“宝贝！中国报道我了！” 美国知名主播实力吐槽美国打压华为
文章来源：精彩英语演讲
“当美国研发自己的5G时，中国5G技术已遥遥领先，这让人想起了当年LD和DVD的竞争，”美国著名脱口秀主持人特雷弗·诺亚（Trevor Noah）在线吐槽美国打压华为。他是这样描述了美国打压华为的心理活动：“这就像你在开车时变道超车，然后又有其他人插到你前面，然后你说，‘嘿，伙计！那是我的道！”一下说到了不少网友的心坎儿里。
这段脱口秀获得央视报道后，别名“崔娃”的特雷弗还在新一期节目中兴奋大喊：“宝贝，中国报道我了！”一周多以来，崔娃在其节目《每日秀》上吐槽美国用行政手段对付华为的片段，获得了不少网友好评。目前该视频获得近300万观看和近5万点赞。
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If You Don’t Know
Now You Know 5G
What is the deal with 5G?
And why are the U.S. and China going to war over it?
Well, we'll try and break it down for you in our ongoing segment, "If You Don't Know, Now You know."
So, what exactly is the big deal about 5G?
Because you might think it's just 4G but a little bit faster.
But it's actually a lot faster.
So fast, in fact, that it could change the world.
NEWSMAN: The new world of 5G technology promises to transform our lives, connecting millions of devices and enabling everything from driverless cars to smart homes.
Up to 20 times faster than the 4G most of us use now, 5G's lightning-fast technology will accelerate and interconnect everything.
To download a two-hour film on 3G would take about 26 hours.
On 4G, you'd be waiting six minutes.
And on 5G, you'll be ready to watch your film in just over
three and a half seconds.
Damn. You could download an entire movie in three seconds. That's gonna be fast. I mean, we'll still spend 45 minutes trying to decide which movie to download...
but once we've decided, we'll need to go to bed 'cause we're tired, but tomorrow, three seconds, my friends!
And 5G isn't just about download speeds.
It's a game changer for everything. Like, with 5G, you can have cities where everything communicates.
Like, doctors can perform surgeries from the other side
of the world.
Can you imagine a world where your videos never buffer?
Right? Your calls never drop?
That would be amazing.
Except I guess now you could never fake a call dropping with 5G.
Yeah, 'cause that excuse is gone.
You'd be like, "Uh, uh, I'm los... I'm losing...
you're breaking up." Be like, "Mother (bleep),
you're not breaking up! We got 5G!" Be like, "Yeah, yeah, you're right.
-Carry on, Grandma." Yes, my grandma is Samuel L. Jackson.
-So...
so, look, there's no denying, the technology is great.
But... why do China and the U.S. care so much about who makes it? Well, it's the same reason they care about anything: the Benjamins, baby.
NEWSMAN: When the U.S. won the 4G race earlier this decade, it provided a nearly $100 billion boost to gross domestic product.
And the stakes of the 5G race are even higher.
If the U.S. wins, it would create an estimated three million jobs and add approximately $500 billion to GDP.
That's right, if America wins the 5G race, that could bring millions of jobs and $500 billion to the country's GDP.
$500 billion. You know how hard it is to get $500 billion?
Like, you'd have to marry and divorce Jeff Bezos five times.
-(laughter) -And I mean after the fourth time, he'd probably catch on-- he'd be like, "I think you don't love me." "What? Me, Jeff?"
And the fight about 5G isn't just about money and downloading Avengers like that.
No, it's also about power. Because if you control 5G, you have access to everything people are doing online, which is everything.
And right now, the best 5G technology is made by a Chinese company called Huawei.
And because the Chinese company is Chinese... many governments don't trust how secure it's gonna be.
NEWSMAN: Huawei may be best known to most people for making phones, but it's also a leading player in building the infrastructure for all our communications.
Critics fear that allowing it to build 5G could enable the Chinese state to spy on or even switch off the flow of data we will all depend on.
