TED演讲：悲剧之后，什么才是宽恕？
这是一个令人难以想象，关于宽恕的故事，看完后既感动又敬佩，因为真的太难做到了！
1995年的一个可怕的夜晚，Ples14岁的孙子在毒品、酒精和一种错误的归宿感的驱使下，杀害了Azim的儿子。这次致命的遭遇，使Azim和Ples走上了宽恕与改变之路。他们把自己的故事作为一个更美好、更仁慈的社会的轮廓，在那里，悲剧的受害者可以成长并痊愈。
看完后也不禁思考：如果一切的社会事件并非偶然，而是由身处其中的人所创造，我们能否不再做悲剧的旁观者，而是从自己开始，承担起创造更好社会的责任？
Azim Khamisa
作家，和平活动家，向学生和成年人讲述非暴力、宽恕和缔造和平，他是两个专注于解决青少年暴力的非营利组织的创始人之一。
Ples Felix
和平活动家，是Tariq Khamisa基金会的领导人，该基金会致力于帮助制止青少年暴力。
Azim Khamisa: We humans have many defining moments in our lives. Sometimes these moments are joyous, and sometimes they are heartbreaking, tragic. But at these defining moments, if we are able to make the right choice, we literally manifest a miracle in us and others.
阿奇姆·卡米萨：我们人类在我们的生命中有着许多决定性时刻。有时这些时刻是快乐的，有些时候他们是令人心碎的，悲惨的。但在这些决定性时刻，如果我们能够做出正确的选择，我们就真正创造了一个奇迹，在自己和其他人之中。
My only son Tariq, a university student, kind, generous, a good writer, a good photographer, had aspirations to work for National Geographic, engaged to a beautiful lady, worked as a pizza deliveryman on Fridays and Saturdays. He was lured to a bogus address by a youth gang. And in a gang initiation, a 14-year-old shot and killed him.
我唯一的儿子塔里克，一个大学生，善良，慷慨，是个好作家，一个好的摄影师，曾有志于为国家地理工作，与一位美丽的女士订婚，在周五和周六时做披萨送餐员。他被一个青年帮派引诱到了一个假地址，在一个团伙发起的袭击中，一个14岁的男孩开枪打死了他。
The sudden, senseless death of an innocent, unarmed human being; the overwhelming grief of a family; the total confusion as you try to absorb a new, hideous reality. Needless to say it brought my life to a crashing halt.
一个无辜的，手无寸铁的人的突然、毫无意义的死亡；家庭的极度悲伤；当你试图去吸收一种新的、丑恶的现实时，完全的困惑；不用说，它使我的生活戛然而止。
One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was to call his mother, who lived in a different city. How do you tell a mother she's never going to see her son again, or hear him laugh, or give him a hug?
我曾经做过的最困难的事情是给他住在另一个城市的母亲打电话。你如何告诉一个母亲，她再也见不到她的儿子了，再也听不到他的笑声，也再也无法给他一个拥抱？
I practice as a Sufi Muslim. I meditate two hours a day. And sometimes, in deep trauma and deep tragedy, there is a spark of clarity. So what I downloaded in my meditation is that there were victims at both ends of the gun. It's easy to see that my son was a victim of the 14-year-old, a little bit complicated to see that he was a victim of American society.
我是个苏菲派穆斯林。我每天会冥想两个小时。而有时候，在深深的悲痛和惨剧中，有着明晰的火花。所以，我在冥想中得到的是，在手枪的两端都有受害者。很容易看出我的儿子是一个十四岁的受害者，而更难看出的是他是美国社会的受害者。
And that begs the question, well, who is American society? Well, it's you and me, because I don't believe that society is just happenstance. I think we are all responsible for the society we've created. And children killing children is not a mark of a civil society.
而这就引发了一个问题，好吧，谁是美国社会？这是你和我，因为我并不相信社会仅仅是个偶然。我想，我们对我们创造的社会负有责任。而孩子杀害孩子并不是一个文明社会的标志。
So nine months after Tariq died, I started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation and our mandate at the Tariq Khamisa Foundation is to stop kids from killing kids by breaking the cycle of youth violence. And essentially we have three mandates.
所以，塔里克死的九个月后，我开始了塔里克·卡米萨基金会，而我们在塔里克·卡米萨基金会的使命是通过打破青少年暴力的循环，阻止孩子杀害孩子。而基本上，我们有三个任务。
Our first and foremost is to save lives of children. It's important to do. We lose so many on a daily basis. Our second mandate is to empower the right choices so kids don't fall through the cracks and choose lives of gangs and crime and drugs and alcohol and weapons. And our third mandate is to teach the principles of nonviolence, of empathy, of compassion, of forgiveness.
