Quantcast

편의점 샛별이 5화

人间怪事!刚要检查!各地粮库纷纷起火

편의점 샛별이 7화

刚刚,“地摊经济”又有新动向!关系到每个人!

深度解读 | 姜文《让子弹飞》

Facebook Twitter

分享到微信朋友圈

点击图标下载本文截图到手机
即可分享到朋友圈。如何使用?

为了鼓励更多的人参与到自由互联网的开发,我们最新推出了GreatFire悬赏计划,请参赛者在下列任务中任选其中一个或多个,完成其中的任务目标,即可获得对应金额的奖励。
查看原文

《人欲》:生活在欲望横流的世界,没有欲望就是一种孤单

2017-11-01 从余启 我与我们的世界 我与我们的世界

欢迎打开“我与我们的世界”,从此,让我们一起“纵览世界之风云变幻、洞察社会之脉搏律动、感受个体之生活命运、挖掘自然之点滴奥妙”。

我与我们的世界,既是一个“奋斗”的世界,也是一个“思考”的世界。奋而不思则罔,思而不奋则殆。这个世界,你大,它就大;你小,它就小。

欢迎通过上方公众号名称打开公众号“查看历史消息”来挖掘往期文章,因为,每期都能让你“走近”不一样的世界、带给你不一样的精彩


本期导读:欲望,是世界上所有动物最原始的、最基本的一种本能,从人的角度讲是心理到身体的一种渴望、满足,它是一切动物存在必不可少的需求。一切动物最基本的欲望是生存与存在。


人类的欲望是由人的本性产生的想达到某种目的的要求,欲望无善恶之分,关键在于如何控制。人类的欲望是多样的,生存需要、享受需要、发展需要构成一个复杂的需要结构,并随着人们的生活的社会环境和社会历史条件的变化而变化。


人类的欲望也是无限的,美国心理学家马斯洛提出科学行为理论,即马斯洛需求层次理论,该理论由马斯洛于1943年在《人类激励理论》中提出,将人类需求像阶梯一样从低到高按层次分为五种:生理需求、安全需求、社交需求、尊重需求和自我实现需求。


“欲望”也是哲学家探讨的一个重要议题,无论是道家、儒家、兵家、法家、纵横家及佛教与西方哲学,包括现代的经济学及管理学,也都有分析、利用、管理人类欲望的各种论述。



Feeling isolated as an asexual in a sexualised society

在这个欲望横流的社会中,没有欲望是一种孤单



When Stacey wrote about her experience of not wanting to sleep with anyone, even her husband, dozens of readers sent emails saying that they too were asexual. Many described feeling isolated in a sexualised society. Here is a selection of their stories - and a response from an asexual activist about the importance of joining a community.

史黛丝给我们写了她的经历,说不想和任何人同床,即使是她自己的丈夫,然后,几十位读者看到后给我们发邮件,说他们也没有这方面的欲望。很多人在邮件中说,在这个欲望横流的社会中,因为自己没有欲望,感到很孤单。下面是从中选出的几封邮件,也有一位无欲者社会活动人士就个体的无欲者找到无欲者群体大家庭的重要性进行的说明。


I am in my sixties and have had two failed marriages, but I have never initiated or enjoyed sex with another person. As a teenager it was easy to refuse sex, it was expected of a "good" girl, but family pressure meant that I was married at 21 and suddenly had no more excuses. I loved my husband and wanted to please him, but I felt no sexual desire and hated the experience of a physical relationship. I never initiated sex with him, and was almost glad when he eventually had affairs because the pressure was no longer on me to satisfy his needs. I felt overwhelming guilt for being so cold and took all the blame for my first marriage ending. I couldn't understand how I could love someone so much but dislike being touched by them... I married an older man 10 years ago who had led me to believe that he also was past sexual desire. Unfortunately this wasn't the case and he took my reluctance to have sex with him very badly. He forced me to perform sexual acts and I ended up hating him for it. We are going through an acrimonious divorce. In hindsight I should never have married again. Gill, London