Imagine that. If Huawei becomes the leading 5G provider in the world, then China can spy on everyone, which is terrible, because that's what America wants to do.
Yeah. And I know you're judging.
"Well, if America wants to do it, then how do they judge...?"
That's not the point, all right.
You want to do it first.
It's like when you cut someone off in traffic and then someone else cuts in front of you, you're like, "Hey, asshole,
that was my move!"
But those are the stakes: job, money and power. And I'm not gonna try and bore you with all the technical details, but while America is developing its own 5G, China's 5G is so far ahead.
Like, they're basically gonna set the trends.
It's like how back in the day there used to be a fight between DVD and laser disk. Yeah.
And if you're wondering, "What the hell is laser disk?"
Exactly, yeah. That's America's 5G. So this is a race many people are already saying America has lost.
Luckily-- and I can't believe I'm saying this-- America is lucky that you have a maniac on your team who's willing to play dirty.
President Trump has signed an executive order banning U.S. companies from using telecom equipment deemed to be
a national security threat.
And that's a direct shot at China and its tech giant Huawei.
TV REPORTER: As the U.S. clamp down on the company causes a major domino effect, the U.K.'s biggest mobile network pulling Huawei from its 5G launch, while three of Japan's mobile operators have stopped taking orders, or delayed the summer release of a new Huawei phone.
Donald J. Mother-effing-Trump. This guy could see America
wasn't gonna win, so he just got a crowbar and pulled a Tonya Harding on China's 5G.
Just went in straight there.
Yeah, the man might not know what 5G is, but he does know how to mess up other people's shit.
Just in there.
Bam!
And I'm gonna be honest with you.
I don't actually blame Donald Trump, because I don't know how else America can win this race.
Because even if America does manage to cripple Huawei and China, it's not like America will suddenly have great 5G.
All right, you won't just have 5G overnight.
Unless...
America just pretends that it does.
TV REPORTER: AT&T is putting a fake 5G logo on iPhones and iPads now. The company confirming to PC Magazine
the the new icon is gonna show up when users download
Apple's latest beta version of iOS 12.2. But it's not really 5G. AT&T just changed the name for its 4G LTE Advanced network to 5GE.
The "e” stands for evolution.
Okay, guys, that... That's really sad. AT&T is just gonna lie
and put another sticker-- Like, it's like you have a Smart car, and then you just tape Lamborghini on the side of it.
"Check it out, man, I'm driving a Lambo now. Zero to 60 in four minutes flat.”
But... Seeing as it's a race that might be lost, AT&T might be on to something here.
Because this is considered the new space race.
So maybe America can win this race the same way it won the last one: Just fake it, baby.
Trevor Gets a Shout-Out
from China’s State Media
You know, when I...when I starting hosting The Daily Show, my dream was to learn how to read.
-No, uh, my dream... was to reach people all around the world.
You know, I wanted this show to have a reach-around, which is a phrase I invented but did not google.
-Well...on Monday, my dream came true in a big way when China's state TV network broadcast a portion of a segment that we did about the Chinese telecom company Huawei.
China, baby! -What?! China! Huh?
Biggest demographic in the world, and The Daily Show just broke through. Even better, 1.3 billion people just heard the state news say I was famous. Yeah.
-You saw that? I'm, like, famous. And, I mean... obviously, that's true, I am famous.
I mean, here's a picture of me with Beyoncé. Yeah?
Uh, if you zoom in, like, I'm in, like, the row... you'll see-- I'm-I'm famous, that's all I'm saying. But this was a really cool thing, so for more on this amazing achievement, we're joined now to celebrate with The Daily Show's own Roy Wood Jr., everybody!
-What up, Roy? What up, Roy?
-Oh, man! -Hey. What's going on? Isn't this amazing, dude?
Our segment played all over China.
