想气场更强？别说太多“对不起”
“道歉现在越来越像是一种下意识的本能反应，而不是真诚地表达悔意。道歉太多也许不是什么好事？”
🤔️小作业：
无注释原文：
Want Power? Stop Saying ‘Sorry’ So Much
From: The Wall Street Journal
Sorry, I’m just now seeing your email! (You sent it 15 minutes ago.)
Sorry that you completely misinterpreted that thing I said.
Sorry you just rammed into me with your grocery-store cart.
The apology is running amok in conversations and communications. We drop it indiscriminately, crying mea culpa for all manner of things we really shouldn’t be sorry for—and diluting the apologies that truly matter. Is it time to stop? Could we even cut back if we wanted to?
“I wasn’t really that sorry,” admits Louise Julig, a freelance writer in Encinitas, Calif., who found she was constantly apologizing for the “delay” when replying to notes, even when there wasn’t much of a delay at all. “Why am I saying this thing? I don’t know.”
“Sorry” has lost its meaning, she realized, no longer a heartfelt declaration of remorse but a knee-jerk response. Now, faced with the blinking cursor of a blank email, Ms. Julig asks herself, did I legitimately miss something, or mess someone else up? If the answer is no, she’s not sorry.
“Don’t give away your power,” counsels Jeffrey Pfeffer, a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business and author of a book about commanding authority at work. Apologizing in business, especially when you’ve actually done something wrong, is just asking for trouble, he says.
People are never satisfied with an apology, he adds. Groveling and exhibiting vulnerability only make you look weak and sink team morale.
Standing your ground comes with risks, he allows. You’ll piss some people off. You might not be liked. He thinks it’s worth it.
“You can either conform to what people want you to be, or you can decide that you are going to risk offending people,” he says. “Life is about trade-offs.”
When I searched my sent emails for the phrase, “Sorry for the delay,” the result was too many hits for Gmail to give me an exact count.
I tried, in the course of reporting this column, to cut back on my apologies. Mostly I failed, catching myself exclaiming sorry! when dialing in three minutes late for a call. A person I contacted for this piece apologized for only being available one of the days I suggested we chat, not the other. I flashed back to a clip of Taylor Swift, in which she apologizes for “getting on her soapbox” about misogyny, then quickly catches herself.
“We’re, like, ‘Sorry, was I loud?’” the pop star says in “Miss Americana,” the Netflix documentary. “In my own house that I bought. With the songs that I wrote. About my own life.”
Words have consequences.
“Always feeling like you need to say ‘sorry’ makes you kind of feel like crap,” says Jen Fisher, the chief well-being officer for Deloitte. Last year, she logged her own apologies, flagging the ones that felt unnecessary and replacing them with expressions of gratitude.
Have to move a meeting? Try, “I appreciate your flexibility,” or “I’m grateful for your understanding,” she says. Remember that it’s not your responsibility to apologize for things out of your control, such as the weather or a client moving a deadline. Putting “sorry” on loop waters down the moments when you really do need to show remorse, she adds.
And of course, people often wield “sorry” to mean exactly the opposite, more a passive-aggressive insult than real contrition.
Shedding “sorry” can be empowering. Hannah Szabo grew up in Wisconsin, where—as in much of the Midwest, Canada and other regions—“sorry” sometimes serves as a conversation starter. She would drop one in during a pause in conversation, or when she felt uncomfortable.
Then she moved to Brazil. She was shocked to find that the students she was teaching barely apologized. At first, she was offended. Now, she basks in a culture without reflexive apologies.
Back in the Midwest on a recent trip, she almost grew angry when her mother apologized for accidentally sticking her seat belt in the wrong buckle.
“That does not qualify for a sorry, Mom,” she told her. “Take that back.”
Women apologize more than men, but a female co-worker’s apology doesn’t necessarily mean she’s claiming blame, says Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University. She might just be trying to get her work done with a dose of graciousness, for example smoothing over a misunderstanding with, “Sorry, what I meant was…”
“Everything we’re doing is on some level trying to show we’re a good person at the same time that we’re trying to accomplish something,” Dr. Tannen says.
