金正恩语录『第四弹』
娃按：微博有作家崔成浩，推特有元首金正恩。
推特上的朝鲜元首金正恩和推特上的胡锡进老师差不多，英文都特别好。
但为了方便墙内的中文读者，我还是把金大大的英文推翻译成了当代汉语。
关于外貌以及体育天分
拥有完美下巴的人最性感了。
这就是为啥我拥有三个下巴的原因。
here's nothing sexier than a nice chin.
That's why I have three of them.
难以理解为哈人们总说我看起来像布拉德·皮特。
我比那家伙长得帅多了。
I can't believe people keep saying I look like Brad Pitt.
I'm way prettier than that guy.
万圣节时我准备扮布拉德·皮特。
根本不需要任何改装，我俩长得就像双胞胎。
I'm going as Brad Pitt for Halloween.
I don't even need a costume. We're basically twins.
朝鲜人民又一次把我选为这世上最性感的男人。
轮到你了，布拉德·皮特。
My subjects voted me sexiest man alive AGAIN.
Your move, Brad Pitt.
国民对我的爱戴，很大程度上是因为我有迷人的微笑。
当然，持反对意见的人，都已经被处决了。
People like me because of my winning smile.
Also, because I kill them if they don't.
我做了一个整容手术，为的是让自己看起来更像我的爷爷金日成。
我顺便也做了个臀部增大手术。
主要是向卡戴珊姐妹致敬。
I had plastic surgery to make my face look like my beloved dictator grandfather
And to enlarge my butt
Gotta keep up with the Kardashians.
为了保证容光焕发，每天早上拾掇自己时要用掉三大瓶的药妆。
唔......我的发型实现了防弹功能。
I use three full bottles of product every morning to get my look just right.
My hair is technically bulletproof.
我可能没有食物可以提供给我的人民。
或者是现代军队。
或者真正的网络。
但有一样东西只有我能提供：史上最酷的发型。
I might not have food for my people.
Or a modern army.
Or real Internet.
But I have one thing no one else does: the coolest haircut ever.
我最重要的工作之一就是表彰我们国家最出色的英雄们。
今个儿我一口气给自己颁发了19枚勋章。
多么名符其实。
One of my most important duties is recognizing North Korea's greatest heroes.
Today I awarded 19 medals to me.
God, I deserved them.
我想玩儿几个仰卧起坐。
天哪这么费劲儿。
仰卧起坐将成为一项非法运动。
I tried to do some sit-ups.
They were awful, so I made them illegal.
我建造了一座私家滑雪场。
用掉了国库一半的预算。
但我一直没去用。
我对锻炼这事儿嘛，不是太感冒。
I built a private ski resort just for me.
It cost half the national budget to build
I never use it, though
I'm not a big fan of exercise.
我的业余爱好包括沙滩长走，以及在三八线上冲南朝鲜做鬼脸玩儿。
My hobbies include long walks on the beach and visiting the DMZ to make faces at South Korea.
统治一个国家并不是我最大的天赋。
你们大概还没听过我唱卡拉OK。
Ruling a country isn't even my greatest talent.
You should hear me sing karaoke.
今儿我赢了一场水枪互射大赛。
最大的原因是我使用了真枪。
I won a squirt gun fight today.
Mostly because I used a real gun.
我去哪儿都骑马。
我就是天生的运动家。
另外还有件事儿，我们国家已经三个月都没有汽油了。
I go horseback riding all the time.
It's because I'm a natural sportsman.
And because the whole country ran out of gas six months ago.
我是比王小山还牛的扑克高手么？
这么说吧，至少活着的人里面，没人能证明我输过。
Am I good at poker?
Let's just say there are no living witnesses who can prove I've lost.
今儿我亲自爬了一段楼梯。
我想我这十年的健身计划终于完成了。
I walked up a flight of stairs today.
That concludes my exercise for the decade.
我给了国民自由。
他们将不再为做任何决定烦恼，我都替他们做好了。
难怪他们全都热爱我。
I gave my people freedom.
I freed them from making choices by deciding everything for them.
No wonder they love me.
