Like the articles? Hit "HeathersChamber" above and follow for more!
点击以上蓝色字关注“阿太的密室”订阅更多原创作品~
"I read what seduces me, I write what perverts me. "
- Heather Cai -
---"Love Sorrow", Shenzhen, 2014.3 | 《爱的忧伤》摄于深圳
This is a 20-mins speech I did on Christmas Day. It is shared in three layers
这是一个20分钟的圣诞演讲。分3层内容与大家分享。
Part 2 The Confusion About Love and Sex
I couldn’t handle it. Not even when I had my first boyfriend in college. He was a big cowboy. His Chinese Opera-like pronunciation of the word Money (Qian), tickled me to fall into his arms with absolute surrender. One week after we met, he invited me for a McDonald hamburger. I invited my best friend for security. When we finished the hamburger, she had to leave. He then took me to a beach (not bitch) with an ancient noisy scooter that barely carried his weight. Once we arrived, he asked me, “Do you have a boyfriend?” I didn’t know why but I lied, “Yes.” Perhaps I liked him but I was afraid.我不懂。哪怕到了大学谈了恋爱还是不懂。首任男友是个美国大牛仔。他那中国京剧般的“钱”腔发音逗得我一下子心飘飘然地完全被掳走了。见面一周后，他邀我到麦当劳吃汉堡，我邀我最好的闺蜜做保护伞。吃完了汉堡，她得走了。没多久，我被掳上了他那辆大嗓门“吐”个不停貌似承载不了他体重的老古董摩托车去了海滩。一到那，他就问：“你有男朋友吗？” 我当时不知怎地撒谎回答：“有。” 也许我喜欢他，但我害怕。
---"Love Uncertainty", An'hui, 2016.8 | 《爱的不确定》摄于安徽Anyhow, we continued to see each other at a hostel where I was taking a part-time job on weekends. One Sunday evening he tried to take me back to school, but half way we were lost. He then brought me back to his place. With growing chemistry, I couldn’t but pretend to sleep with all my clothes on and without taking a shower. In the middle of the night, my bra loosed weirdly. I was guarding my breasts. He turned me over. I was still guarding my breasts. He started kissing me. I started burning. I had no idea what was going on. I lost my virginity, without knowing what virginity meant to me. The following morning, I felt pain and was horrified by the blood. He woke up with a charming smile, “Now you are my girlfriend.”总之，我们在一家我周末兼职的巴纳纳国际旅行社继续见面。一个周日晚上，他想送我回学校，但没送一半我们就迷路了。他只好把我带回到了他的公寓。人小空间大，他一逗我就脸红。耐不住，我只能澡也不敢洗连外套也不敢脱就躺在他床上把自己裹得严严的。半夜里，我的bra奇怪地松了。抱着胸，我试图不让它掉落。他将我翻了个身，我仍紧紧地抱住我的胸。他开始吻我。我开始燃烧。不知道发生了什么。失了童贞也不知道童贞对我意味着什么。第二天早上，我感到疼痛，被血吓坏了。他醒来时带着迷人的微笑说：“现在你是我女朋友了。”
---"Love Labyrinth", Fujian, 2015.12 | 《爱的迷宫》摄于福建Wait, what should a girlfriend do? Should she bleed to please him?
---"Love Thorns", Yunnan, 2014.3 | 《爱的刺痛》摄于云南I felt stupid about whether I should ask him or not. As I remembered, my mother once bruised my face because I curiously used one of her pads to wipe my ass, and she just shouted one single word, “Stupid!”傻傻地，我不知道该不该问他。记得曾经因为我好奇地用了我母亲的一片卫生巾擦屁股，她把我的脸捏淤青了，只大声地喊了一个字：“蠢！“
---"Ignorance", Malaysia, 2015.2 | 《无知》摄于马来西亚With my poor background and my poor Chinglish, I became extremely withdrawn. There was always such a gap between me and him that we could never communicate well enough to break the cultural wall. When it came to an end after my graduation in 2009, he returned to America. We kept in touch via Yahoo and Skype. Five years later, we spent a month together in Thailand. I thought it would be romantic to marry the first love. I thought I would marry him after finishing my first English novel. Time must be punishing me when I found his proposal on my QQ email six months after he had sent. I seldom used QQ. How the hell did he get my QQ? Why QQ? Would a QQ proposal be more romantic? I hadn’t a clue. Still I don’t.由于出身背景不好，讲一口”土丝“英语又很烂，我变得极其孤僻。我和他之间总有一道鸿沟，让我们无法深交流，便无法击破文化的那一堵墙。09年我毕业后，他回美国。我们在雅虎和Skype上保持联系。五年后，我们相约在泰国玩了一个月。甜蜜的感觉，让我幻想嫁给初恋应该很浪漫，让我以为自己在完成第一部英文小说后会嫁给他。但时间一定在惩罚我。他在我QQ邮箱求婚六个月后我才看到。我很少用QQ。他怎么会有我QQ？为什么是QQ？QQ求婚更浪漫吗？我不明白。我至今仍不明白。
---"The Bewildered Eye", Thailand, 2014.5 | 《晕》泰国
---The QQ Proposal, Shenzhen, 2014.7 | 《QQ求婚》深圳
---The Sweet May, Thailand, 2014.5 | 《开心五月》泰国
---The Motorcycle Trip around the Hainan Island, 2008.10 | 《海南环岛摩托之旅》
Note: To build a mutual Literature & Art community, Heather has now opened her personal channel (WeChat ID: Heather69) to her friends, who are following HeathersChamber. No cheaters!
备注：由于时间和精力有限，为了建立一个互敬互惠的文学艺术圈子，阿太特向已关注此公众号的朋友们分享她的个人微信号：Heather69 。骗子勿扰！
Last article 上一篇: My Husband-to-be | 未来老公（1）
About Heather Cai:
Heather is the daughter of a subsistence rice farmer from Fujian Province, China. She tells stories from her experience as one of the poorest. She writes her dream to share with the world, a very personal place. She has now written two English literary novels and is looking to being published in the UK. Her passion is a splendid cocktail or milkshake of word, image, music and art. She likes collecting books, DVDs, papers, stones, shells and leaves. She desires for all forms of natural beauty. She is currently teaching kids chess in Shanghai.
Copyright © 2018-2020 Heather Cai. All Rights Reserved. 所有版权归作者蔡太莲所有！
Follow HeathersChamber for more original poems, essays, prose, drawings and pictures
关注阿太的密室，订阅更多原创诗歌、散文、随笔、画画和图片