谷家下村的七色鹿｜流浪者阳洋之叙述录

谷家下村的七色鹿

流浪者阳洋之叙述录

流浪者，是否有故乡？遇上流浪者阳洋之后，这个问题似乎有了些解答。

1994年，求学，远离谷家下村，我一路蹦跑，居无定所。广州读书八年有余。毕业后，不务正业，误人子弟地晃荡着当了6年的教师。如此，便在广州流窜十五年有余，搬家不下15次。我经常晃荡在广州美院后门的臭水沟边，路上，街巷里。伤残的乞丐和手脚俱残的乞丐儿童，不时有见。这让我总有抹不去的悲伤。为了乞讨更多钱，丐帮拐来小孩，弄残，成为虐心道具。人的残酷到底来自何方？人心多深远？头顶的天空盖住了思维，堵住出口。是否应当如此无视卑微和苦难？我很无奈，在街上，发现自己也是如此卑微。

2010年，日益认为自己教不会学生真正的艺术，便放弃教师工作，像流放一样，恢复自个喜欢的自由创作的悬空状态。

2013年冬，自北京回广州做作品时，认识阳洋，他住广州白云区高架桥底。2014年，冬，他还住白云区高架桥底。2015年，有天，他抽着我递给他的香烟，坐在地上，嘴唇有点干枯，还掉了几颗牙，跟我讲述一场个人与命运，个人与社会的故事。我内心纠成了一团。记得他的说：像我们太普通啦，没什么自豪的东西。记得小时，像彭德怀阿，多崇敬阿，大将军，大英雄，结果被人家打在台子上打得满地找牙。个人、命运。我遇上流浪者阳洋时，他仿佛给我了带来了些答案。我们都无法逃脱时代的笼罩和命运宿命里的某些安排。在他的言语里，我的文字苍白无力，于是把他的话整理成文，供大家阅读。

