[双11] How To Be The Perfect "Third Wheel" 教你如何成为电灯泡高手

Happy Single's Day to all the single ladies and single lads out there! (Happy Armistice/Veterans Day to all the soldiers, too!)

On this day in China, we celebrate being single and the one predicament that all single people often find themselves in: being the third wheel in your friends' relationships. Or the fifth wheel. Or even the seventh wheel!

This year, we don't want you to go out with your friends unprepared. We want you to be the best third wheel you can be.

Do you know how to say "third wheel" in Chinese?

电灯泡 diàn dēng pào - light bulb

That's right! The transliterated version of "third wheel" is even better than the actual English phrase.

The reason it's called being a light bulb is that it has to do with the ideal dating situation, a nice, intimate setting where a couple can enjoy "intimate conversation"...

But instead, the couple can't enjoy this moment because you're hanging around, like a light bulb, making everything too bright and public to enjoy.

Like poor Prince Harry here:

So let's rewrite the title...

"How To Be The Perfect Light Bulb"

Step 1: Smile awkwardly

The key to being a good third wheel is all in the smile. You know you're taking the attention off the couple you're with. Make it count.

Step 2: The 6-inch rule

Never get within six inches of the couple. This is their night. You're just there to be by yourself. Take that extra six inches and relax.

Step 3: Don't forget your cell phone

This might be obvious, but you do not want to be stuck next to the couple without your cell phone. How else will you take out all your single aggression?

Step 4: Never share your dessert

Under normal circumstances, you might be inclined to share your delicious ice cream... but NOT on this occassion. You must enjoy it all by yourself.

Step 5: Use the environment to your advantage

Your friends are taking an intimate time together? What do you do? Grab the first thing you see and give it a hug. You'll thank us later.

Step 6: Bust a move

Don't let anyone dance with you on the dance floor. This is your time to shine solo! Show off your shopping cart and your sprinkler in all of their glory!

Step 7: Re-evaluate your life

What's a huge advantage of having all this time to yourself? You get to really think things through. Take a few minutes and make some goals for the next week, the next month, the next year. The world is your oyster!

Bonus step: Bring an umbrella

You don't want the couple to get rained on or to get moonlight in their eyes. Pro bonus tip: also provide a single rose when needed.

Happy Single's Day!

Feel free to share this post with all your single friends out there... enjoy your single life~