疫情下的生与死：难再见，难说再见...

在短短两个多月时间里，新冠肺炎疫情席卷全球200多个国家和地区，确诊病例已超100万人。在冰冷的统计数字背后，是不幸消逝和不甘消逝的生命，是无数家庭难以承受的悲恸。

“失去亲人已经够艰难了，但最让人撕心裂肺的是，在这一刻我还不能和家人紧紧拥抱相互安慰。”

这是一个刚刚失去了母亲的儿子在一段视频里悲痛的哭诉。

在新冠肺炎期间，有太多人像他这样，在亲人逝去后，无法给他们一个完整的告别仪式，甚至连亲人的最后一面都见不到……

"Losing someone is hard enough, but not being able to hold your family close when you do is the most gut-wrenching pain I've ever felt in my life," said a sobbing son in a heart-breaking video that went viral on social media recently.

The man identified as Stuart Hamlin from Portsmouth in the UK posted the video on his Facebook account revealing how he lost his mother to the novel coronavirus and was unable to see and hold her for the very last time.

"We can't grieve, we can't comfort each other. We can't hold each other," he cried.

Stuart is not alone. As of Saturday, COVID-19 has claimed more than 58,900 lives and infected over a million people worldwide, according to Johns Hopkins University. With visitors banned in order to control and prevent the spread of the virus, almost everyone is dying in isolation – away from their loved ones. 

“如果一个人去世的时候是独自一人，这会使爱他的人感觉很痛心。这算是我们最大的社会禁忌之一…...我们都相信人们不应该孤独的死去。”贝尔法斯特女王大学的物权法和死亡研究学教授希瑟·康韦如是说。

那么，这一次的新冠肺炎疫情是否会改变人们对待死亡的方式，乃至和亲人告别的方式呢？

康韦在接受CGTN采访时说，有两点核心价值需要考虑：其一是为死者保留尊严和体面，其二是保障公众健康。“在当前情况下，更为准确的说法是，我们对待死者的方式正在发生根本性的变化。当下重点已经转移到了如何保障公众健康——我指的是活着的人们的生理健康（抵御新冠病毒威胁）。”

英国杜伦大学生死学研究中心主任道格拉斯·詹姆斯·戴维斯说，这次的大流行病已经将死亡从一个“观点性问题”变成了“事实性问题”。“当前大环境下，人们在讨论的是死亡人数。当我们谈论宗教和政治信仰的时候，这是观点性问题，我们或许会有不同的看法，但数字是客观的。”

“这点很重要，数字的意义在于摊开了人们对死亡那份原本隐藏着的焦虑。”

Heather Conway, professor of Property Law and Death Studies at the School of Law, Queen's University Belfast, says, "At an emotional level it could have a heartbreaking impact on the people who lose loved ones, when that person has died alone. It's one of our biggest social taboos… we believe that people should not die alone."

So, is the coronavirus pandemic changing the way we deal with death and the dead?

"There are two core values, namely respect and decency for the dead and protecting public health. In the current circumstances, it's probably more accurate to say that how we treat the dead is being fundamentally altered these days. The focusing has shifted to safeguarding public health – and by this we mean physical health of the living (against the threat posed by the virus)," Prof. Conway told CGTN Digital.

According to Professor Douglas James Davies, director of the Center for Death and Life Studies at Durham University in the UK, the pandemic has turned death into a matter of fact from being a matter of opinion. "In the current world circumstances, people are talking about the statistics of how many people have died of the virus. So, when we talk about religious and political beliefs, they are opinions and we can dispute them, but numbers are very factual."

"I think that's a really important issue, the role of numbers in bringing out to the surface the otherwise implicit anxiety over death," Prof. Davies told CGTN Digital.

由于严格的社交隔离措施以及对集会人数的限制，失去亲人的人们还经历着另一种创伤，那就是无法与逝者做最后的道别。

康韦教授表示，“葬礼的形式已经改变了，尸体被放在了已经封闭好的棺材里，这意味着家属既无法见逝者最后一面，也无法再触碰到已逝的亲人了。葬礼上，家属们也依然要遵守社交隔离的要求。他们不能将棺材抬入墓中，而是必须分开站立在墓穴的两旁。虽然逝者身上的病毒已经死了，但是这些防护措施依然是必要的。”

眼下，甚至连伊斯兰学者和伊玛目也转而采用伊斯兰法律里罕用的葬礼形式了。

印度伊斯兰中心主席Maulana Khalid Firangi Mahli告诉CGTN：“最近这些日子，我们已经不再对死者进行下葬前的‘浴礼’了，尸体也不再放进‘卡凡’或白色裹尸袋里，而是放在了塑料袋里。” 受疫情影响，目前也只允许直系亲属参加葬礼了。