阳洋的讲述如下：

Yang Yang’s narrative

社会

Society

实际上我们说得呀 真的 就是说出来 都没什么意义

Actually what we say is…really…just saying They are all meaningless

啊没什么意义

Totally meaningless

所以 就是我们自个的认识吧

So That is our self-awareness

社会有我们这种

Each society has our kind of people

就是捡垃圾嘛 已经到了这种地步也是很正常的

Ragpickers It is normal to be like this situation

社会结构它必然的 我觉得是这样的

I do think…Social structure would inevitably lead this result

我知道有的地方有救助站嘛

I know some places which have Succor Station

救助

Succour

也有民间的嘛 就说

Some of them are NGOs

送点吃的穿的用的这些都有

Give you something freely eat, wear, use…all included

要说 我们也是属于是流动出来

We move and move

到了现在这种地步

result in this situation

也不一定在哪个地方

Living in uncertain places

他也没方法

They don’t have solutions, too

肯定是 我们 那 不可能

It is impossible that we are definitely the one…

像美国 我在想这个问题

In my understanding Even in America

它也不可能所有的流浪汉流浪者

It is also impossible for them

都是那么照顾得过来

to take care all the vagrants

不可能的

Impossible

我知道以前比现在多得多

I know there were much more vagrants than now

现在少多了

Now is less

这是无奈地

This is sad

无奈的问题没方法 我们也没方法

No solution for the sadness We don’t have solution neither

也有老板叫我们去打工啊什么地

Some employers told us that we could get some jobs

哎呀我是没方法实在没方法身体有病

But I can’t I really can’t Because my body is sick

最近几年特别厉害一点

It is especially bad in recent years

以前还好一点

Better in the old times

打工的时候 也还行 现在不行了

It is so-so when I work But now my body is dysfunctional

岁数大了加上这个病

Older age plus the illness

没方法

Nothing I can do

一个人啊

I am alone

在社会上这样跑来跑去

Keep moving like these in this society

到了这个地步的时候

In the situation like now

实在没其他的想法

Nothing could be thought indeed

脑袋瓜子特清醒的时候就想到这个问题

When my mind is especially clear I would think of this question

就是想睡 睡下去就是不醒了

I want to sleep And never wake up again

就什么就结束了

Then everything would be over

什么都结束了

Everything would come to its end

出来打工的

People who take a job

到了某个单位

Get into some workplace

单位不景气以后这些人就全部散了

All of them get lost after the workplace depressed

也回不去了

They cannot go back

我也算是那一种

I am kind of that people

我说我 我不觉的我是那个想自由的人

I mean…I don’t feel like I am a person who wants freedom

我不是那一种

I am not that kind of person

我觉的很多事情

I feel lots of things…

人 有时候就是跟那个关系有一点

Sometimes human has the relationship

就是一个动一个静

of move and quiet

我年轻的时候吧那一个地从农村出来

When I was young I came out from the village myself

就是乡办企业那里面

Entered into a township enterprise

也就是把什么事情干好就是一种贡献吧

In that situation doing your own work good equaled contribution

就是这种

Yeh

其他地我们想去改变什么好像我们也不行

If we want to change something that seemed beyond our abilities

当然这个是真的

Of course this is true

我跟你们确实很多地方不一样

I do have many places different from you

我以前也在公司里面呆过嘛

I have been in the company before

竞争以后

After the competitions

没方法的时候 只能卷铺盖走人

When you have nothing can do you could just leave

真的

Really

我们那个时代啊 我们年轻时代嘛

Our age our young age

八十年代

1980s

那个时候还好一点

It was better at that time

那个时候反正是要靠大家

while everything depends on everyone

这个社会本来就是竞争的

This society is born competitive

现在政府它是把有些东西全部下放以后

Now after the government decentralizing something totally

政府不直接管企业或者你工作那些它是不管的

the government don’t control the enterprises directly, nor take care your job

如果你是政府职员当然例外啊

The only exception is government officers

你就是企业一般什么倒闭什么地它不直接过问的

but your company falling down is none of their business

我哦 以前吧 确实读书没读多少 哼哼

I do not have enough education before

对世界的认知

My cognition of the world

就是这个世界啊 到底是什么样的

how the world really are

不太清楚

I am not clear

就是 以前看到的认识的和现在感受的不一样

What I learned before is different from what I feel now

就像武侠小说里写的

Like the fictions of martial arts

真的是不一样

It do differentiate

有的像我们这种 不希望回家去看看

Some vagrants don’t want to go back home

不希望了哼哼

Not think about it anymore

那毕竟不是凯旋门啊

After all, that is not the Arc de Triomphe

哼哼 也是一个家

What I have now is still counted as a home

现在我们几个流浪的钻在一块就是一个家了

Now we several vagrants drill together means a home

就算了嘛 大家钻在一块过就那么回事

It counts…we crowed living together…that’s it

像我们太太普通了 没有 没有那种很自豪的 什么东西

We are too too normal And we don’t have something to be proud of

没有

Nothing to be proud of

真的没有呵呵

Really

应该说爱过的女人

The female I loved?

这怎么讲

How to say…

现在我们在外面跑怎么讲

How to say that while we are moving outside…

最喜欢的女人是什么

The female I loved most?

钞票

Cash

对 这是人见人爱啊谁都喜欢呵呵

Yah Everybody loves that

我看到很多报纸上写的有的东西

I have seen many things written on the newspaper

啊我们小时候觉得读书

When I read as a little kid

以前的人物啊

I think those past figures who being shown

像彭德怀啊这些人物啊

like Peng Dehuai

多崇敬啊 大英雄啊

How adorable a hero he was

结果被人家打在台子上 打得满地找牙

But ended up being beaten so badly by others in the public stage

啊 这个是真实的呀 那又算什么

That’s reality What does that mean?

