暑假期间，迪士尼乐园又迎来了旅游旺季，相信世上无人不爱迪士尼这座大型造梦王国，守护着所有老小孩和小小孩内心最纯粹的童话梦，但是前不久 一则“迪士尼人偶热晕”的新闻却令许多人心疼不已—— 在上海迪士尼乐园 一位扮演雪莉玫的人偶演员，因为炎热和体力不支，慢慢晕眩倒地！
而2018年7月底，有网友通过微博发布了一段视频，显示上海迪士尼一位扮演“雪莉玫”的演员，被一名男性游客拍打头套。“砰”的一声后，扮演“雪莉玫”的演员当场捂头被扶进休息室。
但另一位扮演花栗鼠蒂蒂的演员就没有这么幸运了，在被一位女游客助跑起跳重击头部后，蒂蒂随即被送进了急救室，被诊断为脑震荡。
当今社会，教养缺失的人实在太多了。一个人对待陌生人的态度，有时候就暴露出了他的教养。那么问题来了，你想成为一个怎样的人？
我今天和大家分享一篇Ted演讲《做一个善良的人吧！你一定不会吃亏的》。希望对你我都有启发。
Who do you want to be? It's a simple question, and whether you know it or not, you're answering it every day through your actions. This one question will define your professional success more than any other, because how you show up and treat people means everything. Either you lift people up by respecting them, making them feel valued, appreciated and heard, or you hold people down by making them feel small, insulted, disregarded or excluded. And who you choose to be means everything.
I study the effects of incivility on people. What is incivility? It's disrespect or rudeness. It includes a lot of different behaviors, from mocking or belittling someone to teasing people in ways that sting to telling offensive jokes to texting in meetings. And what's uncivil to one person may be absolutely fine to another. Take texting while someone's speaking to you. Some of us may find it rude, others may think it's absolutely civil. So it really depends. It's all in the eyes of the beholder and whether that person felt disrespected. We may not mean to make someone feel that way, but when we do, it has consequences.
Over 22 years ago, I vividly recall walking into this stuffy hospital room. It was heartbreaking to see my dad, this strong, athletic, energetic guy, lying in the bed with electrodes strapped to his bare chest. What put him there was work-related stress. For over a decade, he suffered an uncivil boss. And for me, I thought he was just an outlier at that time. But just a couple years later, I witnessed and experienced a lot of incivility in my first job out of college. I spent a year going to work every day and hearing things from coworkers like, "Are you an idiot? That's not how it's done," and, "If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."
So I did the natural thing. I quit, and I went back to grad school to study the effects of this. There, I met Christine Pearson. And she had a theory that small, uncivil actions can lead to much bigger problems like aggression and violence. We believed that incivility affected performance and the bottom line. So we launched a study, and what we found was eye-opening.
We sent a survey to business school alumni working in all different organizations. We asked them to write a few sentences about one experience where they were treated rudely, disrespectfully or insensitively, and to answer questions about how they reacted. One person told us about a boss that made insulting statements like, "That's kindergartner's work," and another tore up someone's work in front of the entire team. And what we found is that incivility made people less motivated: 66 percent cut back work efforts, 80 percent lost time worrying about what happened, and 12 percent left their job.
And after we published these results, two things happened. One, we got calls from organizations. Cisco read about these numbers, took just a few of these and estimated, conservatively, that incivility was costing them 12 million dollars a year.
The second thing that happened was, we heard from others in our academic field who said, "Well, people are reporting this, but how can you really show it? Does people's performance really suffer?" I was curious about that, too. With Amir Erez, I compared those that experienced incivility to those that didn't experience incivility. And what we found is that those that experience incivility do actually function much worse.
"OK," you may say. "This makes sense. After all, it's natural that their performance suffers." But what about if you're not the one who experiences it? What if you just see or hear it? You're a witness. We wondered if it affected witnesses, too.
So we conducted studies where five participants would witness an experimenter act rudely to someone who arrived late to the study. The experimenter said, "What is it with you? You arrive late, you're irresponsible. Look at you! How do you expect to hold a job in the real world?" And in another study in a small group, we tested the effects of a peer insulting a group member. Now, what we found was really interesting, because witnesses' performance decreased, too -- and not just marginally, quite significantly.
