美国申请文书PS开头之“秒拒”与“秒杀”！

　　在大洋彼岸，录取官根据学生的GPA, TOEFL/IELTS, 和申请文书基本上就可以判定学生的“Yes or No”了。当GPA，TOEFL//IELTS成为不易更改的硬件时，申请文书尤其是ps便成了学生“推销”自己的利器。如何利用好ps在某种程度上决定着学生申请的成败。面对来自全球各地的求学竞争对手，如何使自己的ps能瞬间博得录取官的眼球成了申请学生亟待解决的问题。笔者根据以往的各种案例，在此与大家分享下几种容易造成“秒拒”和“秒杀”的ps开头写作的案例。

一、秒拒

　　1、重复简历型：I earned my Bachelor of Science degree in … Sciences with a specialization in … in 2002 at … university. 

　　点评：美国留学ps不要去重复简历中的东西，这在很多学校的PS要求中明确提到，个人陈述的写作要具体到个人的经历，而不要单纯重复已有的内容。

　　2、学校介绍型：I am an undergraduate in…University , the largest university … 

　　点评：这篇ps的开头等于是一个申请学校的简介，好像在帮助学校做宣传，或表达你有多了解该学校，而不是个人陈述。这样的开头毫无意义，最容易被秒拒。

　　3、套用模板型：As a student majoring in Computer Science, I began my odyssey since I entered undergraduate program. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.

　　点评：Odyssey 和more than greedy for something new 这类句式似乎已经成了模板。但你要知道，老外最恨抄袭，最喜原创，所以利害关系大家想想吧。 

　　4、救世主型：I am a problem solver. I have an impulse as a kind of instincts to solve various problems before me and enjoy doing that. 

　　点评：写ps时，不要摆出一副救世主的形象，不要夸夸其谈，一定要个人化具体化。 

　　5、犹抱琵琶型：Making a right decision at the right time is very important for a young people. At present, I have come to a critical point in my life when I have to make a decision concerning my future course of action …

　　点评：在有限的篇幅里，申请者应该学会直接抓住重点，突出自己最有优势和最有特色的方面。 

　　6、言语幼稚型：'Why the gecko can climb on the wall while we can't-' 'Why the leaves turn red in autumn' 'How many stars are there in the sky-' When I was in childhood, I always kept asking my mom all kinds of questions。

　　点评：个人陈述的字数是有限的，用这么多篇幅描述童年没有任何意义。学校想知道你如何看待未来，而不是如何度过过去。

　　在以上几种类型中，你是否看到了过往自己写作中的影子？其实，如果深谙申请文书在留学申请中的角色和作用，这个问题很容易避免，那就是在素未谋面的申请官面前用纸笔销售学生自己，用有限的篇幅展示全面的自己。笔者曾经写过一篇ps请美国老师点评，老师在ps开头给了笔者三个词做点评，之后真是屡试不爽，那就是detail, personal, compelling，意思是详细具体，体现个性，激发兴趣。用这三个词反观以上6种开头，大家瞬间明白被“秒拒”的原因。那么，满足这三个词又可以“秒杀”申请官的ps开头应该是什么样的呢？

二．秒杀

　　1、弥补缺陷转移注意力型：

　　Taking advantage of my brilliant intellectual talent,I won easy acceptance into Tianjin Nankai High School,the cradle of our state leaders,such as Zhou Enlai and Wen Jiabao.Ranking 1.25% in Tianjin college entrance examination,I outperformed the majority of my peers and was enrolled in Tianjin University,the cream of the crop engineering community of intermational reputation,to study my favorite Electronic Information Engineering.Today,well prepared in an all-round way,I would like to continue such a miracle and scale still higher intellectual heights in EE by undertaking the state-of-the-art graduate program in your privileged university,the topmost scientific research institute in EE.

　　（凭借我的天资聪颖，我顺利的进入了缔造像周恩来和温家宝这样国家领导人物的摇篮院校天津南开中学。 以天津高考排名前1.25%的优异成绩，我被享有世界顶级工科院校美誉的天津大学入取，来学习我最喜欢的电子信息工程专业。今天，几经沉淀我已蓄势待发继续书写我的神话。那就是，通过考取在EE领域享有顶级盛誉的贵校研究生项目来攀登该领域最高的学术高峰。）

　　点评：该学生所读的学校背景强大，但该生的GPA不理想，所以ps开篇转移注意力，使读者形成该生拥有良好的学术基础和能力的积极印象，对学生申请起到了重大的权衡作用。 

　　2、强调专业素养和潜力型：

　　Immersed in various reagents,measuring cylinders and test tubes,a young female engineer in a white uniform,standing by the test-bed,is concentrating on a certain frontline project.This scene has been haunting in my mind for years.The dream of being an outstanding chemical engineer is always beckoning to me.Looking back the comerstones I have laid on etermal enthusiasm,theoretical knowledge,scientific research ability and nice personality,I am more than confident that I will be the one.

　　点评：开篇映入眼帘的是一个年轻女工程师正在认真地做前沿实验的场景，读者不自觉地会随着文章进行联想，进而兴趣盎然地继续阅读下面关于学生的梦想、能力的概述，并且形成了学生拥有良好学术基础的印象，整体PS得到加分。

　　3、强调个人经历和职业规划型：

　　In Jul. 16, 2010, a deadly pipeline explosion befell Dalian, my hometown, which shocked the world, as well as me. The disaster caused many casualties, the direct property loss of RMB 223,301,900 Yuan, about 430,000 barrels of crude oil releasing into the Yellow Sea and a 170-square-mile slick. As a volunteer, cleaning up the polluted water and beaches, seeing the dead fish and seabirds, I resolutely confirmed that I should do my part to avoid a recurrence of the incident. From the angle of my major ME, it is imperative to design, manufacture and implement more advanced equipment in manufacturing industry. Associating my interest, career prospects with the historic mission, I eagerly want to join in the pioneer group and make my own contribution for my homeland, and more for the bright future of people. 

　　点评：发生在身边的大事让学生感悟深刻，面对这样的局面，立志研制新型机械设备成为学生的使命，ps开头严肃正式地阐明自己的未来职业发展方向，十分具有说服力和感染力，学习动机溢于言表。

　　今天笔者就和大家分享这几点关于ps“秒拒”与“秒杀”的开头写法，申请出国留学的学生与日俱增，让我们牛刀小试，尝试着撰写与众不同特色鲜明的ps去吸引国外教授的眼球吧！

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