我们的第一个，也是最重要的是为了拯救孩子们的生命。这是很重要的，我们每天都会失去这么多孩子。我们的第二个任务是为了授予正确的选择，这样孩子就不会掉入裂缝中，并选择加入帮派，犯罪，吸食毒品、沉迷酒精和武器的生活。我们的第三个任务是教授非暴力的标准，关于同情心，关于同理心，关于宽恕。
And I started with a very simple premise that violence is a learned behavior. No child was born violent. If you accept that as a truism, nonviolence can also be a learned behavior, but you have to teach it, because kids are not going to learn that through osmosis.
我以一个非常简单的前提开始。暴力是后天习得的行为。没有一个孩子生来就是暴力的。如果你认为这是老生常谈，非暴力也可以是一种习得的行为，但你需要教授它。因为孩子们并不会通过渗透学习到这一点。
Soon after that, I reached out to my brother here, with the attitude that we had both lost a son. My son died. He lost his grandson to the adult prison system. And I asked him to join me.
不久之后，我联系了我在这儿的兄弟，怀着我们都失去了一个儿子的态度。我的儿子去世了。他失去了他的孙子，孙子进了成人监狱系统。我请他加入我。
As you see, 22 years later, we are still here together, because I can't bring Tariq back from the dead, you can't take Tony out of prison, but the one thing we can do is make sure no other young people in our community end up dead or end up in prison.
正如你看到的，二十二年后，我们还在一起，因为我不能让塔里克死而复生，你不能把托尼带出监狱，但我们可以做的一件事是确保没有其他年轻人在我们的社区最终死亡或最终入狱。
With the grace of God, the Tariq Khamisa Foundation has been successful. We have a safe school model which has four different programs. The first one is a live assembly with Ples and me. We are introduced, this man's grandson killed this man's son, and here they are together.
凭借神的恩惠，塔里克·卡米萨基金会很成功。我们有一个安全学校模式，其中包含四个不同的项目。第一个是与普莱斯和我一起的现场集会。我们被介绍，这个男人的孙子杀死了这个男人的儿子，而在这里，他们在一起。
We have in-classroom curriculum. We have an after school mentoring program, and we create a peace club. And I'm happy to share with you that besides teaching these principles of nonviolence, we are able to cut suspensions and expulsions by 70 percent, which is huge.
我们有教室内的课程。我们有课后辅导计划，我们创建了一个和平社团。而我很高兴和大家分享，在教授这些非暴力原则之外，我们还能够将监禁和被开除的人数减少百分之七十，而这是巨大的。
Which is huge.
这是巨大的。
Five years after Tariq died, and for me to complete my journey of forgiveness, I went to see the young man who killed my son. He was 19 years old. And I remember that meeting because we were -- he's 37, still in prison -- but at that first meeting, we locked eyeballs.
塔里克死后的五年后，为了使我能够完成通向原谅的道路，我去看了杀死我儿子的年轻人。那时他十九岁。而我记得那次见面，因为我们——他现在三十七岁，仍然在监狱——但在那第一次会面的时候，我们锁定了目光。
I'm looking in his eyes, he's looking in my eyes, and I'm looking in his eyes trying to find a murderer, and I didn't. I was able to climb through his eyes and touch his humanity that I got that the spark in him was no different than the spark in me or anybody else here.
我看着他的眼睛，他看着我的眼睛，而我看向他的眼睛，试着寻找一个杀人犯，但我没有找到。我能够爬过他的眼睛，而触及他的人性，而我发现他身上的火花，与我或者其他任何人的火花，并没有什么不同。
So I wasn't expecting that. He was remorseful. He was articulate. He was well-mannered. And I could tell that my hand of forgiveness had changed him.
这出乎我的意料。他很懊悔。他善于表达。他很有礼貌。而我能够感受到，我的宽恕之手改变了他。
So with that, please welcome my brother, Ples.
所以现在，请欢迎我的兄弟，普莱斯。
Ples Felix: Tony is my one and only daughter's one and only child. Tony was born to my daughter, who was 15 when she gave birth to Tony. Mothering is the toughest job on the planet. There is no tougher job on the planet than raising another human being and making sure they're safe, secure and well-positioned to be successful in life.
普莱斯·菲利克斯：托尼是我唯一的女儿的唯一的孩子。我的女儿生下了托尼，生托尼的时候我的女儿十五岁。当母亲是整个地球上最难的工作。这世界上，没有比养育另一个人类，并且确保他们的安全，并让他们能在生活中取得成功，而更难的事了。
Tony experienced a lot of violence in his life as a young kid. He saw one of his favorite cousins be murdered in a hail of automatic weapon fire and gang involvement in Los Angeles. He was very traumatized in so many different ways. Tony came to live with me. I wanted to make sure he had everything a kid needed to be successful.
