7 of the weirdest pool floats on Taobao you need this summer

June 1 is approaching, which is when Beijing’s outdoor pools normally open. We know you can’t wait for our list of places to swim in the sunshine, but while you do, we have taken upon ourselves to help you with selecting the wackiest pool inflatables on Taobao. Search with the keywords we've provided, or simply click 'Read more' below the article for the post with direct links.

While we can’t say if the colours of our picks will match well with your pasty pale skin and winter flab, we are quite certain you’ll draw some attention floating atop one of these babies.

Angel Wings

Photo: Taobao.com

If no one has ever thought you angelic, change their minds with this giant inflatable angel wings from 90RMB. It’s broad enough that you can fall asleep on it. Just don’t fall off it, Lucifer…

Search for 天使翅膀游泳气垫床花

Avocado

Photo: Taobao.com

It’s a known fact that avocado helps with sunburn. Well, this avocado float (from 69RMB) can help too. Simply swim up from underneath the float and insert your head to replace the dislodgeable pitt. Just be sure there are friends nearby who can help in case you get stuck.     

Search for 牛油果游泳圈

Clam

Photo: Taobao.com

Live out your Little Mermaid fantasies with this multi-chambered seashell that goes for 144RMB. To make you feel even more like an underwater princess, it also comes with a ‘pearl’ that doubles as a beach ball. 

Search for 贝壳浮床

Diamond Ring

Photo: Taobao.com

Bring the bling poolside with this massive diamond ring (58RMB). This accessory of the season looks bulky and difficult to cling to in the water.  But who cares? The discomfort is temporary, while diamonds are forever.
Search for 大钻石戒指游泳圈

Pizza

Photo: Taobao.com

Everyone know pizza brings people together. But not like this amazing pizza slice float. Sold individually at 156RMB, you need simply buy eight of them to complete a majestic pie. Now all you need for the perfect summer is to make seven other friends.

Search for 水上披萨床

Poop

Photo: Taobao.com

We've all seen those 'comedy' movies where the kid or drunk adult drops a turd in the pool and panic ensues; now, you can recreate this exact scenario for yourself without even having to risk getting a dose of dead-skin-cell-filled water up the anus! Just don't look this mega-poop (132RMB) straight in the eye – they definitely know something we don't (hence the smirk).

Search for 大便坐骑游泳圈

Unicorn

Photo: Taobao.com

We’re sure instagram surely has some revenue sharing for this float design, given how its ubiquitous on every influencers’ feed. This rainbow unicorn is kitschy but just straddle it and you suddenly feel like posing for an imaginary selfie. It doesn't s**t sparkles or gore your enemies, but you can pick a big one up from 68RMB.

Search for 独角兽游泳圈

For direct Taobao links to buy, hit 'Read more'. 

You might have missed

More from Time Out Beijing

Stay up to date in Beijing