如何识别自恋型人格的人？

旧瓜新吃，今天，我们来了解一下什么是「自恋型人格障碍」。

Narcissistic personality disorder，简称为 NPD，是一种长久性的人格疾患。患者往往会过度夸大强化自我的重要性，过度渴求别人的赞赏，缺乏同理他人行为的能力。患者会花很多时间，思考如何获得权力、成功或提升外在形象。最大的特征之一就是患者经常无意识地利用身边的人。

据百度百科，对自恋型人格障碍的诊断，目前尚无完全一致的标准。一般认为其特征主要如下：

1．对批评的反应是愤怒、羞愧或感到耻辱(尽管不一定当即表露出来)。

2．喜欢指使他人，要他人为自己服务。

3．过分自高自大，对自己的才能夸大其辞，希望受人特别关注。

4．坚信他关注的问题是世上独有的，不能被某些特殊的人物了解。

5．对无限的成功、权力、荣誉、美丽或理想爱情有非份的幻想。

6．认为自己应享有他人没有的特权。

7．渴望持久的关注与赞美。

8．缺乏同情心。

9．有很强的嫉妒心。

10．亲密关系困难，（婚姻关系，亲子关系等）。

只要出现其中的五项，即可诊断为自恋型人格。

无注释原文：

How To Spot A Narcissist On The Very First Date

The Huffington Post

Spotting a narcissist in the early stages of dating isn’t as easy as you’d think, which is why so many people end up in relationships with them.

It’s possible to have some characteristics of narcissism without having full-blown, clinically diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. There are some telltale signs, though, says psychologist Craig Malkin, author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — And Surprising Good — About Feeling Special.

“Although there are many varieties of narcissism (outgoing and bombastic, shy and introverted, or proudly self-sacrificing), there are common traits,” Malkin said. “What they all have in common is a powerful aversion to sharing authentic emotional vulnerability.”

What other traits do they have in common? Below, Malkin and other experts share six red flags.

1. They’ve planned your date itinerary to a T.

You have to hand it to your date: He or she picked the restaurant, effusively recommended things on the menu and knew exactly what bar you should head to after dinner. It might be nice to have someone plan everything out for you for a change, but narcissists call the shots for a very particular reason, Malkin said. Open-ended plans might end with them not getting their way ― something they don’t respond well to.

“Instead of asking for what they want, narcissists often arrange events to make them happen,” he explained. “If your date insists on planning out the entire date, it could be a fun sweep-you-off-your-feet experience, but it could also signal something far more ominous: someone who demands that everything always goes their way.”

2. They love-bomb you.

You’re still waiting for your appetizers, and your date has already expounded on all the weekend getaways you should plan and how well you click. Their clear interest in you may be alluring at first, but watch out: Love-bombing ― overblown demonstrations of attention and affection meant to win someone over ― is a marker of narcissism, said Virginia Gilbert, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist.

“The adoration is so intoxicating that you may ignore the fact that it’s way too soon to be planning a future together,” Gilbert said. “Reality check: Your date is using love-bombing to hook you so you’ll give him what he wants ― most likely physical intimacy, money, connections, or taking care of them.”

3. They subtly slip humble brags about themselves into the conversation.

Most narcissists brag, but those who rate high on the narcissism scale have figured out ways to do it covertly. That’s because they’re experts in impression management and have learned to keep their arrogance in check in the early stages, said Tina Swithin, a divorce coach and the author of Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield.

“A highly skilled narcissist may casually mention the high-end gym that they belong to or that they only fly first-class, but it is done with such subtle sophistication that their target may not even register it as a red flag,” she said. “The less-skilled narcissist will openly and obnoxiously discuss their Ivy League degree, or the square footage of their new apartment.”

4. They’re rude to the waitstaff.

Pay attention to how your date treats your waiter: It could be an indication of how they’ll eventually treat you, said Darlene Lancer, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Codependency for Dummies and Dealing with a Narcissist.

“How do they treat the waitress, the car hop, or staff at the ice cream shop? Rudeness and arrogance signal low self-esteem and narcissism,” Lancer said. “Their rudeness to the waiter and hostess could hint at pent-up rage and demanding and possibly emotionally abusive behavior.”

5. They assure you they’re looking for long-term love, but most of their relationships were short-lived.

If you’re on a date with a narcissist, they might tell you that they’re looking for a life partner, but can’t seem to find anyone who’s worth investing in, Lancer said.

“Chances are, their relationships have frequently ended after intimacy developed,” she said. “They’re looking for perfection but usually find some flaw, and end the relationship so they can continue their search.”