Incivility is a bug. It's contagious, and we become carriers of it just by being around it. And this isn't confined to the workplace. We can catch this virus anywhere -- at home, online, in schools and in our communities. It affects our emotions, our motivation, our performance and how we treat others. It even affects our attention and can take some of our brainpower. And this happens not only if we experience incivility or we witness it. It can happen even if we just see or read rude words. Let me give you an example of what I mean.
To test this, we gave people combinations of words to use to make a sentence. But we were very sneaky. Half the participants got a list with 15 words used to trigger rudeness: impolitely, interrupt, obnoxious, bother. Half the participants received a list of words with none of these rude triggers. And what we found was really surprising, because the people who got the rude words were five times more likely to miss information right in front of them on the computer screen. And as we continued this research, what we found is that those that read the rude words took longer to make decisions, to record their decisions, and they made significantly more errors. This can be a big deal, especially when it comes to life-and-death situations.
Steve, a physician, told me about a doctor that he worked with who was never very respectful, especially to junior staff and nurses. But Steve told me about this one particular interaction where this doctor shouted at a medical team. Right after the interaction, the team gave the wrong dosage of medication to their patient. Steve said the information was right there on the chart, but somehow everyone on the team missed it. He said they lacked the attention or awareness to take it into account. Simple mistake, right? Well, that patient died.
Researchers in Israel have actually shown that medical teams exposed to rudeness perform worse not only in all their diagnostics, but in all the procedures they did. This was mainly because the teams exposed to rudeness didn't share information as readily, and they stopped seeking help from their teammates. And I see this not only in medicine but in all industries.
So if incivility has such a huge cost, why do we still see so much of it? I was curious, so we surveyed people about this, too. The number one reason is stress. People feel overwhelmed. The other reason that people are not more civil is because they're skeptical and even concerned about being civil or appearing nice. They believe they'll appear less leader-like. They wonder: Do nice guys finish last? Or in other words: Do jerks get ahead? (Laughter) It's easy to think so, especially when we see a few prominent examples that dominate the conversation.
Well, it turns out, in the long run, they don't. There's really rich research on this by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo when they were at the Center for Creative Leadership. They found that the number one reason tied to executive failure was an insensitive, abrasive or bullying style. There will always be some outliers that succeed despite their incivility. Sooner or later, though, most uncivil people sabotage their success. For example, with uncivil executives, it comes back to hurt them when they're in a place of weakness or they need something. People won't have their backs.
But what about nice guys? Does civility pay? Yes, it does. And being civil doesn't just mean that you're not a jerk. Not holding someone down isn't the same as lifting them up. Being truly civil means doing the small things, like smiling and saying hello in the hallway, listening fully when someone's speaking to you. Now, you can have strong opinions, disagree, have conflict or give negative feedback civilly, with respect. Some people call it "radical candor," where you care personally, but you challenge directly. So yes, civility pays. In a biotechnology firm, colleagues and I found that those that were seen as civil were twice as likely to be viewed as leaders, and they performed significantly better. Why does civility pay? Because people see you as an important -- and a powerful -- unique combination of two key characteristics: warm and competent, friendly and smart. In other words, being civil isn't just about motivating others. It's about you. If you're civil, you're more likely to be seen as a leader. You'll perform better, and you're seen as warm and competent.
But there's an even bigger story about how civility pays, and it ties to one of the most important questions around leadership: What do people want most from their leaders? We took data from over 20,000 employees around the world, and we found the answer was simple: respect. Being treated with respect was more important than recognition and appreciation, useful feedback, even opportunities for learning. Those that felt respected were healthier, more focused, more likely to stay with their organization and far more engaged.
So where do you start? How can you lift people up and make people feel respected? Well, the nice thing is, it doesn't require a huge shift. Small things can make a big difference. I found that thanking people, sharing credit, listening attentively, humbly asking questions, acknowledging others and smiling has an impact.
Patrick Quinlan, former CEO of Ochsner Health [System], told me about the effects of their 10-5 way, where if you're within 10 feet of someone, you make eye contact and smile, and if you're within five feet, you say hello. He explained that civility spread, patient satisfaction scores rose, as did patient referrals.
Civility and respect can be used to boost an organization's performance. When my friend Doug Conant took over as CEO of Campbell's Soup Company in 2001, the company's market share had just dropped in half. Sales were declining, lots of people had just been laid off. A Gallup manager said it was the least engaged organization that they had surveyed. And as Doug drove up to work his first day, he noticed that the headquarters was surrounded by barbwire fence. There were guard towers in the parking lot. He said it looked like a minimum security prison. It felt toxic.
