【视频】请注意，这不是爱情！
Do you know what it means to have a trauma bond with someone?
你知道创伤性联结是什么意思吗？
Most people would wrongly assume that this means bonding with someone over a shared trauma.
大多数人会错误地认为，创伤性联结就是因为和某人有着共同的创伤而走到一起。
But actually, trauma bonding is a defining characteristic of many toxic and abusive relationships.
但事实上，创伤性联结是非常不健康的一种恋爱关系。
And it's often the main reason why we might find ourselves unable to leave them.
而且往往我们也很难从这种关系中脱身。
A drama bond refers to the deep emotional attachment one might feel towards their abuser.
这种联结非常戏剧的点是一个人对施虐者可能会产生深深的情感依恋。
And it's more likely to develop in those who have a history of abuse, exploitation, or emotional codependency in their past relationships.
而那些在过往情感史中有过虐待、剥削或依赖经历的人更有可能产生这种感觉。
Trauma bonds can easily be mistaken for feelings of love and commitment towards another person.
创伤性联结很容易被误认为是对他人的一种爱和承诺。
So, with that said, here are some signs to look out for that tell you if it's not actually love that you're experiencing, but a trauma bond.
但是，这里要指出一些创伤性联结的基本特征，让你能够区分到底什么才是爱。
Number one, the other person is outwardly charming.
第一，对方看起来很有魅力。
Of course, if given the choice, no one would willingly choose to pursue a relationship with someone who acts abusive towards them.
当然，如果可以选择，没有人会愿意与虐待自己的人发展关系。
The problem is however, the toxic relationships don't start out that way.
然而，问题是，有害的关系并不是以这种方式开始的。
And it's usually only when you've already experienced the abuse that you start to realize something is wrong.
通常只有当你已经在经历虐待时，你才会开始意识到有些事情不对劲。
You might develop a trauma bond with someone if they are outwardly charming, sweet, caring, and seem trustworthy to you, but don't be fooled.
如果某人外表迷人、甜蜜、体贴、看起来值得信任，你可能会与他们建立一种创伤性联结，但不要轻易陷进去。
There might be something more sinister lurking beneath it all.
这一切的背后可能潜藏着更险恶的东西。
Number two, they are emotionally unpredictable.
第二，他们情绪阴晴不定。
You might be asking yourself why don't people just leave the relationships once they realize that it's unhealthy for them.
你可能会问自己，当人们意识到这种关系对他们不健康时，为什么不干脆离开呢？
But the trouble is it's a lot harder to spot trauma bonding when it's up close and personal,
但问题是，如果是近距离的私人接触，就很难发现这种创伤性联结，
compared to if you just saw it happening to someone else.
相比之下，你倒是能够轻易注意到别人身上的问题。
This is because abusive partners can often be emotionally manipulative, too.
这是因为施虐的伴侣往往也会在情感上操控他人。
They might abuse you and devalue you only to shower you with kindness, apologies, and promises to change the next day.
他们可能会辱骂你，贬低你的价值，然后道歉，向你示弱，并承诺第二天就会改变。
This serves as positive reinforcement to make you second guess any thoughts you might have of leaving them.
这种行为循环会让你慢慢打消想要离开他们的想法。
Number three, they tend to take their problems out on you.
第三，他们会把自己的问题发泄到你的身上。
Think back to the last time this partner, friend, or family member heard some bad news or encountered a problem.
回想一下，你身边的某个伴侣、朋友或家人最后一次听到坏消息或遇到问题是什么时候。
How do they usually deal with it?
他们通常是怎么处理的？
Do they often lash out, take it out on you, even when you've done nothing wrong?
即使你没有做错什么，他们也经常对你发火吗？
They could be keeping you around as their psychological punching bag.
他们可能会把你当做情绪的出气筒。
And you deserve better than that.
你值得更好的。
Number four, they isolate you from your loved ones.
第四，他们不让你和你爱的人相处。
Some people might think it's sweet to have someone who wants them all to themselves, and gets jealous of those you spend your time with.
有些人可能会认为拥有这样的爱人是很甜蜜的，他想占据你所有的一切，嫉妒那些与你共度时光的人。
But there's a difference between loving someone so much you want them around all the time,
但爱一个人到你想让他一直在你身边却不是这样的，
and actively working to isolate them from the other important relationships in their lives.
爱一个人不会想要占据他的全部，不让其进行正常的社交。
Does this person get mad at you for spending time with anyone who isn't them?