When I message “So sorry to bug you…” to my boss before asking a question that’s a necessary part of both our jobs, I’m showing respect for power differentials at the office, Dr. Tannen notes.
Still, some misinterpret women’s apologies as incompetence. When British leader Liz Truss apologized “for the mistakes” in pushing a risky tax plan, it was met with calls to resign. A few days later, she did.
Be aware of how others respond when you use words of contrition, Dr. Tannen cautions. If colleagues call out your apologizing, you might explain that you were just saying you were sorry a thing happened, and not sorry sorry. If you hear that feedback often, consider an audit like Ms. Fisher’s.
Kingston Vickers tried. After moving to Texas years ago, the native Canadian resolved to remove the “ehs” and “sorrys” from his vocabulary. Doing so consumed so much mental effort that he grew flustered when talking and wasn’t as effective at his sales job.
Now he embraces his proclivity for apologies, and says his work has benefited. Apologizing for his clients’ struggles or when he’s about to make an ask of them, builds trust, he says. It’s also a way of showing empathy.
“People underestimate the power of a kind word nowadays,” he adds.
注：中文文本为华尔街日报官方译文，仅供参考
含注释全文：
想气场更强？别说太多“对不起”
Want Power? Stop Saying ‘Sorry’ So Much
From: The Wall Street Journal
Sorry, I’m just now seeing your email! (You sent it 15 minutes ago.)
抱歉，我刚刚才看到你的电子邮件！（你15分钟前就发了。）
Sorry that you completely misinterpreted that thing I said.
对不起，你完全误解了我说的话。
misinterpret
表示“误解；误释”，英文解释为“to form an understanding that is not correct of something that is said or done”举个🌰：
My speech has been misinterpreted by the press. 我的讲话被新闻界曲解了。
Sorry you just rammed into me with your grocery-store cart.
不好意思，你的购物车刚刚撞到我了。
ram
ram /ræm/ 表示“猛撞，猛击；塞进”，英文解释为“to hit or push something with force”举个🌰：
Someone rammed (into) my car while it was parked outside my house. 我的汽车停在家门外时，被别人开车撞了一下。
The apology is running amok in conversations and communications. We drop it indiscriminately, crying mea culpa for all manner of things we really shouldn’t be sorry for—and diluting the apologies that truly matter. Is it time to stop? Could we even cut back if we wanted to?
如今，形形色色的道歉疯狂地出现在对话与人际交往中。我们不加选择地给人道歉，为各种真的无需感到歉意的事献上一句“是我错了”——也就让真正重要的致歉变得模糊起来。是时候停止这样做了吗？如果我们愿意，可以少说点“对不起”吗？
run amok
表示“狂乱，狂暴，发狂”，英文解释为“to be out of control and act in a wild or dangerous manner”举个🌰：
They ran amok after one of their senior officers was killed. 一名高级军官被杀后，他们开始胡作非为。
indiscriminately
表示“不加选择地；任意地”，英文解释为“in a way that does not show careful choice or planning, usually with harmful results”。
mea culpa
mea culpa /ˌmeɪ.ə ˈkʊl.pə/ 表示“我的过失；我应受谴责；我应负责任”，英文解释为“used to admit that something was your fault”
dilute
dilute /daɪˈluːt; daɪˈljuːt/ 1）表示“稀释；冲淡”，英文解释为“to make a liquid weaker by adding water or another liquid to it”举个🌰：
The paint can be diluted with water to make a lighter shade. 这颜料可用水稀释以使色度淡一些。
2）表示“减缓，减轻，缓冲”，英文解释为“to reduce the strength of a feeling, action, etc.”举个🌰：
These measures are designed to dilute public fears about the product's safety. 采取这些措施是为了减轻公众对该产品安全性的恐慌。
“I wasn’t really that sorry,” admits Louise Julig, a freelance writer in Encinitas, Calif., who found she was constantly apologizing for the “delay” when replying to notes, even when there wasn’t much of a delay at all. “Why am I saying this thing? I don’t know.”