Within five years, Doug had turned things around. And within nine years, they were setting all-time performance records and racking up awards, including best place to work. How did he do it? On day one, Doug told employees that he was going to have high standards for performance, but they were going to do it with civility. He walked the talk, and he expected his leaders to. For Doug, it all came down to being tough-minded on standards and tenderhearted with people. For him, he said it was all about these touch points, or these daily interactions he had with employees, whether in the hallway, in the cafeteria or in meetings. And if he handled each touch point well, he'd make employees feel valued.
Another way that Doug made employees feel valued and showed them that he was paying attention is that he handwrote over 30,000 thank-you notes to employees. And this set an example for other leaders. Leaders have about 400 of these touch points a day. Most don't take long, less than two minutes each. The key is to be agile and mindful in each of these moments.
Civility lifts people. We'll get people to give more and function at their best if we're civil. Incivility chips away at people and their performance. It robs people of their potential, even if they're just working around it. What I know from my research is that when we have more civil environments, we're more productive, creative, helpful, happy and healthy.
We can do better. Each one of us can be more mindful and can take actions to lift others up around us, at work, at home, online, in schools and in our communities. In every interaction, think: Who do you want to be?
Let's put an end to incivility bug and start spreading civility. After all, it pays.
你想成为谁？这是一个简单的问题，不管你知不知道答案，你每天都在用你的行动回答它。这一个问题会比其他的问题更好地定义你事业的成功，因为你的表现和对待他人的方式代表了一切。不论你是举高他人通过尊重他们使他们感到重视，欣赏和倾听，还是压制他人通过使他们感到渺小，侮辱、忽视或排斥。你选择成为谁代表着一切
我研究了在人类身上不文明行为的影响。什么是不文明？是不尊重或者粗鲁无礼。它包含了许多不同的行为，从嘲笑或者轻蔑某人，到以刺痛的方式戏弄他人，到开冒犯人的玩笑，到在会议上发短信。一个人觉得失礼的行为，另一个来说是完全可以接受的。当别人在跟你说话的时候发短信，我们当中的一些人可能觉得这很无礼另一些人可能觉得这完全可以接受。所以这真的得看情况。这完全取决于旁观者的看法和那个人是否感到不尊重。我们可能并没有让某人那么想的打算，但是当我们做了后，它有了代价。