在隔离的悲痛中，有人利用了科技的力量。“我注意到，在大型集会被限制的情况下，人们在纪念逝去亲人这件事情上却表现出了更多的创造力。许多人正在利用互联网的资源进行虚拟聚会，他们在线上团聚并共同纪念对亲人们的记忆。” 美国德克萨斯大学河谷分校浸信会学生部校园主任杰里·乔尔告诉CGTN Digital。

But with strict social distancing measures and gatherings limited to a few attendees, grieving families are left behind with an additional trauma of not being able to say a final goodbye.

"Funeral formats have changed with closed coffins which means that families won't be allowed to see or to touch the dead for the last time. Family members are also maintaining social distancing at funerals: they can't carry the coffins to the grave and must stand apart from each other at the graveside. Though the virus dies in the dead but these are the precautions that need to be taken at this time," Prof. Conway said.

Even Islamic scholars and imams are invoking rarely-used funeral rituals of the Islamic law.

"These days we are not performing the ritual bathing and balming on the bodies before burying them in a plastic bag rather than the 'kafan' or white burial shroud," Maulana Khalid Firangi Mahli, chairperson of the Islamic Center of India, told CGTN Digital, adding that due to the current situation only immediate family members are allowed to attend funerals.

And then there are those who are turning to technology in this time of grief in seclusion. "What I have noticed is that people are being more creative in how they honor their lost loved one due to the restrictions on large gathering. Many are using the resources of the internet to have virtual gatherings where they come together online to celebrate the memory of the loved one," Jerry Joule, Campus Ministry director for the Baptist Student Ministry at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley, U.S., told CGTN Digital.

但是，线上葬礼真的能够取代人们在传统葬礼中通过触摸、拥抱和亲吻所获得的宽慰吗？

荷兰人类学家范杰纳曾说，“葬礼期间，人们能够从社会体系获得所需要的帮助和指引。” 现如今，人们不得不放弃传统的葬礼举办形式。由此，戴维斯教授认为在疫情期间失去亲人的人们将会带着一种“被剥夺感”生活下去。

戴维斯教授在与CGTN的采访中表示，他盼望着有一天，人们可以为全球范围内新冠肺炎的受害者举办一场大型的纪念仪式，这或许可以为人们提供一个“健康哀悼”的机会，从而取代他们心中关于死亡的痛苦回忆。

“在哀悼过程中与逝者做最后的告别是很重要的。虽然人们现在无法通过最后的拥抱和亲吻与逝去的亲人告别，但是人们依然可以通过别的方式获得解脱。”乔尔表示，“即便处于社交隔离中，人们也不必独自面对悲伤。去找人倾诉吧，哪怕只是通过电话也好。铭记并珍惜与逝去亲人的美好回忆是极其重要的。”

当被问及疫情结束后心理问题的个案数是否会增加时，戴维斯教授说，“疫情的波及范围是如此之广，它已经成为了一个广泛存在的社会场景。当人们知道有许多人也经历了与他们类似的苦难后，他们也许能从中获得一丝安慰。知道自己并不孤单这件事本身就具有疗愈的效果。”

But can altered funeral traditions, and virtual memorials replace the basic human comfort of touch, hug and a kiss?

"During funeral rituals the society takes us by the hand at a time when we need someone to support us and lead us," Prof. Davies quoted Dutch anthropologist Arnold van Gennep, saying that those who have lost their loved ones during the pandemic will carry with them the "sense of deprivation" since ordinary funerals and the culture of funerals have dramatically changed.

Prof. Davies told CGTN Digital that he's expecting mass memorials for the victims around the world to replace bad memories associated with their death with "healthy grief."

For now, millions are forced to mourn in isolation. "Closure is very important for the grieving process. While that final hug and goodbye kiss are very meaningful and helpful in finding closure, it is possible to find closure even when one does not have such an opportunity," said Pastor Joule, adding "It is important to know that even during social distancing you do not have to face grief alone. Reach out to someone, even if it is only by telephone, find someone who will walk with you in this situation. It is important to cherish the memory of the loved one and remember the beautiful times you had together."

Commenting on the possibility of a rise in mental health cases after the pandemic is over, Prof. Davies said that "because this is such a widely experienced social situation, people might gain some comfort from the thought that there were many others having a similar experience – the fact that so many people have been caught up in this situation, might itself be a therapeutic thing."

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