我现在已六十多了,有过两次失败的婚姻,不过,在性方面,我从来没向他人主动过,也从未有享受可言。十多岁时,对性说不,很是轻松容易,这也是“好女孩”应该做的,不过,成年后,由于家庭压力,我在21岁时结了婚,然后一下子,就再也找不到什么理由来对性说不了。我很爱我的丈夫,我想让他高兴,不过,我却完全没有性方面的欲望,而且对肢体接触那种感觉,感到厌恶。我从来没向他主动过,最后,他有了外遇,我甚至为此而感到有点高兴,因为,这样,在满足他的性欲方面,我就不会再有压力了。我在性方面如此冷淡,我自己也感到非常内疚,我第一次婚姻的结束,也完全是因为这个原因。我不明白,我能那么爱一个人,但却不喜欢他碰我。10年前,我与一位年纪较大的男性结了婚,因为,他告诉我说,他也过了性欲的阶段,我也就信了,但可悲的是,事实却不是那样,他想要,我却不想,情况有多糟糕,可以想象得到。他强迫我做各种姿势,最后我变得对他有所憎恨,离婚过程也糟糕透顶。现在回头再看,我根本就不应该再婚。By吉尔,居住于伦敦。


I am a 35-year-old man, and have only just realised I am asexual. I have always been attracted to people, form romantic feelings very quickly and have always dated. I would fancy someone, enjoy the kissing and physical contact, but when it came to sex, my body would just switch off. I thought it could have been performance issues and I kept trying - it caused huge embarrassment and destroyed my confidence for years. I am desperate for a relationship and had completely resigned myself to being alone and childless forever. But recently I have seen a lot of articles about asexuality, and I can't begin to describe the relief that I am now able to label what it is about me that is different. I can even begin to dream about finding someone who could understand. Matt

我是一个35岁的男性,只是最近才认识到,自己在性方面没什么欲望,是个无欲者。一直以来,我都能发现有些人对我来说很有吸引力,也能很快涌起浪漫情愫,也有过约会。我会想象着,与人拥吻,进行肢体接触,但一旦到了性那一步,我的身体马上就会没了兴趣。我曾以为,可能因为在那方面的能力有问题,我也一直继续努力尝试,但结果却是无尽的尴尬,随后的很多年,我都一直没什么信心。我非常渴望恋爱,但最终却让自己彻底孤单了下去,也没有孩子。不过,最近我看了很多关于无欲者的文章,然后不禁让我感到有点如释重负,现在我终于能知道,我为什么与其他人不同的原因了,我现在甚至想着,将来某天能找到一个了解我的伴侣。By马特。



I only discovered that I am asexual a few months ago when a therapist suggested it to me. Until then I had no idea what to call myself. I became sexually active when I was 17 and in college, I had a steady boyfriend and was in love with him, but I never felt sexually attracted to him. At first I thought it was due to lack of experience, but as time went on nothing changed. After we broke up I began questioning my sexuality a lot more, considering if I was a lesbian, and if that led me to feel this way. I noticed my body could become aroused, but it's like my mind isn't connected to it any more, it doesn't feel anything. Sex isn't painful for me, it doesn't repulse me, I just don't get pleasure from it. I discovered the Asexual ACES group and page on Facebook and am pleased to have found people who feel the same - or similar - ways as me. But I do worry that I'll never have a romantic partner. I am open to the idea of sex to please the other person, but the fact that I do not enjoy it seems to be a huge barrier for people. I feel very much like I will be alone for my whole life. Devi, Kent

只是在几个月前,我才发现自己是个无欲者,当时,是从一位临床医师那里知道的。那一刻之前,我完全不知道自己是怎么回事。我17岁时开始有了性萌动,然后上了大学,曾有过一个稳定的男朋友,我很爱他,不过,我从未感到对他有过性方面的吸引。刚开始,我还以为是因为没有性经验的原因,不过随着时间的流逝,一切都还是老样子。我们分手后,我开始更多地关注性,想着,我是不是拉拉,是不是因为这个原因,才让我有那样的感觉。我发现,我的身体能被激活,不过,总感觉,我的大脑与身体处在两个世界,互不相干,我大脑里不会有任何感觉。对我来说,性并不会带来痛苦,我也不会对它有反感,我只是从中获得不了快感。我在网上发现了“无欲者ACES”团体以及他们的面簿页面,感到非常高兴找到与我有着相同或相似经历的人。不过,我还是担心,将来我遇到不了一份浪漫的爱情。以性让对方获得快感,我对此持开放态度,只是,我从中获得不了什么快感,这确实是个很大的障碍。我真切地感到,恐怕要孤独终老了。By戴维,居住于肯特。


