Catch the Pulse of Ben Xi's "Heartbeat"
This article originally appeared on April 29, 2017 (Saturday).
Welcome to Karaoke Saturdays, a regular feature on the Beijinger where we help fill out your karaoke repertoire by recommending some of today's best Chinese pop songs as well as the musicians that make them.
As many playlists will tell you, popular Chinese songs tend to follow the same patterns. Ballads with descending bass lines feature female singers telling their ex-boyfriends they will be sorry while male singers tearfully admit how regretful they are. With audiences and music makers both acting conservatively, it's refreshing to hear a new voice like singer-songwriter Ben Xi.
With her unique voice, Ben Xi brings a breath of fresh air to the Chinese pop music scene with modern rhythms to her singing and personal introspection to her lyrics. Not content to just be a "flower vase" (花瓶 huāpíng), Ben Xi takes on the rapping duties in her songs, a role traditionally viewed as masculine. What's more, Ben Xi wasn't afraid to sing about her own life experiences that may not conform to the idealist views of romance in China.
But what appeared to be a promising career was tragically cut short last year when Ben Xi suddenly passed last Christmas Eve. She was only 22 years old.
With her own record label refusing to reveal her cause of death, Ben Xi's legacy has unfortunately become one of rampant speculation. We only know for sure that Ben Xi was under a lot of pressure to succeed, something that oddly served as the plot device of a promotional movie in which record company executives are seen manipulating a reluctant Ben Xi (playing herself).
Although Ben Xi has left us far too early, we are lucky to have her music to remember her by, of which "Heartbeat" (某个心跳 mǒu ge xīntiào) is a sterling example of her talent.
"Heartbeat" is a 2013 song in which Ben Xi shows off her trademark rapping as well as espousing a practical point of view over relationships. Instead of pouting over lost love, Ben Xi tells the listener that it's all a part of growing up and being a responsible adult.
Here are the Chinese lyrics to Ben Xi's "Heartbeat" along with Pinyin and an English translation:
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?vid=l0012k5wu4y&width=500&height=375&auto=0
(Verse 1)
有时候听不见 自己的某个心跳
Yǒu shíhòu tīngbùjiàn zìjǐ de mǒugè xīntiào
Sometimes I can't hear my own heartbeat properly
我不知道到底是什么 在我耳边环绕
Wǒ bù zhīdào dàodǐ shì shénme zài wǒ ěr biān huánrào
I can't figure out what I'm hearing within earshot
我没有勇气 其实根本就想象不到
Wǒ méiyǒu yǒngqì qíshí gēnběn jiù xiǎngxiàng bùdào
I lack the courage, and in fact can't imagine it
你说这不是 我想要的你都知道
Nǐ shuō zhè bùshì wǒ xiǎng yào de nǐ dōu zhīdao
You say this is not so; but you know what it is that I want
我安静听 你陌生的呼吸 那孤单的回忆
Wǒ ānjìng tīng nǐ mòshēng de hūxī nà gūdān de huíyì
I quietly listen to your strange breathing, that lonely recollection
是什么搁浅你心底
Shì shénme gēqiǎn nǐ xīndǐ
What pains are hidden at the bottom of your heart?
