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北岛 l 结局或开始 朗诵: 崔永元

北岛BeiDao 此刻在天涯 2020-03-29


Route 15 by Jean Paul Lemieux




结局或开始 | 北岛
      ——献给遇罗克

我,站在这里
代替另一个被杀害的人
为了每当太阳升起
让沉重的影子像道路
穿过整个国土

悲哀的雾
覆盖着补丁般错落的屋顶
在房子与房子之间
烟囱喷吐着灰烬般的人群
温暖从明亮的树梢吹散
逗留在贫困的烟头上
一只只疲倦的手中
升起低沉的乌云

以太阳的名义
黑暗在公开地掠夺
沉默依然是东方的故事
人民在古老的壁画上
默默地永生
默默地死去

呵,我的土地
你为什么不再歌唱
难道连黄河纤夫的绳索
也像绷断的琴弦
不再发出鸣响
难道时间这面晦暗的镜子
也永远背对着你
只留下星星和浮云

我寻找着你
在一次次梦中
一个个多雾的夜里或早晨
我寻找春天和苹果树
蜜蜂牵动的一缕缕微风
我寻找海岸的潮汐
浪峰上的阳光变成的鸥群
我寻找砌在墙里的传说
你和我被遗忘的姓名

如果鲜血会使你肥沃
明天的枝头上
成熟的果实
会留下我的颜色

必须承认
在死亡白色的寒光中
我,战栗了
谁愿意做陨石
或受难者冰冷的塑像
看着不熄的青春之火
在别人的手中传递
即使鸽子落到肩上
也感不到体温和呼吸
它们梳理一番羽毛
又匆匆飞去

我是人
我需要爱
我渴望在情人的眼睛里
度过每个宁静的黄昏
在摇篮的晃动中
等待着儿子第一声呼唤
在草地和落叶上
在每一道真挚的目光上
我写下生活的诗
这普普通通的愿望
如今成了做人的全部代价

一生中
我曾多次撒谎
却始终诚实地遵守着
一个儿时的诺言
因此,那与孩子的心
不能相容的世界
再也没有饶恕过我

我,站在这里
代替另一个被杀害的人
没有别的选择
在我倒下的地方
将会有另一个人站起
我的肩上是风
风上是闪烁的星群

也许有一天
太阳变成了萎缩的花环
垂放在
每一个不屈的战士
森林般生长的墓碑前
乌鸦,这夜的碎片
纷纷扬扬

* 今天,2020年3月5号是遇罗克罹难五十周年。


AN END OR A BEGINNING
                for Yu Luoke

Here I stand
Replacing another, who has been murdered
So that each time the sun rises
A heavy shadow, like a road
Shall run across the land

A sorrowing mist
Covers the uneven patchwork of roofs
Between one house and another
Chimneys spout ashy crowds
Warmth effuses from gleaming trees
Lingering on the wretched cigarette stubs
Low black clouds arise
From every tired hand

In the name of the sun
Darkness plunders openly
Silence is still the story of the East
People on age-old frescoes
Silently live forever
Silently die and are gone

Ah, my beloved land
Why don't you sing anymore
Can it be true that even the ropes of the Yellow River towmen
Like sundered lute-strings
Reverberate no more
True that time, this dark mirror
Has also turned its back on you forever
Leaving only stars and drifting clouds behind

I look for you
In every dream
Every foggy night or morning
I look for spring and apple trees
Every wisp of breeze stirred up by honey bees
I look for the seashore's ebb and flow
The seagulls formed from sunlight on the waves
I look for the stories built into the wall
Your forgotten name and mine

If fresh blood could make you fertile
The ripened fruit
On tomorrow's branches
Would bear my color

I must admit
That I trembled
In the death-white chilly light
Who wants to be a meteorite
Or a martyr's ice-cold statue
Watching the unextinguished fire of youth
Pass into another's hand
Even if doves alight on its shoulder
It can't feel their bodies' warmth and breath
they preen their wings
And quickly fly away

I am a man
I need love
I long to pass each tranquil dusk
Under my love's eyes
Waiting in the cradle's rocking
For the child's first cry
On the grass and fallen leaves
On every sincere gaze
I write poems of life
This universal longing
Has now become the whole cost of being a man

I have lied many times
In my life
But I have always honestly kept to
The promise I made as a child
So that the world which cannot tolerate
A child's heart
Has still not forgiven me

Here I stand
Replacing another, who has been murdered
I have no other choice
And where I fall
Another will stand
A wind rests on my shoulders
Stars glimmer in the wind

Perhaps one day
The sun will become a withered wreath
To hang before
The growing forest of gravestones
Of each unsubmitting fighter
Black crows the night's tatters
Flock thick around

Translated by Bonnie S. McDougall



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