ISSUE 1 | A Father’s Diary in the Wake of Huanggang’s Lockdown

Editor's Note

Ten, twenty, fifty years later, people will look back and still remember what an unusual beginning of the year we had in 2020. At a time when the whole country was getting ready to celebrate a new year, the novel coronavirus outbreak changed everything. It cast a huge shadow over all of us, our lives disrupted in different ways. 

We are “unCoVer”, and we are here to bring you stories of people affected by the novel coronavirus outbreak. Many of them are translated from stories originally written in Chinese by someone we don’t know. We thank the authors for their permission and trust. Others are stories we collected from our friends and families. In the future, we will also want to hear from you. These are stories of fears and hopes, of isolation and consolation, of separation and coming together. They are stories in the time of coronavirus. And they will be written into our collective memory. 

As we move past the start of the year and arrive on February 14th, the struggle continues, and so does hope. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to celebrate. It’s hard to celebrate love when so many loved ones are separated, when we think of those who are ill but not getting the care they need, when our love for our family and community is overshadowed by fear, anger, and death. But as I’m writing, this comes to my mind: “Truth may be vital, but without love it is also unbearable”. Today, if it’s impossible to celebrate the romantic kind of love, let’s carry on with our love for truths, for strength, and for solidarity.

 unCoVer 

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You are about to read the first story of the series. Yuanzi, a father, husband, and resident of Huanggang city in Hubei Province, kept a journal of his experience during the epidemic. Here are two of his entries.

A Father’s Diary in the Wake of 

Huanggang’s Lockdown

Author: Yuanzi   

Translator: Freya Yao

Original Text Published in: 

One Way Street Magazine

Jan 26, 2020

Second Day of the Lunar New Year

Drizzles

Though I read three days ago that services at the county (see endnote 1) bus station would be suspended, I didn’t feel trapped. It’s probably because I spent most of last year in a state of isolation anyways, doing some writing and translation at home. Besides, I wasn’t expected to go back to work right after the Lunar New Year holiday.

I heard from my cousin yesterday that people in his village were already initiating a roadblock, and that a lot of other villages are organizing roadblocks as well. In our village’s WeChat group, a few are questioning why we are not doing the same, while some claimed that the road to the county was already blocked. It was not until then that I got nervous. When we got back to the village from the county for the Lunar New Year, my wife and I had only planned to stay till the third day after New Year’s Eve. We didn’t bring enough diapers and milk powder for the baby, and the shops in the county remain closed. We decided to return to the county one day earlier than planned, and we hastily packed and got in our neighbor’s van.  

A roadblock with a sign that reads “Strictly prohibiting entrance or exit; do not visit for new year greetings”. Source: from the Internet

On our way, we could sometimes see cars from the county and therefore determined that what we heard before was no more than a rumor. Almost reaching the county, we spotted a queue of vehicles with roadblocks faintly visible behind them. Some cars turned around while some went past. Medical staff were on the side measuring body temperatures and we assumed people without fevers would be let past. I was actually quite nervous at that point. I caught a cold two days ago when preparing a bottle for the baby at night, and I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I thought I might have a low-grade fever. What if they quarantine me?

In his autobiographical novel Frost, Bernhard wrote that he was once suspected of having tuberculosis due to a shadow on his lung discovered during an x-ray. He was sent to a hospital specializing in its treatment where he had to cough hard like other patients to produce the phlegm sample for medical testing. He eventually “evolved” to be a qualified patient. That would probably be my fate if I were to get quarantined. I heard that all suspected patients were gathered at hospital X, which was probably the worst equipped and the least utilized in our county.Frost, by Thomas BernhardSource: https://www.zvab.comI tried to convince my wife to go back to the village. Our neighbor also suggested that our relatives in the county could drive the milk powder to the barricade where we could pick it up. My wife insisted that we go back to the county because the baby has no more clean clothes.
Then one of the staff came and gestured for us to turn around. My wife rolled down the window and loudly asked him why some could be allowed to pass. The guy replied that those are people from the bureau running errands in the county. My wife asked for accommodation, explaining that we were running out of milk powder for the baby. But he kept shaking his head and told us to hurry and leave.  
Medical staff measuring temperatures on a highway with police asideSource: http://www.xianghunet.com/news/detail/6111415

We detoured to a neighboring village where we almost got hit by a car backing up. My neighbor pulled off and went cursing at that driver. On his way he saw someone he knows sitting in the front passenger seat of another car. The guy is the party secretary of the village next to ours. We thus deduced that this road was clear and that the secretary must be returning from the county. We drove to our low-rent apartment in the county feeling uneasy all the way. It almost felt like fleeing.

