What is wrong with the marriage of the post 80’s generation?

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In November 2013, Shanghai Huangpu District Court issued a research report about the divorce cases among post 80’s generation based on over 700 divorce cases the court has accepted. 

The report indicates that divorce cases among post 80’s generation has covered almost 30% among family dispute cases received by the court about the same time. And the number of the cases and the ratio among the family disputes is ever increasing. As per the report, the average time between the couple gets married to filing a divorce lawsuit at court for the first time is only three years and nine months, which is less than four years and the interval between ten couples is less than 12 months.

The main reasons for the post 80’s generation’s choosing to end the marriage are:  lack of understanding before marriage and the foundation for marriage is weak, huge difference in personalities and lack of tolerance of each other, too much involvement of parents and too easy to get suspicious of each other and etc.

(From HYPERLINK "" )

What happens to the post-80’s generation marriage life reflects exactly what is going on with the whole Chinese society.

In the report prepared by Shanghai Huangpu District Court, the marriage between those divorcees is called fast food marriage and as per the statistics in the report, apart from the couples who got to know each other and fell into love by themselves, couples of post 80’s generation who got to know each other through blind dates, internet chatting and etc got comparatively short courtship time. Almost half of the divorcees of post 80’s generation rushed to marriage within less than a year since they started seeing each other. Among all the divorcees, nine couples got their marriage registered even if it is less than one month since they got to know each other. Some couples got married without the knowledge that the other side had child birth history. An extreme example is cited that a man did not discover the wife has mental disease only after their baby was born defect. Flash marriage more often than not ends up with flash divorce. 

Chinese quick development has accelerated everything of the whole society, so is the rhythm of life. Meanwhile, China has changed from an acquaintance society into a stranger society. For the post 80’s generation, there is no reliable acquaintance to introduce, nor a trustworthy platform to know someone else. To find an appropriate life long partner is both time and energy consuming sometimes even heart breaking. Yes, we have multiple sources for you to know someone else, like the Internet, like the TV program, like the general assembly for blind dates and etc. But are they trustworthy？Take an example of the well known “Find your soul mate” TV program which gets us to know the famous BMW girl who prefers to cry in the BMW vehicle rather than smile while sitting backseat of a bicycle. From the time of January 15th, 2010 when such a program was launched to September 5th of 2013, altogether 368 shows are on TV but only 30 couples got married and the successful rate is only 3.7%.

(from  HYPERLINK "" ) 

The ten thousand people assembly for blind dates in Shanghai which took first appearance in 2011 has evolved into a noisy bizarre with personal information posted everywhere. (Three younger colleagues of mine once went there and told me it was not possible for them to find any appropriate one there as all they can see is papers of personal information and parents everywhere. )

 Internet love, yes, as per the survey conducted by , a Chinese online dating website, 57% of the respondents claim they have friends around who succeeded in finding another half from online dating websites. 

( HYPERLINK "" )

Furthermore, Beijing has the highest rate for a single person to find an appropriate date from online dating websites. 

( HYPERLINK "" )

However, look at the fact that Beijing has the highest divorce rate of 39% in 2012. 

( HYPERLINK "" , as per official declaration, the divorce rate of 2012 is not accurate but in consideration of the high rate of internet love, this may be an accurate number.) 

The Internet no doubt provides a quick access for knowing each other but not a good platform for deeper understanding of each other. Well, to get married is much more than to get to know each other and given the fact the sourcing cost is high and the resource is limited, it is not surprise the post 80’s divorcees took whoever was available for marriage as long as the feeling was right. When marriage is concerned, falling into love at first sight is forever a legend.

The post-80’s generation is in fact the first generation since Chinese starts to strictly practice family plan who is the only child of the family and the little emperor. They are self centered and are unwilling to make any sacrifice even if after married. 

In the Report, a case is cited in which a wife files for a divorce because the husband will not give away to have the kid named after her. Self interest often prevails when it conflicts with marriage life and mutual tolerance to the post-80’s generation is rare and between. Why not divorce since he or she is not willing to make any sacrifice for me which means he or she does not love me at all. That is popular among the post-80’s divorcees. 

As a spoiled child, the post-80’s generation has unabashed individuality as per the court’s report and among the post 80’s divorcees, a trifle will be easily escalated into a drama which leads to divorce as neither of the couple would have a step backward. Reasons for divorce vary and are unbelievable like “He is snoring or She spends too much time in bathroom in the morning, or the supper is not tasty and etc. 

Even after marriage, it is still about me instead of us and what the post-80’s generation missing is exactly a spirit of sacrifice and a sense of the responsibility for the family. Unlike their parents, the post-80’s generation is to a certain extent careless and casual about marriage and divorce. If we do not suit, why just separate and I do not want to waste my time on a person I do not love at all. It is all about me.

Post 80’s generation has come to age but as a single child generation, spiritually, they are still dependent and more often than not economically dependent on their parents. Among the post 80’s generation divorce cases in the Court’s report, finance issue has become the reason for 10% of the divorce cases among the generation. Seven couples choose to end the marriage just because they failed to reach an agreement about whether to add the other couple’s name to the property certificate. 

( HYPERLINK "" )

Post 80’s generation are now at their thirties and their career if not at the beginning but at most is on the rising. In high property priced cities like Shanghai, it is almost impossible for a person of post 80’s to buy an apartment on his own without any help from the family even with the loan from bank.

When marriage starts, so is the fight for the apartment starts. 

Parents who contribute the money to the apartment always keep a close eye on the marriage, posting lots of demands on the couple as they pay for the apartment, therefore they are qualified to make demands. 

When conflict between the couple occurs, instead of helping their child to save the marriage, the parents often will consider how to guard against the apartment in which they put all their life savings into it. The divorce drama finally evolves into a war for the apartment. Apartment is only a typical example about post 80’s generation’s dependence on the parents economically and the marriage expenses, the gifts before marriage like cars or the debt from parents during marriage for some expense will more or less involve the parents’ interest, therefore, become the focus of difference when divorce occurs. 

Apart from parents’ interest is involved in the post 80’s marriage, when child is born, their dependence on their parents is obvious as the generation itself has not grown up enough, and parents’ over interference seems unavoidable which makes the marriage a little crowded. 

What is ridiculous is that lot of trials turn into a word abuse between the parents of the couple and lots of parents of the post 80’s divorcees will represent their own parents during the trial and relatives of both parties will sit around during the trial just to give support. A divorce trial will evolve into a war of words full of emotion and explosives. The divorcee himself or herself even dare not to express their own opinion without the nodding from the parents. My dad or mum has the final say, so is my marriage and divorce.

It is no doubt a fact that post-80’s generation is a leading force in divorce and to the post 80’s generation especially the females, they prefer to live a care free life without any constraint. Marriage to them may not be a good choice. 

To look at the issue from the other perspective, the post-80’s generation pays more attention to the quality of the marriage life, life without too much interference, life without change of their own life style before marriage, a marriage with love instead of a make do marriage and etc. Well, it is not fair to blame the post-80’s generation for their failure in marriage as their divorce, just like their birth, is the outcome of this special era.（完。求点评和点赞）

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