超级暖的催泪英文短片：做自己的朋友，其实很简单！
斯多亚学派也被译为斯多阿学派，是塞浦路斯岛人芝诺（Zeno）于公元前300年左右在雅典创立的学派；因在雅典集会广场的廊苑（英文stoic，来自希腊文stoa，stoa原指门廊，后专指斯多葛学派）聚众讲学而得名。斯多亚学派是希腊化时代一个影响极大的思想派别。芝诺被认为是自然法理论的真正奠基者。斯多亚学派的主要代表人物有巴内斯、塞内卡、埃彼克泰特、马可·奥勒留等。
周国平说：“人在世上不能没有朋友，在所有的朋友中，有一个朋友是最不能缺少的，就是你自己。能不能做自己的朋友，这可不是一件小事。不能做自己的朋友，在俗世间的朋友再多，仍会是一个随波逐流的糊涂人，一个身不由己的可怜人。”有多久，你没有好好地关爱自己了？今天，从看这个感人的小短片开始，做自己的朋友，其实很简单。
Trying to be a better friend to yourself. Sounds like an odd idea initially, because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind, but there is value in the concept because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends with a sympathy and imagination. We seldom apply to ourselves. If a friend is in trouble, our first instinct is rarely to tell them that they are fundamentally a shit head and a failure. If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them, we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve.
We try to reassure them that they're essentially likeable and that it's worth investigating what might be done. In friendship, We know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves. There are some key moves a good friend would typically make, which can provide a model for what we should , ideally be doing with ourselves in our own heads. Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are. Any suggestion they make or ambition they have about how you could change builds on a background of acceptance.
The friend doesn't fall into this trap. They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding onto a memory of our virtues. The good friend is compassionate. When we fail as we will, they are understanding and generous around or mishaps. Our folly doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love. The good friend definitely conveys that to err fail and screw up is just what we humans do. We will emerge from childhood with various biases in our character, which evolved to help us cope without necessarily imperfect parents. And these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life.
But we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. We didn't realistically have a lot of better options. We're indelibly required to make big decisions before we ever really understand what's at stake, or how our choices will play out. With steering blind in all our large moves around love and work, we opt for a move to a different city, but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there. We have to select a career path when we still young and we don't know what hour later needs will be in long term relationships. We have to make a commitment to another person before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives so deeply to theirs.
The good friend knows that failures are not in fact, rare. They bring as a starting point their own and humanities vivid experience of messing up into play as key points of reference. They continually telling us that our specific case might be unique, but that the general structure is common. People don't just sometimes fail. Everyone fails, only we don't know about it. It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be to ourselves. The hopefuless lies in the fact that we do actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship.
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Trying to be a better friend to yourself. Sounds like an odd idea initially, because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind, but there is value in the concept because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends with a sympathy and imagination. We seldom apply to ourselves. If a friend is in trouble, our first instinct is rarely to tell them that they are fundamentally a shit head and a failure. If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them, we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve.
做自己的铁哥们乍一听好像有点怪怪的。因为我们总会下意识认为朋友是其他人，而不是另一个自我。但这个想法多少是有点价值的。因为我们通常都知道，该如何对待自己的朋友——理解并体谅他们。然而，我们却很少这样对待自己。朋友有难时，我们几乎从不会说，你怎么能笨成这样，咱能不能长点脑子！如果朋友抱怨，他的另一半对他不冷不热，我们说这不是他们的错。
We try to reassure them that they're essentially likeable and that it's worth investigating what might be done. In friendship, We know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves. There are some key moves a good friend would typically make, which can provide a model for what we should , ideally be doing with ourselves in our own heads. Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are. Any suggestion they make or ambition they have about how you could change builds on a background of acceptance.