Unfortunately for you, the problem might lie with your date.

“Pay attention to the negative facts people divulge about relationships,” Lancer said. “Ignore their vulnerability, bragging, and compliments.”

6. They pry about your insecurities but never reveal theirs.

Narcissists will grill you about getting passed up for a promotion at work or joke about where you went to college, but they’ll get unnerved if you put them in a similar hot seat, Malkin said.

“The two of you will talk about your vulnerabilities or tough experiences you’ve had, but they’ll never once volunteer their own struggles,” he said. “You feel like you’re opening up, until you realize you’re the only one who’s laid your soul bare. With a narcissist, it’s likely that you’ll always be in the hot seat.”

- ◆ -

注：中文文本为机器翻译仅供参考，并非一一对应

含注释全文：

How To Spot A Narcissist On The Very First Date

The Huffington Post

Spotting a narcissist in the early stages of dating isn't as easy as you'd think, which is why so many people end up in relationships with them.

在约会的早期阶段发现一个自恋者并不像你想象的那么容易，这就是为什么这么多人最终会与他们谈恋爱。

narcissist

narcissist /ˈnɑːr.sə.sɪst/ 表示“自我陶醉者，自恋者”，英文解释为“someone who has too much admiration for himself or herself”。

📍narcissism /ˈnɑːr.sə.sɪ.zəm/ 表示“（对容貌和能力的）自我陶醉，孤芳自赏，自恋”，英文解释为“too much interest in and admiration for your own physical appearance and/or your own abilities”。

📍narcissistic /ˌnɑːr.sɪˈsɪs.tɪk/ 形容词，表示“自我陶醉的；自恋的”，英文解释为“If you describe someone as narcissistic, you disapprove of them because they think about themselves a lot and admire themselves too much.”。

It's possible to have some characteristics of narcissism without having full-blown, clinically diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. There are some telltale signs, though, says psychologist Craig Malkin, author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — And Surprising Good — About Feeling Special.

即使没有全面的、经临床诊断的自恋型人格障碍（Narcissistic Personality Disorder），也有可能具有自恋的某些特征。心理学家克雷格·马尔金（Craig Malkin）说，会有一些明显的迹象。他是《重新思考自恋：感觉自己很特殊不仅有弊，居然也有利》（Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — And Surprising Good — About Feeling Special）一书的作者。

full-blown

表示“具所有特征的；充分发展的；成熟的”，英文解释为“completely developed”如：a full-blown crisis 全面危机。

disorder

1）表示“混乱，凌乱，杂乱无章”，英文解释为“a state of untidiness or lack of organization”举个🌰：

he whole office was in a state of disorder.

整个办公室里凌乱不堪。

2）表示“失调，紊乱”，英文解释为“an illness of the mind or body”如：a blood disorder 血液失调。

telltale

表示“泄露秘密的”，英文解释为“allowing a secret to become known”举个🌰：

She found lipstick on his shirts - the telltale sign that he was having an affair.

她发现他的衬衫上有口红印——这可是他有外遇的迹象。

“Although there are many varieties of narcissism (outgoing and bombastic, shy and introverted, or proudly self-sacrificing), there are common traits,” Malkin said. “What they all have in common is a powerful aversion to sharing authentic emotional vulnerability.”

“虽然自恋有很多种类（外向且高调型，害羞且内向型，或者骄傲地自我牺牲型），但有一些共同的特征，”马尔金说。“他们的共同点是特别抵触分享真实的情感弱点。”

outgoing

这里表示“（人）开朗的，外向的，友好的，爱交际的”，英文解释为“(of a person) friendly and energetic and finding it easy and enjoyable to be with others”。

📍其实outgoing还有一个含义表示“向外的；离开的”（going away from a particular place rather than arriving in it）。

📍前两天吃瓜内容中，有人问，这个outgoing voice call是什么意思？从字面上来看就是“向外出去的”，指的就是呼出的，拨出去的电话，当然，反过来就是呼入的，接听的电话（incoming call）。

bombastic

表示“夸夸其谈的；夸大的”，英文解释为“using long and difficult words, usually to make people think you know more than you do”如：a bombastic statement 夸大的言辞。

introverted

introverted /ˈɪntrəvɜːtɪd/ 表示“内向的；不喜欢交往的”，英文解释为“Introverted people are quiet and shy and find it difficult to talk to other people.”

aversion

表示“厌恶，反感；讨厌的人（或事物）”，英文解释为“(a person or thing that causes) a feeling of strong dislike or of not wishing to do something”举个🌰：

LR felt an instant aversion to him.