安静不言语 你有你的话题
ānjìng bù yányǔ nǐ yǒu nǐ de huàtí
Silently without speaking, you have the things you want to say
我有我的过去 不逃避要 如何告诉你出了什么问题
Wǒ yǒu wǒ de guòqu bù táobì yào rúhé gàosù nǐ chū le shénme wèntí
I have my past don't evade; need to explain the trouble you have gotten into
(Verse 2)
我没有办法处理 少了想象中的熟悉
Wǒ méiyǒu bànfǎ chǔlǐ shǎo le xiǎngxiàng zhōng de shúxī
I have no way to take care of it without the familiarity of my imagination
我们的一点一滴 都透彻出不屑的痕迹
Wǒmén de yīdiǎnyīdī dōu tòuchè chū bù xiè de hénjì
Every last one of our undignified scars shows through
早就已经不去回忆 你不听思路不清晰
Zǎo jiù yǐjīng bùqù huíyì nǐ bùtīng sīlù bù qīngxī
Those long-held recollections we don't revisit; you don't listen, thinking is not clear
要怪就怪我 决定的不够彻底
Yào guài jiù guài wǒ juédìng de bù gòu chèdǐ
If you have to blame someone, then blame me; the decision is not thorough enough
我没有新的自己 全部都是旧的回忆
Wǒ méiyǒu xīn de zìjǐ quánbù dōu shì jiù de huíyì
There is not a new me; all my memories are from before
奢求你接受其实 对你来说也不容易
Shēqiú nǐ jiēshòu qíshí duì nǐ lái shuō yě bù róngyì
In your case, it's not easy to accept my unfair demands
没有关系 我懂你要的其实只是真心
méiyǒu guānxì wǒ dǒng nǐ yào de qíshí zhī shì zhēnxīn
Doesn't matter, I understand you want someone sincere
所以我给你的同样 只是仅此而已
Suǒyǐ wǒ gěi nǐ de tóngyàng zhīshì jǐncǐéryǐ
That's why I'm doing the same thing, this and nothing more
(Chorus)
枯萎是一个借口 一个理由
Kūwěi shì yīgè jièkǒu yīgè lǐyóu
A wilted excuse, a reason
一个敷衍的结果
Yīgè fūyǎn de jiéguǒ
A half-hearted outcome
感情是一个伤口 一句诉说
Gǎnqíng shì yīgè shāngkǒu yījù sùshuō
Sentiment is a wound, the words you tell someone
看透的不止是我
Kàntòu de bù zhǐ shì wǒ
I'm not the only one who has been exposed
每个想你的时刻 那天此刻
Měigè xiǎng nǐ de shíkè nà tiān cǐkè
Each time I think of that moment
你对我说过爱我
Nǐ duì wǒ shuō guò ài wǒ
When you told me you loved me
到底该想些什么 做着什么
Dàodǐ gāi xiǎng xiē shénme zuò zhe shénme
What should I think, what should I do
才能够忘记你呢
Cáinéng gòu wàngjì nǐ ne
In order to forget you?
(Verse 3)
当失落在覆盖 什么感受 再掩盖
Dāng shīluò zài fùgài shénme gǎnshòu zài yǎngài
At losing you and covering it up; what feeling have I concealed again?
什么感受 彼此都以为 对方会回来
Shénme gǎnshòu bǐcǐ dōu yǐwéi duìfāng huì huílái
What feeling? We both thought the other person would come back
其实都懂 其实都痛 其实什么都想过
Qíshí dōu dǒng qíshí dōu tòng qíshí shénme dōu xiǎngguò
But, despite understanding the situation, we were both pained by it
其实只需要 把你轻轻放在心中
Qíshí zhī xūyào bǎ nǐ qīngqīng fàng zài xīn zhōng
I just need to gently keep you in my heart
总觉得少了什么 或许是我期待太多
Zǒng juéde shǎo le shénme huòxǔ shì wǒ qīdài tài duō
I'm always feeling I'm missing something, or maybe it's that I'm expecting too much
最怕你一个人 低着头安静沉默不说
Zuì pà nǐ yīgè rén dī zhe tóu ānjìng chénmò bù shuō
Fearing you are quietly, silently, all by yourself
想太多再退缩 失去不会有结果
Xiǎng tài duō zài tuìsuō shīqù bù huì yǒu jiéguǒ
Thinking too much, I cower; there is nothing to be gained from loss
换一种方式思考 才能明白才能看清许多
Huàn yīzhǒng fāngshì sīkǎo cáinéng míngbái cáinéng kàn qīng xǔduō
Only by changing my thinking can I understand so much more
(Chorus, Chorus)
Want to listen to more Ben Xi songs? Check out these songs (all can be found in YouTube):
"Snow Season": A single released just last September (youtube.com/watch?v=o3f7_i0kecQ)
“Imaginary Love": Ben Xi gets downright aggressive in her rapping for this song (youtube.com/watch?v=tWug6YVbZWc)
"Runaway": Ben Xi's electro-dance hit, complete with an all-English second half (youtube.com/watch?v=A9re-iU44V8)
"The Sky is Black": Peppy, upbeat Top 40 (youtube.com/watch?v=HX5AGJhyB9c)
"No Bottom Line": Another dance song of Ben Xi's (youtube.com/watch?v=xr1AdRKUTwU)
"Last of the Last": Chinese girls shouldn't be singing songs this dark, let alone rapping, and yet, here we are (youtube.com/watch?v=TX9qp1FynyY)
Images: Gexing.com, Zhidao.Baidu.com, Duitang.com, Youku.com
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