C-go parenting 致C-go父母们的一封信

Everything we do is directed toward improving kids and families in our society. Our examples and analysis will all be serving our purpose to focus on kids and families in China. Reasons being that, we have studied the situation in the country for sometime now and know the specific needs of kids and families. Equally, the challenges of any fast-paced development, solicits the support of many to obtain sustainability. We hope to support the many parents around the country who are lost about what to do in so many situations in the process of raising kids.

我们所做的一切都是为了改善我们社会中的孩子和家庭。我们的例子和分析都将有助于我们专注于中国的儿童和家庭。为此我们研究了一段时间国内的情况，了解了孩子和家庭的具体需求。面对任何快速发展的挑战，同样都需要许多人的支持才能获得可持续性。我们希望在抚养孩子的过程中，这个能够帮助到在很多情况下迷失方向的父母。

After working with kids and parents for many years, We have decided to work as a team to handle some of the key determinants of our children's performances.  These performances are the key values that determine the quality of the person we are raising in a “three-facet-circle”family-institutions-society.

在与孩子和父母一起工作多年后，我们决定成为一个团体来处理我们孩子表现的一些关键决定因素。在“三面圈”家庭制度社会中，这些表现是反映我们所培养的人的素质和价值观。

Most of what we will be sharing is based on the Chinese experience. The Chinese family situation, the institutions and how they blend in with each other and finally the society, surrounded by its many cultural values,societal challenges and it’s   fast-paced development.

我们将要分享的大部分是基于中国的经验。中国的家庭状况、制度以及它们如何相互融合，最终融入到社会中，它是被其众多的文化价值观、社会挑战和快速发展所包围着的。

Getting Kids to Listen To You

让你的孩子听你的话

My kids don’t listen to me! That’s the number one parenting challenge we get often from parents.
Although different words are used to describe the problem, most say something like “Getting the kids to listen to me and do what I ask the first time.” When you talk about your kids listening to you, it’s more than just being able to parrot back what you said.

我的孩子不听我的话！在嘉定，这是我们经常听附近的父母说的一句话。

虽然用不同的词来描述这个问题，但大多数人都会说“让孩子听我的话，我一说你就要去做。”当你谈论你的孩子听你说话时，这不仅仅是重复你说的话。

Listening is an active process which involves:

·        Paying attention to what is being said

·        Observing the tone of voice and gestures

·        Thinking about what is being communicated

·        Responding

·          倾听是一个积极的过程，包括：

·          注意说话的措辞；

·        观察说话的语气声音和身体语言；·        思考沟通内容。

When your kids are listening to you, they understand what you are communicating. Whether they respond as you would like is another matter!

当你的孩子听你说话时，他们理解你在交流什么。他们的反应是否如你所愿是另一回事！

                                    Controlling Listening
              控制倾听  

If you try to force your kids to listen to you and obey your request, you’ve set yourself up for a power struggle. You may say to yourself “Well I’m the parent! My kids should listen to me and do what I ask the first time I ask!”
You’re right. You are the parent and the person in authority. However, your kids are independent beings who choose their own behavior. Ultimately you control your own behavior, not theirs.
Being crystal clear about who controls what allows you to focus your energy where it counts – changing your own behavior. One of the natural responses to kids not listening is to raise your voice and repeat yourself. This teaches your kids to wait until you are screaming like a maniac before they actually dow hat you’ve asked. This is not the lesson you want your kids to learn!

如果你试图强迫你的孩子听你的话并服从你的要求，那么你已经为权力斗争做好了准备。你可以对自己说：“好吧，我是你的父母！我的孩子们应该听我的，当我第一次问的时候，就按我的要求去做！”

你说得对。你是父母，是当权者。然而，你的孩子是独立的人，他们选择自己的行为。最终你控制自己的行为，而不是他们的。

你必须清楚地知道是谁控制着什么局面，把精力集中在重要的地方——改变你自己的行为。对不听话的孩子的自然反应之一就是提高你的声音，重复你自己那些话。这就告诉你的孩子们等到你像疯子一样尖叫之前，都可以不用去做那些你要求他们做的事情。这不是你想让你的孩子知道的事情！

·       

       Making them listen  
         让他们倾听

How can you increase the chances your kids will listen to you the first time? Your kids are more likely to listen when you are:

·physically near to them, not speaking from across the room or another room

·touching them lightly on the shoulder or arm as you speak

·asking them to confirm their understanding of your request

Doing these three things reinforces the importance of your message. If your kids do not do what you have requested, then you help them do it instead of repeating your request. 

