All I Asked. | Chapter III
Previously On
All I Asked.
“Long long ago, in a town covered with snow, there was an angel. The angel lived with no other thoughts, but to love and be loved by me.”
— — Author.
III
It was the 24th of December, the day before our fourth anniversary. The town was covered with snow, and so was my hope. Huge pain came along and choked me with tears every day.
It was only until then, when I looked out from the window of my new proper apartment, thinking of the dark, damp but perfect basement that Owen and I used to live in, I found that a heart-rending memory would actually give you the physical pain on your heart. And, it was only until then, when I was suffering from insomnia in the middle of the night, I realized that it was much easier to die with love than to fall into agony alone.
I had been waiting in front of the sonic store where we used to walk pass again and again. I assumed if he found his way back, he wouldn’t get lost. But I never walked into the store, simply because I didn’t want to bother Mrs. Isabelle.
However, on the 24th, I did, and I asked Mrs. Isabelle whether I could take her to a Christmas Eve dinner since she was like the only connection I had with Owen, the record player, and the precious memory of that night. At least there was another person who experienced the existence of our love, I guess.
She paused for a while and refused me with an expression I could never forget. The expression of guilt and mystery. She never looked into my eyes that day, perhaps that’s because she was busy with her work, or something unspeakable. Somehow, my intuition told me there was something ulterior.
“Is there anything wrong? Mrs. Isabelle?” I rushed in front of the counter, and stared into her eyes while I was wishing my intuition was wrong.
She turned backward and paced back and forth with hesitation in her eyes. A moment later, she started to speak.
“I am sorry, kid. I… I had no choice. I… I knew who was your ‘girlfriend’, and I… If you guys got… caught, I would lose my life too by hiding you guys behind drapes. So … So… So…I told those men and… in order to…” She suddenly stopped talking.
No one would ever taste the same feeling of me then. The feeling of anger, regret, hate and remorse. Among all those feelings, remorse came first. If it wasn’t because of me, buying the record player, Mrs. Isabelle wouldn’t have found out about our relationship.
I turned my back to her and closed my eyes. My body was shivering with disgust when she started to speak again.
“I wasn’t sure… wasn’t sure whether 2 men can… fall in love, and you have proven me wrong.” said Ms. Isabelle, with a detestable voice.
I blame myself, by being a queer.
I blame her, by being a bitch.
I blame the society, by being a beast.
I calmed all the blames with all the pain I experienced in the last year, and encapsulated them into the questions:
“Where is Owen now? Is he still alive?”
“I’m sorry Dan, I think criminals like him will be… executed… within a year after being arrested.”
I asked for the address of the correction, and I begged God to help me once, just this once, let me see him, let me see my boy, let me die with no regret.
My legs dragged my body out of the store, and my body pulled my soul. I let the bise* of the severe winter sway away my tears and all the emotions I wanted to leave behind.
I ran with the wind ceaselessly, heading north, until I smelt a malodor coming out from a rusted gate enclosed by some tight wire meshes.
It was near the midnight, but not quite. I could tell this because I saw scattered fireworks displaying in the dark sky, it was the governors, preparing for the climatic moment later at midnight .
I searched through the meshes while I was yelling his name. I was not afraid at all, I knew I had missed my chance last time, I couldn’t afford to miss again.
I sat down in a corner where no one could see, I peeked into the meshes and prayed for his appearance. As minutes passed by, my anxious heart beat faster.
My body was freezing but my boiling tears kept my face burning. The blood vessels of my hands were blocked by the temperature. Later my numb hands started to turn purple. I was trembling with pain all over my body, but I was never thinking of leaving, because I had sworn to God: if Owen shall die, then we shall die together.
The tears staining on my face started to freeze.The wind almost knocked me unconscious, but I forced myself to keep my eyes open in order to keep my mind awake.
My visions were blurred, but I could feel the iridescent fireworks from miles away flashing in a more and more frequent pace.
It was almost the midnight, the midnight of Christmas, of our fourth and perhaps last anniversary.
When my head started to buzz, I saw a man around 6.5 feet, with long hair, and beard covering all over his face faltering inside the meshes.
I strove to stand up, with all the strength I had.
“Owen!!!” I yelled with all the pain I tasted in the past year.
To be continued.
Bise*(A dry cold northern wind in southeastern Europe during winter [France, Switzerland, Italy…])
For The Previous Chapters:
All I Asked. |Every Friday 21:00 | See You Then.
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