Being asexual I feel irrelevant to a culture which is all about coupling: how much of daily life (fashion, recreation, entertainment) is about attracting or pleasing a partner? I'm not averse to having a partner, but feel excluded from the possibility, because who would invest time and effort into a relationship that isn't going to get them any sex? In a way, passing through the world as a sort of invisible extra is a privilege - you get more of an objective view of human relations when out of the throng yourself - but too much reflection and you start to see how you're surplus to requirements. Maybe someday I'll accept that, but I haven't got there yet. Sarah, Cambridge

作为一位无欲者,我感到与身处的这个社会文化没什么关系,日常生活中,到处都是为情侣而设的东西,时尚、休闲、娱乐等等,都是为了吸引伴侣,让伴侣高兴。我并非不愿意找个伴侣,只是感到没那个可能,主要是因为,谁会愿意在伴侣关系中投入时间和精力,却不能从中得到性满足呢?某种角度讲,以一种很少有人知道的独特的方式度过一生,或许是上天所赐的一份大礼,这样,通过与芸芸众生之间在某种意义上的脱离,你就能以更为客观的角度来审视人与人之间的关系,不过,反思这么多的话,你便会开始认识到,自己是多么地无欲无求。或许,将来某天我会接受这所有的一切,但目前我还没达到那个境界。By莎拉,居住于剑桥。


'Finding a community helps'

“找到无欲者群体大家庭会有助益”

It's possible to feel all alone, to feel like, "I'm too weird to get a partner," or "I'm not normal." But asexuality is just a sexual orientation, it's part of the normal spectrum of human sexuality, there's nothing pathological about it - and that goes a long way to helping people understand themselves as asexual.

个体的无欲者,是有可能,会一直感到非常孤单,会觉得,“我太奇怪了,以至于找不到伴侣”,或者“我不正常”。不过,无欲只是一种取向,是人类取向整个谱系中的一部分而已,这与病理病态没半毛钱关系,了解这些,对无欲者了解自己会有莫大帮助。


People who think they identify as asexual who are feeling isolated or lonely should join an asexual community - whether online or offline. Having a label really helps and finding a community definitely helps.

觉得自己是无欲者却感到非常孤单或孤独 43 35223 43 15288 0 0 2231 0 0:00:15 0:00:06 0:00:09 3194的人,应加入无欲者群体大家庭,不管是网络上的或是现实生活中的,真正认识自己很重要,找到所属的群体大家庭更是非常重要。


The internet has really given asexuality its impetus as a movement. Of course, there were always asexual people around but it was very hard for them to find each other - it's not something that easily comes up in conversation and there was no obvious way for people to come together.

网络真的给无欲者群体提供了动力,当然,现实生活中我们的身边,总有无欲者存在,但他们却难以遇到彼此,平时聊天中,不怎么会谈到这个问题,也没什么明显的方式让无欲者彼此相聚。


Asexuality still isn't really an option that's talked about. People think if you're not straight you're probably gay or you might be bi. So even though there has been more awareness of asexuality in recent years it is still a relatively young movement, and there is still a long way to go.

无欲者目前依然不是人们会经常谈到的一个话题,人们一般认为,你不是直的的话,那么你可能就是弯的,要么就是双的,因此,即使近年来对无欲者的认识度有所提高,但无欲者仍旧是一个较为新鲜的话题,前面依然有很长的路要走。

Michael Doré, The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)

By迈克·多尔,工作于“无欲者现身教育网络(AVEN)”


I've known that I wasn't like everybody else since I was 13. I tried to pretend and even went out with a few mates just to see I was just being a bit slow on the uptake. It wasn't until I was 15 that I came across the term asexual and knew then that was what I am. I would never tell my parents or family. They wouldn't understand. There is a huge generation gap of knowledge between us and none of them would have heard about it or understand it. These issues are not a new thing, they have been around for a very long time but many older people are saying that it's a new fad. They are just hearing about it for the first time because of the wonders of the internet. But the fact that you can now find a community of people online who feel like you, and who can help you come to terms with the fact that you are not a broken person, is so important. Tabitha, Bristol

