Cai Li：Bride Price with Chinese Characteristics

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文/ 郭雨绵 李丹

观韬中茂（上海）家事团队

Cai Li in traditional days

Cai Li is an essential part of Chinese Pre-wedding customs. In traditional Chinese culture, an auspicious date is selected to tiqin (literally: "propose marriage"), where both families meet to discuss the amount of the Cai Li (literally: bride price) demanded, among other things.

Several weeks before the actual wedding, the ritual of guo da li (literally: "going through the great ceremony") takes place (on an auspicious date). The groom and a matchmaker will visit the bride's family with gifts like wedding cakes, sweetmeats and jewelry, as well as the money. 

On the actual wedding day, the bride's family will return a portion of the bride price (sometimes in the form of dowry) as a goodwill gesture.

Form and value of modern Cai Li

Today, Cai Li means more about money and jewelry but it remains the same that Cai Li need to be paid before the marriage ceremony.

Indeed, in less developed cities, the main form of Cai Li is money, the amount of Cai Li varies from as little as CN¥ 10,000 to more than CN¥ 1,000,000 and some places Cai Li includes jewelry, such as necklace, ring, and earrings(called “San Jin” by Chinese people).The Cai Li preferably is delivered in a red package though the sum is far more important.

However, in metropolitans like Beijing, Guangzhou, and the famous financial center Shanghai, before the marriage becomes official, the groom is required to provide the bride with typically a house (apartment is acceptable, but rentals are not) and a car,neither of whose dollar values are counted against the Cai Li’ itself. Generally speaking, the bride’s family is not going to ask for money and jewelry if the groom’s family have already offered a house and a car, but it may cost the groom or his family millions of CNY in order to meet the requirement of the bride’s side.

Remaining gender imbalance in the fast developing China has increased competition in the marriage market which makes the amount of Cai Li ever increasing. 

Privately, girls’ families need Cai Li due to China's lack of a social security net and a one child policy which leaves parents with neither retirement funding nor caretaking. If their only child is taken away as a bride and typically move into the groom's residence upon marrying, they feel the need of testing the groom's ability to marry by paying cash and emotionally giving up his resources to the bride.

Publicly, due to the concept of “MianZi” culture (about “saving face”) in Chinese society, families cite Cai Li as sustenance in case the man abandons or divorces the wife and that the Cai Li creates goodwill between families. The groom's side should pay more than what the bride's side has demanded to "save face". 

Financial distress is an unacceptable and never a good excuse for not paying the Cai Li. If the grooms' side cannot afford the Cai Li, they or simply the groom himself must still pay the Cai Li, thus borrowing from relatives is a popular if not an only option. Otherwise, inability to pay may even become a cause for preventing a marriage.

In essence, the ever increasing amount in Cai Li demonstrates the distorted concept about marriage which is never about love only but about money first. The preference of boy over girl in the countryside, the convenience of transportation which makes girls marry outside of their home town possible and the quick development in economy have worked together to push up the Cai Li rocket high. Some local government even issues policy to set up the limit for the amount of Cai Li to stop the vicious circle of the competition which impoverishes lots of individual families who spend life savings to marry their own son(s). Pathetically, only money gives security and it is not hard to imagine how unstable such a marriage is with little foundation of love but more about money.

（图片来源于网络，侵删）

Opinions onCai Li from 21th century youth

Recently,“Cai Li Map” becomes a heated topic in Chinese social media. A lot of post 80s、90s post their opinion on Cai Li on Rugu(a famous local value-based social app), let’s see how interesting are they: 

@Peipei(F)

Both house and carshould be the “standard configuration”of marriage in a modern society. I agree that young people in BJ, SH, GZare under a lot of pressure, but if we don’t have a“nest(literally a place to live)”,it’s meaningless to talk about marriage. In contrast, either Cai Li or dowry is from the parents, which represents their goodwill for the new family, so we’d better not expect a large amount.

@He Kai(M)

The bride’s parents have already cost great money and time to raise their only daughter, why is it so difficult for you to give them a sum of Cai Li?

@anonym(M)

We marry for love, not money. It’s okay for me to show some respect to my fiancé’s parents by means of Cai Li. But if they ask for so much that I cannot meet their standard, sorry and goodbye.

@anonym(M)

In the era of gender equality, I see no justification for Cai Li. Modern marriage is about celebrating the union a man and a women, not about transferring a women from a family to another. So I am afraid that Cai Li is a kind of corrupt custom, and I am against it.

@anonym(M)

Both house and carshould be the “standard configuration”of marriage in a modern society. I agree that young people in BJ, SH, GZare under a lot of pressure, but if we don’t have a“nest(literally a place to live)”,it’s meaningless to talk about marriage. In contrast, either Cai Li or dowry is from the parents, which represents their goodwill for the new family, so we’d better not expect a large amount.

@anonym(M)

We should show respect to the tradition. If most people in an area follow the custom of Cai Li, but you refuse to give your fiancé a Cai Li, others may think that you look upon the bride’s side and the bride’s side may lose face. So as for me, I will never hestitate to offer Cai Li, and may even give a sum which exceeds the bride’s side’s requirement. It’s the best proof of my love and respect to the bride