WELL HEART:How I Used Self-Compassion & Self-Care To Heal Myself
By Lindsey Wyer
Editor's Note: You may have noticed that WellWomen has been on a long break. The last two months have been an interesting and chaotic time for me, with so much change, and so many things happening, as well as biting off way more than I could chew. In fact, all the balls I had been juggling began to drop, and I was forced to reassess my life and find some balance again. I'm not there yet, but I'm slowly working towards it. Lyndsey submitted this article a few weeks ago - it’s an important one and one I wished I had read much sooner so I could have taken action earlier. If you feel like you are on the edge, feeling frazzled, and like you are losing control because you can’t meet the high expectations you have placed on yourself, then you are not alone. But it is important to start taking small steps towards self-care now, before you burn out. If you need to chat or discuss any issues please reach out to WellWomen through our official account. - Rebecca A
HOW I USED SELF-COMPASSION AND SELF-CARE TO HEAL MYSELF
Self-compassion and self-care are so crucial, especially when life can get chaotic and we start to feel negative and unbalanced. The purpose of self-care is to focus on personal growth, self-love and development and it allows us to take the time to nurture and enhance all aspects of our lives. It is a process that takes time to learn to incorporate, but comes with endless benefits to support our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
Over the last 8 months I have been working towards understanding self-care and what it is that I really need to take better care of myself. I wrote previous on ditching the diet mentality and how to eat intuitively, and I used this practice to help me further investigate who I am. Eventually I have come to understand that I needed to adopt a more self-compassionate and intuitive approach not only to the way I eat, but to the way I completely live my life.
When taking the time to really reflect on what it was I needed I realised that I was way too hard on myself and I wasn’t giving myself enough credit or the compassion I deserved. If I missed a gym session because I was tired I would feel guilty, if I ordered in food instead of making my meal I would feel lazy, if I didn’t get the mark I wanted on a paper I wrote I would shame myself or if my son was going through a faze I would blame my parenting skills. The more I reflected on these thoughts the more I saw that this was an ongoing cycle that was causing anxiety, resentfulness and harm, leading me to seek change.
The journey to self-discovery has not been easy and I have had to confront issues I was avoiding for a long time, but the process has been insightful and allowed me to realize I needed to treat myself kinder, live more intuitively and take time out to practice daily self-care.
My Approach to Self-compassion With Self-care
In search of life balance I concentrated on creating a plan with the purpose of fun that focused on 6 main aspects of myself. During this time I paid attention to my thoughts and feelings, which helped me map out the necessary areas I felt I needed to care for.
1. My physical side – I learned how to listen intuitively to my body and be more gentle with my approach to exercise. This meant no more pushing myself to go to the gym when I was tired, and instead to go for a walk, take a bath, get a massage or have a nap, therefore allowing me to better nurture my body instead of punishing it.
2. My psychological side – I began learning to quiet those negative and unhelpful thoughts. I did this by seeking out podcasts to boost my self-esteem, reflecting on my positive qualities, giving myself pep talks of encouragement when things didn't go the way I intended, and realizing I am not superhuman, therefore learning to ask for help.
3. My emotional side – I nurtured my emotions with the aim of being happier and more joyful. I chose to do and say things that made me feel good, like cuddling with my dog, watching more comedies so I could laugh more, treating myself to a gift, looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” and most of all practicing self-forgiveness for all the things I thought I wasn’t achieving or doing right.
4. My spiritual side – I focused on seeking balance and peacefulness. I worked hard on self-reflection and tried to do things that made me feel less stressed, like singing, having a family dance party, playing with my son, enjoying nature and using mindfulness to help calm me when things became hectic.
5. My personal side - which was the hardest because I really needed to figure out what it was I truly wanted, so I spent a lot of time just relaxing and listening to my thoughts. I read books, pursued new projects that were of interest to me, I reflected on my life goals and if they were really something I wanted to work towards, I forged new friendships and I took the time to observe my husband through a new lens, creating a much deeper and stronger love for him and our relationship.
6. My professional side – focusing on this area allowed me to reflect on what my next career move was and choosing to enrol in courses to further this path. It also made me more appreciative of vacations, where I did not need to think about where my career was going. It helped me set boundaries and learn to not take on too much when I am already busy enough.
Learning to manage these areas of myself and to embrace self-compassion by using self-care is an ongoing process, but it is one that is so necessary in a world where life is so demanding. Living intuitively has enabled me to become more aware of what my mind, body and spirit needs. With the use of self-care activities that do not require hours out of my day or a lot of money I have come to understand that they have really helped to reduce the negative effects of stress, helped to prevent burnout and helped me refocus so I can perform better in all areas of my life.
STAY TUNED FOR LINDSEY'S NEXT ARTICLE: Simple Ways To Incorporate Self-Compassion & Self-Care Into Your Life
Lindsey
Wyer is a regular Well Women contributor focusing on nutritional and
holistic health. You can read more about her in our Well Collective
section in the Well Women account.
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