-Did you see that? -Oh. I'll tell you what I saw, Trevor I saw you use this platform to spread Chinese propaganda! Is Trevor even your real name? Or should I call you by your spy name, -African Panda?
No, Roy, what are you talking about? No, you-you can't watch one segment that China decided to rebroadcast, then claim that I'm working for a foreign power.
-What are you talking about? -One segment? Really, Trevor?
You might fool all these sheeple in here, but I've done my research, and I found that you've been using The Daily Show to spread propaganda around the world.
China's just the tip of the iceberg.
Here's where you teamed up with North Korean state television.
If you ask me, I'm excited for this Korean invasion.
The jig is up, Panda. The jig's up.
-No, no, no.
-You're a spy!
-No, no, no, no.
No, no, come on. -He is a spy!
-No, come on, come on. Come on.
-Spy!
None of that... none of that is true.
Oh, so you're denying having cute dimples?
Okay, that part is true.
But... but the line was taken out of context.
When I said "Korean invasion,"
I was talking about the Korean boy band BTS, right?
I'm happy that their music is invading America.
-I'm not a spy.
-But you're still a traitor who pledges allegiance to the Russians!
Roll the clip!
I, Trevor Noah,
pledge my life to Mother Russia and the glorious Communist Revolution1 Care to explain?
Okay, that-that last one was real.
I was, um... I was going through a phase.
I fell in love with a Russian bot on Twitter, and then things...
things got out of hand.
-I knew it. I knew it. -But I'm-I'm not a spy. It's just...
Hello, 911?
Yeah, I'd like to report a traitor.
What's that, you want me to call the FBI?
Hell, I'm not calling the FBI. I got parking tickets.
Just send over Jason Bourne. You got a five-minute head start.
在5月22日的《崔娃每日秀中》，主持人崔娃先浅谈了5G技术将给世界带来的变化，指出除了下载一部完整电影只需要3秒外，5G更是一项改变游戏规则的技术。他打比方说，5G技术将让你不能再把信号不好当作不想接电话的借口。
该主持人谈到，5G能够极大促进经济增长和相关就业，而成为全球5G技术供应商，并借此监视每个人，“就是美国想要做的”。然而，目前世界上最好的5G公司是中国的华为。当美国研发自己的5G技术时，中国的5G技术已遥遥领先，这让人想起了当年LD和DVD之间的竞争。
“关于这场比赛，很多人都说美国已经输了，”崔娃颇有讽刺意味地说。“但幸运的是，美国有一个疯子，他愿意‘玩脏的’。”
临近结尾，崔娃还提起了一件令人啼笑皆非的事。近日，美国第二大通信运营商AT&T将iPhone和iPad状态栏中的“4G”网络图标更新为了“5G E”，但这并不是真的5G，仅是改进版4G，E代表Evolution（进化），“好比在一辆smart汽车上贴了兰博基尼的标志。”
有趣要走在前面
看了 Trevor Noah 的视频，你会发现，他几乎符合了 The Daily Show 主持人的所有要求。
他关心种族、经济和时事政治等世界范围内的重大议题，而且确实在这些议题玩出了花来。
虽然在囧司徒走了以后，The Daily Show 的收视率确实大不如前了，但它至今还是喜剧中心的王牌节目。Trevor Noah 也总算是在美国的深夜脱口秀节目里站稳了脚跟。
成为主持人之后，他依然有在办个人的单口喜剧专场，而且从现场效果来看，他也越来越懂得把握美国人的口味。
他说：我一直相信严肃可以有趣，有趣可以严肃，不用把它们区分开来。如果我在台上谈到了一些什么，然后它激起了一种情绪，那我就表现出来。但我可不想当一个布道者。如果你有个观点当然最好。但有趣肯定要走在前面，不然你就不是一个喜剧演员。
往期精彩回顾
“干货” 可不要理解为 dry goods！不知道就尴尬了！
老板问你What are you waiting for?可千万别回答他！
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