LR立刻对他产生了反感。

vulnerability

vulnerability /ˌvʌlnərəˈbɪləti/ 表示“易受伤害；有弱点；脆弱”，英文解释为“the quality of being vulnerable (= able to be easily hurt, influenced, or attacked), or something that is vulnerable”。

What other traits do they have in common? Below, Malkin and other experts share six red flags.

他们还有哪些共同的特征？下面，马尔金和其他专家分享了六个危险信号。

red flag

表示“危险信号”，英文解释为“If you refer to something as a red flag, you mean that it acts as a danger signal.”

1. They've planned your date itinerary to a T. 他们已经把你的约会行程计划得很好。

to a T/to a tee

表示“恰好地；完全地”，英文解释为“perfectly or completely”举个🌰：

That job would suit you to a tee.

那个工作完全适合你。

You have to hand it to your date: He or she picked the restaurant, effusively recommended things on the menu and knew exactly what bar you should head to after dinner. It might be nice to have someone plan everything out for you for a change, but narcissists call the shots for a very particular reason, Malkin said. Open-ended plans might end with them not getting their way ― something they don't respond well to.

你不得不佩服你的约会对象：他/她挑选了餐厅，热情地推荐了菜单上的东西，并且清楚地知道你在晚餐后应该去哪个酒吧。让别人为你计划一切可能是件好事，但自恋者发号施令是有特殊原因的，马尔金说。开放式计划可能会以他们无法如愿以偿而告终——这是他们不愿意看到的。

have (got) to hand it to sb.

表示“不得不佩服（某人）”，英文解释为“If you say you have (got) to hand it to someone you mean that they have been very successful or skilful.”举个🌰：

I mean you've got to hand it to her, she's brought up those three children all on her own.

我的意思是你不得不佩服她，她一手带大了3个孩子。

call the shots

表示“控制，操纵；处于决策地位”，英文解释为“to be in the position of being able to make the decisions that will influence a situation”

“Instead of asking for what they want, narcissists often arrange events to make them happen,” he explained. “If your date insists on planning out the entire date, it could be a fun sweep-you-off-your-feet experience, but it could also signal something far more ominous: someone who demands that everything always goes their way.”

“自恋者通常安排各种活动来获得他们想要的东西，而不是直接要求得到它们，”他解释说。“如果你的约会对象坚持计划整个约会，这可能是一次有意思的让你一见倾心的体验，但也可能预示着更不祥的事情：他/她要求一切都按他们的方式进行。”

sweep sb. off their feet

表示“使（某人）为之倾倒，使（某人）彻底爱上”，英文解释为“to make someone become suddenly and completely in love with you”举个🌰：

The first time he met her, he was completely swept off his feet.

他对她一见倾心。

ominous

表示“（使人感到）不吉利的，不祥的”，英文解释为“making you feel that something bad is going to happen”举个🌰：

‘How long will she be ill?’ he asked. There was an ominous silence.

“她的病多久会好？”他问。大家的沉默让人感觉不妙。

2. They love-bomb you. 他们对你爱的轰炸。

You're still waiting for your appetizers, and your date has already expounded on all the weekend getaways you should plan and how well you click. Their clear interest in you may be alluring at first, but watch out: Love-bombing ― overblown demonstrations of attention and affection meant to win someone over ― is a marker of narcissism, said Virginia Gilbert, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist.

你还在等待你的开胃菜，而你的约会对象已经阐述了所有你应该计划的周末出游以及你们之间的关系有多好。他们对你明显的兴趣一开始可能是诱人的，但要注意：爱的轰炸--过分夸张地表示关切和爱意以赢得对方--是自恋的一个标志，洛杉矶婚姻和家庭心理治疗师弗吉尼亚·吉尔伯特（Virginia Gilbert）说。

appetizer

表示“（餐前的）开胃小吃；（一顿饭的）第一道菜，前菜”，英文解释为“a small amount of food eaten before a meal”。

expound

表示“详细解释；阐述；详细说明”，英文解释为“to give a detailed explanation of something”举个🌰：

He's always expounding on what's wrong with the world.

他总在痛陈这个世界的弊病。

click

熟词僻义，表示“成为朋友；受欢迎”，英文解释为“to become friendly or popular”举个🌰：

She and I really clicked the first time we met.

她和我一见如故。

alluring

表示“诱人的，迷人的；吸引人的”，英文解释为“attractive or exciting”举个🌰：

I didn't find the prospect of a house with no electricity very alluring.