“我其实没有那么强烈的歉意。”露易丝·朱利格(Louise Julig)坦言，这位加州恩西尼塔斯(Encinitas)的自由撰稿人发现，她总是在为信息“回复晚了”去道歉，即便有时根本没晚多少。“我为什么一直说这些？我也不知道。”
“Sorry” has lost its meaning, she realized, no longer a heartfelt declaration of remorse but a knee-jerk response. Now, faced with the blinking cursor of a blank email, Ms. Julig asks herself, did I legitimately miss something, or mess someone else up? If the answer is no, she’s not sorry.
她意识到，“对不起”已经失去了原有的含义，它不再是发自内心的懊悔，而成了一种下意识的本能反应。而今，看着光标在尚未动笔的电子邮件里一闪一闪，朱利格会问自己，我是不是真的错过了什么时间，或是有没有给别人添麻烦？如果都没有，她不会感到歉意。
remorse
remorse /rɪˈmɔːs/ 表示“懊悔；悔恨；自责”，英文解释为“a feeling of sadness and being sorry for something you have done”举个🌰：
He felt no remorse for the murders he had committed. 他对自己犯下的一桩桩谋杀罪行毫无悔意。
knee-jerk
表示“本能地做出的；未经思考做出的”，英文解释为“produced automatically, without any serious thought ”举个🌰：
It was a knee-jerk reaction on her part. 这是她未加思索做出的反应。
blink
1）表示“（光）闪烁”，英文解释为“If a light blinks, it flashes on and off.”
2）表示“眨眼睛”，英文解释为“when you blink or blink your eyes or your eyes blink , you shut and open your eyes quickly”举个🌰：
She blinked and forced a smile. 她眨了眨眼，挤出了一丝微笑。
📍说到blinking, blinking 想到iPhone 13刚上市时的段子，为什么iPhone 13是历代iPhone中最亮眼、最闪闪发光的，因为13 13 亮晶晶。
cursor
表示“（计算机的）光标”，英文解释为“a line on a computer screen that moves to show the point where work is being done”。
legitimately
legitimately /ləˈdʒɪt.ə.mət.li/ 表示“合理地，可接受地，得到认可地”，英文解释为“in a way that is reasonable and acceptable”举个🌰：
There are times when you legitimately need to cancel travel plans. 有时您有正当理由需要取消旅行计划。
“Don’t give away your power,” counsels Jeffrey Pfeffer, a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business and author of a book about commanding authority at work. Apologizing in business, especially when you’ve actually done something wrong, is just asking for trouble, he says.
“不要把你的力量感拱手相让。”斯坦福大学商学院(Stanford Graduate School of Business)组织行为学教授杰佛瑞·菲佛(Jeffrey Pfeffer)建议。他说，在商场上道歉，特别是当你真的做错了事的时候，只是在请麻烦上门。菲佛着有一本关于树立职场权威的书。
counsel
counsel /ˈkaʊnsəl/ 可以作名词也可以作动词，表示“建议；提议；劝告，忠告”，英文解释为“If you counsel someone to take a course of action, or if you counsel a course of action, you advise that course of action.”举个🌰：
My advisers counselled me to do nothing. 我的顾问建议我不要做任何事情。
📍《经济学人》（The Economist）一篇讲述疫情期间送货上门服务的文章中提到：During the epidemic the firm has offered free online counselling to riders. 疫情期间这家公司为骑手提供了免费在线咨询。
counsel 作名词还可以表示“（参与案件的）律师”，英文解释为“one or more of the lawyers taking part in a legal case”举个🌰：
The judge addressed counsel. 法官向律师问了话。
People are never satisfied with an apology, he adds. Groveling and exhibiting vulnerability only make you look weak and sink team morale.
