"I'm Queer And Proud To Be Who I Am"
Author: Zach Bomberger 包腾龙
June is Pride Month, when the world's LGBTQ+ communities come together and celebrate the freedom to be themselves. Pride gatherings are rooted in the arduous history of LGBTQ+ people who have struggled to overcome prejudice, fight for their rights, and be accepted for who they are.
Zach, an expat who has lived in China for over three years, shares his story of coming out and being queer in today's world.
I'm queer, been out for 12 years, and I am proud to be who I am. You might have hard a time coming to grip with what I just told you, but I need to you to stop and think.
This is not easy for me to share with you. Coming out is a process that all queer people must go through and it's our decision when we tell people, who we will tell, how we tell them, and why we want to tell them.
我是同性恋，已经公开性取向（即“出柜”）12年了，我很自豪能一直做我自己。你可能很难理解我刚刚告诉你的事情，但我希望你可以停下来思考一下。
出柜是几乎所有同性恋者必须经历的过程，这个过程对于我来说并不容易。至于同性恋者什么时候出柜，向谁出柜，怎么出柜和为什么要出柜，这些都是我们自己的决定和选择。
Being queer, even in today's world, is still not easy. Even though many countries, states, provinces, and cities have enacted friendlier policies towards queer people and more people are accepting of us, there are still people and places that are ignorant of me and my community.
In many countries, including my current country of residency China, people like me are forced to hide because of fear. Fear that people will reject us, not understand us, or treat us in an ill manner, especially those who love us the most.
Many societies tell their people how they should live their lives, including China’s. It's because of pressure from society and people's unwillingness to change traditional ideas that many queer people conform.
Instead of doing what makes us happy, we do what makes other people happy. This last resort decision along with people’s ignorant attitudes hurt us and makes us feel unnecessary shame for who we are. Anytime someone tells us that who we are is wrong, that other people cannot accept us, or say anything negative about us, it destroys our confidence and willpower to continue believing that there is nothing wrong with us.
This kind of negativity strikes itself into our hearts and souls and if we must endure this kind of situation for a long time, it can even drive us to commit suicide because we think that no one loves us and that we made the wrong decision for being honest and true to ourselves.
即使今天，在这个看似更包容的世界里，同性恋的生活仍然不容易。尽管许多国家和城市已经对同性恋者制定了更友好的政策，并且越来越多的人接受了我们，但仍然很多人对我的取向，我的社群一无所知。比如我现在居住在的中国，很多像我这样同性恋者因为害怕而被迫躲藏起来，包括中国在内的许多国家，因为害怕人们，甚至是那些最爱我们的人，会拒绝我们，不理解我们，或者以恶劣的方式对待我们。
有一些社会声音会告诉同性恋者该如何在社会立足，如何“保护自己”，比如同性恋者如何在中国生活。但这些所谓的“如何生存”并不是让同性恋者做真正让自己开心的事，而是去学会如何取悦他人，取悦社会。往往是因为社会的压力和那些不愿意改变传统观念的人，许多同性恋者不得不被逼入柜中。人们的无知伤害了我们，让我们感到羞耻。但我们为什么要为做一个真正的自己而羞耻呢？每当听到有人说我们的取向是“错”的，我们无法被社会接受，甚至其他更负面的言语，我们的信心都会受到伤害，以至于很难再继续相信自己。这些消极的情绪甚至会侵蚀我们的灵魂，让我们感觉不再被爱。当忍耐到达极限时，我们放弃了接纳自己，悲剧可能就会发生，比如，有些同性恋者最终选择了自杀。
Moreover, it’s not easy for us to express ourselves in public with our partners, unlike straight people. Straight people can be as affectionate as they want, even too much, and people view that as being normal.
However, for queer people in places where people are not as accepting, especially smaller towns or conservative areas, we must be careful of our behavior. Many of us have come out, are proud of who we are, and our friends and/or families accept us, but the world is still cruel. We don't kiss, hold hands, or become affectionate in public with our lover because we are not ashamed of who we are, no; we do it to protect ourselves. It’s clear the world still has a lot of progress to make.
然而，公开同性取向又是一件充满挑战，非常困难的事情。异性情侣可以在公众场合亲热，即使尺度很大，人们也认为这是“正常”的事情。但是面对同性恋恋人的亲昵举动，人们往往不能接受，特别是在一些小城镇或者保守地区，同性恋恋人必须时刻注意自己的行为。很多同性恋者已经出柜，并为遵从自己的内心而感到骄傲，我们的朋友和家人也选择理解和接受，但这世界仍然是残酷的。我们不能在公众场合亲吻，牵手，向我们的爱人表达爱意，不是因为我们为自己的性向感到羞耻，而是为了保护自己。这个社会，确实还有很大的进步空间。
On the flip side though, many of us, like me, have seen the times change. We have seen people who previously did not accept us start to ask us questions and want to understand who we are and our sexualities. We have seen the world change its opinion about us and give us more rights, more protections, and even the right to marry as we deserve.
I am very optimistic about what the future holds for me, my boyfriend and future husband, and the rest of my queer brothers and sisters in the world. We have a lot of work to do, but nothing is impossible. As long as we stand, support, love, understand and unite together we can do anything.
The only thing that we ask of you, the reader, is that you don’t immediately judge us when we tell you our sexual orientation or gender identity. Please try to understand us from our perspective and remember how difficult it must be for us to tell you. When we come out to you that is our most vulnerable moment.
So please remember: No matter what we say or do, we are still the same people. We are still the people you know and love. We are still us.
另一方面，我们中的许多人，包括我自己，都见证了社会的变化。很多以前不接受同性恋的人开始向我们提问，想了解我们是谁以及我们的性取向。我们看到社会渐渐改变了对同性恋的看法，给予了我们更多的权利和保护，甚至是我们本该就拥有的婚姻权。对于未来，对于我男朋友和未来的丈夫以及世界上其他兄弟姐妹，我有着非常乐观的态度。我相信，只要我们彼此理解，相互团结，并肩面对挑战，一切皆有可能！
在此，我们向您提出唯一一个请求：当我们告诉您我们的性取向时，请您不是立刻去评判，而是尝试从我们的角度理解我们。我们鼓起了很大的勇气才向您出柜。当我们出柜时，也是我们最脆弱的时刻。
最后，希望您能知道，无论我们说什么或做什么，我们彼此都是平等的人，我们仍然是你认识和爱的人，我们仍然是我们。
About the Author:
Zach is an expat from the US who has lived in China for over 3 years. He loves KTVing, organizing and volunteering at events, and being active in the LGBT community in China. In the future he hopes to work with foreign and Chinese companies to bring more awareness for LGBT employees.
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Date Night China is a digital media platform and events organization based in Beijing that aims to build a positive community and share stories about relationships and dating in China. Follow our Wechat Account for the latest articles, new podcast episodes, and upcoming events.