我无法想象，一幢连电都没有接通的房子会有什么吸引力。

“The adoration is so intoxicating that you may ignore the fact that it's way too soon to be planning a future together,” Gilbert said. “Reality check: Your date is using love-bombing to hook you so you'll give him what he wants ― most likely physical intimacy, money, connections, or taking care of them.”

“爱慕太令人陶醉，以至于你可能忽略了这样一个事实，即现在就计划共同的未来是太早了，”吉尔伯特说。“现状核实：你的约会对象正在利用爱的轰炸来吸引你，这样你就会给他他想要的东西--很可能是身体上的亲近，金钱，关系，或照顾他们。”

intoxicating

表示“（经历或想法）令人陶醉的，令人极其兴奋的”，英文解释为“An intoxicating experience or idea makes you feel excited and emotional.”如：an intoxicating thought 令人陶醉的想法。

intimacy

表示“亲密；密切；关系密切”，英文解释为“the state of having a close personal relationship with sb”。

也可以表示“亲昵的言行；性关系”，英文解释为“things that are said or done only by people who have a close relationship with each other”。

3. They subtly slip humble brags about themselves into the conversation. 他们巧妙地把“谦虚自夸”纳入谈话中。

humblebrag

表示“故作谦虚的自夸；故作矜持的炫耀”，英文解释为“something you say which appears as if you are complaining or embarrassed, but is really a way of telling people about something that you are very proud of”。

Most narcissists brag, but those who rate high on the narcissism scale have figured out ways to do it covertly. That’s because they’re experts in impression management and have learned to keep their arrogance in check in the early stages, said Tina Swithin, a divorce coach and the author of Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield.

大多数自恋者都会吹牛，但那些自恋程度高的人已经想出了暗中吹牛的方法。离婚指导、《与自恋者离婚：实践经验》（Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield）一书的作者蒂娜·斯维辛（Tina Swithin）说，这是因为他们是印象管理专家，并且已经学会在早期阶段控制自己的傲慢。

brag

表示“吹嘘，夸耀”，英文解释为“to speak too proudly about what you have done or what you own”举个🌰：

She's always bragging about how much money she earns.

她老是吹嘘自己挣钱如何如何多。

“A highly skilled narcissist may casually mention the high-end gym that they belong to or that they only fly first-class, but it is done with such subtle sophistication that their target may not even register it as a red flag,” she said. “The less-skilled narcissist will openly and obnoxiously discuss their Ivy League degree, or the square footage of their new apartment.”

“技艺娴熟的自恋者可能会随口提到他们所属的高端健身房，或者他们只坐头等舱，但他们这样做的方式非常巧妙，以至于他们的目标甚至可能不会将其视为危险信号，”她说。“不那么高明的自恋者会公开和令人厌恶地讨论他们的长春藤名牌大学学位，或他们新公寓的面积。”

obnoxiously

obnoxiously /əbˈnɑːk.ʃəs.li/ 表示“可憎地；惹人讨厌地”，英文解释为“in a very unpleasant or rude way”。

ivy

表示“常春藤”，英文解释为“a climbing plant, especially one with dark green shiny leaves with five points”，如：stone walls covered in ivy 爬满常春藤的石墙。

我们常听说的，常春藤盟校或常春藤联盟就是：Ivy League.

The Ivy League is an American collegiate athletic conference comprising sports teams from eight private universities in the Northeastern United States. 包括：布朗大学、哥伦比亚大学、康奈尔大学、达特茅斯学院、哈佛大学、宾夕法尼亚大学、普林斯顿大学、耶鲁大学。

4. They're rude to the waitstaff. 他们对服务员很无礼。

Pay attention to how your date treats your waiter: It could be an indication of how they’ll eventually treat you, said Darlene Lancer, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Codependency for Dummies and Dealing with a Narcissist.

注意你的约会对象如何对待服务员。婚姻和家庭心理治疗师、《傻瓜式依赖症》（Codependency for Dummies）和《与自恋者打交道》（Dealing with a Narcissist）的作者达琳·兰瑟（Darlene Lancer）说，这可能预示着他们最终会如何对待你。

“How do they treat the waitress, the car hop, or staff at the ice cream shop? Rudeness and arrogance signal low self-esteem and narcissism,” Lancer said. “Their rudeness to the waiter and hostess could hint at pent-up rage and demanding and possibly emotionally abusive behavior.”

“他们是如何对待服务员、汽车旅店侍者、或冰激凌店工作人员的？无礼和傲慢是低自尊和自恋的标志，”兰瑟说。“他们对服务员的无礼可能暗示着压抑的愤怒和苛求，以及潜在的情感暴力行为。”

carhop

表示“免下车餐馆的侍者；汽车餐馆的侍者”，英文解释为“waiter or waitress at a drive-in restaurant”

pent-up

表示“（感情）被压抑的，被抑制的”，英文解释为“Pent-up feelings are not allowed to be expressed or released.”举个🌰：

Screaming at the top of your voice is a good way of venting pent-up frustration.