你第一次说话的时候，怎么能让孩子们听你说？当你在以下情况下，你的孩子更愿意倾听：

·身体靠近他们，不要跨过房间或在其他房间说话；

 ·  说话时轻轻地触摸他们的肩膀或手臂；

·和他们确认一下对你的要求是否理解。

做这三件事能够强化你信息的重要性。如果你的孩子没有按照你的要求去做，那么你就帮助他们去做，而不是重复你的要求。

For example, a mom and her daughter were out for a walk.There was a grassy bank next to the sidewalk and the girl walked up on the hill. The mom told her “Don’t walk in the wet grass!” The girl continued walking along the hill. After a couple minutes the mom exclaimed “I asked you to get off the wet grass!” The girl still didn’t respond. The irritated mom began counting “That’s 1, that’s 2”, before she hit “3” the girl was back on thesidewalk. 

例如：一位母亲和她的女儿出去散步。人行道旁边有一个长满青草的河岸，那个女孩走上去。妈妈告诉她“不要在潮湿的草地上行走！“那女孩继续沿着草地走着。几分钟后，妈妈大声说：“我让你从湿草上下来！“那女孩还是没有反应。愤怒的妈妈开始数“1，2”，在她数到“3”之前，女孩回到了人行道上。

If you make a request like this and your child ignores it, you need to take action. In this example, the mother could have walked up the hill, taken her daughter’s hand and led her back to the sidewalk. Her daughter would have received a clear message that if she doesn’t follow her mother’s request, her mother will intervene to help her do it.

如果您提出这样的要求，而小朋友忽略了它，那么您需要采取行动。在这个例中，母亲本可以走上去，牵着女儿的手，把她带回到人行道上。她的女儿会收到一个明确的信息，如果她不按照她母亲的要求去做，她母亲会强制帮助她去做。

         Allowing Natural Consequences To Teach
   允许自然后果教育

When you teach your children to listen the first time,you are giving them responsibility for remembering and acting. Continually reminding your children puts the responsibility back on you. 

当你教你的孩子们第一次听的时候，你就给了他们记住和行动的责任。不断提醒你的孩子要重新承担起责任。

Suppose your child’s library book is due at school tomorrow and you’ve asked him to put it in his backpack. At this point, it’s upto him to take action. If he forgets, he won’t be able to check another book out of the library. As long as you can stop yourself from reminding him again,he will learn from the consequences. 

假设你孩子的图书馆藏书明天就要到期了，你让他把书放在背包里。在这一点上，由他来采取行动。如果他忘了，他就不能从图书馆里再借阅一本书了。只要你能阻止自己再次提醒他，他就会从后果中吸取教训。

Natural consequences are powerful teachers. Sometimesthere isn’t a natural consequence so you may need to impose a consequence. Forexample, if you’ve asked your child to turn off the TV and she has not done it,you can turn off the TV for her. 

自然后果是强大的教师。有时没有自然的结果，所以你可能需要强加一个结果。例如，如果你要求你的孩子关掉电视，而她没有这样做，你可以为她关掉电视。

You can change your behavior to increase the chances your kids will listen the first time. Try to set up the situation so they can successfully listen to you.If they don’t do what you’ve asked, do not repeat yourself or start yelling.Either take action to help them do what you’ve requested or let a natural consequence happen. Soon they’ll learn that listening the first time is their best choice!

你可以改变你的行为，来增加你一次说话孩子们就听的机会。试着设置情境，这样他们就能成功地倾听你的声音。如果他们不按你的要求做，不要重复你自己的话，也不要开始大喊大叫。要么采取行动帮助他们做你要求的事情，要么让一个自然的结果发生。很快他们就会知道家长说第一次时候，他们就采取行动是他们最好的选择！

Together with C-go parents, we invite parents all over China to learn together and  understand the needs of children and how to raise them in a way that is less stressful but yet yielding the results of the great person our world so desires. 

与家长一起，让全国的家长一起学习并且f理解孩子们的需求，以及如何以一种压力较小,但却能培养出我们这个世界所渴望的伟大人物品格。