Behold, the Unholy Crayfish Lip Gloss
Forget Year of the Pig. 2019 in China has been the Year of the Unwarranted Viral Branded Crossover Product™ — both real and imagined, with varying results.
White Rabbit perfume? Cute! Chinese beer as high fashion? Sure! Spicy chicken Oreos? Interesting. White Rabbit milk tea? Disappointing. When a famous Chengdu hotpot chain released toothpaste with three tiers of “spice,” we thought this trend had maybe hit an apex.
We were wrong.
Behold! Crayfish lip gloss — the branded crossover you absolutely didn’t need or think would ever need be invented — is here just in time for summer to lacquer your lips with a spicy, fishy sheen and just a touch of shimmer. There’s also a crayfish face mask if gloss isn’t your cup of tea.
Why. Why, why, why, why — just, why?
Crayfish is red when cooked, and lip gloss is sometimes red, and the similarities end there. Does it render wearers’ lips swollen and in searing pain for that girlish, bitten look? Does it actually taste like the popular crustacean? For now, we’ll redirect that question to the over 20,000 Chinese buyers that are snapping these lip gloss items up daily.
She seems to be doing okay.
Her, not so much.
So who exactly spawned this crossover that is making the Chinese internet go crazy, and editors like us weep? Blame TMall, cosmetic brand Chioture (稚优泉), and Shanghai dumpling chain Yang’s Dumplings (小杨生煎). Not satisfied merely capitalizing on the crayfish craze, they’ve also released a face mask version plastered with their popular fried dumpling.
It’s only a matter of time before we inevitably have to try them for ourselves...