WUE·Singapore|Amid the pandemic, I held a funeral for my father

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Before any human being can move to Mars, we are all on the same planet. Regardless of nationalities, race, religion or time zone, we are citizens of the earth. At WUE-WeUnitedEarth, we are here to connect, support, and care for one another.

The sea was calm on a Wednesday morning on 29 April 2020 when I sent my father off in a sea burial.

4月底的新加坡海峡，Hong的父亲就葬在了这里。摄影：Hong

We went on a boat rent by a funeral merchant, and sailed into the Singapore Strait. About ten minutes later, we went to the offshore, and finally my father was sent here.

He was 80 years old when he passed away on Tuesday, 28 April 2020. I am an only child. My mother stays with my family, together with my husband, my two sons and myself. They told me that my great-grandfather emigrated to Singapore from Fujian with his children.

一百多年前，Hong的曾祖父带着祖父辈，从福建一带移民到新加坡。图源：OHIA

The last time I saw my father in a nursing home

My father was staying in a nursing home as he had been suffering from dementia for at least half a year and his body was gradually weakening as well. He need more caring and support. In Singapore, the situation of parents living in nursing homes is not as common as in Western countries. If he wasn’t ill badly like that, I still hope to take care of my father by ourselves.

I last saw him during Chinese New Year when the COVID epidemic was starting to spread beyond China’s borders.

一月，疫情来临前的新加坡，每晚老巴刹都坐满了吃宵夜的食客。摄影：Ohia

Singapore first started conducting temperate screening at the airports in January 2020 for visitors arriving from certain cities in China, namely Wuhan and Hubei. On 23 January, we had our first confirmed imported case. By end January, we had 13 cases, all imported. There was panic buying and masks ran out of stocks.

劳工宿舍病例爆发后，新加坡掀起了一波必需品抢购潮（主要是大米和厕纸）。图源：Janice

I remembered visiting my father during the Chinese New Year weekend, which was probably 26 Jan, on a Sunday. Not long after that, I tried visiting him at my usual time on a Sunday afternoon but I wasn’t allowed in as the nursing home had restricted visiting to visiting hours only.

Out of prudence, I had never visited my father since. The situation dragged past March and on 1 Apr, the nursing home stopped permitting visitors. I guessed it was because there was a resident in one of the nursing homes that had tested positive for COVID-19. It is said that there appeared on a new cluster at Lee Ah Mooi Old Age Home with 11 confirmed cases of Covid-19. Among them, nine are residents of the nursing home, while the other two are a staff member who cared for female residents of the nursing home and a family member of the employee.

在发现新的新冠病毒聚集性感染后，各疗养院从4月起暂停外来访客进入。图源：straitstimes.com

By then, I had not been able to see him for about two months.

On 7 Apr, the Circuit Measures were announced

疫情之下，虽然大量的行业受疫情影响，停工停产，但新加坡的日常生活仍然能够得到保障。图源：Reuters

As a Singaporean, I had a certain amount of confidence in the government. Our daily necessities wasn’t in shortage, prices was relatively stable, and the increase wasn’t large. But as the numbers climbed higher, I started wondering why our country had not closed our borders yet. I thought perhaps the strategy was to restrict by country so as to minimise the impact to the economy. As Singapore, being an international hub, any restriction on our borders would have an impact to us.

On 7 Apr, the circuit measures were announced. I couldn’t figure out why then the numbers from the foreign worker dormitories started to come in. Then I understood why the measures had been implemented. As some reports said, 90% of our country's infections have been among migrant workers living in dormitories because Singapore has a large number of migrant workers from other countries.

报道显示，虽然新加坡在早期控制疫情方面成效显著，但4月以来，病例数量增加，很大程度上和新加坡外来工作人员的住宿条件有关。图源：nhk.or.jp

I believe we were not quick enough in implementing social distancing measures at the dormitories and reducing/restricting large social gatherings. On top of that, we didn’t have sufficient masks to go round, we had to rely on the limited government-issued masks instead. Hence, I guessed that was how the spread of infection accelerated.

阻断令颁布后，政府逐渐加强对社交距离的管控。进入超市需要测量体温，商场、电影院关闭；人们开始居家办公、学习，虽然公交地铁照常运营，但是站台上几乎没有人。超市、菜市场限制人流进出，需要登记个人信息。图源：Janice

地铁、公交车上都有标识应避免的站立空间和座位，提醒人们保持安全的社交距离。图源：straitstimes.com

Still, I was appreciative of the amount of money and support that the government had poured in to support not just its citizens but the residents in Singapore, including the foreign workers. The government had given us (all Singaporeans over 21) S$600 per person in April in an effort to tide us over the circuit breaker measures. I believe it was also quietly covering the cost of the COVID 19 testing as well.

新加坡在5月8日推出了一款机器狗，以提醒公园游客保持社交距离。它的名字为Spot，可以在公园巡逻，做一些类似趴下、蹲下的动作，目前它是远程控制的，但是其开发人员希望它将来能够完全自治。视频来源：Y outube@ CNA

Besides, in order to arrange the confirmed cases, the Singapore World Expo has been converted into isolation wards. Two cruise ships are prepared for foreign workers who've recovered from COVID-19 as to avoid the recurrence of new clusters as before.