放开嗓子尖叫是发泄内心压抑的挫败感的一种好方法。

rage

表示“（一阵）盛怒；（一阵）狂怒；（一阵）暴怒”，英文解释为“(a period of) extreme or violent anger”举个🌰：

Her sudden towering rages were terrifying.

她突然暴跳如雷，很吓人。

5. They assure you they're looking for long-term love, but most of their relationships were short-lived. 他们向你保证他们渴望长久相爱，但他们的大多数关系是短暂的。

If you're on a date with a narcissist, they might tell you that they're looking for a life partner, but can't seem to find anyone who's worth investing in, Lancer said.

如果你和一个自恋者约会，他们可能会告诉你，他们正在寻找一个生活伴侣，但似乎找不到值得投入的人，兰瑟说。

“Chances are, their relationships have frequently ended after intimacy developed,” she said. “They're looking for perfection but usually find some flaw, and end the relationship so they can continue their search.”

“更有可能的是，他们的恋情经常在性行为后结束，”她说。“他们在寻找完美的人，但通常会发现一些缺陷，并结束关系，以便他们能够继续寻找。”

(the) chances are

表示“很有可能”，英文解释为“it is likely”举个🌰：

Chances are (that) they'll be late anyway.

总之，他们很可能会迟到。

Unfortunately for you, the problem might lie with your date.

对你来说不幸的是，问题可能出在你的约会对象身上。

“Pay attention to the negative facts people divulge about relationships,” Lancer said. “Ignore their vulnerability, bragging, and compliments.”

“注意他们在恋爱关系中暴露出来的负面事实，”兰瑟说。“忽略他们的弱点、吹嘘和赞美。”

divulge

divulge /daɪˈvʌldʒ/ /dɪˈvʌldʒ/ 表示“泄露，透露（秘密）”，英文解释为“to make something secret known”举个🌰：

Journalists do not divulge their sources.

记者们不会透露消息来源。

compliment

可以作动词，也可以作名词，表示“赞美；称赞；钦佩”，英文解释为“to tell sb that you like or admire sth they have done, their appearance, etc.”举个🌰：

She complimented him on his excellent German.

她夸奖他德语棒极了。

6. They pry about your insecurities but never reveal theirs. 他们窥探你的不安全感，但从不透露自己的不安全感。

pry

表示“探听，打听（隐私）”，英文解释为“to try to find out private facts about a person”举个🌰：

As a reporter, he was paid to pry into other people's lives.

作为一个记者，他拿取报酬去窥探他人的生活。

Narcissists will grill you about getting passed up for a promotion at work or joke about where you went to college, but they’ll get unnerved if you put them in a similar hot seat, Malkin said.

马尔金说，自恋者会拷问你在工作中晋升被刷掉的事，或拿你上大学的地方开玩笑，但如果对象换成是他们，他们就会感到不安了。

grill

1）表示“盘问，审问”，英文解释为“to ask someone a lot of questions for a long time”举个🌰：

After being grilled by the police for two days, Johnson signed a confession.

被警方审问了两天后，约翰逊在供状上签字认罪。

2）表示“（在火焰或烧热的煤上）烧烤”，英文解释为“to cook food over fire or hot coals, usually on a metal frame”举个🌰：

Dad was grilling chicken in the back yard.

爸爸在后院烤鸡。

in the hot seat

表示“处境尴尬，处于困境”，英文解释为“in a position where you are responsible for important or difficult things”

“The two of you will talk about your vulnerabilities or tough experiences you’ve had, but they’ll never once volunteer their own struggles,” he said. “You feel like you’re opening up, until you realize you’re the only one who’s laid your soul bare. With a narcissist, it’s likely that you’ll always be in the hot seat.”

“你们两个人会谈论你的弱点或你的艰难经历，但他们从来没有主动聊起自己的艰辛事，”他说。“你觉得你在敞开心扉，直到你意识到你是唯一一个将自己内心暴露出来的人。和自恋者在一起，处于尴尬难堪的境地可能总是你。”

volunteer

作动词，表示“主动提供（信息）”，英文解释为“to give information without being asked”举个🌰：

If I were you, I wouldn't volunteer any details of what happened.

要是我的话，我不会主动说出所发生事情的任何细节。

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LearnAndRecord

2015年2月8日

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