22多年前，我清楚地记得走进这个古板的医院病房我心碎的看着我爸爸这个坚强，体格健壮，精力充沛的男人，躺在床上电极绑在他裸露的胸膛上。使他躺在那里的是和工作相关的压力。十多年来，他有一个不文明的老板。我曾以为他只是一个特例。但是仅仅几年后，在我毕业后的第一个工作内我眼见和亲身遭遇了许多不文明行为。我花了一年的时间每天去工作和听取同事的意见，就像"你是白痴吗？这不是这么做的"和“我如果需要你的意见，我会问。”
所以我做了再自然不过的事情。辞职，然后回到大学研究这个对人产生的效应在那里，我认识了克里斯廷·皮尔森，她有一个理论那些小小的，不文明的行为，可导致更大的问题，比如侵略和暴力。我们相信不礼貌行为会影响一个人的表现和结果。所以我们开展了一个研究，所发现的让我们大开眼界
我们寄了一个调查表给在不同机构工作的商学院的学生，我们要求他们写一小段关于他们被粗鲁对待，不被尊重或是被无视的一段经历，然后回答他们当时是什么反应？有人告诉我们有一个老板一直说侮辱性的话：“那是幼儿园小孩的工作。”另一个在全队面前把某人的工作撕毁。我们发现了那些不文明行为会消减人们的动力，66%的人们工作动力减少，80%的人们浪费时间担心发生的事情，和12%直接辞职。
当我们公布了这些结果后，发生了两件事情。一，我们接到了企业的电话思科系统阅读了这些数据，使用了其中的一些，作了保守的估计，发现他们曾因为不文明的行为一年损失了了1200万美元。
第二件发生的事情是，我们听到了在学术界的人说：“好吧，人们在报道它，但是你可以真的证明它吗？人们的表现真的会变糟吗？“我也对它很好奇。和阿米尔·埃雷兹一起，我对比了遭遇过不文明行为的人和不曾受到不文明行为的人。我们发现那些受到过不文明行为的工作真的会做得更差。
“好吧，”你可能会说。“这是讲得通的。他们的表现会变糟是自然的事情。”但是如果你不是那个经历过的人呢？如果你只是看到或者听到呢？你是目击者。我们想知道目击者会不会也受到影响。
所以我们进行了研究五个参加者见证实验者粗鲁地对待一个晚到实验室的人。实验者说，“你怎么回事？你晚到，你不负责任。看看你自己！你怎么可能胜任现实世界里的工作？“在另一个小组研究中，我们测试了同僚侮辱一个队友的影响。现在，我们发现了非常令人感兴趣的因为目击者的表现也降低了--不仅仅是轻微的，非常显著。
不文明是个病会传染的病，我们会仅仅因为在附近而被传染而且不只限于工作的地方。随时随地我们都有可能感染病毒，在家里，在网上，在学校和在我们的社区。它会影响我们的心情，动力，表现和怎么对待他人。它甚至会影响我们的注意力和剥夺一些脑力。它的发生不仅仅是因为我们经历过或者目睹过不文明，它甚至会因为我们看过或者读过粗鲁的话而发生。让我给你们打个比喻。
为了证明这个，我们给了别人一些词的组合让他们造句。但是我们非常狡猾。有一半的参与者收到一个触发粗鲁的十五个词的列表:没礼貌，打断，惹人厌，打扰。另一半的参与者收到了不会触发粗鲁的词的列表。我们的发现令人惊讶，因为收到粗鲁词的人们在电脑屏幕前漏掉信息的可能性比其他人多出了五倍。当我们继续这个研究时，我们还发现了那些读过粗鲁词的人们需要更长的时间做决定，记录决定，而且他们明显犯了更多的错误。这非常重要，尤其是在生和死的局面里。
史蒂夫，一名从医者，曾告诉过我关于一名他曾一起工作过的医生。他从来不尊重别人，尤其是对资历较浅的员工和护士。但是史蒂夫告诉我有一次，那个医生对团队大声训斥。刚好在那之后，团队开了错的药的剂量给他们的患者。史蒂夫说所有信息就在图表上，但是不知道怎么的团队里的每个人都错过了它。他说他们缺乏注意力，也没有考虑全信息的意识。不过是个简单的错误，对吗？嗯，那个患者死了。
以色列的研究者们发现承受过粗鲁行为的医疗团队不仅仅是在他们所有的诊断上表现差，而是在所有他们做过的事情上表现差。最主要是因为被粗鲁对待过的团队不会乐意共享信息，他们还会停止寻求队友帮助。我并不只是在医疗行业上看到而是在所有的行业里。
所以如果不文明有这么大的代价的话，它为什么还这么常见？我很好奇，所以我们也做了关于这个的问卷调查。最重要的原因是压力，人们感到被压垮了。人们不再文明还因为他们持怀疑态度，甚至担心成为文明或者好相处的人。他们坚信他们会看起来不像领导者。他们自问:好相处的人们真会坚持到最后吗？或者说:混蛋难道不一直会领先吗？（笑声）很容易会这么想，尤其是当我们看到几个少数突出主导谈话的例子。
事实证明，从长远来看，他们并没有。摩根·麦考尔和迈克尔·隆巴尔多，当他们在创意领导中心的时候，对此进行了丰富的研究。他们发现与执行失败相关的主要原因是一种不理智，使人厌烦的或者欺凌的风格。当然总会有一些例外，即使他们不文明也成功了。早晚有一天，大部分的不文明会阻扰他们的成就。比如，不文明的领导，当他们处于弱势或者需要东西时就惨了。因为别人不会支持他们。
那些好人呢？文明有回报吗？当然有。文明不代表你不是一个混蛋，不轻视别人和鼓舞人们不一样。真正的文明代表做好小细节，就像在过道微笑和打招呼，当别人跟你讲话时专注地倾听。现在，你可以有强烈的意见，不同意他人，与他人起冲突或者文明地给别人负面的反馈，前提是要尊重别人。有些人叫它“彻底的坦率”，就是你关心对方，同时也可以挑战对方。所以，是的，文明是有回报的。在一个生物技术公司，我和我同事发现那些被公认为文明的人被视为领导的可能性有两倍而且他们的表现明显较好。为什么文明有回报？因为别人会看你是一个重要的和强大的人结合两个特征的独一无二的组合：热情和能干，友好和聪明。用别的话来说，文明不只可以激励别人也是为了自己。如果你文明，你更有可能被看成一位领导者。你会表现得更好，同时看起来更热情和能干。
