心有猛虎，细嗅蔷薇

2016年8月读书群读了三本有关习惯、意志力和拖延症的书，通过这三本书我明白了一个简单的道理：从一个切实可行小行动出发，有意识地选择自己的生活。并不需要做好一件事情，而是要好好去做它。

到现在为止我已经连续253天5:30起床，这个小行为改变的我的生活，让我有了挑战新任务的信心。这个过程中我最大的心得是要接受自己的缺点，然后面对它。不对时间和现实有幻觉：明天可能和今天一样糟，甚至更糟，你要做点什么才行。

拿英语学习来说，很多人私信我说：好着急啊！背单词总忘，看书看不进去，一张口说英语就紧张、说错。我的想法是，可能我比你还要沮丧呢。我认识大概3w多词，但是还是每天都要频繁查字典，基本上没读几页书都会有从来没见过的或者忘了的词；写作呢，每写一个句子就要翻来覆去修改，还总是觉得词不达意；有时候看YouTube，一段话听上个几十遍还是听不出来，最后发现是个非常简单的词。

那为什么为这样呢？到头来是还是我有幻觉，一直没有突破瓶颈，还停留在“伪英语高手”的阶段。学英语这事不进则退，说到底还是花的有效投入不够，那能咋办？给自己个新挑战被，多被打脸被虐是好事。

这三本书其中有一本是Procrastination: Why You Do it, What to Do About It NOW，其中有这样一段：

One of the themes of our book is that it can be exciting and interesting to learn from your experience -- not denying it, forgetting it, or judging it, but accepting what is and making the most of it.

一本书就像一个mentor一样，能够给我们最大的帮助就是“提醒”，如同这本书的A Note to Our readers中写到：

If you don't understand why you delay, all the practical techniques in the world aren't likely to help. Yet, even if you've searched your soul and believe you thoroughly understand your reasons for procrastinating, you still won't get anywhere unless you do something to over come it. (Reading about techniques may be interesting, but reading is not doing.)

今天和大家分享的是我对这本书中印象深刻的两个地方。

 1. “拖延就像蒲公英”

Procratination is like a dandelion. You pull it up and think you've got it, but then it turns out the roots are so deep, it just grows back.

这是这本书第一张第一段中的话，作者用它引出可能产生拖延的几个方面：emotional roots, time, biological roots, 还有interpersonal roots。作者在最后一章Epilogue中呼应开头，又做了一些强调和提醒：

So, pracrastination really is like a dandelion, isn't it? Lots of tangled roots and very difficult to eradicate completely. To help you untangle the roots of your procrastination, we've offered many persepctives on why people procrastinate. We hope you will take a close look at those psychological roots that are relevant for your unique story.

Our hope is that you will embrace the opportunity to try something new -- play with a fresh way of thinking and experiment with differert approaches to those projects that await you. We're not advocating a grand relandscaping, but rather pulling out the dandelions, one at a time, so that your garden isn't completely taken over, and there's space to grow other plants you will enjoy.

无论是学习一门技能，还是去改变自己的习惯，我们的目标都是让自己更开心。如果改变带给我们的是痛苦和更多的压力的话，可能是我们把自己逼的太狠了。

It comes from being able to accept that you are who you are and that what is, is, whether procrastination is part of your life or not, like being able to enjoy your garden -- even with a few dandelions.

这是全书的最后一段话，它让我想到了西格夫里·萨松（Siegfried Sassoon）那首注明的诗：

In me the tiger sniffs the rose.

心有猛虎，细嗅蔷薇。

对于我们的不完美，如果不能改变我们就要学会live with it，去改变那些能改变的，让自己的花园里的花朵怒放，那些杂草也就没那么惹眼了。如果你的心是一个花园，芳香沁人，那只老虎跳出来的时候也会变得温柔起来。

2. 学会说YES，学会说NO

第二个印象深刻的地方是第18章中作者提出的Learn to say yes or no, 也就是我们应该做什么，不应该做什么。其中作者提到Say Yes to Personal Growth:

Try new challenges

New challenges keep you learning, learning keeps you vital, vitality keeps you feeling alive and happy. And new challeges are good for your brain. Remeber that your brain changes every day. New challenges encourage your brain cells to grow and connect in more complex ways.

Do more of what you love

Whatever it is you love to do, do more of it. Whether it's planting  a garden, learning a new language, reading to children, quilting with friends, closing a deal, raising money for a cause you believe in, cooking with your family... if it makes you feel alive and enriched, add it to your life. These are the activities that make life worth living, and they deserve to haver more time in your life, not less.

这两段鸡汤味道十足，但是也不乏营养。成长不就意味着去不断地挑战，做自己想做的认为有意义的事情吗？（例如多谈恋爱，试试支教...)

奚恺元在《别做正常的傻瓜》（强烈推荐这本书）中提到“适应性偏差”，是说“人们常常低估了自己的适应能力，从而高估了某些事情在一段时间之后对自己的影响。”  他提到:

正常的傻瓜往往忽视了适应性效应，对物质的东西看得过重。如果你想少几分正常，多几分理性，你应该意识到对自己物质性的东西的适应性，多花点钱在和精神相关的东西上。

去尝试新事物，去挑战，去读书旅行，这不是有情怀玩文艺，而是品质生活中的必需品。没有什么比“明白些道理,遇见些有趣的事”更值得欢喜了。

作者也提到Say No to timewasters and Downers：

Learn to identify and say no to things that aren't helpful or connected to what really matters most. We all have things, peole, and activities taht weigh us down, tire us out, derail us, and dimish the quality of our lives.

和那些浪费我们时间的人（例如伸手党）和只会给你泼冷水看不得你半点好的人说再见吧, 取消关注那些对你没有帮助的公众号（例如这个英语学习笔记），拉黑那个你早就想拉黑的那个人吧。我们要知道what to include and what to exclude，学会说NO，学会去选择自己身边的人和事 -- 哪怕这样意味着“不完美”，意味着你要有所牺牲：

Remember: You have a choice. You can delay or you can act.

You can act, even though you are uncomfortable. The legacy of the past does not have to control what you do in the present. You can take pleasure in learning, growing, and challenging yourself. You do not have to be perfect to be of value.

是鸡汤，鸡骨架，还是鸡肉并不重要，我希望我的分享是一个“信号”。写给大家，更是写给我自己。

回复关键字"314book"可以收到这三本书的电子版+有声书+Anki词汇卡片。