作为一个年轻的孩子，托尼在他的人生中经历了许多暴力。他看见了他最喜爱的一位表亲在洛杉矶的一场自动武器开火和团伙袭击中被谋杀。他在很多方面受到了创伤。托尼来到了我这里住。我想确保他一个孩子取得成功的全部条件。
But on this particular evening, after years of being with me and struggling mightily to try to be successful and to live up to my expectations of being a successful person, on this one particular day, Tony ran away from home that evening, he went to be with people he thought were his friends, he was given drugs and alcohol and he took them because he thought they would make him feel carefree.
但在这个特别的夜晚，在和我相处多年后，在努力地尝试着取得成功并且试着达到我的期望来成为一个成功的人后，在这特别的一天，托尼在那天晚上离家出走，他去和那些他认为的朋友待在一起。他被给予了毒品和酒精，而他服用了，因为他认为，这会让他感到无忧无虑。
But all it did was to make his anxiety go higher and to create a more ... more deadly thinking on his part. He was invited to a robbery, he was given a 9mm handgun. And at the presence of an 18-year-old who commanded him and two 14-year-old boys he thought were his friends, he shot and killed Tariq Khamisa, this man's son.
但这只是让他变得更加焦虑，并产生了更加...... 让他产生了更致命的想法。他被邀请加入一场抢劫，他被给予了一把九毫米手枪，而在一个指挥他行动的十八岁男孩以及两个他当做朋友的十四岁男孩面前，他枪杀了塔里克·卡米萨，这个男人的儿子。
There are no words, there are no words that can express the loss of a child. At my understanding that my grandson was responsible for the murder of this human being, I went to the prayer closet, like I was taught by my old folks, and began to pray and meditate.
没有言语，没有任何言语能表达出失子之情。在我的理解中，我的孙子是谋杀这个人类的罪魁祸首。我去了祈祷室，就像老人们教的那样，开始祈祷和冥想。
The one thing that Mr. Khamisa and I have in common, and we didn't know this, besides being wonderful human beings, is that we both meditate.
卡米萨先生和我的一个共同点是，而我们此前并不知道这一点，除了我们都是好人之外，我们还都会冥想。
It was very helpful for me because it offered me an opportunity to seek guidance and clarity about how I wanted to be of support of this man and his family in this loss.
冥想对我很有帮助，因为它给了我一个机会去寻求指导以及明确在这个损失中，我想如何支持这个男人和他的家庭。
And sure enough, my prayers were answered, because I was invited to a meeting at this man's house, met his mother, his father, his wife, his brother, met their family and had a chance to be in the presence of God-spirited people led by this man, who in the spirit of forgiveness, made way, made an opportunity for me to be of value and to share with him and to share with children the importance of understanding the need to be with a responsible adult, focus on your anger in a way that's healthy, learn to meditate.
当然，我的祷告得到了回应，因为我被邀请到这个男人的家中去参加一个会面，我见到了他的母亲，他的父亲，他的妻子，他的兄弟，见到了他们的家庭，并且有机会遇到由这个男人带领的虔诚的人们，他们本着宽恕的精神，给了我一条路，给了我一个机会，让我变得有价值，并且能够向他们，以及向孩子们分享理解和一个有责任感的成年人在一起的重要性，以健康的方式关注你的愤怒，学会冥想。
The programs that we have in the Tariq Khamisa Foundation provide so many tools for the kids to put in their toolkit so they could carry them throughout their lives.
我们在塔里克·卡米萨基金会所拥有的项目提供了许许多多的工具供孩子们使用，这样他们便可以将这些工具终身携带。
It's important that our children understand that loving, caring adults care for them and support them, but it's also important that our children learn to meditate, learn to be peaceful, learn to be centered and learn to interact with the other children in a kind, empathetic and wonderfully loving way.
让我们的孩子们知道关爱的大人们会照顾他们，支持他们，但让孩子们学会冥想也很重要，学会平和，学会集中精神，并学会如何以一种友好的，同情的，以及有爱的方式来与其他孩子互动。
We need more love in our society and that's why we are here to share the love with children, because our children will lead the way for us, because all of us will depend on our children. As we grow older and retire, they will take over this world for us, so as much love as we teach them, they will give it back to us.
我们的社会需要更多的爱。而这就是为什么我们在这里，与孩子们分享爱，因为我们的孩子们将会为我们引路，因为我们所有人都将依赖自己的孩子们。当我们变老，退休，他们会替我们掌管这个世界，所以，我们教给他们多少爱，他们就会将等量的爱还给我们。
Blessings. Thank you.
祝福。谢谢你们。
AK: So I was born in Kenya, I was educated in England, and my brother here is a Baptist. I practice as a Sufi Muslim. He's African American, but I always tell him, I'm the African American in the group. I was born in Africa. You were not.