而是试着安慰对方：你这么优秀，一定是哪里搞错了。咱们一块想象办法。当扮演“别人的朋友”时，我们似乎天生就知道，要怎样跟对方相处，安慰对方。而当扮演“我们自己的朋友”时，却变成了木脑袋。一个益友身上会有很多值得我们借鉴的地方。我们不妨把它们用在自己身上。请闭上眼睛，想象一下你是自己的朋友。首先，好朋友接受并欣赏现在的你，因此在你迷茫时，提出建议，并义无反顾，做你追梦路上的坚强后盾。
When they proposed that you might try a different tack. IT's not an ultimatum or a threat. They're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned. A friend insists we're good enough already, but they want to join forces with us to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit from overcoming without being flattering. Good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things were getting right. They don't think anything wrong with the ood compliment and mphasis on our strengths. IT's quietly galling, how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points when trouble strike.
也许有时候他们会建议你换条思路，但这并不是在危言耸听或者否定你；也没有要求你去放弃梦想，好朋友会拍拍你的肩膀，客气啥，咱们是一家人！他们同我们并肩而行，因为我们没有被逆境击垮，反倒成长不少。他们从不阿谀奉承，但他们深知，我们变得越来越好了。他们不会做多余的事。比如摸不着头脑的称赞或者对我们的优点拍马屁。令人唏嘘的是，事实上，我们一遭遇困境，我们就把自己所有的优点一股脑抛到了云外。
The friend doesn't fall into this trap. They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding onto a memory of our virtues. The good friend is compassionate. When we fail as we will, they are understanding and generous around or mishaps. Our folly doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love. The good friend definitely conveys that to err fail and screw up is just what we humans do. We will emerge from childhood with various biases in our character, which evolved to help us cope without necessarily imperfect parents. And these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life.
然而好朋友可不会这样。他们会一面迎接着困难，一面念叨着我们曾经的光辉伟绩。好朋友是有同情心的。当我们一败涂地时，他们善解人意，丝毫不在乎这点小意外。他们不会因为我们干的傻事就疏远我们。好朋友一定会说，错就错了，失败也好，搞砸也罢，没什么大不了的。我们在成长的过程中，难免会有一些性格的缺陷，而这些缺陷最终都变成了，我们应对父母的手段。而这些不起眼的小缺陷，终究会成为我们日后的绊脚石。
But we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. We didn't realistically have a lot of better options. We're indelibly required to make big decisions before we ever really understand what's at stake, or how our choices will play out. With steering blind in all our large moves around love and work, we opt for a move to a different city, but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there. We have to select a career path when we still young and we don't know what hour later needs will be in long term relationships. We have to make a commitment to another person before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives so deeply to theirs.
但错的并不是我们，因为我们也不是故意要成为这样的。事实上，我们也曾挣扎着想改变，每个人都被成长所迫，在自己还没有搞清楚状况时，就做出了某些重大决定，且欠缺承担后果的意识。在爱情与谋生的海洋里，我们随波逐浪，双眼迷离，也许我们会选择去其他的城市，但内心很清楚，我们不会再那里待很久。年轻时，我们为了谋生找工作，也不清楚，怎样维持长久的人际关系。我们还得向他人做出承诺，其实连自己也没想清楚未来的生活，更何况是和对方一起生活。
The good friend knows that failures are not in fact, rare. They bring as a starting point their own and humanities vivid experience of messing up into play as key points of reference. They continually telling us that our specific case might be unique, but that the general structure is common. People don't just sometimes fail. Everyone fails, only we don't know about it. It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be to ourselves. The hopefuless lies in the fact that we do actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship.
但我们的朋友知道，这并不算失败。他们半开玩笑地说，把事情搞砸是全人类都难以避免的通病，并说得有理有据。他们不断告诫我们，虽然每个人的问题都不一样，但其实都大同小异，人并不是偶尔才犯错，是人都会犯错，只是我们没有意识到而已。说起来有点讽刺，但事实确实如此。通常我们都很会跟外人做朋友，却鲜少知道如何跟自己相处。但至少，我们今天已经掌握了，与他人做朋友的技巧，所以，我们也能做自己的朋友。
It's just we haven't as yet directed them to the person who probably needs the most. Namely, of course, ourselves.
只是，我们现在还不够理智，没有把这些技巧用在最需要的那个人身上，而那个人，就是我们自己。
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