他还指出，光有一句道歉，人们是绝不会满意的。卑躬屈膝和示弱只会让你看起来软弱无能，打击团队士气。
groveling
grovel /ˈɡrɒvəl/ 作动词，表示“卑躬屈膝，奴颜婢膝，俯首帖耳”，英文解释为“to behave with too much respect towards someone to show that you are very eager to please them”，如：a grovelling letter of apology 一封低声下气的道歉信。
morale
morale /mɒˈrɑːl/ 表示“士气，精神面貌”，英文解释为“the amount of confidence and enthusiasm, etc. that a person or a group has at a particular time”如：to boost/raise/improve morale 鼓舞/提高士气；增强信心。
区分：
📍moral作形容词，表示“道德的”；作名词，表示“道德教训；寓意”，英文解释为“The moral of a story, event, or experience is the message that you understand from it about how you should or should not behave”举个🌰：
And the moral of the story is that honesty is always the best policy. 这个故事的寓意是：诚实总是上策。
📍复数morals，表示“道德；品行；道德规范”，英文解释为“standards for good or bad character and behaviour”如：public/private morals 公共/个人道德。
Standing your ground comes with risks, he allows. You’ll piss some people off. You might not be liked. He thinks it’s worth it.
他也承认，坚持自己的立场会有风险。你会惹恼一些人，你可能会不受待见。但他认为，这些都值得。
piss sb off
表示“令（某人）恼火，火大，厌烦”，英文解释为“to annoy someone”，举个🌰：
He never helps with the housework and it's starting to piss me off. 他从不帮着做家务，这开始让我恼火了。
另外，piss off也可以直接表示“溜走，滚开”（If someone tells a person to piss off, they are telling the person in a rude way to go away.）举个🌰：
Everyone just pissed off and left me to clean up. 大家都溜走了，留下我一个人来打扫。
Why don't you just piss off! 你为什么不滚开呢！
“You can either conform to what people want you to be, or you can decide that you are going to risk offending people,” he says. “Life is about trade-offs.”
“你要么顺应别人对你的期望，要么就下定决心，不怕得罪人。”他说，“生活本就是要学会取舍。”
conform to/with sth
trade-off
表示“（在需要而又相互对立的两者间的）权衡，协调”，英文解释为“the act of balancing two things that you need or want but which are opposed to each other”举个🌰：
There is a trade-off between the benefits of the drug and the risk of side effects. 在这种药的疗效和副作用之间有个权衡利弊的问题。
When I searched my sent emails for the phrase, “Sorry for the delay,” the result was too many hits for Gmail to give me an exact count.
当我在已发送邮件里搜索“抱歉回复晚了”这句话时，它出现的次数实在太多，以至于我的Gmail竟无法给出一个准确的计数。
I tried, in the course of reporting this column, to cut back on my apologies. Mostly I failed, catching myself exclaiming sorry! when dialing in three minutes late for a call. A person I contacted for this piece apologized for only being available one of the days I suggested we chat, not the other. I flashed back to a clip of Taylor Swift, in which she apologizes for “getting on her soapbox” about misogyny, then quickly catches herself.
在写这篇专栏的过程中，我曾试着减少道歉的次数，但基本以失败告终——参加一个电话会议时，我晚到了三分钟，当时“抱歉！”二字就伴着惊呼的语调脱口而出。我为了写这篇文章而联系过的一个人也曾向我道歉，仅仅是因为在我建议面聊的几天时间里，此人只有其中一天有空。我想起了美国歌手泰勒·斯威夫特(Taylor Swift)的一段视频，视频中，她为自己开怼厌女症道歉，但随后很快就停了下来。
exclaim
表示“（因吃惊、害怕、喜悦等）呼喊，惊叫”，英文解释为“to say or shout something suddenly because of surprise, fear, pleasure, etc.”举个🌰：
"You can't leave now!" she exclaimed. “你现在不能离开！”她大叫道。
get on your soapbox
get on your soapbox 表示“（激烈地）发表看法”，英文解释为“to express your opinions about a particular subject forcefully”举个🌰：
She never misses the chance to get on her soapbox about the reform. 她从不错过任何可以发表对改革看法的机会。
misogyny
misogyny /mɪˈsɒdʒɪnɪ/表示“厌女症，嫌忌女人”，英文解释为“feelings of hating women, or the belief that men are much better than women”.
📍相反：
misandry /ˈmɪsəndrɪ/ 表示“厌恶男人，憎恨男人”（feelings of hating men）
📺美剧《新闻编辑室》（The Newsroom）第一季中的台词提到：that might get an argument started about misogyny? 以引起一场厌女热潮。
“We’re, like, ‘Sorry, was I loud?’” the pop star says in “Miss Americana,” the Netflix documentary. “In my own house that I bought. With the songs that I wrote. About my own life.”