我的父亲是一个财权兼有的独裁者。
现在我也是一个财权兼有的独裁者。
我是从底层做起的。
I was born the son of a rich and powerful dictator.
Now I am a rich and powerful dictator.
I worked my way up from the bottom.
关于餐饮习惯
作为一个终身制的独裁者，我必须要做出很多艰难的决定。
今天早上，我得在炒鸡蛋和多纳圈之间进行选择。
我决定全选。
As dictator for life, I have to make tough decisions.
This morning I had to decide between scrambled eggs and doughnuts.
I chose both.
为了照顾那些还在挨饿的国民的情绪，我的厨房不再使用棉花糖机。
我现在只用客厅里的那两台。
In solidarity with my starving people, I stopped using the cotton candy machine in my kitchen.
Now I just use the two in my living room.
我要一罐普通可乐，女服务员送来的是一听健怡。
我俩都会心地笑了。
于是，她被送去了秘密集中营。
The waitress brought me Diet Coke instead of regular.
We had a good laugh
Then I seen her to a secret prison.
排我前头那家伙把自动贩卖机里最后一块m&m’s 买走了。
他随后变成了熊熊嘴里的食物。
The guy in front of me got the last pack of M&Ms from the vending machine.
I had him fed to a bear.
我实在不担心出现一些小型的食物短缺。
我的人民至少还有三样食物的来源是充足的。
1，草
2，皮鞋
3，彼此
I'm not afraid of a little famine.
My people still have three great food sources they can eat:
1) grass
2) leather shoes
3) each other
我派了一个小分队潜入中国去搞点蛋卷。
有4个特派员死掉了。
那蛋卷真的很好吃。
I sent a commando team into China to steal egg rolls.
Four men died.
They were really good egg rolls.
我派了俩间谍潜入美国。
任务：帮我整点肯德基。
I sent two spies to America.
Their mission: to bring me back some KFC.
刚发现我的麦片里棉花糖块变少了。
我怀疑是奥巴马干的。
There weren't enough marshmallows in my Lucky Charms.
I suspect Obama.
派了得力干将去法国为我买红酒。
他叛逃了。
我派了一杀手去终结他。
杀手也叛逃了。
这操蛋的生活。
I sent a top aide to France to buy me wine.
He defected.
I sent an assassin to kill him.
He also defected.
FML.
今天上午的安排：
8点：起床
9点：瑜伽
10点：镇压点人民
11点：早午餐
My schedule for this morning:
8 AM - wake up
9 AM - yoga
10 AM - oppress my people
11 AM - brunch
吃芝士派的时候我的嘴巴被烫伤了。
我早应该知道这是一个资本主义的阴谋。
I burned my mouth on a Hot Pocket.
I should've known it was a capitalist trap.
休假期间我长了一些婴儿肥......所以我不得不将朝鲜境内所有的体重计进行了10磅的调整。
好一个成功的减肥计划。
I grained some weight over the holidays, so I had all scales in North Korea adjusted down by 10 pounds.
Target weight, here I come.
医生说，如果我不愿意做出一些改变的话，我将壮年殒命。
我把医生换了。
My doctor said if I don't make some changes, I'm going to die young.
I changed doctors.
我的的总统车队是由一连串儿冰淇淋卡车组成的。
My presidential motorcade is just a long line of ice cream trucks.
我最好的食品专家正夜以继日地工作着。
我想他们现在应该取得突破了。
我到现在为止还没等到我的多纳圈树。
My top food scientists are working around the clock.
They should have made a breakthrough by now.
I still don't have a doughnut tree.
谁说我不在乎珍稀物种？
今儿一早，我就吃掉了三种。
Of course I care about endangered species.
I've eaten like three of them since this morning.
我的意大利面条里居然没有肉丸儿？
我宣布跟意大利进入战争状态。
My spaghetti didn't have meatballs in it.
Now I'm at war with Italy.
人们觉得我是一个冷酷、没有感情的独裁者。
事实上我的感情非常强烈。
就这会儿，我感觉好饿。
必须得吃第三顿早饭了。
People think I'm a cold, unfeeling dictator.
But really I have strong feelings.
Right now I feel hungry.
Time for third breakfast.
未完待续
To be continued