Have You Ever Had These Conversations in China?

If you’ve lived in China long enough, chances are you’ve spotted similarities in how people engage in conversations here. You’ll hear very typical Chinese questions, like the good old: "Have you eaten?".

Foreigners living in China have their fair share of interesting conversations. 

Here are some are the best ones we’ve collected from around the web and friends:

01

About your Mandarin

You: “Nǐ hǎo.” (Hello)
Chinese person: “Oh, Nǐ hǎo. Your Chinese is so good!!”

You: “…….????"
You: “Wǒ zhǐ huì shuō yí diǎn diǎn.” (I can say a few words...)

Generally speaking, a lot of Chinese will think that a foreigner who can say “Hello” well in Chinese speaks the language very decently. Ahhhh, assumptions!

02

About drinking hot water

Friend: “I caught a cold.”

Me: “Drink more hot water!!”

Every Chinese person thinks that drinking cold water is bad for your stomach.

Hahahahaha, this one’s so classic. I often advise my foreign friends to drink hot water when they tell me they have a sore throat, but they always say: “Cold water will do, thanks.”

03

About exams

(Usual conversations that take place right after taking an exam)

Classmate A：”I think I failed it.”

Classmate B：”Me too. I’m so pissed.”

Me：”Yeah right… Stop joking.”

A & B: “No seriously.”

Eventually, they both get 100% and I’m the one who failed.

--@Stanley Li

I’ve definitely had those conversations back in my school days. 

Every time those A-grade students said they thought they’d failed their tests, I’d just roll my eyes… 

04

I think this one’s also a classic:

A: “How are you?”

Me: “Fine, thank you, and you?”

A: “I'm fine too.”

05

About marriage

Children/Parents

P：”Are you dating anyone?” (asking with a kind smile)

C：”No, I’m too busy with work.”

P：”Don’t just focus on your job, try to date someone. You’re over 25 years old, you’re not a kid anymore…” (speaking with a rising voice). “Some of your friends are already married and you’re still alone!”

--@Robyn Simmons

-@ZhiXiaoLiu

I have to say... This is exactly like my mom.

06

Door Knocking

There comes a knock on the door. 

A: “Who is it?”

B: “It’s me”

A: “Who?”

B: “Me.” [Insistently, perhaps slightly-hysterically] 

A: “Who the hell are you?!”

B: “Me!”

--@Cindy M. Carter

07

Birth

Me: “Mom, where did I come from?”

Mum: “You were picked up from a dustbin near our home.”

When I was four or five years old, my dad once asked me: "Sweetheart, do you remember where you came from?"

Me: “Um... From mom's belly?"

My mom: "Oh, you were actually a giveaway when I paid the phone bill at China Mobile’s business hall."

Me: “Thanks, mom. At least you didn't say I was picked up from a dustbin near our home=.=||| “

--@Hannah Wang

All I want to say is that, usually, Chinese parents will make up stories about where their children come from because of China’s conservative and traditional views about sex.

09

At the dinner table

parent/children

P:" Hey baby, eat this meat. It is good for your health!"

C:" I'm so full..."

P:" Don't waste food! Finish it up."

C:" Nope"

P:" Quickly!"

C:"......"

10

Bargain in the Chinese market

--@Tsengchun Lee

11

You can finish a conversation by using emojis and pictures.

12

Lucky Money

My aunt: “Happy new year! Here’s a red packet for you.”

Me: “Thanks, but I can’t accept your money.”

Aunt：”Take it, you can use the money to buy some new clothes.”

Me: “Really, I can’t. My parents won’t allow me to take your money.”

Aunt: “Bla bla bla… Take it!”

Me: “No!”

--@Minna Hayashi

13

As a man, this is a conversation that I’ve had far too frequently. I get approached by a man or a woman in their 60s or 70s and they go:

"Are you married?"

“No,” I answer.

"Why not? Do you like men instead?"

"No I like women. I guess I just haven’t met the right one for me yet."

"How much money do you make?"

"I make xxx."

"Do you own a house?"

"No I don't."

"You seem like a decent person. Why aren't you married?"

“I’ve just had some bad luck."

"Would you be interested in meeting my daughter? She’s 40 years old and not married yet. I was wondering if you could meet and become friends?"

By this time my mind is whirling madly. If I agree to meet her, I’ll get their hopes up and if things don't work out I’ll end up hurting them. So… Time for some honesty.

"If you give me a way to contact her, I’ll get in touch with her directly and we can have dinner. But I don't want you to be involved in the process if that's ok with you."

“Sounds good. Do you have a recent photo? I’ll give it to her and ask her. And give me your phone number so she can contact you directly."

"Here you go. Thank you."

In all fairness, this kind of set-up happens in the US too, but only among the Chinese. Turns out there are lots of desperate Chinese parents out there.

--@Paul Denlinger

Haha! Did you keep nodding your head while reading the conversations above?

Have you had other weird conversations like these while in China?

Let us know about your experience in the comment section below!

Source:Quora/ Sina/ Baidu

Editor: Crystal Huang

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