一封推心置腹的拒绝信

还没有被录取的孩子，这封信反映出来顶尖大学那些无法公之于众的招生手段和深层观念，让你知道大学是否接受你入学，根本无法代表对你个人的评判、更不能预测你将来的成就，人生中经受的那些拒绝会让你变得更加强大！

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亲爱的申请人：

Dear Applicant,

招生委员会在仔细审核申请材料后遗憾地通知您：我们无法在20XX年新入学的年级中为您提供一席之地，也不能将您增补进候选名单。本年度我校生源非同凡响，其原因归功于招生委员会再次发动卓有成效的营销攻势来吸引包括您在内的候选人，尽管我们一开始就心照不宣地决定将您拒之门外。

The Admissions Committee has carefully considered your application and we regret to inform you that we will not be able to offer you admission in the entering class of 20XX, or a position on one of our alternate lists. The applicant pool this year was particularly strong, and by that I mean the Admissions Committee once again sent candidates like you multiple enticing pamphlets encouraging you to apply, knowing full well we had no intention of accepting you.

但您也许为自己对降低我校录取率做出的贡献感到欣慰。录取率的不断走低使我校显得格外出众，并有助于赢得权贵子弟和旷世奇才的青睐。权贵子弟的家长将为我校捐助各类昂贵的体育场馆，而旷世奇才则根本无需学校投入任何资源即可功成名就。

However, you will be pleased to know that you have contributed to our declining admissions rate, which has helped our university appear exclusive. This allows us to attract our real candidates: upper-class kids and certified geniuses who will glean no new information from our courses or faculty, whose parents can incentivize us with a new swimming pool or lacrosse stadium.

值得一提的是：我们并不希望成为一个与世隔绝的学术象牙塔。相反我们期望积极建设多元化的校园氛围并欢迎各界学生踊跃申请。但我校招生过程颇为独特，其标准是注重当下而非纠结过往，这是由荣获诺贝尔、皮博迪、奥斯卡等奖项的我校杰出教师团队设定的众多教学手段之一。

As a reminder, we don’t aspire to be a socially exclusive learning environment. In fact, we have chosen to actively pursue a more diverse campus and welcome all minorities. But our admissions program is quite unique; we combat past discrimination by discriminating in the present. It is one of the many techniques that our Nobel, Peabody, and Oscaraward-winning faculty has helped to develop.

当然我们会考虑来自各种背景、课堂内外均有建树的申请人，但我们真正想培养的英才是那些持之以恒地钻研某一单项器乐、运动或其他活动的学者型学生。除非您是纽约时报畅销书的作者、英特尔科学赛的冠军、或者仅用太阳能和卫生巾即能治愈甲类糖尿病的专利拥有人，否则将在申请生源之中排名垫底。

While we consider applicants from all backgrounds who excel both in and out of the classroom, we really want student savants who relentlessly pursue a single instrument, sport, or other activity. Unless you have written a New York Times bestseller, won first place in the Intel Science Fair, or cured type 1 diabetes using only solar power and atampon string, we’ll put you at the bottom of the pool.

可能令您大惑不解的是，为何有着近乎完美的SAT和ACT成绩、全部满分的十二门AP考试、以及四个俱乐部主席这样出色条件还不足以使您从众多申请人中脱颖而出。请知晓多项其他因素亦在我们的审核之列：例如社会政治经济背景、亚洲人名、身材标准、以及罗尔沙赫氏性格测验（招生官从远处是否能够鉴别出你档案中的形象）。

You may be wondering how a near-perfect SAT and ACT, a dozen perfect AP scores, and your presidency of four clubs did not distinguish you from the pack. Please know that we take many other factors into account as well, including socio-political-monetary context, Asian-ness of name, BMI, and modified-Rorschach (in which one of our assistants holds your application from across the room and we try to discern the outline of your profile).

您应该很清楚我校招生委员会并未被您刻意表现出的“韬光养晦”或者“全面发展”所蒙蔽。千里迢迢赶赴发展中国家充当志愿者固然可嘉，但真正仗义之士首先会从帮助自己居住的社区着手；就像真正豪阔之辈直接洽购一个发展中国家供其后代耕耘改良。我们心知肚明的是您对“YajQ蛋白质家族对催生细菌增长的环状GMP控制效应”课题的深入研究并非出自服务长者的一片真情；这不过是您为粉饰自己简历制造的泡沫而已。更重要的是，您那段只拿最低工资的工作经历肯定没有培养出所谓的“忍耐力、团队精神和领导能力“。除了怨天尤人和误选专业的懊恼之外，那些底薪工作不会让人学到任何东西。

You should also know that our committee did not fall for your attempts to look “humble” or “well-rounded.” Volunteering in developing countries is nice, but truly generous individuals volunteer to improve their local communities, while truly wealthy families buy a third-world country for their child to gentrify. We also realize that your extensive study of how “Novel cyclic di-GMP effectors of the YajQ protein family control bacterial virulence” was not influenced by your passion for “volunteering with the elderly,” nor was it anything but a résumé inflator. Most importantly, we know that your minimum-wage job did not teach you “patience, teamwork and leadership.” No one learns anything from minimum-wage jobs except how much they hate people and that they shouldn’t have majored in political science.

事实上我们对传统意义上的可造之材已经兴味索然，我们梦寐以求的是那些标新立异或特立独行者，以便为功成名就的校友名录增添光彩。您对我校的价值仅限于作为录取率分母而带来对未来生源的额外吸引力。鉴于您并非爱玛·华生（主演“哈里波特”的女一号），或詹姆斯·佛朗科（“蜘蛛侠”系列电影的主演）这一事实，我们奉劝您慎重考虑就读州立大学或其他收费同样昂贵的二流大学，并在您的余生能够走出阴影自强不息。

The reality is that we are no longer looking for students who are remarkable candidates for college; we are looking for people who have already made a difference, so that we can grow our list of impressive alumni. Your value to our college depends solely on your ability to attract future applicants. Since you are no Emma Watson or James Franco, we urge you to consider your acceptance letters from state universities and equally expensive second-tier schools, and commence nursing an inferioritycomplex for the rest of your life.

我们衷心地希望您发自内心地原谅我们对您“无尽潜能”的无视。祝愿您能以虎爸虎妈为榜样，尽心竭力地培养下一代，三十年后再度为提升我校在大学排行榜上的名次做出贡献。

We sincerely hope that you find it in your heart to forgive us for not “seeing” your “full potential.” Please remember that we will need your tiger-parent instincts in approximately three decades when you push your own children to the brink of death, and once again help us boost our US News & World Report ranking.

祝好

招生办主任

Best,

Dean of Admissions

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作者：Mimi Evans，编译：Pearly，原载：TIMOTHY McSWEENEY，本文版权归属作者/译者/原载媒体所有。

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