明明你已经成年，他们却还把你当小孩丨夜听双语
清明已至，祭祖、踏青等习俗也被很多人排上了日程。
如果回家祭祖，缅怀故人寄托哀思的同时也一定会看望家里的老人。
家有一老，如有一宝。有些老人可爱得很，你都能把Ta当作小孩儿。
还有些老人，就没停止过把你当作小孩儿，哪怕你成年自立很久了。
网友starpoint发帖称自己30岁了还被奶奶当作小孩，十分苦恼。
I'm 30 years old. I recently moved to the complete opposite coast of the country and have been living on my own successfully.
我都三十岁了。最近还从西海岸搬到东海岸工作，一个人生活，一切都安排妥当。
说起自己圣诞回奶奶家，明明是自己在掌厨做饭，用烤箱的时候却被奶奶抢过去，说“你闪开，危险，我来！”。
When I go home for Christmas, my grandmother treats me like a child. For example, I was baking macaroni and cheese for our Christmas dinner. When it came time to take it out of the oven, she said, "maybe I should take it out". I couldn't believe it. Did she really think that I'm unable to take a dish out of the oven? I'm baking stuff all the time back in my apartment on the other side of the country.
我回家陪家人过圣诞，奶奶还把我当小孩儿对待。比方说，我在那儿做圣诞晚餐，焗芝士通心粉，到了要从烤箱里拿出来的时候，她对我说：“哎要不我来拿吧“。我不敢信简直。她真的觉得我从烤箱里拿个通心粉都不会吗？我在千里之外自己的公寓里可是天天烤东西的好吧。
I told her calmly that I could do it, I'm not disabled, and I took it out with no problem whatsoever. Later on, she said that the reason she said she should take it out was because the oven wasn't normal, or something and that it didn't heat properly (which made no sense to me). She also said it had a tendency to get really hot and that she didn't want her granddaughter to get burned, because she's burned herself before. I lost count of the number of times this kind of things have happened.
我心平气和跟她说我来吧，我有手有脚的。然后我给它拿了出来，一点事儿没有。之后，她解释说她叫我别拿是因为烤箱坏了还是怎么的，加热不正常（这根本说不通嘛）。她还说那个烤箱可能会过热，自己烫到过，不想我也烫到。我已经数不清这种事发生过多少次了。
作者接着又说自己并不是不领情，而是从小其实就不太自信，成年后在社会上不断历练，锻炼自己，结果一回家，家里人还是把她当小孩子宠，她就前功尽弃。烦恼的她开始历数象征着自己真正“独立”的标志性事件，每一件都是“真实警告”。
I have never asked her or any other family members for money (all the money I have, I earn from working), I don’t break the law, I take care of my cat, I hold down a job, pay rent, my credit card, school loans, and bills on time, trying new things, being independent, traveling on my own without any help, starting therapy to deal with my social anxieties, doing everything I can possibly do to take responsibility for myself and to be an independent, productive adult.
我从来没跟她或者其他家人要过钱（我现在所有的钱都是自己工作赚的），我遵纪守法、养猫好好照顾它、稳住一份工作、交房租、还信用卡、还大学贷款、按时交煤气水电、尝试新事物、独立自主生活、一个人旅行无需任何帮助、有社会焦虑还会去看心理医生、为了对自己负责啥都做、独立生活高效产出地做个成年人。
I'm by no means perfect, but I'm not relying on family members to dig me out of things and I take care of myself.
当然我肯定没做到完美，但我也没有依赖家里人啊，没要他们把我从泥淖里救出来啊，我照顾自己好好的。
Of course, I appreciate that she's trying to look after me, but it bothers me that despite ALL I've done, I'm still being treated like I'm unable to do anything. No matter how hard I work to be a productive, responsible adult, she still treats me like I can't do anything.
当然了，我很感谢她这么愿意照顾我。但是我自立这么久，她还这么搞，我就有点想不明白了。不论我多么努力工作，使劲儿成为一个高效又负责的成年人，她还是像我什么都不会一样对待我。
I was treated like that all my life and that's why I generally lacked confidence growing up. I'm working on building that confidence, and it all goes away when I come back home. Because it seems like my family wants to keep me a little sheltered protected girl forever.
我一直都被这样对待着，这也是我为什么长大的过程中一直不够自信的原因。我不断在努力建立这种自信，但一回家，就崩盘，因为看起来就像是我家人还是想把我当个需要保护的小女生，罩起来。
故事底下的评论大多对奶奶表示理解：
◆ You're really upset about grandma babying you? I'm 34. Grandma is 90. I'd love it if she could remember me enough to baby me for a bit.
你真的因为你奶奶把你当小孩儿而生气？我都34了，我奶奶90了。她要是能认得出我，把我当小孩，我也千万个愿意。
◆ A person who has changed your diapers and powdered your butt is unlikely to ever view you as an adult, no matter how many years have passed. Part of my own process of growing up was realizing this.
给你换尿布，还给你屁股上拍痱子粉的人，估计很难把你当作大人，不管过去多少年都没用。长大的过程，有一部分就是悟到这一点。
电影《海蒂和爷爷》剧照 来源：豆瓣
还有人给出建议，解决她的烤箱难题。
◆ The only way you can assert your own control over the whole oven/macaroni situation is to invite them to your territory. Then you can cook things however you want.
你能掌控烤箱/通心粉的唯一办法就是邀请他们上你那儿去，然后你就可以随便用厨房了。
不过不难发现，她的故事里，有一个女孩，一个渴望被人认可独立的女孩。
但，一个独立得很从容的人，或许并不急于展示独立给家人看。因为Ta知道，那是Ta为数不多可以撒娇的地方。
那，问题来了，老人家为什么这么喜欢宠孙辈呢？
加拿大麦克马斯特大学社会科学学院教授周燕秋（音）对在加中国祖父母的育孙情况开展了研究。
在访谈中，有一位爷爷这样描述家庭关系中的“隔代亲”现象：
We have a word called gedaiqin [intergenerational love]: parents pass their love on to their grandchildren as a way to love their own children.
我们有个词叫做隔代亲（跨越代际的亲密）：祖父母辈会把爱传递给孙辈，以示他们爱自己的孩子。
This is a Chinese tradition I learned from my parents: they helped me care for my two children, and I was brought up by my grandmother. I want to contribute to our children’s and grandchildren’s lives, and this makes me very happy, very proud and satisfied. …This is what a family means.
这是中国传统了，我从我父母那儿学来的。他们帮我带我的两个小孩，而我呢，也是奶奶带大的。我想带孙子，给我子女减轻负担，这么做，我也很开心，很骄傲，很满足。这也就是家庭的意义。
你瞧，爷爷奶奶外公外婆爱护你，也是在爱他们的儿子女儿啊。
这里是中国日报双语新闻夜听双语，我是双语君。
晚安，好梦。
《唐顿庄园》电影版剧照 来源：豆瓣
macaroni /ˌmækəˈroʊni/ n 通心粉
whatsoever /wɒtsəˈwevə/ adv
一点儿都（不）；丝毫（不）；什么都（没有）
sheltered /ˈʃeltərd/ adj 受庇护的，受到保护的
编辑：唐晓敏
来源：askmetalfilter
参考文献：Zhou, Y. R. (2013). Toward transnational care interdependence: Rethinking the relationships between care, immigration and social policy. Global Social Policy, 13(3), 280-298. doi:10.1177/1468018113499573
本文及音频为中国日报双语新闻原创，未经授权不得转载
点击图片，了解更多↓↓↓
推 荐 阅 读