10 Lessons Learned From 10 Years Together
Svetlana and Carlos first met in Tianjin in 2011 at a club. Since then, they immediately felt a connection and began dating, have traveled the world together, got married (twice!) and had a beautiful daughter born last year.
This year is their 10-year anniversary, and to celebrate they now reflect on lessons they've learned, how they keep their relationship (and the romance) strong, and how they face multicultural differences.
Tell us about yourselves.
Svetlana: I’m from Russia but lived almost all my life in Ukraine (so I would count both these countries as my home). I would definitely add China to my “home” list as well as I live here 13 years. I’m working as a Project Manager in a Video gaming industry.
Carlos: I was born in Perú but was raised in France. I have lived in China for 10 years. I am the APAC IT director in the same company as Svetlana.
What was your dating life like in China before meeting each other?
Svetlana: I guess my dating life had its ups and downs. And after one of the “downs” I met Carlos. I think that was the best moment in my life to meet a man of my dreams. I was out of the relationship and didn’t want to dive into another one without taking time for myself and understand what I wanted for myself, consider who would I want to be with. And that’s what I did. Later on destiny presented the best man in the world to me! We fell in love at first sight! Like in a movie, love full of passion!
I would never imagine meeting my future husband here. I was sure I would go back to Russia and marry some boring engineer that my parents would probably introduce to me. Luckily, it didn’t happen.
Carlos: What do you mean before Svetlana? Sorry, I don’t understand the question (*wink*)
10 Things Learned from 10 Years Together
1. Be Daring Together: We love being adventurous and doing things together that we would not usually do. Three words we would use to describe our relationship: Candle, extremes, sex.
2. Patience: Time has always been our ally. It’s about the other person and the moment, not about the place.
3. Openness: Expressing our feelings, the real, deep ones.
4. Compromise: It is not always easy but it is always rewarding. Carlos says, "many times it could have been easy to give up on our relationship, and it was hard to fight for it, sometimes it even hurt. But at the end the result is so rewarding, so worth it that the negative side ends up being meaningless. It’s about allowing a relationship to become a partnership."
5. Multiculturalism: It's not an obstacle, it’s power. There are lots of cultural miscommunications, but it has helped us to understand each other better. Openly communicating has been and still is the key.
6. Understanding: Even without words.
7. Partnership: We do things together and we love that! And we make time for each other.
8. Learning: We continuously discover each other. And to keep the spice and romance alive? Sex, communication and dedication, and sex ;)
9. Support: We’ve always supported each other, and that’s, with absolutely no doubt, what took us where we are, personally, as a family and professionally.
10. Dancing: He never stops.
What advice would you share about balancing children in your relationship? How do still make time for each other and intimacy?
We got lucky that our baby Mia is a good sleeper, and “decided” to move out of our bedroom at 5.5 month. Not having to worry about the voices and other “noises” definitely helped to get back on track. And not to mention a couple of trips to Sanya (terraces are a blessing *wink)
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How did the proposal and wedding go?
Svetlana: Oh! Our engagement and marriage story is quite funny. So we kinda were twice engaged and twice married *laughs*. So in my perfect world (we all have it), we were suppose to get married in France, in a castle. Get married legally and then have a wedding, all at once.
But there’s no such thing as a perfect world. In order to get married, I was suppose to apply for a visa, prepare millions of documents, etc. So we decided to marry here in Beijing, and then eventually have a wedding.
It all started with his parents going to Russia to meet my parents. We had a traditional type of engagement where his parents were asking my parents for my hand. It was amazing. We went to a city fully build of wood, we exchanged words of love, traditional gifts, we cried, we laughed.
Carlos:
Then we came back to China and prepared all the documents for the official marriage in Beijing. But that wasn’t all, we had to prepare a million more documents for the marriage transcript at the French embassy. A few more things and that was it, we were officially married in China, in France and, I guess, the rest of the world.
Svetlana:
So our original plan was not to tell anyone about it, as we wanted to celebrate our wedding day. But we were so happy to be legally married!
Carlos: Svetlana basically cried the whole day!
Svetlana:
I was too happy! So we decided to throw a surprise wedding party, that would be small, and wouldn’t look like the actual wedding. We had a Chinese traditional type of celebration with 喜烟，喜糖，喜酒, I was wearing a red Qipao and none of the guests knew what’s going on.
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Carlos:
So there I am, almost a year off to a legal wedding celebration, wondering how to celebrate our first anniversary. And that’s when it came to me, the perfect way to do it would be to finally propose in a proper way: privately and romantically.
I booked a table at a known French restaurant and got an accomplice within the restaurant who would help me organize everything. Svetlana likes Mariachi, and I know she would have loved a band sing during the proposal, like in an old Mexican movie. Sadly no such thing in Beijing. So our friend helped me to find a violinist to whom I send THE song I knew Svetlana wanted and who learned it for THE day!
Along with champagne, my best bottle of wine, a ring brought from France, and an evening planed to a perfection we were all set to go to “celebrate” our first anniversary!
The evening went as expected, I put the knee down, the violinist played THE song, Svetlana cried, and the entire restaurant applauded!
Svetlana:
After such a stunning proposal, there should be even a more stunning wedding, right? (*wink*).
One of the biggest surprises I ever had was a dream come true! He did find the Renaissance castle in France I dreamed of!
It took us quite some time to prepare the wedding of our dreams, as we were in China. Everything was planned to a perfection: flowers, fun wedding games and different stations, perfect suite, perfect dress, perfect day!
I was so nervous and stressed planning, that when the day came I was so chill. I think I was in a shock state *laughs*. It’s hard to describe it, it was like in a movie, but it was my reality, and he made it all happen!
Walking down the aisle with my father by my side, the only thing I had in mind that one perfect man “gives me away” to another, and with him we will waltz into a “happily ever after”.
What is one of your most memorable dates you went on?
In the Maldives, on a private island, in a villa on top of the water, facing the ocean and a sunset. A chef and 2 waiters came to take care of us the entire evening. Great food, great drinks, soft music, and the rest of the evening spent between a bed full of rose petals, the private swimming pool and the foamy bathtub: yet another dream.
Are there any other relationship tips or advice you would give to other couples or even singles in China?
Svetlana: Often, we do not give a chance to another person, thinking that in China it’s impossible to have long term relationships, but stay positive, be yourself and have fun!
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