around my apartment, and I'm thinking, "I've got to get to work. Can I drive?"

于是我走出淋浴间，机械的穿上衣服，然后在我的屋子里走来走去。我在想，“我必须去工作，我必须去工作，“我能开车吗？我能开车吗？”

And in that moment, my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side.

那一刻，我的右手完全瘫痪了，

Then I realized, "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke!" And the next thing my brain says to me is, Wow! This is so cool!

我意识到“噢天哪！我中风了！我中风了！”接着我的脑子对我说：“哇噢！“很酷嘛！

This is so cool! How many brain scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain from the inside out?"

这简直太酷了！”“有多少脑科专家能有机会在他们自己的脑子上进行学术研究啊！”

And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!" "I don't have time for a stroke!"

接着我的脑子里回响，“但我是个非常忙的人！”“我可没时间中风！”

So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening, so I'll do this for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my routine.

接着我就像是，“那好吧，我没有办法阻止中风的发生，那么我就这样过一两个礼拜，然后就回到自己本来的生活，

OK. So I've got to call help. I've got to call work."

嗯！我需要帮助，我得给单位打个电话！”

I couldn't remember the number at work, so I remembered, in my office I had a business card with my number.

但我记不起单位的电话号码了，接着我想起在我的办公室我有一张名片，上面有我的号码，

So I go into my business room, I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.

于是我回到了我的屋里，我找出了一叠儿三英寸大小的名片。

And I'm looking at the card on top and even though I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,

我盯着名片的正面，虽然我能看得很清楚我的名片长什么样儿，

I couldn't tell if this was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.

但是我却没有办法分辨出这张卡是不是我的，或许是因为我能看到的只是像素一样的东西。

And the pixels of the words blended with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols, and I just couldn't tell.

而且是名片的上的单词混合起来的像素。就像是与背景和那些标点符号混合起来的，而我就是无法辨认。

And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.

之后我就等着，等着我希望的那种清楚地感觉出现。

And in that moment, I would be able to reattach to normal reality and I could tell that's not the card... that's not the card.

那个时候，我就能够重新与现实结合起来，然后我也发现那不是我要的名片...那不是我要的名片...

It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down inside of that stack of cards.

我整整花了45分钟从那一叠儿名片中一张一张的找我的名片。

In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is getting bigger in my left hemisphere.

同时经过这45分钟，我左脑里的积血越来越多了。

I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone, but it's the only plan I have.

我看不懂数字，我没办法打电话，但是我也只能这样做了。

So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card, I put it right here,

于是我把电话簿拿起来放在那儿，我拿起了名片，也把它放在那儿，

and I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.

我把名片上那些乱七八糟的文字，和电话簿上那些乱七八糟的文字一一对比。

But then I would drift back out into La La Land, and not remember when I came back if I'd already dialed those numbers.

接着我又飘到了我的“啦啦之地”去了，也不记得当我回到现实的时候，我到底有没有拨通了那些号码。

So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed them,

我不得不把我那瘫掉的胳膊像举树桩一样举起，移到那些号码上然后摁下，

so that as I would come back to normal reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."

那样我就能够回到正常的现实里面，告诉自己，“对，我已经拨通了那个号码！”最终，整个号码被拨通了。”

Eventually, the whole number gets dialed and I'm listening to the phone, and my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me, "Woo woo woo woo."

我拿着听筒，我的同事接听了电话，并对我说“汪汪汪汪，”

And I think to myself, "Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"

我不禁想，“天哪，他听起来就像一只金毛猎狗！”

And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him: "This is Jill! I need help!"

我就对他说，我记得很清楚，我对他说：“我是吉尔，我需要帮助！”

And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo." I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."

但是我发出的声音却是，“汪汪汪汪汪！”我想，“天哪，我听起来也像一只金毛猎狗。”

So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.

但我没法知道，我也不知道，直到我尝试了半天才明白我已经不能说或者听懂语言了。

So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.

但他马上意识到我需要帮助，接着他帮助了我。

And a little while later, I am riding in an ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.

