A Beijing Love Story: From A Gongti Club to Marriage

It's Qixi Festival Day, yet another Valentine's Day as we all know. Whether you choose to celebrate or not, are a romantic or a cynic, we hope to bring you encouragement from a real life couple who met in Beijing.

Zach and Lea, a couple from two different parts of the world, met at a Gongti Club in Beijing years ago. They're now married with two kids, and they take us on a look back through their relationship: how they met, raising kids in Beijing, balancing work and family life, and cultural miscommunications and laughs they've had along the way.

Still looking for something to do for Qixi Festival today? Get Your Date On For Qixi Festival in Beijing.

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Tell us about yourselves.

(Z)  Zach Ebling, from Okemos, Michigan (USA). Lost count of exactly how long I’ve been here, but somewhere in the ballpark of 13 years, living almost exclusively in the Jing. I own an education consulting company called BOOYAH. 

(L) Lea Pang, from Gelsenkirchen, Germany. 12 years in the Jing and a German teacher at an International school.

2. What was your dating experience like in China before meeting your partner?

(Z)  Never dated anyone before meeting and marrying the love of my life… 😘

(L)  I used to go out every weekend, Ladies’ Night, and most other weekdays on the prowl. 

3. How did you meet? Who made the first move?

(Z)  We met in Club Latte (is it still in Gongti? I haven’t been there in…!?). Lea definitely made the first move when she approached our table. We had a mutual friend named Ryan Ha (Comedy Club Ryan, Haha), who showed Lea a picture of someone who was trying to copy my style. This guy happened to be one of Lea’s childhood crushes, so she simply could not resist chatting me up. 

(L) It is true that I approached the table first. But Zach definitely talked to me first. 

4. What was your first date like?

(Z)  The first date was fantastic. I took Lea rock climbing at Ole in Shuangjing. For those young men wondering what to do on a first (early) date, definitely do something that involves physical exertion! 

(L)  I was surprised by a rock climbing adventure, I think it was fun, we definitely still have photos from that day! But Zach could have taken me anywhere and I would have enjoyed! ;) It was January 13th, 2012, Zach picked me up on his scooter from my office. I felt great after the first date and couldn't wait for the next one!

5. Have you had any cultural miscommunications, funny moments, or challenges because of your different backgrounds? 

(Z)  Daily. People from the USA have a tendency to try to fill in the silence and to really focus on feelings. German people are not quite the same! 

In retrospect, we’ve also had our fair share of funny moments stemming from cultural miscommunication. During the once-in-a-blue-moon event when we’d fight, Lea used to throw some (verbal) low blows. She’d come back later and use the excuse, “I’m not a native English speaker, so I don’t know what I’m saying.” This excuse also worked when she selectively misinterpreted what I said. Her English has gotten so good now though that she can’t use this excuse anymore! 

(L)  Definitely many challenges because of different backgrounds and cultural differences. These differences surface mostly AFTER you have kids, because then suddenly things matter more to you when it concerns anything parenting. We grew up in very different households with very different parenting styles, and the older you get, the less you will change, so you have to adapt and compromise all the time. But it's not easy, that's for sure. But which marriage is easy?

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6. What has it been like having children in the Beijing community?

(Z)  Incredible. The well-known greatest benefit of raising children in Beijing is the affordability of help (#Ayi). There are also an infinite amount of things to do with kids and given the way COVID was handled here, I could not imagine having had kids anywhere else. 

7. Any advice for others who are dating interculturally?  How do you make a marriage last with young kids? 

(Z)  Intercultural daters, beware! It’s definitely not as easy as dating within your own culture. But if you’re one of those, “Since when has being easy ever led to anything worthwhile?” people, go for it! 

Making a marriage last, regardless of cultural distance from your spouse, is tough. Focus on the positive, find common hobbies, and be ready to always give 80% and receive 20%, and you’ll be fine. 

8. Zach, as an entrepreneur, how has that affected your relationship positively and negatively? 

(Z)  Positive: 

Flexibility has been key. When Lea was pregnant with our eldest (Logan, 3), it was incredible to be able to take as much time “off” as needed. My office is also walking distance from our apartment which has made commutes non-existent and allowed me to be present at a moment’s notice. Just being able to almost always be present has had a huge positive effect on our relationship and relationships with the kids. 

Negative: 

Always working. Some people complain about 9-5 or 9-9-6. I’m pretty much 5-12-7 (I try to not look at my phone from midnight to when I wake up the next day 😝). Not really ever turning work completely off can be tough. 

Overall: 

Positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Being an entrepreneur is definitely not for everyone. The uncertainty and stress alone probably rule this path out for at least 90% of people. But if you’re in that 10% and you’re thinking about it, it’s absolutely worth a try. 

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9. Lea, how have you had to adapt professionally to adjust to family living? 

(L)  We realized that it was unavoidable for at least one of us to work as a teacher here. Tuition fees for private/international schools are almost not affordable, and we have two children! 

Before my family started, I had done a lot of odd jobs mostly related to teaching. A friend and I started a business bringing over German students to be Au Pairs for families, but that was pre-WeChat, Mobike and Didi so it was pretty difficult to keep going and keep girls motivated to stay in Beijing. 

After some teaching gigs I was offered a marketing position at Daystar, but I stopped working after our son was born. Now, after our daugher was born, it was time to get back into the work force. Thanks to my previous connection to Daystar (and Covid!) I was offered a German teaching position at said school, which led me to my new career path to become a licensed teacher. It's a lot of work and very time intensive, being a two-times working mom, but you gotta do what you gotta do!

10. What do you plan to do for Qixi Festival this year?!

(Z) … it’s a secret! We’re going to The Roots in Dongzhimen. Exceptional food and nice, relaxed ambiance. It’s worth it to mention that we hired a babysitter (thanks Quinn!) for the first time just for this occasion. 

(L)  We actually only realized AFTER reading your question, that Qixi is this weekend! 

Well, after kids the cost to go out suddenly triples, cause now you have to arrange for a sitter, pay for their food and transport on top of your own night out and whatever fun stuff you have planned. And you only get 1/3 of the time, cause you have a curfew lol. And once you are home, you cannot just sit on the couch to wind down, no, you have to get the kids ready for bed, give them a bath, brush their teeth, read a book, tell a story, cuddle... 

But hey, it’s great to have some us time though and kids that love you unconditionally!

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Date Night China is a digital media platform and events organization based in Beijing that aims to build a positive community and share stories about relationships and dating in China. Follow our Wechat Account for the latest articles, new podcast episodes, and upcoming events.