你看彭德怀啊 以前的人 大将军啊 哼哼

Peng Dehuai was once the General of the Army

我觉的有些事情跟书上写的小说写的是一样的

I feel something would be the same as the writing of books and fictions

讲的是个命运

They all talk about the Fate

国家也有国家的命运

Countries have countries’ fate

民族也有命运

Nations have theirs, too

它是用一个历史观来说的

What I am speaking of is the historical perspective

我们这么想的时候

When we view things from historical perspective

我觉的文化大革命那是必然的

I believe the Culture Revolution is destined

人家说三十年河东三十年河西

Changeable and capricious in rise and fall

没有文化大革命哪有改革开放呐

Without the Culture Revolution, how came the Reform and Opening?

呵呵那是命运安排的

They were already destined

个人命运

Even my personal fate

我以前确实也有家也有老婆孩子

I did have a home and my wife and child

那说没了就没了 她那个嘛 跟人家走了嘛

Things would disappear just in a second She ran off with other people

也就是说像我们这种失去生活能力的人

People like us who have lost living abilities

也算是个缩影吧 我们都

are both some kind of epitome

彭德怀嘛 战争年代立过大功的嘛

Peng Dehuai once made great contribution during the war

我们倒是没法去从个人角度去看人家了嘛

Anyway we have never viewed him from a personal perspective

我们只是说从书本上历史上了解这个东西

We learned everything only from the books of history

其实想起来有点 真的没意思

That’s actually dull

人有时候真的没有意思

Sometimes, human-beings are dull, too

作为历史人物 那当然是另外一回事

It is definitely another thing as a historical figure

做过贡献 对国家啊什么地

They made contributions to countries or something

那当然不一样

Definitely not the same

做为普通人来说 那就是生儿育女养家糊口

But as an ordinary people, it is only reproduction and being the breadwinner

我们失去这个就没有意义了

Losing that, we lose every meaning

这是我们其实这是亲身感受

That’s actually my real lament

那你失去基本东西就觉得没意思

Losing those basic stuff, life would be meaningless

这个这个这个 真的是不好说

This is…is…really hard to tell

性情大变那很自然的事

Huge changes in personality is common

我是真的我以前很多东西我想不通

In the past I could not figure out many things

我出来以后我有些东西我想通了

But some of them are clear now after I became a vagrant

我不去怪别人了

I won’t blame others anymore

真的有的东西

There is real such thing

人都有命运

Everybody has its fate

他们有的说他说有的很多事情不公平

Some of them say many things are unfair

也有公平的东西

But there are still something fair

都要面对社会

We all need to face the society

这谁都要面对的

Everyone need to face it

这就是个公平

This is the Fair

没方法

That’s it

就是说

I mean

做点有意义的事像你们真的是可以的

doing something meaningful like yours could really help

每个人我觉的嘛 有责任有承担就有意思

In my opinion, the meaning comes from everyone still carrying its own responsibility

