被尊重、被看见：见证两位转学生的自我接纳

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有过择校经历的家长都知道，为孩子转学特别耗费心力：从熟悉的环境“连根拔起”移植到全新的“土壤”里，对孩子和家庭来说都是挑战。

即便如此，每一年，还是有不少家庭重新规划教育道路，将孩子转来启明星读书。

什么原因让这些家庭愿意背负二次择校的“重荷”；转学过程中，他们又获得了哪些资源和支持？

以下两个启明星家庭二次择校的经验和经历，我们分享在此，和所有关注孩子成长、勇于重新选择教育路径的家庭共勉：

“听到爸爸说女儿‘她接受自己了’，

我热泪盈眶！”

回忆起1年半前Ruby进入小学一年级的情景，Ruby妈妈记忆犹新：“上学第一天，她不让我送进学校，而是自己走进去，挺着小肩膀，好像迎来了生命的里程碑！”

我们常说，有了好的开端，事情就成功了一半，但Ruby的学习生活看似充满希望，事实上进展的并不如意。

Ruby在幼儿园接受的是快乐教育，进入传统的小学教育前，几乎没做什么学术准备。不会拼音，没练过书写，再加上本身左手写字，Ruby完成老师布置的任务很慢。

“孩子很想做好，很想和同学一样得到小红花，但她做不快。”妈妈说，“很遗憾，孩子不会做的、不会背的，老师就催促着完成。在传统学校标准单一的评价体制下，她感受不到被激励，面对的更多是质疑甚至批评。”

结果Ruby越来越胆小，不自信，出现问题常常会沮丧地说：“妈妈，都是因为我.....”那团迎接小学生活的热火越来越弱……“我真的不希望孩子这样下去。”妈妈说。

经过慎重的考虑和对比，妈妈决定在2年级下半学期，把孩子转到启明星学校北皋校区。

只一个星期，妈妈就感受到，Ruby的内心放松下来了：她再不会说不愿意上学；别人为她做了很小的事情，她不但表示感谢，而且能说出很具体的理由；她还惊讶地发现自己提出的要求是可以被讨论的，能得到回应的。

 “我认为这是因为她被尊重了，被看见了！”Ruby妈妈说，“老师不会一味催促她加速完成作业，而是留意她的优点，表扬她。比如数学老师发现Ruby的几何能力特别强，就在课间休息时摸摸她的小脑袋，认真告诉她，她的空间感很好。受到激励的Ruby特别高兴，后来成了课堂上常常第一个回答问题的学生。”

让妈妈更加欣慰的是，找回自信的Ruby会愿意去学习：她认真完成作业，努力寻求最佳答案，力求更好地呈现自己的学习成果。

一个月之后，爸爸也观察到女儿的变化：“很明显，她接受自己了。”

“听到这话，我热泪盈眶！”Ruby妈妈说。这样的激动怕是只有经历过类似磨难的父母才能感同身受。

 “我不在意所谓的‘起跑线’，

我期待的是孩子可以随时起跑！”

类似的经历也发生在转入启明星三里屯校区的Mike身上。

Mike幼儿园毕业进入传统的小学校，过得一直比较辛苦，每天要完成大量作业和考核。在一上来就特别关注学术表现的学校里，这让他难以得到正面的鼓励。

不但如此，Mike比较有个性，不太主动表达自己，和同学之间有了小摩擦也往往吞下所有批评，所以很难真正融入集体，更谈不上开心。

“他对老师的信任，和同学的友谊，都渐渐没有了，而且敏感、执拗。”妈妈说，“孩子成才有很多条道路，尽管原来的学校是名校，但我不在乎所谓的‘起跑线’，我更关注他的身心健康，那样能随时‘起跑’。我决定给孩子转学。”

有趣的是，Mike第一次探校就选中了绿树掩映的启明星三里屯校区：“妈妈，就这里了！”

转学第一天，Mike妈妈忐忑不安，真不知道孩子适应得怎么样。“我实在没忍住，就给主班老师发了封邮件。感谢老师体会我的心情，特意让Mike在课间和我视频了一会儿。我一下就安了心。”

以后的几个月里，妈妈密切关注着孩子的反应。“学校是尊重孩子的，他建立了对学校和老师的信任，他认为自己受到了公正的对待，这对他来说是很重要的。”Mike妈妈说，“我能看到他一点一滴的变化。”

小朋友在一起难免有摩擦。一次，Mike和同学发生了矛盾。处理问题的是吴晗副校长。她了解了问题的来龙去脉，分清楚责任之后，让同学给Mike道了歉，也通知了双方家长。