阿奇姆·卡米萨：我在肯尼亚出生，我在英国接受教育，而这里的我的兄弟是浸礼宗信徒。我信奉苏菲派穆斯林。他是非裔美国人，但我总是告诉他，在组里，我才是那个非裔美国人。我在非洲出生，你不是。
And I naturalized as a citizen. I'm a first-generation citizen. And I felt that, as an American citizen, I must take my share of the responsibility for the murder of my son.
而我自然而然的变成了公民。我是第一代公民。而我觉得，作为一位美国公民，我必须为我儿子的死担起我的那份责任。
Why? Because it was fired by an American child. You could take the position, he killed my one and only son, he should be hung from the highest pole. How does that improve society?
为何？因为是一个美国孩子开的火。你可以选择这个立场，他杀死了我唯一的儿子，所以他应该被吊死在最高的柱子上。那样如何改善社会？
And I know you are probably wondering what happened to that young man. He's still in prison. He just turned 37 on September 22, but I have some good news. We've been trying to get him out for 12 years. He finally will join us a year from now.
而我知道你或许在想，那个年轻人身上发生了什么。他仍在监狱中。9月22日的时候他刚满三十七岁，但我有一些好消息。在过去的十二年中，我们一直在尝试着让他能够出狱。终于，一年后他会回到我们身边。
And I'm very excited to have him join us, because I know we've saved him, but he will save tens of thousands of students when he shares his testimony in schools that we are present at on a regular basis.
而我非常高兴能让他加入我们，因为我知道我们拯救了他，但他会拯救成千上万的学生们，当他在我们经常出席的学校里分享他的证词的时候。
When he says to the kids, "When I was 11, I joined a gang. When I was 14, I murdered Mr. Khamisa's son. I've spent the last umpteen years in prison. I'm here to tell you: it's not worth it," do you think the kids will listen to that voice?
当他对孩子们说，“在十一岁时，我加入了一个帮派。“在我十四岁时，我谋杀了卡米萨先生的儿子。“过去的无数年里我在监狱中度过。“我来告诉你：这不值得。”你觉得孩子们会听进这些话吗？
Yes, because his intonations will be of a person that pulled the trigger. And I know that he wants to turn the clock back. Of course, that's not possible. I wish it was. I would have my son back. My brother would have his grandson back. So I think that demonstrates the power of forgiveness.
会的，因为因为他的语气，是扣动那扳机的人的语气。而我知道他想让时光倒流。当然，那是不可能的。我倒希望能这样。这样，我的儿子就能回来。我的兄弟的孙子就能够回来。所以我想，那展示了宽恕的力量。
So what's the big takeaway here? So I want to end our session with this quote, which is the basis of my fourth book, which incidentally, the foreword for that book was written by Tony.
那么，这里最重要的一点是什么呢？我想用这句话结束我们的演讲，这句话是我第四本书的基石，而巧合的是，那本书的前言是托尼写的。
So it goes like this: sustained goodwill creates friendship. You don't make friends by bombing them, right? You make friends by extending goodwill. That ought to be obvious.
所以，这句话是这样的：持续的善意创造友谊。你并不会通过轰炸他们来交朋友，对吗？你通过扩展善意来结交朋友。这应该是显然易见的。
So sustained goodwill creates friendship, sustained friendship creates trust, sustained trust creates empathy, sustained empathy creates compassion, and sustained compassion creates peace. I call this my peace formula. It starts with goodwill, friendship, trust, empathy, compassion and peace.
所以持续的善意创造友谊，持续的友谊创造信任，持续的信任创造同理心，持续的同理心创造怜悯，而持续的怜悯创造和平。我将其称作我的和平公式。它始于善意，友谊，信任，同理心，怜悯，与和平。But people ask me, how do you extend goodwill to the person who murdered your child? I tell them, you do that through forgiveness. As it's evident it worked for me. It worked for my family. 但人们问我，你如何将善意延伸到谋杀你孩子的那个人身上？我告诉他们，你通过宽恕来做到这点。而显然，这对我很有效。这对我的家庭很有效。
What's a miracle is it worked for Tony, it worked for his family, it can work for you and your family, for Israel and Palestine, North and South Korea, for Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and Syria. It can work for the United States of America.而奇迹的是，它对托尼起效了，它对托尼的家庭也起效了。它对你和你的家人都有效，对以色列和巴勒斯坦，北朝鲜和韩国，对伊拉克，阿富汗，伊朗和叙利亚。它能对美利坚合众国有效。
So let me leave you with this, my sisters, and a couple of brothers --所以，我的姐妹们，我想把这句话留给你们，还有一些兄弟们——
that peace is possible. How do I know that? Because I am at peace.和平是可能的。我是何以得知的呢？因为我的内心平和。
Thank you very much. Namaste.非常感谢你们（合十礼）
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