According to the custom, the village households were supposed to visit each other on the first day of the Lunar New Year, wishing each other good fortune. On the Lunar New Year’s Eve, I told my dad that I wouldn’t pay the visits. He was upset and accused me of making a fuss. The thought of having lots of guests at home concerned me as most of our village’s labor force were migrant workers who had just returned from Wuhan a few days ago. Surprisingly, we only had two guests. Both were widowers and perhaps no one told them what’s going on.
A New Year poster showing the custom of paying New Year visits
Source: from the Internet
I recall now that the turning point was the 23rd, the commencement of Wuhan’s lockdown. From then on there was a clearly jittery atmosphere. One could find many “horror” videos on the Internet with questionable credibility: the breakdown of a medical worker, a patient collapsing in the hospital lobby, a body being carried out from a residential complex, and the voice message of a Wuhannese-speaking nurse that went viral…After a couple bites of noodles and some rest, I got on my scooter to go shopping for milk powder and food. I barely saw anyone on the way, and the very few I encountered were all wearing masks. The babycare shop that we usually visit was not open yet. My wife had contacted one of the shop assistants and she agreed to do us a favor and get the shop open for us. When I arrived on my scooter, she was about to get the shop open. I saw their notice saying “N95 masks for sale” and asked the price. It was 30 RMB ($4.30 USD) per mask, with a quantity-based discount. We had only ten or so regular disposable masks left at home. After some hesitation, I bought 4 for 100 RMB.N95 masksSource: https://www.amazon.com/n95-maskMy wife wanted five cans of milk powder because of this promotion to receive a free pack of diapers with the purchase of five cans. A membership card was required to use this promotion. Our shop assistant suddenly realized that she was not authorized to set up the membership card. We had to wait for her colleague.
We chatted while waiting for her colleague to arrive. I asked if she knew about the situation here and she said many were infected. Two days ago one of her doctor friends came and bought 20 masks, telling her that his wife had contracted the virus. She tightened the mask on the bridge of her nose as she said that. I told her that according to the experts, frequent hand-washing was actually more effective than wearing a mask, and that there was no need to wear an N95 mask unless you were going to the hospital. She disagreed, saying an N95 was certainly necessary since the county’s situation was already very severe. Ironically, she said that while wearing two disposable masks the same as mine, one on top of the other.Hand-washing instructions from World Health OrganizationSource: https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/advice-for-publicThe circumstances in our county give no reasons for optimism. Being only 100 kilometers from Wuhan, many people work there and almost all had come back for the holiday. A few days ago, I asked a former classmate working at the county hospital and he said they’d had one confirmed case, who had been transferred to Wuhan. I later asked him twice about any new cases but he faltered - not sure if he was instructed not to comment.   

Finally the shop assistant’s colleague came. The first thing she did was to check the N95 inventory. Learning that I would like to make some purchases, she promptly asked how many. She was relieved at my answer of “four”. She said she would not be agreeing to sell too many because someone just asked her for fifty and there were not many left.
I spent 1500 RMB ($215 USD) on the membership card. It was incredible that the price of the same milk powder went up to 280 RMB ($40 USD) per can - last October it was 200 RMB. Carrying five cans, I rode to the supermarket. On my way, I stopped by three pharmacies looking for some masks. They were all out of stock.

People buying groceries while wearing masks Source: from the Internet.

