The Last Race of 2020
As the sun warms up my face through the window, a memory of my teenage track and field training surprises me like a call from a dear friend after not hearing from her for thirty-five years. I never won any races, and if I remember correctly, I most likely arrived last on most of the runs.
One of the last competitions I remember was a 3 km racecourse in Košutnjak, a forest in Belgrade's outskirts. I probably regretted I was there the moment we started. After all, I enjoy only the practice and not the competition; it just seemed like I was forced into it without any chance of being rewarded.
With each step I was battling with thoughts of low self-esteem, I wanted to stop, turn my back and go home, tears were mixing with my saliva in my throat which was making it even more difficult to breathe. And just when I thought that giving up was the only option I heard the voice of my coach: "Now! Run for it, give it all you've got Daca!"
Hearing my nickname brought motivation and unimaginable strength. I clenched my teeth, tightened my fists and gave it all I had. Arriving to the finish line was my personal best, although a bit disappointed that I couldn't do better through the whole race. My coach hugged me and congratulated me for the effort.
I felt proud and decided not to race again.
Reflecting on 2020, I feel like running that race. Tears are in my throat and I wish I were going home instead. However, thirty-five years on, I’ve learned a few mind tricks, so I let my inner cheerleader bring her mighty cheer: "Hey, Daca, give it all you've got! Make this week the best finish yet!"
So here is to you, 2020, let's remember you as a string of magical moments that make darkness shine:
Thank you for that moment when I caught the gaze of a woman passing by and we both smiled at each other.
It was priceless when that bird dropped poo on the tip of my finger right when I was passing by. What a moment! It made me laugh: what if this is as good as it gets?
Thank you for giving me a chance to tell my sister every day how much I love her as she was fighting with the beast.
You gave me the inspiration to shave my head, it was either that or to feel helpless and not know what to do with myself.
Oh, so many precious moments of rolling with the punches with my partner in crime, when we decided to move our business forward. I got to know another soul and how we perform under the toughest of circumstances.
You have helped me to speed up the growth of my personal relationship - I would have never had an opportunity to see all the shadows we had. You gave us a chance to transform our inner demons. Thank you for showing them to me.
Thank you for letting me know over and over again how much I love my companion dog - he made it through and I won't let him stay stuck in your number, we are moving forward. Thank you for not taking him away.
Thank you for all incredible beings who put their own lives at risk: nurses, doctors, caregivers. All sentient beings who showed what is humanity about.
Thank you for not allowing the politics to take over more than they did.
Hey, 2020, thank you for giving me the vision of what really matters: this breath, this smile, this moment and the heart that still beats.
And, finally, thank you, community, all for sitting and breathing together, online, in person, daily, weekly. Bring it on, give it all you've got, make a string of special moments and don't give up on making a wish at midnight.
Happy holiday season and see you in 2021
BMC Team
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