“不像之前那样总是被埋怨，Mike觉得很公平。后来他还和那个同学讨论疫情时候能不能出去玩，两个孩子的友谊并没受到影响。”妈妈说。

“在新环境里Mike感到开心、自在，新年的时候他自发买了几十支减压笔，送给老师和同学们；他也自信了，有什么问题，会让我帮忙和老师约时间，然后自己去和老师谈。”妈妈说，“他有信心自己处理问题，然后判断一些问题是不是可以‘翻篇’了……这些都是他的成长！”

12月8日是三里屯校区的谢师宴，Mike妈妈特意排开繁忙的工作去做主持。当天Mike陪妈妈到了现场，听到妈妈被介绍给大家时，他的嘴角微微翘起来，笑了！

“他是真心为我们能加入这个社区高兴！”妈妈说。

在学习方面，Mike也在一点一滴前进。他从不会动感情地朗读课文变得特别注重情感：“妈妈，这里要小声读！”；他也爱上了踢球，主动要求报绘画班、街舞班。

妈妈看到，Mike正从原来环境的影响里一步步走出来：“他对我说，‘周末不能上学，真没意思！’对比今昔，我真是惊到了！”

亲其师，信其道

Ruby和Mike的例子再次印证启明星的理念——只要给予最适当的帮助和支持，每个孩子都能拥有出色的表现。而这样的教育基于学习者和教育者之间的完全互信。

“亲其师，信其道，学生对老师、学校没有信任，怎么能安心学习呢？”北皋校区小学部副校长何立杏说，“让每一个加入启明星的孩子和家庭充分感受到理解和尊重，是重要一步。”

为此，校方制定了一整套基于关爱、尊重等启明星核心价值观的工作流程：

“学生正式转学前，家长会收到欢迎邮件，介绍学校情况；转学第一天，主班老师也会和家长沟通，介绍孩子第一天的情况。”三里屯校区小学部副校长吴晗说，“为了帮助新家庭更好地融入学校，我们会举办早茶会，请新家长来学校了解情况；也会把家委会介绍给新家长，以便他们在需要的时候从家委会也能获得支持。”

三里屯校区小学部校长Kari每天早上会在门口迎接学生

Mike新加入三里屯校区时，老师和Mike妈妈就有很多邮件往来，解决孩子适应中的问题，帮助家长熟悉Seesaw、Radskid等学习系统和软件的使用。

按照孩子需要，老师也会安排小伙伴陪伴新生适应环境。Ruby就有这样一位小伙伴，告诉她哪里是餐厅、哪里是图书馆、洗手间在哪里......陪在她身边。

心理辅导老师也在必要时进班观察，发现孩子有入校焦虑会及时和家长、主班老师沟通。

“我们设定的适应期至少2周以上，一般是一个月。”何立杏校长说。

“尊重理解孩子，最大限度地接纳他们，和对他们有要求从来不矛盾。学校密切观察孩子的需求，鼓励他们，也是以支持他们尽快适应和投入到新学习环境为目标的。”何校长说，“包容尊重学生绝不意味放纵，没有任何底线。我们对新生是设定行为目标的。”

老师们经常一起开会，沟通支持学生学习和行为的策略，图为北皋校区小学部的老师们

使用跟进行为目标的表格、孩子有进步时给予他们看重的激励、鼓励家长给予孩子肯定和奖励……都是学校支持新生达到目标的策略。

在启明星，还有一种正向的力量难能可贵。无论Mike还是Ruby妈妈都提到，孩子适应新环境后的进步，也会得到来自同学们的真心肯定和支持。“孩子的进步是受到老师和同学的双重鼓励的。”Ruby妈妈说。

正是这样完全以学生为中心的教育和安排，给予孩子们充分探索自我的空间和勇气，对自己从多维度做出判断，继而自信、自重，能够无论“起跑线”如何都能随时起跑，实现卓越！

注：为保护学生隐私，文中学生姓名使用化名。

Every parent who has selected a school for their children knows that a school transfer is more painstaking than normal school selection. Uprooting a student from a familiar environment and transplanting them in a whole new "soil" is a challenge both for the children and the family.

However, each year, after reflecting on the education path of their children, many families will still transfer their children to Daystar Academy. 

Why will the families carry "the burden" of school transfering? What supports will the families get to help children adjust to the new environment during the transfer process?

The stories below recount the school transfer experience of two Daystar families and may assist other families who are concerned about the growth of their children.

