Beijing Men Are Simply Saying No to Expensive Betrothal Gifts

Despite their reputation for being the best boyfriends in China, 80 percent of Beijing's unmarried men are drawing the line when it comes to meeting the demands of their partners for exorbitant betrothal gifts, described as the most expensive in the country, ranging between 110,000 and 200,000 yuan ($16,600 and $30,300).

That's just one of many statistics revealed in an online survey conducted by Chinese dating website Zhenai.com that studied the preferences of its unmarried male and female users.

As much as Beijing men are unwilling to comply, Beijing women are also stubbornly maintaining their high expectations. The survey also revealed that two-fifths of single women surveyed have been told their standards are too high, making Beijing the second-most common place for these women to live after Shanghai.

When it comes to potential wedding partners, single Chinese women rate themselves more highly than their counterparts. More than half of single women surveyed thought their boyfriends were not good enough for them with almost two-thirds believing their boyfriend's family background and education was inferior to their own, while almost two-fifths consider their partner's "face value" to be sub-par.

By contrast, one-fifth of unmarried Chinese men have been told their expectations are too high.

And in light of the difficulty of finding a marriage partner, Beijing men have distinguished themselves from their peers as being the most "emotionally resourceful" when it comes to dating.

Today's younger generation finds some Chinese traditions to be too old-fashioned, namely the wedding customs of having the bride's family ritually cry during the ceremony as well as allowing guests to publicly shame the bridal couple as seen in sensational online stories. Although highly-ranked as the "most unwanted customs to happen during a wedding," a major difference lies between the two sexes in the top three: "no betrothal gift" is the third most-hated wedding pet peeve for single Chinese women, while "too expensive betrothal gift" is the top complaint for single Chinese men.

Coinciding with Qixi Festival celebrations that are regarded as "Chinese Valentine's Day," the survey attracted plenty of attention online, with the top comments reflecting the uninspiring trends of China's unmarried adults.

The top comment on Caijing's Weibo post about the survey that garnered some 22,000 upvotes was a condemnation of both Chinese men and women, simplifying the results as: "Women want to find a way to support themselves, while men want to bring home a nanny to take care of them!"

The second-most popular comment, with 12,000 upvotes, was just as bleak: "There aren't any unmarried men willing to pay a 100,000 yuan betrothal gift with a 120-square-meter mortgaged apartment. No need to talk about mutual feelings since no one owns a house or has any money. Getting married is bad for the wife and any children you have."

The next most popular comment attempted to offer a simple truth: "The reason for wanting such high betrothal gifts is because the law does not protect a woman in her marriage. On the other hand, men stand to profit from getting married."

These pessimistic attitudes of commenters reflect an unstoppable trend that will shape all Chinese relationships in the years to come. Current estimates say Chinese men will outnumber women by 15 million by 2020, and 30 million by 2050. By 2027, the number of unmarried Chinese men will be twice that of unmarried Chinese women.

And for the rest of us, don't you even consider using your mobile wallet to pay for your wedding gifts.

Images: Fenglei (ifenglei.com), zixun.jia.com, nipic.com, jd.com

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