文明的回报不止于此，它与领导力最重要的问题息息相关：大家从领导那里最想得到什么？我们取了全世界2万员工的数据，找到的答案很简单：尊重、被尊重对待比认识和欣赏，比有效的反馈甚至比学习的机会更重要。那些感到被尊重对待的人更健康，更集中，更有可能留在机构里和更投入。
所以你该从哪里开始？你要怎么让别人振作起来和让他们感到尊重？值得高兴的是，它不需要很大的改变。做小小的事情可以有很大的改变。我发现学会感恩，分享功劳，专注的聆听，谦虚的提问，认可他人和微笑都是有影响的。
帕特里克·昆兰，奥斯纳健康系统的前执行首席官，曾告诉过我他们的“10-5步”的方法，当你跟某人在十英尺的距离内，你要和他对视微笑，当你们在五英尺的距离内你要说你好。他说文明行为扩展了，患者的满足指数提升了，患者的推荐指数也上升了。
文明和尊重可以促进机构的业绩。当我的朋友道格·康南特在2011出任坎贝尔公司的首席执行官时，公司的股票刚跌了一半，销售在往下跌，很多人被解雇了。一位盖洛普经理表示在他们的调查历史中，这是最不受欢迎的组织。当道格第一天开车去上班时，他发现总公司被铁钢丝的围墙包围，停车场里有警卫塔。他说就像一个小小的安全监狱。他感觉非常有害。
在五年内，道格改变了很多东西，在九年内，他们突破了空前的业绩记录，并获得奖项，包括最好的工作场所。他是怎么做到的？第一天，道格就跟员工说他会有很高的业绩标准，但是我们要文明地达到它。他带头表态，同时他也希望他的领导们也能这样。对于Doug来说，这一切都是对标准的坚韧和温厚的待人。对于他来说，这全是关于这些接触点或者他和员工的这些日常互动，不论是在走廊，在咖啡厅或者在会议室。如果他处理好每个接触点，他会使员工感到有价值。
道格还有一个使他员工感到被重视，让员工知道他有心方法：他给他的员工们手写了三万张感谢条。这给其他领导人树立了榜样。他们每天大概有400个这样的接触点，大部分都不长，少于两分钟，重点是在每个时刻保持敏捷和专注。
文明能鼓励人们。我们会让热门更好的发挥他们的作用，如果我们用文明的方式。不文明会一点点消耗人并影响他们的业绩，它剥夺了人们的潜能，即便是一旁工作的人也一样。我从我的研究中了解到的是当我们有更文明的环境时我们更有效率，更有创造力，更愿意帮助别人，更快乐和更健康。
我们可以做的更好。我们中的每个人可以更小心，也可以采取行动提升我们身边的每个人，在工作上，在家里，在网上，在学校里和在我们的社区里。在每个互动里，想一下你想成为谁？
让我们结束不文明,和开始扩散文明。最后的最后，它是有回报的
每一份工作背后，都藏着不为人知的心酸。每个拼尽全力生活的人，也都该得到应有的尊重，然而现实并非如此。双语
控制自己的行为
做一个善良的人!
Always think first before you do something. If you do it the other way, sometimes it'll end badly.三思而后行。如果你用另一种方式去做，有时结果会很糟糕。
Remember, what if, you were that person that you've hurt by your actions? Do nice things to other people, love others like you love yourself.
记着，如果你是那个被你伤害的人呢?对他人友善一些，爱他人就要像爱自己一样。
Just stay cool if someone is hurting your feelings, just let them be. Sooner or later, they will get tired and leave you alone.
如果有人伤害你的感情，请保持冷静，就由他们吧!迟早他们会累的，会让你静一静的。
Never think negatively, always think positively.
Do stuff that calms your mind. Music is the best way or do some exercise, that's good for the body and mind!
做一些能使你内心平静下来的事情。音乐是最好的方法，或者做做运动，对身心都是不错的。
Have a laugh! It's good for your health too, it promotes your body to relax and be happy!
大笑!这对你的身体也有好处，它能使你的身体放松，让你感觉更幸福!
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