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"I read what seduces me, I write what perverts me. "
- Heather Cai -
---"The Ring of a Decade", Shanghai, 2019.12 | 《圈里圈外》摄于上海“You are too short to teach.”
---"The View in a Classroom", Shanghai, 2019.10 | 《教室一隅》摄于上海A tall interviewer called me off the stage when I had just given my name. He gestured at me as if he was giving the death penalty. Teaching was the only iron rice bowl that would fit my circumstances. Now what was I supposed to do?一位牛高马大的面试官在我刚刚介绍完名字就把我叫下了台。他手一挥，好像在判我死刑。教书是当时唯一适合我出路的铁饭碗。我该怎么办？
---"Teaching Kids Chess", Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海Days before the 2009 Spring Festival, I desperately paid an agent who guaranteed me a teaching job. On Chinese New Year’s Eve, I took a smelly night train from Hainan to Guangzhou. It was a nightmare. I slept standing against a strange shoulder in the crowd without any awareness. Everyone was leaning against each other, except those who could afford a seat.09年春节前的几天，我绝望地付费给一个中介，保证能让我教书。春节除夕，我坐了一列从海南到广州的夜火车。臭气熏天，简直是一场噩梦。拥挤人群中，我站了一宿靠在一个陌生的肩膀上睡，毫无意识。除了那些买得起座票的人外，大家都互相依偎.
---"Teaching Kids Chess", Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》樊老师摄于上海The nightmare worsened when I arrived at a suburban dormitory provided by the agency. There were twelve bunk beds in a room and twelve people shared the same shower with a single toilet. Two days later, the toilet blocked. The shitty water ran all over the place. It smelled really good. No plumber would come till after the Spring Festival. Thus the daily instant noodles had no smell.当我到达中介提供的一个郊区宿舍时，噩梦更糟了。一个房间有十二张上下铺，十二个人共用一个带淋浴的厕所。两天后，厕所堵了。屎水到处流，闻起来真香。管工要年后才有的叫。熏得快醉了，平日吃的方便面都闻不到了。
---"Teaching Kids Chess", Shanghai, 2019.11 | 《教小朋友国际象棋》朱老师摄于上海This pushed me to get a job sooner. But they all rejected me for the same reason - my small size and my weak appearance. Not until one month later did I find a school that was calling for half-pay volunteers. I took it immediately.这逼我特么想早点找到工作。但是他们都因为我长得小或看起来很柔弱拒绝了我。一个多月后，我才找到一学校做半志愿者，便立马拿下。
---"Watching Sunset", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《看日落》摄于汕头民工子弟学校The school was the Migrant Workers’ Children School in Shantou City. It looked like a small factory, but it had a nice cozy feel. There were seven classrooms for seven grades of students. All desks and chairs were blue plastic. All teachers were either retired or fresh graduates. At 5pm every day, we would each carry a bucket of hot water to the toilet and together stand on the squat for a quick shower. Of course, the sexes were separate.那是一所汕头民工子弟学校。看起来像一个小工厂，但感觉没那么凄凉。有七间教室供七个年级的学生使用。所有的桌子和椅子都是蓝色塑胶的。所有的教师都是已退休或刚毕业的。每天下午5点，我们各自提一桶热水到厕所，一起站在茅坑上洗澡。当然，男女是分开的。
---"Observing Series I", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列一》摄于汕头民工子弟学校During the first week, two school buses took us to the three main areas where most of the workers lived. We gave them handouts like a communist would hold a farmer’s hands in the Mao era. There was a fascination in that, on the bus, I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and, off the bus, I was experiencing a meditative moment of walking into the irregularly shabby tents that were home to them. Especially the moment when a woman bent over the waste digging gold with her face covered by flies.首周，两辆校车载着我们去了三个主要民工居住区。我们递给他们传单就像共产党在毛泽东时代握着农民的手。下车前，我品读马克思·奥勒留的《沉思录》；下车后，我感受着这样一个冥想时刻：渐渐深入他们那破旧的不规则的帐篷家里。尤其是当一个妇女弯下腰在垃圾堆里“挖金子”的时候，她满脸苍蝇。
---"Observing Series II", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列二》摄于汕头民工子弟学校This sight motivated me to teach more responsibly and to seek more diversities in life. I noticed that the parents smiled often and the children were happy. I found my students’ neat resonant reading voices tranquilly peaceful. I was totally drawn by these books in Chinese: The Interpretation of Dreams and The Second Sex. Meantime I focused my weekends on writing my Chinese novel - An Oasis in Wasteland.这一幕让我教书更要负责任，生活更要寻求多样性。我注意到家长们经常微笑，孩子们也很开心。他们昂奋嘹亮的读书声让我异常宁静平和。课后，我完全被《梦的解析》和《第二性》所吸引。周末，我从容专注写我的中文小说《荒原绿洲》。
---"Observing Series III", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列三》摄于汕头民工子弟学校
Life then was fulfilled with originality and simplicity. I had such complete satisfaction that I felt no ending was needed by my Chinese novel. It was a perfect year of teaching. The perfection nurtured me as an oasis of spirituality. I was inspired to experience more.那时的生活真的很原始很简单。我非常满足，满足到让我觉得《荒原绿洲》不需要结局。这是完美的一年教学生涯。这种完美滋养了我成为自己精神上的绿洲。我深受启发要去体验更多。
---"Observing Series IV", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《观察系列四》摄于汕头民工子弟学校Therefore I moved to Shenzhen, working in sales till I quit to write two English novels within four years. I then came to Shanghai out of curiosity and tried to sell insurance. I stumbled into the art world.于是我搬到了深圳做外贸。直至我辞掉全职后四年内写了两部英语小说。然后说走就走出于好奇我来到了上海，尝试做保险。跌跌撞撞，我不小心迈进了艺术的门槛。
---"To Be Remembered", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校However, my family claimed that I was absolutely wrong. They repeated it during my August family trip morning, noon and night. Their biting criticisms almost crushed me. I had to compromise with the idea of returning to education. Actually it felt more like the sand in my hourglass was running out and it was time to start over.然而，我的家人断言我选的路是绝对错的。八月回老家时，他们不停地重复我是绝对错的。他们尖锐的批评几乎把我压垮。我不得不妥协，回归教育。其实，更像是我生命中的沙漏里的沙子快漏完了，是时候重头再来了。
---"To Be Remembered", Shantou, 2009.12 | 《学生留念》摄于汕头民工子弟学校Now I’m officially working for New Stage English and teaching international chess at different international schools. Because of this job, I have seen remote parts of Shanghai that I would never have visited.现在我就职于新里程学科英语，在不同的国际幼儿园教国际象棋。因为这份工作，我走访了上海一些偏远的地方，见到了一些我从来没有见过的景象。
---"I Love China", Shanghai, 2019.12.25 | 《我爱中国》摄于上海青浦世外国际幼儿园All this happened from 2009 to 2019. It is only a decade. Only a circle. How would you like to begin a new life, if you happen to be at the starting line?这一切都发生在2009年到2019年。仅仅十年。仅仅一圈。如果你碰巧在人生起跑线上，你会如何开始新的生活？
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备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的朋友们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！
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About Heather Cai:
Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.
Copyright © 2018-2019 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！
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