自13岁开始,我就认识到,我与其他人不一样。我努力装着,甚至也出去约会,最后发现自己总是会慢一拍。直到15岁时,我才知道有“无欲者”这个词儿,然后就了解了自己。我永远不会告诉父母或家人的,因为,他们不会明白的,我与他们之间,横亘着一条巨大的知识代沟,他们既不会听到这个词儿,也不会明白。这些问题,不是新问题,很长时间以来,生活中都存在,但很多年纪较大的人会说,这只不过是一时兴起的新潮。他们之所以听说这个,也是因为网络。不过,现在你能在网上找到无欲者群体大家庭,能帮着你了解事实,认识到自己不是一个有问题的人,这点是如此重要。By塔比瑟,居住于布里斯托尔。



I am a 52-year-old guy who has been repulsed by sex for as long as I can remember. In my younger days I was always sexually active, but I never got any satisfaction from it. Other than seeing my partner receiving pleasure, I pretty much hated it. I have been in a few strong, loving relationships through my life, and even happily married once, but they all failed as a result of one thing, my total disinterest in sex. While I was still in love, and very happy to be cuddled up in bed or on the sofa, I always found the thought of sex repulsive and this eventually ended the relationships. I've now been single for 11 years and, although I don't particularly enjoy being so, it is far easier than trying to find one of the other 1-3% of people who are the same as me. I just hope that more young people become aware of and open about their asexuality so they can find a similar person and enjoy a normal, loving, non-sexual relationship. Jon, Runcorn

我是一位52岁的男性,在我所记得的所有性经历过程中,我都对它有反感。年轻的时候,我也有性萌动,但从来没从中获得过满意感。与我伴侣能从中获得乐趣不同,我能有的,却都是厌恶感。过往的生活中,我曾有过几段不错的关系,彼此相爱,关系紧密,甚至还曾幸福的走入婚姻,但最终却都以失败告终,所有这些只有一个原因,那就是我对性完全没有兴趣。谈恋爱时,在床上或沙发上我被拥抱时,会感到非常幸福,但是,我却总感到对性有反感,然后这也就导致我们的关系不了了之。目前,我已单身有11年之久了,尽管我自己也特别不想这样,但要在生活中碰到人群中占比有1-3%的无欲者中的一位,也不是件易事儿。我只希望,有更多年轻人认识到这个问题,也对他们的取向保持开放态度,这样,他们就能找到一位与他们经历相似的人,然后建立一个正常的、充满爱的、无性的伴侣关系。By乔恩,居住于浪科恩。


At 28 years old, even having known about asexuality for about five years and knowing that is what I am, I am still struggling to come to terms with it. This is partly due to the overwhelmingly negative and dismissive attitude that people have demonstrated when I have tried to tell them that I am Ace. They always tell me, "Oh, you just haven't met the right person yet," or "You're a prude then." This has damaged my self-image, and undermined my confidence in being asexual in a modern world which revolves almost exclusively around sex. Living as part of a generation who has been constantly bombarded with sex from the media has left me feeling extremely isolated and backwards. I honestly live in fear of dying alone because I am unable to have sex. I am happy with what I am, but the world around me is not, and as such I am increasingly becoming a social hermit, because it easier than living with the disdain of an over sexualised world. Lucy, Cornwall

我28岁,知道无欲者已有5年左右了,也知道自己是个无欲者,但即使是这样,我依然无法坦然接受,部分原因在于,我周围的人,当我向他们说我是无欲者时,总会表现出一副极不赞成、非常轻蔑的态度,他们总是告诉我,“哦,你只是还没遇到对的人”,或“要么你就是假装正经”。这已让我的自我形象大为受损,也打压了我在这个现代的、什么事都离不开性的世界中,作为一个无欲者的信心。媒体上到处充满着性方面的信息,整个一代人都一直受着影响,作为这代人中的一位,我有一种深深的孤单感,有点想让步退却。我真的害怕,自己就这样孤老终死,因为,我无法接受性。我是怎样的一个人,对此我自己没什么问题,但是我所处的这个世界却不会这样,因此,我越来越不愿意社交,因为,自己呆着,要比受到性欲泛滥的这个世界的蔑视鄙视,要好受的多。By露西,居住于康沃尔。