“我们会说，‘对不起，我之前太闹腾了吗？’”这位流行歌手在Netflix的纪录片《美利坚女士》(Miss Americana)中说，“房子是我自己买的，歌也是我自己写的，这是我自己的生活。”
Words have consequences.
话一旦说出去，就会产生影响。
“Always feeling like you need to say ‘sorry’ makes you kind of feel like crap,” says Jen Fisher, the chief well-being officer for Deloitte. Last year, she logged her own apologies, flagging the ones that felt unnecessary and replacing them with expressions of gratitude.
“总感觉需要说“对不起”的话，会让你觉得自己像个废物。”德勤(Deloitte)首席幸福官珍·费舍尔(Jen Fisher)说。2021年，她把自己道过的歉记录了下来，并标出了那些没有必要的道歉，然后用表达感激的话语取而代之。
crap
crap /kræp/ 表示“废物，垃圾；蹩脚货；废话，胡扯”，英文解释为“something that is not worth anything, not useful, nonsense, or of bad quality”举个🌰：
I've only read one novel by him and it was a load of crap. 我只读过他的一部小说，简直是一堆垃圾。
Have to move a meeting? Try, “I appreciate your flexibility,” or “I’m grateful for your understanding,” she says. Remember that it’s not your responsibility to apologize for things out of your control, such as the weather or a client moving a deadline. Putting “sorry” on loop waters down the moments when you really do need to show remorse, she adds.
不得已调整开会时间？不妨试着说，“感谢您的通融”，或是“对您的理解表示感谢”，她说。还要记住，对于你无法控制的事情，比如天气或是客户更改了截止期限，你没有责任为这些事道歉。她补充说，无休止的道歉会“冲淡”那些你真正需要表达悔意的时刻。
water sth down
water sth down 1）表示“在（酒精饮料）中掺水，稀释”，英文解释为“to add water to a drink, usually an alcoholic drink, in order to make it less strong”
2）表示“使（观点等）弱化；使缓和”，英文解释为“to deliberately make an idea or opinion less extreme, usually so that other people will accept it”
And of course, people often wield “sorry” to mean exactly the opposite, more a passive-aggressive insult than real contrition.
当然，人们也经常会用“对不起”来表达截然相反的意思，更多是一种消极反抗式的侮辱，而不是真情实感的悔悟。
wield
wield /wiːld/ 1）表示“拥有，运用，行使，支配（权力等）”，英文解释为“to have and use power, authority, etc.”举个🌰：
He wields little power at the company. 他在公司内没有什么权力。
2）表示“挥，操，使用（武器、工具等）”，英文解释为“to hold sth, ready to use it as a weapon or tool”举个🌰：
He was wielding a large knife. 他挥舞着一把大刀。
🎬电影《灵魂战车2：复仇时刻》（Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance）中的台词提到：can wield the power, without burning itself up. 可以支配力量 但不伤及自身。
🎬电影《神奇女侠》（Wonder Woman）中的台词提到：Who would wield it? 谁能够使用呢/谁会挥舞它呢？
🎬电影《诸神之战》（Clash of the Titans）中的台词提到：You vowed to your wife you'd never let Helius wield a sword. 你曾对你的妻子发誓 你永远不会让赫利俄斯使用武器。
passive-aggressive
passive-aggressive /ˌpæs.ɪv.əˈɡres.ɪv/ 表示“消极抵抗的”，英文解释为“showing an unwillingness to be helpful or friendly, without expressing your anger openly”如：passive-aggressive behaviour 消极抵抗的行为。
insult
insult可以作名词，也可以作动词，表示“侮辱，辱骂”，英文解释为“to say or do something to someone that is rude or offensive”举个🌰：
First he drank all my wine and then he insulted all my friends. 他先喝光了我的酒，然后又辱骂了我所有的朋友。
📍insulting作形容词，表示“侮辱的，有冒犯性的，无礼的”（rude or offensive）。
contrition
表示“痛悔；悔悟；悔罪”，英文解释为“a very sorry or guilty feeling about something bad you have done, or the act of showing that you feel like this”。
Shedding “sorry” can be empowering. Hannah Szabo grew up in Wisconsin, where—as in much of the Midwest, Canada and other regions—“sorry” sometimes serves as a conversation starter. She would drop one in during a pause in conversation, or when she felt uncomfortable.
