The 5 people you'll meet at every music festival this summer

Summer is fast approaching and music festival season is upon us. Strawberry and Midi Taihu kick things off this weekend, which not only means the return of al fresco live music, but the return of the festival revelers.

They've hibernated all winter, counting down the days until they can don their bucket hats, lanyards and shorts, and drunkenly sway around in a crowded field. Here's every festival fanatic you're going to meet this year.

The festival veteran 

Been there, done that, most definitely bought the t-shirt. They were there when Hendrix burned his guitar on stage in '67, when Rage Against The Machine did that naked protest at Lollapolooza in '93, when there was that Tupac hologram at Coachella in 2012 and even when Kanye West went up in a cherry picker for some reason at Glastonbury in 2015. They always come prepared - bumbag, water, strategically placed picnic blanket, they always know where the nearest toilets are. They're a festival expert, a festival guru, a festival Gandalf.

The fake flower child

She spent so long reading up on this year's 'must have' festival styles and accessories that she doesn't actually know which bands are playing. She looks like she got dressed in the dark at Urban Outfitters: the flowers in her hair, the beads around her neck, the henna tattoos, the denim shorts - she's displaying all the signs of the wannabe 'sexy hipster' but needs to be reminded that she's not in the Coachella Valley in Indio, California, she's on Expo Avenue in Pudong, not far from the China Art Museum metro stop...

The fun dad

Here he is, the fun dad. Dancing like fun dads do. Not a care in the world - polo shirt tucked into his shorts; socks and sandals in all their glory; sun cream at the ready; holding one of those battery-powered hand-held fans that blows on you with the approximate force of a sneezing hamster. He's here to have some good wholesome family fun and doesn't care who's watching. 'She's good this Charleene XEX', he says bopping around to 'Boom Clap'.

The annoying youth

It's their first festival and they're a bit excitable. They spend most of the day on their phone, posting pictures in a WeChat group called 'Festival [sun glasses emoji]' and compiling an unbearable 17-post Instagram story. They're too young to properly appreciate the music and in the afternoon they somehow get hold of some booze and make the transition from 'annoying youth' to 'annoying youth who's had a can of cider and everything gets a bit much.' You pray to god they're not on your train home.

The person who went too hard too early

Where's their shirt? Why have they only got one shoe? How can they be this drunk at one in the afternoon? You have a lot of questions but they're in no fit state to give any answers. Another victim of 'the sesh', there's always one person who comes flying out of the gates, only to fall at the first hurdle. Liquid breakfast followed by a liquid lunch, they clearly wanted to let off some steam, but shotgunning three Asahis before 10am was never going to end well. They were really looking forward to some head banging in the mosh pits, but will have to settle for having a banging headache tomorrow morning instead.

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