“Tears of joy filled my eyes when I heard her father say ‘My daughter has accepted who she is’”

Ruby’s mother has a vivid memory of her daughter’s first day of elementary school a year and a half ago. "On that day, she did not let me go with her into the school, but stepped onto the campus alone. The way she held her shoulders seemed to announce the start of a new stage in her life.”

We always say that "well begun is half done". However, for Ruby, her previous elementary school life was not as smooth as it seemed.

As Ruby completed her preschool education at an international curriculum kindergarten, she barely had any academic preparation before starting her elementary education at a traditional school. She hadn’t learned Chinese Pinyin, nor had she practiced handwriting. Being left-handed also lengthened the time she spent completing assignments from her teachers.

"Ruby really wanted to perform well and receive the recognition and awards like her classmates. However, she was unable to complete the tasks fast enough," said Ruby’s mother. "When she could not solve a problem, or could not recite part of an article, the teachers would urge her to hurry up. Under the single-standard evaluation system of the traditional schools, she was barely encouraged. Instead, she was more often questioned or even criticized," Ruby’s mother added.

As a result, Ruby became increasingly timid and less confident. Any time there was a problem, she would hurriedly say that it’s her fault. Her passion for elementary school life was getting weaker and weaker. "I really don’t want to see my child go on like this for the remainder of her time in elementary school," said Ruby’s mother.

After prudent consideration and comparison, during Ruby’s second semester of second grade, her mother decided to transfer Ruby to Daystar Academy Beigao Campus, which, like Ruby’s kindergarten, is a part of Ivy Education Group.

In just one week, her mother witnessed Ruby relax as she was relieved of her previous mental stress. She no longer said that she didn’t want to go to school. When someone did something small for her, she would go beyond simply expressing her gratitude and give specific reasons for her gratitude. She was also surprised to find that her requests would be considered and receive a response.

"I think the reason for these changes is that she has been respected and her efforts have been recognized," said Ruby’s mother. "The teachers will not urge her to speed up to complete her assignments. Instead, they pay special attention to her merits and praise her good performance. For example, her math teacher observed that she has outstanding geometric ability. During the break, the teacher touched her on the head and seriously told her that she has a good sense of space. Ruby felt very happy after being encouraged by the teacher and later became the first student to answer questions in class."

Ruby’s mother feels even more gratified after Ruby regained her confidence because now she is willing to study, completes her homework diligently, strives for the best answer, and strives to demonstrate what she has learned.

After one month, Ruby changed a lot. Even Ruby’s father said, "Apparently, she has accepted who she is.”

"Hearing that brought tears to my eyes!” said Ruby’s mother. Such excitement can only be felt by parents who have gone through similar experiences.

"What matters is not where my child starts, but that he can start at any time!"

Mike transferred to the Daystar Academy Sanlitun Campus and had a similar experience.

Mike graduated from an international kindergarten. During his time at a traditional elementary school, he experienced difficulties in completing the large amount of daily homework and taking frequent examinations. It was also challenging for him to receive positive feedback or encouragement as the school emphasized academic performance.

In addition to these academic struggles, Mike has a unique personality and did not actively express himself. If he experienced a small conflict with his classmates, he would keep silent and take the criticism. Because of these personality traits, it was difficult for him to ingrate with his classmates, which negatively impacted his happiness.

"He lost trust in his teachers and his friendships with classmates gradually disappeard. He also became sensitive,” said his mother. "There are many paths for a child to become successful. Although the previous school is very famous, I am not concerned about the academic starting line. I am more concerned about his mental health, so that he can “start” at any time. Therefore, I decided to let him transfer to another school."

Interestingly, on his first visit to the school, Mike picked the Daystar Academy Sanlitun Campus, which is surrounded by greenery. "Mom, this is the one!"

Mike’s mother was very anxious and wondered how Mike was adjusting to the new environment on his first day at the school. "I couldn’t help but send the teacher an email. I am very grateful that the teacher understood how I felt and arranged a video chat between me and Mike. That was very reassuring."

In the months that followed, Mike’s mother kept a close watch on his reactions to the new environment. "The school respects children. This fosters his trust in the school and teachers. He thinks he is being treated fairly, which is very important to him," said Mike’s mother. "I could see the subtle changes in him."

Children inevitably experience friction when they are together. Once, Mike and his classmate had a conflict. assistant principal Hannah came to deal with the problem. After determining the details of the incident and clearly defining their separate responsibilities in the conflict, she asked Mike’s classmate to apologize to Mike and notified the parents of both students. 

"This was different from his previous experiences in which he was always the one blamed. Mike felt he was treated fairly. 