停止道歉能给人一种力量感。汉娜·萨博(Hannah Szabo)在威斯康辛州长大，就像美国中西部大部分地区、加拿大以及其他地方一样，人们有时会将“对不起”作为聊天时的开场白。她会在谈话停顿下来的时候，或是感觉不自在的时候，说一句“对不起”。
shed
shed /ʃed/ 丰县生育八孩女子事件调查处理情况文中作名词，表示“（通常为木质、存放物品用的）棚子，小屋”，英文解释为“a small building, usually made of wood, used for storing things”如：a tool/storage shed 工具/储物棚，a garden/bicycle shed 花园/自行车棚。
作动词，shed 1）表示“使脱落；使掉落；蜕；脱”，英文解释为“to lose a covering, such as leaves, hair, or skin, because it falls off naturally, or to drop something in a natural way or by accident”举个🌰：
The trees shed their leaves in autumn. 树木在秋天落叶。
2）表示“（常为报刊用语）去除，摆脱”，英文解释为“(often used in newspapers) to get rid of something you do not need or want”举个🌰：
900 jobs will be shed over the next few months. 接下来几个月中要裁减900个职位。
📍shed tears, blood, light, etc. 表示“流泪／流血／发光（等等）”，英文解释为“to produce tears, light, blood, etc.”举个🌰：
She shed a few tears at her daughter's wedding. 她在女儿的婚礼上流下了泪。
empowering
empowering /ɪmˈpaʊə.rɪŋ/ 表示“使有自主感的；使感到有自立能力的；增强自信的”，英文解释为“Something that is empowering makes you more confident and makes you feel that you are in control of your life.”举个🌰：
For me, learning to drive was an empowering experience. 对我来说，学习驾驶是一次让自己更自主自立的经历。
Then she moved to Brazil. She was shocked to find that the students she was teaching barely apologized. At first, she was offended. Now, she basks in a culture without reflexive apologies.
后来，她搬去了巴西。她惊讶地发现，她教的学生几乎从不道歉。起初，她有一种被冒犯的感觉。如今，在这种没有条件反射性道歉的文化中，她觉得很舒服。
bask in sth
表示“沉浸在…中”，英文解释为“to take pleasure from something that makes you feel good”举个🌰：
He basked in his moment of glory, holding the trophy up to the crowd. 他向观众高高举起奖杯，沉浸在荣耀之中。
Back in the Midwest on a recent trip, she almost grew angry when her mother apologized for accidentally sticking her seat belt in the wrong buckle.
最近，她在一次旅行中回到了美国中西部，当她的母亲因为不小心扣错安全带向她道歉时，她都快生气了。
buckle
buckle /ˈbʌk.əl/ 表示“（皮带等的）搭扣，扣环”，英文解释为“a piece of metal at one end of a belt or strap, used to fasten the two ends together”
“That does not qualify for a sorry, Mom,” she told her. “Take that back.”
“这事儿不用道歉，妈。”她对母亲说，“把这句话收回去吧。”
Women apologize more than men, but a female co-worker’s apology doesn’t necessarily mean she’s claiming blame, says Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University. She might just be trying to get her work done with a dose of graciousness, for example smoothing over a misunderstanding with, “Sorry, what I meant was…”
乔治敦大学(Georgetown University)语言学教授黛博拉·坦纳(Deborah Tannen)指出，虽然女人比男人更爱道歉，但女同事的道歉不一定意味着她把责任揽到了自己身上。她可能只是想用一种和善的方式完成工作，例如用一句“抱歉，我的意思是……”来消除误会。
graciousness
graciousness /ˈɡreɪ.ʃəs.nəs/ 表示“礼貌，殷勤，优雅”，英文解释为“politeness and good manners”举个🌰：
His humility and graciousness have won our hearts. 他的谦卑和仁慈赢得了我们的心。
smooth sth over
表示“（通常通过交谈沟通的方式）缓和，调解”，英文解释为“to make problems, difficulties, or disagreements less serious or easier to solve, usually by talking to the people involved”举个🌰：
Would you like me to try to smooth things over between you and your parents? 需要我来尝试缓和一下你和你父母之间的关系吗？
“Everything we’re doing is on some level trying to show we’re a good person at the same time that we’re trying to accomplish something,” Dr. Tannen says.