I sensed some weird vibes the moment I stepped into the Huangshang Supermarket, a large supermarket chain in Huanggang city. It was the customer flow you would expect for a weekend, but everyone was wearing a mask and had their carts loaded up. The typically mountainous pile of bagged rice was reduced to only six bags, one of which was torn with rice spilled over.  A third of the shelves for noodles were empty. There were plenty of vegetables left but the stacks were lower than before.
A man wearing glasses who sounded like a middle school teacher walked by. He claimed that there was no need to worry, that the government would definitely take the problem by its hand and that we should have faith. When I was in line at the cashier, a young woman up front said her son’s kindergarten teacher caught the virus and transmitted it to three other family members. According to information disclosed by the Health Commission of Huanggang, our county had neither confirmed nor suspected cases. Ah, rampant rumors! I saw a man in the back of the line carrying on his shoulder that torn bag of rice. I had no idea where he found a rope to tie its open top.
I planned to only get rice and vegetables that could last four or five days, but I walked out carrying four huge shopping bags and having spent more than 500 RMB ($72 USD). It did not occur to me until I got to the scooter that it would be challenging to bring all the goods back. I tried stacking them on the footrest and the scooter fell over, spilling things all over the ground. Looking at my Wuchang fish and tofu lying in the muddy water, I felt a bit helpless. I heard passers-by laughing -- they must be laughing at my greediness and my fears.
People shopping for fruits in the supermarket Source: http://www.xinhuanet.com/politics/2020-02/04/c_1125530450.htm

My symptoms worsened after dinner. My head was dizzy, throat sore, and nose running non-stop. Good that I didn’t have a fever, though it’s said that fever is not always one of the initial symptoms.

It’s impossible not to be afraid. In the past 14 days, I contacted at least ten people from Wuhan, one of whom was my cousin whose house is just five kilometers away from that seafood market. Besides, no one wore masks back in her village. A friend told me that he would commit suicide if he got infected and if no hospital would take him in. Based on my knowledge of him, it’s very likely that he’d do as he says. I had a similar thought during the SARS epidemic. I know what an accident for which you have zero accountability means to someone who suffers from chronic depression.

That being said, ever since the birth of my daughter, I’m no longer depressed. I want to watch my kid grow up. During one sleepless night, it dawned on me that I might never have suicidal thoughts again. At that moment, I experienced some sort of rebirth. Raising a child is a process of self-reconciliation. As “self” recedes, relief follows. 
I checked our home medicine cabinet and found some not-yet-expired amoxicillin and cold medicine for children. I lay down immediately after taking the pills. Trying not to pass on the cold to my wife and daughter, I slept on the living room couch.
I recalled what Novalis said, that every disease boils down to a mental one. It suggests that if I believe what I caught is a common cold, then a common cold is what I have. Now only in idealism can I find some comfort. I even put a cross under my pillow -- if we interpret this plague as some apocalyptic disaster, then the cross might be helpful. “Satan, back off!”

Jan 27, 2020 

Third Day of the Lunar New Year

Cloudy

Last night I was having a nightmare when my wife woke me up to prepare some milk. She thought I was being too sensitive and that my illness could not be more than a common cold. In my dream, a group of mice got into the house and gnawed the books on the shelf until they all fell and scattered. It might have something to do with the thought I had before falling asleep. I thought I should read The Plague by Camus.

The Plague, by Albert Camus. This version was translated from the original French text by Stuart Gilbert.

Source: https://www.peterharrington.co.uk/the-plague-135638.html

There’s too much information on the Internet and it’s overwhelming. Reflection and claiming of responsibility is necessary. But simply replacing the leaders of one place with those of another won’t do. What we need is something more essential and more fundamental, something the generations born in the 70s, 80s, and even 90s have not dared or thought of asking for.

History has proven that we are a generation of inaction. I hope those born in the 00s, 10s and 20s can grow some ambition. Nevertheless, this ambition needs to be cultivated and influenced, just like how our older generation has cultivated and influenced my cowardly generation. We should still be able to make a difference.

Government staff visiting impacted areas

Source: from the Internet

Endnote 1: “County” in China normally stands for the administrative unit below “City” with smaller area and population. The term is used differently from its implication in some foreign countries. “Huanggang” that appears in the title is a city, while here the writer was returning to a county affiliated with Huanggang.

This article first appeared in Chinese in One Way Street (Dan Du) Magazine, a quarterly literature magazine based in Beijing that publishes fiction and non-fiction works from young and emerging writers and artists around the world. The original text has been edited.

阅读中文原文请点击文末“阅读全文”

Proofreader | Carly, Lili, Joyce, Sharon, Ariel

Editor | Joyce, Lili, Maggie

Logo & Graphics | Emily, Cindy

Typesetting | Lili

Special thanks to Emily and Chloe for their artistry and generosity; 

Thanks to Ariel, Carly, Sharon, Tyler & Shelly for their support and valuable suggestions; and

Thank you Natasha, for using your imaginative way with words to name this project

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