Later, he talked with his classmate about whether he could go out to play during the pandemic. The friendship between the two children was not affected," said Mike’s mother.

"Mike feels happy and comfortable in the new environment. During the New Year, he spontaneously bought dozens of stress-relief pens and gave them to teachers and classmates. He has also become more confident. If there is a problem, he asks me to help make an appointment with the teacher. Then he talks to the teacher by himself," said Mike’s mother. "He has the confidence to deal with problems himself, and then judge whether some problems can be 'turned over'... These are all manifestations of his growth!"

On December 8th, a Staff Appreciation event was held to honor the teachers at Sanlitun Campus. Mike's mother hosted the event despite her busy schedule. On that day, Mike accompanied his mother to the event location. When his mother was introduced, he revealed a joyful smile! "

He was genuinely happy that we could be part of this community!" said Mike's mother.

Mike is also making steady progress in his studies. Before coming to the new school, he did not express emotion when reading aloud. Now he pays special attention to emotion and tone while reading. "Mom, we should read this part in a low voice!" he would say. He also fell in love with playing football, and he even asked to attend painting and hip-hop classes.

Mike's mother is witnessing her son coming out from under the influence imposed on him by the previous school environment. "He told me that the weekends are boring because he can’t go to school. I was shocked by this difference between the past and the present!"

Be close to the teacher, and trust their teachings

Ruby and Mike's stories reaffirm Daystar’s education philosophy: when given the appropriate help and support, every child can excel. Such education is based on a complete mutual trust between the learner and the educator.

"As the old Chinese saying goes, 'When we are close to our teachers, we also trust in their teaching philosophies.' If students do not have trust in their teachers and the school, how can they focus on their studies?" said He Lixing, assistant principal of the Beigao Campus Elementary School. "It is important for every child and family who joins us to feel that they are fully understood and respected."

To this end, the school has formulated a set of workflows based on Daystar’s core values of caring and respect:

"Before a student transfers to our school, we will send the parents a welcome email that includes an introduction of the school. At the end of the first school day, the head teacher will also introduce the child's performance to the parents," said Hannah, assistant principal of the Sanlitun Campus Elementary School. "In order to help new families better integrate into the school, we hold morning tea parties and invite new parents to join. During the tea parties we will introduce the new parents to the school environment and the Parent-Teacher Association so that they can find support whenever they need it."

 Kari King, ES principal at SLT campus greets students every moring at the entrance.

When Mike first joined the Sanlitun campus, the teacher and Mike's mother had many email exchanges. Through these emails, Mike’s mother was better able to help him adjust to the new environment. The emails also helped to familiarize her with how to use the learning systems and software such as Seesaw and Radskid.

According to the needs of the children, the teacher will also arrange buddies to accompany the new students as they adapt to the environment. Ruby had a buddy who accompanied her and told her the locations of the cafeteria, library, and bathroom.

The psychological counselor also pays special attention to children’s behavior and will communicate with the parents and the head teacher if the child has signs of anxiety in the new environment.

 "We set an adaptation period of at least two weeks, usually one month," said principal He Lixing.

"Respecting and understanding children and accepting them as much as possible are never contradictory when setting requirements for them. We closely observe children's needs and are generous with our encouragement as we want to support them to adapt to the new learning environment as quickly as possible," said Principal He. "Tolerance and respect for students do not mean indulgence or that there is no bottom line. We also set behavioral goals for newly-enrolled students."

Teachers at Daystar meet regularly to discuss the most proper strategy to support students' learning. This is the picture of teachers' meeting at Beigao campus.

We use behavior chart to follow up on students’ behavioral goals, award students to recognize their progress, and encourage parents to affirm and reward their children’s good behavior. These are all strategies we use to support new students in reaching their goals.

Students at Daystar can also receive positive feedback from their peers, which is invaluable. Both Mike and Ruby's mothers mentioned that their children have received sincere affirmation and support from their classmates for the progress they have made as they have adapted to the new environment. "The child's progress is encouraged by both teachers and classmates," said Ruby's mother.

This type of student-centered education philosophy and arrangement provides the children with the space and courage to fully explore themselves, evaluate themselves from multiple dimensions, and develop into confident and self-respecting teenagers. These qualities lay a solid foundation for them to seek excellence in any area at any time!

Note: Pseudonyms have been used for the names of students to protect their privacy.

END

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启明星学校是艾毅教育集团的重要成员。请扫描二维码或拨打招生电话，了解学校详细信息：

Daystar Academy is a proud member of Ivy Education Group.  Learn more at…