教孩子变勇敢的五种方式！
每位家长都不愿看到自己孩子过得艰难！但作为家长必须清楚的是，要让孩子为漫漫人生路上的艰难困苦做好准备！
No parent wants their kid’s lives to be difficult. But we also know that part of our job is to prepare our kids for the hard knocks and tough breaks they’re sure to encounter.
如果孩子没有学会在哪跌倒就在哪爬起来，没有学会用勇气和决心面对命运的不公和困苦，我们还能让他们当下这个竞争压力巨大的社会中实现自我么？答案是否定的！直升机家长(像直升机一样盘旋在孩子上空,监视着他们的家长)同样懂得这个道理，但他们没有这么做。如果家长不愿放手去让孩子经历挫折，他们是学不会勇敢的！
How do we set them up for success in today’s competitive world if they never learn to get up when they fall, to face misfortune and mess-ups with courage and resolve? We can’t. While helicopter parents won’t want to hear it, our kids can’t learn to be brave unless we’re willing to let them fall, and sometimes fall hard.
五
种方式来鼓励孩子变得勇敢且独立
Here are five ways to encourage your kids to become courageous and self-reliant.
01
从小事做起
Start with the Bed
勇敢并不是一种独立的品质。Linda Kaplan Thaler(《Grit to Great》的作者之一)说道：我们要从教会他们每天叠被子开始。海豹突击队队员们认为这是他们训练中学会的最重要的一项。在孩子们出门之前，回头看到整洁的床铺，会给他们带来一种成就感。并且，这也教会了他们如何熟练地做好每一件小事，毕竟：天下难事，必做于易；天下大事，必做于细。
Being brave is not a standalone quality. Linda Kaplan Thaler, coauthor of Grit to Great, says we should start by teaching them to make their beds every day. “Navy Seals insist that this is one of the most important things they learn in training,” she says. “Making a bed gives kids a feeling of accomplishment before they even leave the house. Plus, it teaches them how to do small things expertly, since they can’t master big things until they master the smallest ones.”
02
孩子自己能做好的事，绝不帮忙
Never Do What They Can Do
犹他心理治疗中心的负责人Annabella Hagen说：“孩子们能真正的自己找到克服困难的办法，才是真的成长！如果我们在他们面临挑战时总是提供帮助他们，他们就不会知道自己能真正解决问题。”
“Finding their own solutions is the only way children will stretch themselves, grow, and mature,” says Annabella Hagen, a psychologist and owner of Mindset Family Therapy in Utah. “If we rescue them every time they face a challenge, they won’t learn that they can actually problem-solve for themselves.”
你怎么知道孩子什么时候能够完全独立呢？任何孩子可以自己做的事情，你就要让他们自己去做，哪怕你觉得你来帮助他们会使事情变得更简单！
How do you know when to let a kid fly without a net? “Anything you know your child can do for themselves, they should do themselves, even if it would be easier and quicker for you to solve it for them,” she says.
03
给孩子讲你的故事
Share a Struggle
Emma’s Worry Clouds是一本可以帮助孩子走出焦虑的书。作者Hagen建议说：你要和孩子讨论一个现阶段的可分享的问题，并且告诉他你要以如何积极的方式来解决它，哪怕这么做对你来说很艰难！
Hagen, author of Emma’s Worry Clouds, a children’s book that helps kids overcome anxiety. “Discuss a current, shareable problem with your child, and the positive way you are handling it, even though it’s been hard for you,” she suggests.
她补充说：如果孩子们看到父母面对并解决问题的方式，他们就会有勇气去面对自己的困难！
If kids see that their parents face and then resolve their own challenges, she adds, it gives them the guts to handle their own scrapes.
04
给孩子冒险的机会
Expose Them to Risk
运动心理学家Jim Taylor博士（《积极推动：如何培养一个成功的快乐的孩子》一书的作者）说：“当你给孩子们冒险的机会，或者在安全的环境中从事有风险的活动时，这有助于他们勇气的培养。”
When you give kids the opportunity to take risks, or to do risky activities in a secure environment, you help produce pluckiness, says sports psychologist Jim Taylor, Ph.D., author of *Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child.
Taylor说：比如，室内攀岩是有趣的，非常安全的，但同时也会将他们推离舒适区，让他们觉得自己在做一些勇敢的事情。当然，斯巴达勇士儿童赛也能提供同样的好处。
Indoor climbing, for example, is “fun, very safe, and yet pushes them out of their comfort zone enough to make them feel like they’re doing something brave,” Taylor says. Of course, a Spartan Kids Race can provide the same benefits.
05
给他们一支“长矛”
Give Them a Spear
确保孩子的安全是至关重要的，但要注意保护和纵容之间的细微差别。《50件危险的事情（你应该让你的孩子去做）》的作者Gever Tulley在TED TALK中说到：我们正溺爱着我们的孩子，这样剥夺了他们学习如何与世界及挑战互动的宝贵机会。
It’s crucial to ensure your kid’s safety, but beware the thin line between protecting and pampering. In his fascinating TED Talk, Gever Tulley, author of 50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do), suggests that by coddling our young we’re cutting them off from valuable opportunities to learn how to interact with the world and its challenges.
相反，我们应该鼓励他们扔矛，去露营，玩火。Tulley说，让他们尝到危险的滋味不仅会让他们变得勇敢，而且也会变得好奇、自信和自立。
Instead, we should encourage them to throw spears, sleep in the wild, and fool around with fire. Giving them a taste of danger not only teaches them to be brave, Tulley says, but to be curious, confident, and self-reliant as well.
最后，提高你孩子的勇气对你和他们都有好处。“艰难险阻是好事”的原则可以成为任何家庭文化的一部分，Hagen说：“这需要大量时间，但我们可以教育孩子接受这种人生观及其挑战。”
In the end, boosting bravery in your kids benefits you as much as them. “The principle of ‘hard is good’ can become part of any family culture,” Hagen says. “It takes time, but children can be taught to embrace that outlook on life and its challenges.”
“如果你在孩子小的时候让他们的生活更轻松，他们长大后会使你的生活更艰难。”。“如果你在孩子小的时候让他们的生活更艰难，他们会让你在他们长大后生活更轻松。相信所有的父母都可以做出正确的选择。”
“If you make life easier for your children when they are young, they will make life harder for you when they are older,” she says. “If you make life harder for your children when they are young, they will make life easier for you when they are older. All parents get to make that choice.”
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