这个人会因为你和除他们以外的人在一起而生你的气吗？
Do they try to control who you're with or ask you to distance yourself from your friends and family?
他们是否试图控制你和谁在一起，或者让你与你的朋友和家人保持距离？
If the answer is yes, then that's as clear a red flag as any.
如果答案是肯定的，那么这就是一个明显的危险信号。
Number five, you deny or minimize their abusive behavior.
第五，你否认或最小化他们的虐待行为。
Now let's look at all the ways the trauma bond might affect you and your behavior.
现在让我们看看创伤性联结可能会影响你和你的行为的哪些方面。
Oftentimes the most telling sign that you are in a destructive relationship,
通常情况下，最能说明你处于一段不健康关系中的信号是，
is if you find yourself constantly trying to deny or minimize the other person's wrongdoings.
如果你发现自己一直在试图否认或最小化他人的错误行为。
We look past all their mistreatment towards us and minimize the abuse by saying things like, oh, it's not that bad really, or I don't mind it.
我们忽略了他们对我们的虐待，并通过说这样的话来尽量减少这种感觉，比如，哦，真的没有那么糟糕，或者我不介意。
Because in the moment, it's easier for us to just brush it off instead of confronting what might be a terrible harsh reality.
因为眼下，我们很容易对其置之不理，而不想面对可怕的严酷现实。
That the person you're with is abusing you.
不想承认和你在一起的人在虐待你。
Number six, you constantly make excuses for them.
第六，你总是为他们找借口。
The moment you can no longer deny or minimize what the other person has done,
一旦你不能再否认或忽视对方的所作所为，
and a family member or friend says something like what they did to you is not okay, don't let them treat you like that,
家人或朋友说他们对你做的事情是不好的，不要让他们那样对待你，
you're still most likely going to try to make excuses for them and come to their defense.
你仍然很可能会试图为他们找借口，并为他们辩护。
At times, you might even find yourself feeling like you deserve their mistreatment.
有时，你甚至会觉得自己是罪有应得。
Once you start thinking like this, that is a critical sign that you are in a trauma bond and not a loving relationship.
一旦你开始这样想，这就表明你处于一段创伤性联结中，这不是爱情。
Number seven, you're becoming more and more emotionally numb.
第七，你的情绪变得越来越麻木。
Have you noticed yourself feeling less and less lately?
你最近有没有发现自己感觉越来越不舒服？
Like you are detached and emotionally numb.
就像你没有感觉了，情感上已经麻木了。
You might be feeling this way,
你可能会有这种感觉，
because subconsciously it's your mind's way of coping with all of the abuse that it's had to deal with from the person you're trauma bonded to.
因为在潜意识中，这是你的大脑处理所有虐待的方式，它必须处理你受到的所有虐待。
You can't take any more pain, fear, anger, or heartache.
你再也承受不了这种痛苦、恐惧、愤怒或心痛了。
So instead, you close yourself off from all of your emotions.
因此，相反，你将自己与所有的情感隔绝开来。
You're not as vibrant, talkative, or expressive as you used to be.
你不再像以前那样精力充沛、健谈或善于表达了。
And they're the reason why.
这就是为什么。
And number eight, you're hiding aspects of your relationship from others.
第八，你对别人隐瞒了你的恋爱关系。
Finally, but perhaps most importantly, if you start to hide to certain aspects of your relationship from those around you,
最后，也许最重要的是，如果你开始对你周围的人隐藏你关系的某些方面，
then you know that there's definitely something wrong.
那你就知道肯定有什么不对劲。
Because why else would you actively try to cover up how bad things are getting between you two.
因为要不然你为什么要积极地掩盖你们之间的关系有多糟糕。
Loyalty towards an abusive significant other is a hallmark of trauma bonding.
在这样一段关系中，还会对另一半表示忠诚就是创伤性联结的标志。
So you might find yourself becoming defensive or even angered by other people's attempts to intervene in your relationship and help you.
因此，你可能会发现自己变得非常保守，如果别人试图干预你的关系或帮助你，你都会被激怒。
Do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here?
上面说到的这些点与你有关系吗？
If you or anyone you know is trapped in a trauma bond with someone abusive, don't hesitate to speak out and seek professional help today.
如果你或你认识的任何人正处于这种创伤性联结中，请毫不犹豫地告诉对方并去寻求专业的帮助。
And if you need to, get in touch with authorities who can help you too.
如果你需要的话，与可以帮助你的机构取得联系。
素材来源：Youtube