I'm a 42-year-old man, and it's only recently I've realised what asexuality is and how well I slot into the concept. I used to keep diaries as a teenager, full of the usual angst, but it was interesting that all my feelings and thoughts towards (exclusively) girls were almost entirely romantic, bordering on platonic, rather than the horny, sex-laden fantasies that teenage boys are stereotypically supposed to have. I never really enjoyed my first sexual encounters, though they were interesting as a kind of fact-finding mission. Pretty much every encounter since, regardless of my relationship with the person in question, has been unsatisfying to the point of unfulfilling. I tend to only get even slightly aroused in positions where I'm completely passive, where I'm not in control. I've tried most positions, largely to experiment, and most of them don't work for me, I don't enjoy them and consequently nor does the person I'm with at the time. I do have a long-term partner at the moment. I call her my partner because it doesn't really feel right describing her as a "lover" or "girlfriend" as we're not, by normal standards. Although we regularly share a bed we don't even kiss never mind do more intimate stuff. I don't think she's ever quite got to grips with my lack of sexuality and tends to assume I'm gay. Ian, Nottinghamshire

我是一位42岁的男性,只是最近我才知道什么是无欲者,并认识到我是如此的符合这个概念。十几岁时,我通常会写日记,记下我日常的烦恼忧虑,不过,有意思的是,我对女孩的所有感觉和想法,全都非常浪漫,有点柏拉图式的感觉,而不是十几岁的男孩通常应有的那种淫荡的性幻想。最初的几次性接触,我是真的没有从中获得快乐,尽管在那个过程中,发现了更多,也很有趣。从那以后的几乎每次经历,不管与对方是什么性质的关系,我都没从中获得过快感。只有我完全处在被动的姿势时,也就是我完全不主动,我有时会有感觉,但即使这样,那种感觉也非常微乎其微。我尝试过各种姿势,大多都是为了试一下,而且,绝大多数对我来说都不起作用,我从中获得不了任何乐趣,最后,对方也就感到无趣。现在,我确实有一个长期的伴侣,我之所以称她为伴侣,主要是因为,称她为“情人”或“女友”,确实真的不太对劲儿,因为,按照正常的标准来讲,我们不是那种关系。尽管我们经常在一张床上睡觉,我们甚至都不亲吻,更别提更为亲密的举动了。我觉得,她不曾认真考虑过我在性方面缺乏欲望这个问题,她也不会认为我是弯的。By伊恩,居住于诺丁汉。


往期精彩:


印尼一瞥|《裸体主义》:穆斯林国家印尼,裸体主义在涌动

新书速递|《男性之隐》:一百位男性受访者倾吐心声

新知|《性福事关幸福》:性福该如何获取,幸福该如何抵达

中英对照|《婚姻与爱情》:钻石可以恒久远,婚姻却是难上难

印度社会一瞥|《经济学人》:爱情,在不同信仰之间挣扎

危机|《小飞虫有大作用》:飞虫数量剧降,给人类敲响警钟

天宫一号|《BBC》:已失去控制,降落时间、位置现难定

幸福中国|《管窥幸福》:五张图表管窥中国人的财富、命运

优生优育|《经济学人》:如何让生命起跑线拥有更好的开端

诗图一家|《远观中国》:只身远在萨摩亚,心魂牵系新中国


注:

1:本文为原创,若发现不错,欢迎转发共享

2:想为小编原创加油,只需点击下方微信“赞赏”功能为原创打赏,苹果用户看不到微信赞赏功能,可通过下方微信支付向小编转账,感谢支持

3:英文源自BBC,图片源自网络,非商业用途

4:可将本公众号设为“置顶公众号”,第一时间收到最新消息。

5:若有任何方面的问题,可随时联系进行沟通

6:关注可搜索“我与我们的世界”或扫描下方二维码:

文章有问题?点此查看未经处理的缓存