“从某种程度上说，我们所做的每件事都是为了表明我们在努力完成一些事的同时，我们也是好人。”坦纳博士说。
When I message “So sorry to bug you…” to my boss before asking a question that’s a necessary part of both our jobs, I’m showing respect for power differentials at the office, Dr. Tannen notes.
她指出，在我向老板询问一个对彼此的工作都很重要的问题之前，如果我事先发信息说一句“实在抱歉打扰您……”，我其实是在表达对办公室权力差异的尊重。
Still, some misinterpret women’s apologies as incompetence. When British leader Liz Truss apologized “for the mistakes” in pushing a risky tax plan, it was met with calls to resign. A few days later, she did.
尽管如此，还是会有人把女性的道歉与能力欠缺错误地画上等号。此前，英国领导人丽兹·特拉斯(Liz Truss)曾为推动一项高风险税收计划时“犯下的错误”道歉，随后便有人要求她辞职。几天后，她真的辞职了。
Be aware of how others respond when you use words of contrition, Dr. Tannen cautions. If colleagues call out your apologizing, you might explain that you were just saying you were sorry a thing happened, and not sorry sorry. If you hear that feedback often, consider an audit like Ms. Fisher’s.
坦纳提醒说，当你使用了充满悔意的言语后，要注意其他人的反应。如果同事指出你在道歉，你或许可以解释说，你只是对某件事感到抱歉，而不是在替自己道歉。假若你经常听到这样的反馈，可以考虑像德勤的费舍尔那样，做个记录。
Kingston Vickers tried. After moving to Texas years ago, the native Canadian resolved to remove the “ehs” and “sorrys” from his vocabulary. Doing so consumed so much mental effort that he grew flustered when talking and wasn’t as effective at his sales job.
金斯顿·维克斯(Kingston Vickers)也曾尝试过。几年前搬到得克萨斯州之后，这位土生土长的加拿大人决心不再说“呃”和“对不起”。然而，这种改变太耗脑力，以至于他说话时都变得慌慌张张，在销售岗位上做得也不好。
flustered
flustered /ˈflʌs.təd/ 表示“心烦意乱的；慌张的；紧张的”，英文解释为“upset and confused”举个🌰：
She seemed a little flustered. 她似乎有点儿紧张。
Now he embraces his proclivity for apologies, and says his work has benefited. Apologizing for his clients’ struggles or when he’s about to make an ask of them, builds trust, he says. It’s also a way of showing empathy.
如今，他坦然接受了自己喜欢道歉的习惯，他说，这也给他的工作带来了好处。对客户的困难表示抱歉，或是向客户提要求时附上几句致歉的话语，这种做法有助于构建信任，维克斯说。此外，这也是一种表达同理心的方式。
proclivity
proclivity /prəˈklɪv.ə.ti/ 表示“癖好；（尤指坏的）倾向”，英文解释为“the fact that someone likes something or likes to do something, especially something considered morally wrong”
“People underestimate the power of a kind word nowadays,” he adds.
他还说，“现在的人低估了一句善言的力量。”
- 今日盘点 -
misinterpret、 ram、 run amok、 indiscriminately、 mea culpa、 dilute、 remorse、 knee-jerk、 blink、 cursor、 legitimately、 counsel、 groveling、 morale、 piss sb off、 conform to/with sth、 trade-off、 exclaim、 get on your soapbox、 misogyny、 crap、 water sth down、 wield、 passive-aggressive、 insult、 contrition、 shed、 empowering、 bask in sth、 buckle、 graciousness、 smooth sth over、 flustered、 proclivity
- 推荐阅读 -
- END -
LearnAndRecord
2015年2月8日
2023年1月29日
第2913天
每天持续行动学外语