一会儿，我就已经躺在从波士顿开往麻省综合医院的救护车里了。

And I curl up into a little fetal ball. And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,

我蜷缩起来，把自己像婴儿那样卷成一个球。就像只剩最后一点点空气的气球，

just right out of the balloon, I just felt my energy lift and just I felt my spirit surrender.

就在那个气球外面，我觉得我的能量流失了——我觉得我的精神投降了。

And in that moment, I knew that I was no longer the choreographer of my life.

那个时候，我明白我已经不再是主宰自己生命的指导了。

And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a second chance at life, or this was perhaps my moment of transition.

医生拯救了我的身体，给了我第二次生存的机会，这也许是我转折的那一刻。

When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked to discover that I was still alive.

那天下午我醒来的时候，我非常惊讶地发现我仍然活着。

When I felt my spirit surrender, I said goodbye to my life. And my mind was now suspended between two very opposite planes of reality.

当我发现我精神投降的时候，我已经对我的生命说了再见。我的精神在两个完全相反的，真实星球漂浮着。

Stimulation coming in through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.

我感官系统带来的刺激就像纯粹的痛。

Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise, and I just wanted to escape.

我的脑子就像野火一样燃烧，声音非常吵杂和混乱，以至于我没有办法从那些噪音中区别出任何一种声音，我只是想逃离。

Because I could not identify the position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive, like a genie just liberated from her bottle.

因为我无法辨别我身体所处的位置，我还是感觉巨大而且膨胀，就像是从瓶中获得解放的小鬼。

And my spirit soared free, like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria. Nirvana. I found Nirvana.

我的灵魂自由的翱翔，就像一条大鲸鱼在安静而快乐的海洋里面翻腾。天堂，我看到了天堂，

And I remember thinking, there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.

我记得我想，我可能没有办法把我自己重新积压到这个小小的躯体里。

But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive, and I have found Nirvana.

但我意识到，“我还活着，我还活着！而且我找到了天堂，

And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana."

如果我找到了天堂而且我还活着，那么活着的每一个人都能找到天堂。”

And I pictured a world filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate, loving people who knew that they could come to this space at any time.

我描绘了一个充满了美丽、宁逸、怜悯、友爱的人们的世界，他们知道，他们随时能够到这个空间。

And that they could purposely choose to step to the right of their left hemispheres -- and find this peace.

他们能够有目的的选择控制他们的左脑，让他们找到和平。

And then I realized what a tremendous gift this experience could be, what a stroke of insight this could be to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.

接着，我意识到这是多么重大的一份礼物和经历阿！对于我们如何生活，这是多么富有远见的一次中风阿！这成为了我恢复的动力。

Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the surgeons went in, and they removed a blood clot the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.

出血两个半星期之后，外科医生帮我取出了一个高尔夫球般大小的血块，它一直挤压着我的语言中枢。

Here I am with my mama, who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.

现在我和我妈妈在一起，她真的是我生命中的一位天使。我完全恢复整整用了八年。

So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.

我们是谁？我们是宇宙中生命的驱动力，拥有灵巧的手工技艺以及两页富有认知的头脑。

And we have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world.

我们有选择的力量，时时刻刻，成为这个世界上我们希望成为的人。

Right here, right now, I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.

此时此刻，我能够迈入我右脑所反应的意识领域，也就是我们所在的地方。

I am the life-force power of the universe. I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.

我是宇宙的生命原动力。我是组成我整体的五百亿美丽的、由分子组成的天才的原动力。

Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual, a solid.

或者，我能够迈入我左脑所反应的意识领域，我成为了一个个体，一个纯粹的个体。

Separate from the flow, separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor: intellectual, neuroanatomist.

从流动中分离出来，从你们中分离出来，我是吉尔波尔特泰勒博士，一位有知识的神经解剖学家。

These are the "we" inside of me. Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?

这就是我体内的那个“我们”。你愿意选择什么？你选择什么？什么时候？

I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry of our right hemispheres,

我相信，我们花费更多的时间来选择运行我们右脑中埋藏深深的和平系统，

the more peace we will project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.

我们就会对这个世界产生更多的和谐，我们的星球也会变得更加安宁。

And I thought that was an idea worth spreading. Thank you.