WELL PARENT | Daily Practices That Make Me A Better Mom

I’m sure it’s the curse of motherhood to occasionally (or regularly) feel like we are failing.

Are we are raising our kids the right way?

Are they going to grow up okay or are we scarring them for life?

I'm starting to realise that no matter what I do, how hard I try, I will never be perfect and I'm always going to unintentionally disappoint, hurt or anger my kids.

Despite my best efforts to make them into happy, healthy and confident kids, they have their own paths to walk and their own journeys of self-discovery. They are going to grow up however they grow up and they will be who they will be.

I'm becoming convinced that the more happier I am, the more confident, the more balanced, the more inspired, and the more accepting of myself (imperfections and all), then the easier I can accept their tears, tantrums and slamming of doors, without casting blame and guilt upon myself. 

There are things that we can do for ourselves to help us ENJOY our experience as mothers more. We can feel less stressed, be more balanced, be calmer, and create a more peaceful and happier home.

It doesn’t start with changing or fixing the behavior in our kids.

It starts by changing ourselves.

Here’s a couple of practices that I do every day which has transformed my interactions with my kids, and helped me feel more confident and successful as a mom.

1. DAILY MEDITATION

What does meditation have to do with parenting?

We expect kids to calm down when they are angry, but yet we struggle to reign in our own temper.

You know how it goes. There’s always a trigger, then a reaction, then it begins to escalate, and no matter how hard you try to calm down, the anger starts building inside until it just comes out and there is no stopping it.

We can have ALL the parenting education in the WORLD as we learn how we ‘should’ react to situations, but when tension is high we move to FLIGHT or FIGHT mode and all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘right ways to deal with behaviour’ fly right out the window as we say things we regret, yell or deal out unfair punishments that won’t teach the right lesson.

And then afterwards, those ‘shoulds’ boomerang right back at us to boot us in the butt with guilt because once again we didn’t ‘react’ in the right way.

EXCEPT… what if you were so in tune with your body, that you could sense the changes happening in your body as you start becoming angry – your heart rate increases, your chest starts to tighten, maybe your jaw starts clenching or your hands start balling into fists.

And what if you could sense those things happening, and instead, decide to go into those sensations, into your body, and worked on calming those feelings, using breath or touch – instead of letting them explode like a volcano.

Because here’s the thing – whatever the situation is that's happening in your home and causing all this anger, it's probably not an emergency.

It doesn’t matter if it gets sorted right this instance.

In fact, it’s probably better if it DOESN’T get sorted right this instance, because NOTHING ever gets solved when people are yelling at each other.

So learn to respond to your own anger or emotion cues. Breathe. Leave the room if you have to. Calm yourself down. And then you can calm down others, or wait until they have calmed down. Then connect. And only then correct.

Daily meditation practice, especially mindfulness practices where you learn to become aware of your body and emotions and breath, ensures that this ability to respond to emotion in a healthy way becomes normal.

So when you are faced with a situation where tempers are escalating, you KNOW what to do - how to slow down, how to breath, how to ground yourself - because you do it every morning.

2. FOCUS ON WHAT’S IMPORTANT

“I can’t play, I need to do the dishes.”

“I can’t read that book, I need to send that email.”

“I can’t, I need to do this.”

“I can’t do that, I need to do that other thing I was supposed to do yesterday.”

(WHY CAN’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE!)

It was a real shock to me when I discovered that resentment was a feeling I harboured a lot towards my kids, and it was the root of a lot of my anger and frustrations that I let out on them.

Resentment because I felt like I had SO MUCH TO DO, and they always wanted to spend time with me, playing, laughing, having fun.

Resentment that it was fine for them to enjoy life, but how can I enjoy life when the house is a mess, I’ve got so many tasks on my to-do list, and it’s all just sitting there in my head.

Resentment that every time I was interrupted by them, I couldn’t get my never-ending to-do list completed.

But that changed when I decided what I wanted my life to look like and what I wanted to prioritise.

Top of the list was my kids and my husband.

I began to get up every morning and write down the kind of mom I wanted to be.

“I am an exceptional mom.”

This affirmation is now a daily goal – and because I write it down every day, it helps me FOCUS on what I want from my day and reminds me EVERY DAY who I want to be.

In those small early hours when the sun was just starting to rise, I also started to dream again, and write down those things that I longed to see happen – for MYSELF.

It’s a practice I’ve been doing for more than half a year now. To read more tap here.

Before anyone else wakes up, I spend time on myself and my dreams. These are the desires that I hold in my heart that I had traded for years to focus on all the SMALL things.

I fill my cup every morning through my Magical Morning practice which gives me the space for writing down my goals and for taking baby steps towards them.

I discovered that when my cup was full, I had so much more to give my kids.

Interruptions become an excuse for a snuggle and a whispered ‘I LOVE YOU’ into a small ear. Dishes were left on the counter, along with my phone, as I go outside to play, to ride skateboards, to make crafts.

When I focus on the big things, and spend even the smallest amount of time focused on doing something that gives me life, then the small crappy things (like dishes) don’t matter so much anymore.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Do you have daily practices that you do which help you be a better mom? We would love to hear from you in the comments!

You can incorporate these practices into your life as well through your Magical Morning routine. Check out these articles to learn more:

If you’d like to go deeper into the Magical Morning tools, and share the journey with an amazing group of women, then we invite you to join us for a FREE Webinar on Sunday 9^th August at 8pm which is the ESSENTIAL introduction to our 21 Day Magical Morning Mastermind Course which starts on August 16th. 

If you’d like to learn more about Mindfulness – check out the Beijing Mindfulness Centre and join the in-person Mindful Monday sessions or the Mindful Mothers group which meet in-person and online. 

Originally from New Zealand, WellWomen co-founder Rebecca considers herself a global citizen, and has lived in Australia, Canada, Nigeria and Indonesia and spent time in many more countries. She is just as at home paddling on the Delta Rivers in the Papua New Guinea jungle, as she is eating jianbing on the streets on Beijing. With a diverse background in media, marketing, events and education, Rebecca has written for the World Health Organization, BeijingKids magazine and various educational institutes in Beijing. The founder of the Clothing Auction Network, Rebecca is passionate about sustainable and ethical approaches to fashion, and is also taking her family on the journey towards a Zero Waste lifestyle. She is passionate about sustainable living; the mind as our most powerful tool; taking care of the body as a vessel as a precious place for the indwelling of the Divine;  our heart as the driving force behind respectful relationships with our children, spouses, each other and the earth; and connection with the community as an essential requirement for wellbeing.