图（上）为新加坡世博会展中心改造成的隔离病房，是COVID-19患者的临时住所。图源：Coconuts Singapore

图（下）为政府为外来劳工安排的临时居住场所（邮轮），只有在被评估为健康且不再具有传染性时才被允许登船，船上也要保持安全的社交距离。图源：channelnewsasia.com

“Daddy, I know you love me.”

On Monday morning, 27 April, with the circuit breaker measures still in place, the nursing home called me to inform me that they will be sending my father to NUH A&E (National University Hospital Accident & Emergency) as he had a respiratory infection and his oxygen level was getting low. They told me that he started having difficulty breathing on Sunday night and they had to remove phlegm from him.

The hospital called in the afternoon to tell me that they were treating his respiratory infection with antibiotics and gave me the details of his ward and bed. The nurse said he was being tested for COVID 19 but they would not know the results till 24 hours later and visits were only allowed during visiting hours.

工作人员在给社区的路面消毒。图源：Reuters

I thought since he was not in ICU, I would visit him at night, during the visiting hours.I was surprised that they still allowed visitors as I thought hospitals did not permit the visiting of non-urgent cases. "All public hospitals, private hospitals and community hospitals will minimise visitation for inpatients with the intent to reduce non-essential movements and contact time,"MOH said. Only patients in certain cases can be visited, such as inpatients who are critically ill. This is also the rules of circuit measures.

新加坡卫生部表示，实行更严格的安全间隔措施，多数在医院接受监护的病人都不能探视。上图为一家综合医院的指示牌。图源：CNA（channelnewsasia）

Monday night came and I took the precaution of calling the hospital before leaving my home to visit him as I didn’t want to arrive at the hospital only to be turned away even though the hospital happened to be about 15 minutes away from my home. I had a shock when the hospital said I could not visit him. They said he tested negative for COVID but because it was still a respiratory infection, he was kept in an isolation ward and they had to enforce the COVID isolation measures.

The next morning, I received a call from the doctor. She said that my father had deteriorated during the night, the oxygen level was still low and that I should visit him as soon as possible. She said maximum two visitors for 20 minutes at a time and we would need to wear surgical masks because it was the isolation ward. The understanding was that the remaining visitors would wait in the lobby downstairs while waiting for their turn to visit him.

陈列于新加坡国立美术馆的一件艺术作品，讲述了关于“家族”的故事。摄影：Ohia

Due to the nationwide circuit breaker measures, all of us had to wearmasks in public areas. Once we managed to get access, I asked my younger son to go up with me first. At the ward, we went into the room to see him. He was gasping for air and he could not talk. I was shocked to see how thin he had become. He was not aware that I was in the room until I moved nearer to him and spoke into his ear. I said, “Daddy, I am here. They finally allowed me to visit you.” I wasn’t even sure if he could hear me. I held his hand and beckoned my son closer. I didn’t think my father could even hear him.

I told my son to go downstairs and tell my mother to come up next. In those precious private few minutes with him alone, I could see that my father was trying talk to me as his mouth was moving extra hard in addition to his gasps for air. I told my father that I loved him and I couldn’t visit him any sooner because of the COVID situation. I wasn’t sure if he could understand what I meant.

He was still gasping for air but I sensed an understanding from him as he seemed to breathe a bit easier. Then I said, “Daddy, I know you love me.” On these words, he seemed to breathe his last. I said, “Daddy, don’t scare me! Mummy will be coming up soon!” He suddenly gasped another breath of air. Then I knew. I knew it was time to let him go. He was too weak to hang on any longer to wait for my mother to arrive. I said to my father, “It’s ok. You can go be with the Lord now.” And just like that, there was no more breaths.

My tears started rolling faster and faster. All my father wanted me to know was that he loved me before he left this world in peace. I felt very alone at that point in time. I had one less person in this world that loved me. I felt lost. What was it like not having my father there to love me anymore?

新加坡的国家传染病中心。图源：TODAY online

父亲去后的那几个小时，我整个人变得恍惚不清。我安排了父亲的后事，相关程序开始进行。因为父亲是天主教徒，一般情况会守灵三天，但我决定不举行守灵仪式。一方面，因为父亲年岁已高，亲戚朋友也已经不多。另一方面，由于阻断令，丧礼最多只能允许同时十个人在场，还必须测量体温，记录联系方式，我也有心无力。

The next few hours passed in a blur. Once I decided on the undertaker, everything else moved very fast after that. I decided not to have a wake because my dad was already rather advanced in his age, there were not many friends or relatives that could attend his wake. Also, the circuit breaker measures only allowed for a maximum of ten people each time at the wake. I didn’t think I could handle “crowd control”, handling the temperature taking, collecting of contact details, who could go to the wake and who had to wait outside.

To me, the people who cared about him, already saw him when he was alive. What matters is how we treat the people when they are with us, not when they are gone. So my father was cremated on the same day he died because I opted for a quick and simple service.It was a simple service conducted by his pastor with the close relatives. Just ten people as the law dictated.