8 of the wackiest pool floats to buy on Taobao this summer

Photographs: via Taobao.com

Pools are fun. Lazing around getting sunburnt is fun. Lazing around in a pool getting sunburnt on a magnificently tacky floatie while kids point, and those with better taste stare and look confused, is probably the definition of fun, and that's precisely why we've compiled this list of the most bonkers inflatables we could find on Taobao. 

Blow 'em up, make 'em your summertime companion and prepare to buy a new one when you inevitably burst it by doing a cannonball onto its clammy PVC surface just that little bit too enthusiastically. We'll see you poolside, mentalists.

Doughnut

These cutesy treats won't stop you fitting into your swimsuit and come in a variety of sugar-sweet shades, so you can quadruple the annoyance of everyone in your vicinity by doling them out to your mates and bobbing around as a fly flotilla. They're definitely the most comfortable-looking option on this list, so stop here if your but likes being supported by a simple circle of sweaty plastic.

Search for 甜甜圈游泳圈

Angel Wings

If no one has ever thought you angelic, change their minds with this giant inflatable angel wings from 90RMB. It’s broad enough that you can fall asleep on it. Just don’t fall off it, Lucifer…

Search for 天使翅膀游泳气垫床花

Avocado

It’s a known fact that avocado helps with sunburn. Well, this avocado float (from 69RMB) can help too. Simply swim up from underneath the float and insert your head to replace the dislodgeable pitt. Just be sure there are friends nearby who can help in case you get stuck.

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Clam

Live out your Little Mermaid fantasies with this multi-chambered seashell that goes for 144RMB. To make you feel even more like an underwater princess, it also comes with a ‘pearl’ that doubles as a beach ball. 

Search for 贝壳浮床

Poop

We've all seen those 'comedy' movies where the kid or drunk adult drops a turd in the pool and panic ensues; now, you can recreate this exact scenario. Just don't look this mega-poop (132RMB) straight in the eye – they definitely know something we don't (hence the smirk). 

Search for 大便坐骑游泳圈

Unicorn

We’re sure Instagram surely has some revenue sharing for this float design, given how its ubiquitous on every influencers’ feed. This rainbow unicorn is kitschy but just straddle it and you suddenly feel like posing for an imaginary selfie. It doesn't s**t sparkles or gore your enemies, but you can pick a big one up from 68RMB. 

Search for 独角兽游泳圈

Pizza

Everyone knows pizza brings people together. But not like this amazing pizza slice float. Sold individually at 156RMB, you need simply buy eight of them to complete a majestic pie. Now all you need for the perfect summer is to make seven other friends. 

Search for 水上披萨床

Diamond Ring

Bring the bling poolside with this massive diamond ring (58RMB). This accessory of the season looks bulky and difficult to cling to in the water.  But who cares? The discomfort is temporary, while diamonds are forever. 

Search for 大钻石戒指游泳圈

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