失去就没有了

Otherwise the meaning would be lost

我什么也不承担了

I bear nothing anymore

我对谁也不直接承担责任嘛

I carry no direct responsibility to anyone, neither

对家里的老婆孩子没责任

I have no responsibility to my wife and child anymore

父母也不在了

My parents have gone, too

你说自个也对不起自个了 你说还有什么意义 哼哼

Maybe you could say you are sorry for yourself, but that won’t make any sense

唉 有些事是说不清的真的说不清

Umm…It would be really hard to make something clear

没方法

Nothing I can do

对对对对

Yah

就说那会 就是也算不得什么 但是还是努力过

Well…in the past, although it meant nothing, we still have tried

那不过那个时候 我们那个年代啊

At that time, our era

对这个问题还是觉得有点使命感有点光荣什么的

We still had some sense of mission and glory towards this question

我觉得现在不是了

But now it is gone

现在再到部队上很多人都不是那回事了

Many people are not like that anymore now in the army

实际上跟命运差不多吧

Actually it is just like the Fate

来到这个世界上

Coming into this world

啧哇唉

真的有点 哼哼 一言难尽

It is really…mmm…long story

真的是一言难尽

Long story to tell

自古至今都有为什么

There are Q&As since from past till now

我想过

I have wondered

我们因为自个都成为这种人之后我就在想

since we have become some kind of vagrant person

社会它本身就存在

that the society itself has this existence

上 最好的 最不好的

The Best, and the Worst

有上就有下

Ups with Downs

有左就有右

Lefts with Rights

应该说社会结构什么样的都有

I should say that every social structure is possible

这也是一个社会表现形态吧

This is also a manifestation of the society

社会本身没法改变的

The society itself could not be changed

改变不了

It could never be changed

我觉得共产主义 哼哼 那只是一个概念吧

For me, Socialism is only a concept

相对而论

Relatively speaking

那是不可能的

It is impossible

就像那个人

Just like human-being

比如一个人长了手跟长了脚 他各有用处的

For instance, someone has hands and legs on his body to serve different functions

他不可能都是长着手

He won’t get hands only

我出来这么多年 流浪了这么多年 还是感觉很不好

I have kept wandering outside so many years, but still feeling bad

在外面都有十几年了

Yah, keep outside for decades

在这个地方 几年 也有四五年了

And this place four or five years

整个吧有十几年了

Totally a decade

我以前也有家也有一个公司嘛

I used to have my home, even a company

公司不是我自个的

I don’t own the company myself

就是我也有同事啊

but with my colleges

虽说没上过几年学嘛也有同学啊邻居啊

Although I didn’t have many years education, I still had classmates and neighbors

都很好的

They were all fine

生活就是那样 还是一般可以的

Life like that would still be okay

我也看不惯 我也看不懂 像我现在这种状态

On the other hand, I am not accustomed or understanding to my condition at present

比如说我以前看见一个流浪汉像我这样的

For example, when I see a vagrant like me before

我也看不懂 真的看不懂

I didn’t understand him, too

不理解

Did not understand

现在我自个感觉到了

But now I feel it in myself

真的 我不是乱说的

Really, I am not speaking carelessly

真的是那种

It really is

太残酷了

Too cruel

而且它不是由哪个人说的

And it won’t depends on someone’s words

比如说我们这个年轻的

This young one in us, for instance

真的那个 没方法 他也没方法

He could do nothing, too

他在这性格是最好的一个

He has the best personality here

就是做其他的事 做不了啦 没方法做

But he can’t do other things

一做就做坏了

Things would turn bad once he start doing them

就是那么回事

That’s the story

我感觉得到他也是心里很难受

I do feel he is also uncomfortable

谁不难受啊 真的难受

Who is not having discomfort? It is god damn painful

我觉得我们也是 没事随便有时候看看

We hang around and take some look when we have free time

真的写的很好

It writes really well

我也不知道你们说的是美术跟艺术

I don’t know neither what is the relationship of

这两者是什么关系

Fine Art and Art that you are talking about

也不太清楚

I don’t know

总的来说吧

In general

这个父母

The parents

就是对儿女来说都是希望他们有好嘛

always want their children well

实在是这个样子

They really do

唉

[Sigh]

讲述者：阳洋

Storyteller: Yang Yang

鸣谢：游其、刘贤生

Thanks: You Qi, Liu Xiansheng

整理编辑：银坎保

Finishing Editor: Yin Kanbao

翻译：黄润琳

Translate: Huang Runlin

流浪者阳洋，让我看到了所关注、思考和体验的——做为人应当拥有的自由、居住、生存权利等。我和他并没有本质的区别。我们居住在同一土地上，天空下。

傍晚，我路过珠江，站在珠江的码头。河是向太平洋流去的江河，水面上飘起了一层雾气，盖住了太阳，云是灰色的，有几只灰鸟飞过，像飞机。一切沉寂着，默默的成了河。它流向了自己属地。

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

002
七色鹿，厥体高大。身毛七色。活于山林。自寻青草水源。

谷家村就是“七色鹿”的故乡，我写字拍照，不定期发布。